Warning: Yaoi. Guy x Guy. Gay Digimon characters.
Disclaimers: Someday....someday....
A/N: This is the first part of my series "Flutter" from Yama's point of view. I'm not sure if anyone cares to read the same story again, but I was interested in writing it. I focused more on story than the writing this time, but the writing turned out pretty decent. Even if it isn't as good as Flutter, I still like it. I just wanted to play on how much they might have misunderstood each other and how Yama figured Ken out.
After finding out that Yamato's band is called the "Teenage Wolves" I just had to put that into a fic. So now you know who Yama is talking about when he refers to the Wolves.
I hope this makes sense. It's really hard to write for a pre-written script.
Flutter POV
by loveasthouwilt
I ducked my head into my guitar strap and stepped up to the mike. It was a mock stage, furniture cleared out of one corner of the room, chairs relocated to face us, yet half of them empty. I took a moment to look over my audience.
Girls. About thirty giggling, gossiping, pre-teen girls.
I hate these gigs. I didn't take up the guitar to entertain rich grade-school brats.
Never mind why I did take it up...
Still, it was my first live performance in months and I had gotten permission to invite some of my friends to listen to some new songs. I'm still close to my Chosen friends, but I spend more time with the Wolves. You have to make that kind of sacrifice if you're going to make it big someday.
I didn't see Takeru or his friends yet, and a part of me wanted to wait for them, but that's not what I was getting paid to do, so I started up "Walk on the Edge" without them.
My heart really isn't in the songs recently. It's so frustrating to put your heart into something and not be appreciated. Gigs like this are degrading. These girls don't want to hear me sing. They just want to see a pretty face, to feed an immature lust. It's disgusting.
But then... my music used to have a focus... someone who made the words real...
He didn't push me away, but he didn't pull me closer, either, just broke off the kiss slowly.
"Yama," He whispered with utmost tenderness. "I care about you... but..."
I thought I had prepared myself not to hurt, but there's just nothing that can prepare you for that type of rejection.
"Don't hate me," he begged.
"Hate you?" I started, surprised by his plea. "You should be the one hating me. I'm the one who's messed up."
We were still really close to each other, close enough that I could've kissed him again.
He smiled. "I really care about you, Yama. You're my best friend. You think I haven't considered this before?"
Taichi was full of surprises...
"But just like you can't change how you are," he continued quietly, "I can't change how I am either."
I could tell how hard he was trying to let me down easily, and I suppose I could never have hoped for a better rejection.
But rejection is rejection. And it hurt.
Sometime during the song, Takeru came in with two friends. Daisuke and another whom I had never met, but could only have been Ichijouji Ken.
After battling him in the Digital World, I had taken some time to read the papers and learn more about him.
He's even cuter in person, but a little too intelligent and arrogant for me.
And yet, as I continued my show, continued to watch him, I noticed how he separated himself from the others, denied himself any fun he might be having, and just watched a muted TV all alone.
Now I'm not usually one to be pushy, but his pretty purple eyes didn't go beyond my attention, even from across the room, and no harm could come from a little innocent flirtation...
So when the band took it's first break I made a beeline toward the couch and sat next to him. "Ichijouji Ken?" I asked.
Startled by the sound of his own name, his head snapped my direction. "Yes?"
I don't know who he was expecting, but apparently not recognizing me, he shied again. "Oh, uh, hello."
"I'm Ishida Yamato," I introduced myself with a smile. "Enjoying the party?"
He shrugged. "Sure," though clearly untrue.
Noticing that he was trying to get me to leave him alone by saying very little, I turned off the television to eliminate that distraction. "I bet you would have even more fun if you were hanging out with Takeru and Daisuke instead of sitting here. I've seen them talking to a lot of cute girls."
Since he no longer had the television to focus on, he had turned his inattention to a loose string in the arm of the couch. "I'm not interested in girls."
My eyes widened. Oh?
"Young!" he hastily attempted to recover. "I'm not interested in young girls." He looked at me and grinned. "That didn't come out right the first time, did it?"
Hmm...
My eyes narrowed in amused suspicion. "I don't know, did it?"
His eyes went wide and his face reddened. I imagine, as shy as he was turning out to be, that a subject like that was quite embarrassing. I wasn't meaning to toy with him, really, if it made him uncomfortable.
"Do you want me to bring you a drink?" I asked, standing up and attempting to break the tension.
"Uh, alright," he stuttered.
As I walked away, I flashed him a smile and he just turned away quickly. The chances of him actually being interested in me were unquestionably slim, but he's really cute and I just couldn't help myself.
He's no idiot. I'm sure by then he had figured out I'm ... of the other persuasion. It's not like I'm flaming or anything, but I was purposely making myself obvious. He was giving mixed signals, though.
I sighed. Maybe I was just being stupid. If nothing else, my behavior was probably terrifying him, and while that was kind of amusing, it wasn't very fair.
Ah, wishful thinking.
It's too bad, though. I really liked him.
When I got to the table with the drinks on it, Taichi approached me. I like to tell myself I'm over him, but sometimes it's hard.
"You sounded great up there," he said with a smile, "as always."
"Thanks," I replied, looking Ken's direction. He had been watching me and quickly looked away.
My brows furrowed... could it be...?
"Are you flirting with Ken?" Taichi teased.
I looked at him and grinned. "I had to try."
