Two To Tango
Chapter Eight: Honesty Box

Anya sat down stiffly and regarded Spike distantly. He was still staring in abject disbelief at the door and had been for the past couple of minutes. He kicked at the door and growled.

"Weren't you listening when Tara said she sealed it with magic?" Anya asked, her voice weighted with superiority.

"Worth a try," he muttered, kicking again but this time half-heartedly. "Least I didn't just give up."

"Funny," she replied. "I thought that was what you were good at."

He stared at her and snorted, sinking into a chair opposite her.

"Well," she started after a moment's silence. "As they won't let us out until we've talked, I suppose we should talk."

"No," he answered shortly.

Her mouth swung open and she gaped at him.

"I thought you were desperate to get outta here?" Anya asked.

"I am," he returned, not looking at her. "But if I talk to you, I'm giving into them. They'll let us out in a little while, whether we've talked or not. And I don't intend to give 'em the satisfaction of doing what they say. No offence, it's got nothing to do with you."

Anya blinked at him. Great, she huffed silently, sinking back into her chair, crossing her arms. This is gonna be one looong night…


Buffy opened the door with a sigh and smiled weakly at Xander.

"Oh, hey, Xander. What's up?"

"Up?" he asked. "Not me, pretty down actually. Felt like some company and I asked myself, 'Who do I know that would be up at this time of night?' I figured, 'Aha! The Slayer!' Which would be you, which would be why I'm here. But y'know… If you're about to go into bed…. I could… go."

"No, Xander," she grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside. "I could do with some company too. Willow went to bed and Tara's gone out… with um, Anya…"

"Oh, you heard?" he asked, sinking into a couch and avoiding her eyes.

"Willow told me…"

"I would have told you, only I figured you had enough to deal with."

"Thanks," she answered, flopping down beside him. "Have you got too much to deal with?"

"Beside sleeping with my ex and wandering around wondering if Spike's gonna top me?"

"Yeah," Buffy smiled slightly. "Besides that."

"Nope. Free as a bird, no worries," his voice told otherwise though, laden and heavy. "Why?"

"You're not the only one replaying the past in the er… bedroom."

Xander raised his eyebrows and shifted around.

"Riley's back?"

"Er, no," Buffy answered.

"You didn't boink Angel again, did you?" he asked incredulously.

"What? No! Of course not, Angel's in LA. Jeez, Xander!"

"Ok, ok. Fine. So, Parker?"

"Parker Abrams? God, no. Like I'd go there again. Anyway, I heard he's gay now."

"What? You didn't know that before?"

"Haha, Xander."

"So who did you 'replay the past' with?"

Buffy bowed her head. She had gone too far to turn it into a joke now. She knew Xander would go nuts but she wanted to talk about it. At least Xander would understand, after all, he slept with Anya.

"Buffy…?"

"Spike," she said quietly, then looked up and met his eyes, adding strength to her voice. "I slept with Spike. Again."

"Oh," Xander answered. He swallowed hard and stared at the TV in an effort to control the rage bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Then he turned his gaze back on Buffy. "Why?"

"You… You aren't…?"

"Surprised? No. Willow told me."

"Why?" Buffy demanded. Willow told him?

"You two were being weird, I said I was gonna ask what was going on and Willow panicked. It's ok, Buffy, I've dealt with it. Worked through the rage. I built two cabinets on that rage. Wanna talk about it?"

His sudden question threw her and she paused before answering. Before she answered, she reminded herself that Xander would understand, she sometimes thought he understood things better than Willow. He seemed to have a knack for listening to what she didn't say. She should have told him before, she should have known he would make an effort to understand.

It was just that Spike was such a touchy subject with Xander. When Spike and Anya first got together, Xander had hated Spike more than ever, but lately he had seemed to accept, even asking Spike to play pool with him once at the Bronze. Buffy hadn't wanted to do anything to upset the tenuous trust they had built.

"I er… Yeah, yeah ok. Sure you don't mind?"

"Mind? Hey, I'm all about screwed up relationships. Go on, talk away."

Buffy was silently for a moment, then slipped her hand into Xander's. He squeezed gently and smiled. He swallowed once more in preparation and she was eternally grateful for his silence on the subject.

"It started just after I came back…"


She had crossed her legs and her foot was jerking madly as her fingers drummed on her arm. He was aware of the danger signs, but had been on the receiving end of her temper often enough not to mind. Besides, he was well practised in calming her down. He winced. The only way he had ever found that calmed her down was gentle kisses along her jugular. He lit a cigarette and puffed, avoiding looking at her.

"Spike," she said suddenly. "I'm not sitting here waiting for them to open the door!"

"Fine," he answered. "You dig out your cauldron then and set about removing the spell. I'll keep out of your way."

"You…!" she spluttered. "Why are you being like this?"

"Like I said, it's nothing personal, I just don't wanna give them two the satisfaction of doing what they say."

"So you're perfectly happy to stay here, are you?" she demanded, getting up and bearing down on him with her hands on her hips.

"'S'no big deal," he shrugged, taking the cigarette away from his mouth so he didn't have to breath. He avoided looking at her too. Why she had to get this close he had no idea, but he closed off his senses so he wouldn't have to smell her. He had noticed he could no longer detect Xander's scent on her, but that didn't mean there was any need to go looking for it.

"Yes, it is a big deal!" she replied heatedly. "I don't really like the idea of having to spend God knows how long stuck in here with you!"

He looked up at her and she took a tiny step back. His voice, when he spoke was measured and calm, but his eyes gave away the sting of pain he received from her words.

"You never used to mind," he said dully. "In fact, a few days ago, you would've welcomed this."

"A few days ago, you didn't hate me," she answered quietly.

"Who said I hated you?" he asked immediately, almost interrupting her in his haste to ask the question.

"You did," she replied, she cleared her throat in an attempt to be dramatic and make this whole situation somehow less real. "You said, 'Anger is what is making me hate you.'"

She turned and walked into the kitchen, leaving him with a still burning cigarette and an open mouth.


"Why didn't you tell me about it, Buffy?" Xander sighed. "I could've helped. Hell, if you really wanted to be with Spike, I would've tried to accept it."

"I know," she whispered. "But I was scared. Telling you guys would make it real. I'd have to face the fact that I was hurting him and myself. I'd have to admit to hating being here. I wasn't ready."

"You hate being here?" Xander asked in a low voice.

"Hated," she replied. "I'm glad I'm back now. Heaven was… I can't describe it. This place compared to there is Hell. I can't change that. But I can make it better, I hope. And anyway, here the pain lets you know you're alive. The friendships and love is what makes this place worthwhile. People like you make this place worthwhile."

"We've really screwed up, haven't we?" he asked with a slight smile. "Out of all of us, only Will and Tara are happy. Spike and Anya, we pretty much saw the end of that. And you and me are disaster areas when it comes to affairs of the heart."

"Affairs of the heart?" Buffy asked, raising her eyebrows. "Have you been watching mushy movies again?"

"No," he returned, shifting uncomfortably. "I was making a point, Buffy, a serious point."

"Ooo, it's Kodak moment," she giggled. She swallowed the giggle though when she saw his face. "I'm sorry, please continue."

"I was just gonna ask if you think we'll ever get anywhere in this whole love thing."

"I dunno," she sighed. "Sometimes I think that I want to have someone more than anything. Other times I think I'm ok for now with Dawn and you guys."

"Yeah, I guess. I just got used to it, y'know?"

"Used to what?"

"Being with someone. Having someone there when I woke up, eating breakfast with, doing the whole 'Honey, I'm home,' routine. I got used to it."

"What's it like?" Buffy asked, tilting her head to one side and studying him with an intensely interested face.

"What's what like?" he asked, slightly embarrassed to be beneath the full weight of her gaze.