Taichi put a hand on the table and leaned against it. "It doesn't bother you that he used to be the Kaizer?"
I shrugged. Should it? The shy Ken I'd been talking to before wasn't the Kaizer and it was almost hard to believe he'd ever been.
I snickered as I picked up two drinks. "Actually, I find it enticing." Then I winked at Tai. "He's probably kinky."
"Ah.." he groaned. "That's an image I didn't need."
I shook my head. "It probably doesn't matter anyway. I can't tell if he's interested or not, and usually they're not."
Tai glanced sideways towards Ken so that I wouldn't have to. "He's looking over here." he said with a smile.
I grinned back at him. "He is?"
He nodded and I got all fluttery. He's interested! Yes!
I took a deep breath, composing myself. "Then I'd better not keep him waiting."
With that, I turned and started back towards the couch. Ken was sitting with his arms rested on his knees and he was staring thoughtfully at the table, biting his bottom lip.
"So, what do you do now that you don't have worlds to conquer?" I asked him to catch his attention as I held his drink out for him. I wasn't trying to be rude by bringing up his Kaizer days, I was just trying to start up some casual conversation and figured he might feel more comfortable if he knew that that aspect of his self didn't bother me.
As he took the cup, I sat next to him, closer than before, purposely invading his 'personal space' to see how he would respond. To my extreme pleasure, he didn't make any move to get away.
"Fail tests and suck at soccer mostly," was his self-disgusted response. He was staring down into his drink to keep from looking at me.
"That bad, huh?" Poor guy. He'd never been a normal kid before, so it was no wonder he was having problems socially. He seemed to get along with Daisuke well enough, but that had to be considered an exception. Taichi and I had been enemies for the longest time, but the Digital World had brought us together in much the same way as it had them....
I wonder...
"What about Daisuke...?" I asked frankly.
"He's the same. Plays soccer and video games all the time."
I laughed at his misunderstanding. "No, I mean, do you like him."
"What?!" he gasped.
Oh, don't play dumb with me. I've figured you out already.
I calmly put my empty cup on the table, barely having noticed that I drank anything. "Well it might explain something, if you like hi..." out of the corner of my eye, I noticed some girls standing within earshot and courteously changed my wording "...her and she doesn't return your feelings."
He just stared at me, his brows raised in horror.
I gritted my teeth. Had I made a mistake...?
He sighed and let his shoulders drop defeatedly. Then he turned to put his untouched drink next my empty cup. "I don't think that's it," he said.
My heart leapt. Finally I could be sure!
Of course...when I considered it, Ken probably was attached to Daisuke, but I wanted Ken to be attached to me. Selfish? Maybe...but...
He's just so cute and shy and sweet.
"Maybe you're just too concerned about what people think about you." He's not used to being subjected to the same judgments as the rest of us.
He didn't answer.
"I bet that's it," I said, leaning back into the couch. "That's why you're so shy."
His brows drew together in an angry frown and I wondered if I had crossed a line.
Just then, Taichi put his hands on the back of the couch. "You two getting along?" he asked with a grin.
I blushed. Taichi! Oh, I just know he's going to embarrass me...
He came around the couch and, in attempt to sit between Ken and me, sat on Ken and me. Meanie. But before I could complain, Tsugaru, drummer for the Teenage Wolves, came and told me that it was time to start up the next few songs.
The last thing I wanted to do was leave Ken alone with Taichi. There was no telling what Tai would tell him.
But I was in the middle of a gig, and I couldn't just abandon it if I wanted to be paid.
"You're in a good mood," Tsugaru commented as he walked with me.
"Why do you say that?" I inquired, not bothering to suppress a grin.
He shrugged. "You're usually so cross and now you're like...giddy."
I was giddy. I finally found a cute, sweet, interesting guy who likes me back. I was in a great mood!
Tsugaru elbowed me, "It's that girl you were talking to right?"
Girl? Oh, Ken.
I just laughed and let my friend make his own assumptions.
A few minutes later, I had already started the second half of our concert, the songs now directed at Ken as they had once been for Taichi.
Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself... maybe I'm on the rebound or something... I'd hate to drag Ken into something like that.
But when Ken relocated himself so as to see me better... It was so exciting! I'm crazy about him.
In no time, the concert came to a close, and while the other Wolves were packing up the gear, I was searing around for something to write on. It was absolutely necessary that he have my phone number.
After taking care of that, I searched the rapidly dissipating crowd for Ken and finally found him waiting in a dark hallway for Daisuke.
Alone.
Wordlessly, I took him by the hand and pressed the paper into his palm. He stared at his hand for a moment then looked up at me, his eyes bright and violet.
Most people don't get the perfect moment for a first kiss. With far more confidence than I'd had when I'd kissed Taichi, I leaned down and pressed my lips to Ken's, exposing my intentions entirely. And he didn't jerk away, just closed his eyes savoring the intimacy as much as I.
I bet most of the time all he really needs is a hug.
Hesitantly I broke the kiss. "Call me," I whispered against his lips. And then I walked away, afraid that if I stayed any longer I'd kiss him again and not be able to stop.
I grinned. He probably thought I was just being a tease.
I'd spent years building up my love for Taichi, gave my heart and soul to him, even swore I'd never love again.
But for Ken...
I'd sure be willing to try if he'd let me.
-end-
End A/N: I don't know if there will be any more of this point of view or not. It all depends on if the Muse hits me.