"To be in a relationship like that. The closest I came to that was with Riley, but what's it like to share everything with someone? To wake up with them, go to bed with them? What's it like?"

He chuckled, slightly wrong-footed. He didn't have any idea how to answer the question. He didn't know if he could put into words the stability of it. The certainty of knowing the place wouldn't be empty, that you'd be greeted with a smile. He didn't know how to explain what it felt like to wake up with someone in your arms you loved and who loved you too.

So he went for a typically Xander like answer:

"Why don't you be my girlfriend and find out?"

"I don't think that's such a bad idea."

He looked at her, expecting a wide grin that would dissolve into laughter when he met her eyes. Instead, he saw a completely serious look and something in her eyes that was different and new. Something that looked like she was seeing him for the first time. Something that looked like she saw more than just a friend.

So he reached out, slid a hand around her neck and pulled her into a kiss.

Truth be told, he had been wanting this since he hit the rail when he saw her that first day back at school almost seven years ago.


Spike strode into the kitchen after her. She was making herself a cup of tea, toying with the mug as she waited for the kettle to boil.

"You remembered that?" he asked.

"I remembered all of it," she replied calmly, not turning to face him. "I remember you said you wanted to rip my head from my shoulders. I remember you said you were so angry you couldn't sleep because every time you closed your eyes, you saw me and Xander. I remember you thought I was happy, you thought I wanted a normal life, a man with a heartbeat, a pulse. I remember you said I was asking for everything. You were right. I was asking for everything, because that's what I wanted. I wanted you again and you wouldn't even try, Spike."

He had moved toward as she spoke, moved forward more quickly when he heard her voice break over her last sentence.

"Anya? Are you - Are you crying?"

"What do you think?" she cried, turning around and scrubbing furiously at her face. "You think I could just leave this relationship and not care? I cry all the time, Spike! All the time!"

"Hey, hey," he said, taking her shoulder gently. "It's ok, it's ok."

"No!" she shouted, pushing against him. "It's not ok! Nothing's ok and you don't even care!"

"I care," he returned hotly. "I care, ok? You think just 'cause I don't burst into tears all the time, I don't care? Maybe you never really knew me."

"I knew you," she said. "I did, I do. I know you care. I'm sorry, it's just…" she wiped her eyes again. "I can't see anyway around this. And I… I want to go back," her voice was lost in sobs and he took her shoulder again, squeezing gently. "I want to go back," she sobbed. "This is all your fault!" she wailed, hitting his chest. "If you could have tried to understand! Why didn't you come after me when I left! Why?"

He allowed her to hit him repeatedly and quietly slipped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close until she could hit him no more. There she continued to cry and he answered her question, unsure whether she would hear him or not.

"Because I was an idiot."

She heard him and clung even tighter.


"How's that popcorn coming on?" Buffy asked with a falsely bright voice.

"What? Oh, yeah. Um, great. Poptastic," Xander answered, his back to hers. "How's the coffee?"

"Fine! Good. Coffee-tastic!" Buffy laughed, but it was a fake laugh and Xander closed his eyes.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Why did he have to kiss her? Stupid, stupid, stupid. Now it was all false and they were avoiding eye contact. Maybe I could say Willow went off the rails again and did a spell that made me kiss her? It had been going so well. They were having a serious conversation and wham! It all went to hell. He couldn't even blame being drunk this time. And why didn't he go home. He had to stay and try to remedy the situation, make it into a fun night so all of this would be forgotten. Damn. Hey! Wait a minute! I'm remembering something here… That's it! She kissed me back!

"Buffy?" he said, turning and studying her.

"Yeah?" she answered shrilly, her head turning slightly, but when she saw he was staring, she turned back.

"I kissed you," he stated flatly.

She turned slightly and stared at his chest. I can't even look him in the eyes anymore… Oh, Xander… Oh God! Where'd you get that shirt? Y'know, I'm really gonna have to dress you properly one of these days… But then you wouldn't really be my Xander…

"Yeah…" she replied slowly. "But it was a friendship thing! Comfort and friendship and - and…"

"I like you," he finished.

She lifted her eyes to his and saw burning sincerity. No, no, no. Xander don't do this. Don't go there. Don't. These things never go well, not with me. I can't do this with you. We can't risk this.

"That was why I kissed you," he continued, his voice careful, his face gauging her reaction. When she didn't say anything, when she barely moved, he went on. "And I kinda think you like me too, 'cause you kissed me back."

He carried on looking at her. Not the challenging look of Spike, it was soft understanding. He had seen everything and somewhere along the line, he had learnt the things she tried to keep hidden. And he always supported her, even if he was totally against something she needed help with. He backed her because he… cared.

"So?" he prompted. "Am I right?"

Her silence continued and behind him, the microwave pinged. When her silence stretched into minutes, he dropped his gaze and made to leave the kitchen, his stomach clenching as he passed her.

"Yes."

"Huh?" he asked, frowning at her from the kitchen doorway.

"Yes. You're right. I like you too."

He didn't waste time staring at her. When she moved toward him, as soon as she was within reach, he pulled her close and kissed her.

I'm always right…


Spike thrust a tissue into her line of vision and stood awkwardly while she wiped her eyes with it.

"You ok now, then?" he asked.

"Yeah," she replied, sniffing. "I'm fine. I'm just being stupid. Humans and their dumb emotions. I should know better."

"Because you know all men are evil?" he asked with a smile, sitting down opposite her.

"Not all men," she said, glancing up. "But most. Yeah, something like that."

He nodded and drummed his fingers together, leaning back on the back legs of the chair to stare at the ceiling.

"I don't hate you, y'know," he stated meditatively. "I was just…."

"Angry," she supplied. "I know. I was there."

"Yeah… Sorry if I scared you."

His gaze was still fixed on the ceiling, but he heard her snort. He allowed the chair to fall back to the floor with a crash and raised his eyebrows at her.

"How ladylike of you, Anya. Can I ask what that's s'posed to mean?"

"Scared me?" she asked haughtily. "As if you could scare me! I've never been scared of you!"

"You never saw evil me!" he protested.

"Oh please!" she laughed. "I've heard enough."

"Yeah, right. 'Cause the Scoobs would admit I had the power to make 'em piss themselves!"

"No, not them. Halfrek."

"Hal - who?"

"Halfrek. A Vengeance demon friend of mine. She meant you back in 1880."

"Excuse me?" he asked incredulously. "Why didn't you mention this before?"

"It didn't come up," she shrugged and returned to studying her nails. "And it was ages ago, before I came to Sunnydale."

"So?"

"So, what?"

"So what did she say? C'mon!"

"I thought you said we weren't going to talk. We weren't going to give Tara and Dawn the satisfaction of doing what they say, remember?"

"We're not doing as they say!" he protested. "We're talking about other stuff! Not us!"

"Fine," she said distantly, a slight smile curving her lips. "Well, she was trying to curse this guy, Worth, because he didn't propose to some girl he was courting."

"Worth?" Spike repeated, "Henry Worth?"

"I think so. It was a long time ago, Spike. Anyway, she never got around to it 'cause you killed him. With a railroad spike, I think she said."

"You knew all this?"

"Yep. I didn't keep track of you or anything, but of course I recognised the name when I heard it and I recognised you from Halfrek's description. She was going by the name Cecily, by the way."

"Cecily?" he asked. "Cecily Townsend?"

"Yes," Anya said absently. "She said you - Spike? Spike, you ok?"

He glared heavily at her and pushed his chair back with a screech, leaving the kitchen and storming into his room, slamming the door hard enough to make her jump.

Anya stared in shock at the kitchen door, then continued her sentence in a horror struck mumble:

"She said… you'd fallen in love with her… before you became a vampire…. Oh, God…"