Warning: Yaoi. Guy x Guy. Gay Digimon characters. Some bad language at the end. Just keepin' it interesting.

Disclaimers: I obviously do not own Digimon, but for some reason I feel obligated to write this silly disclaimer.

A/N: Bet you never thought you'd actually see this! Neither did I But the muse did finally hit me. I hope it's decent.

Flutter POV Part 2: Sigh

by loveasthouwilt

File that under "The Worst Band Rehearsal in History."

Akira was sick with a hangover and couldn't be at practice, which was actually good because he always sides against me when the band argues. We argue a lot. I guess it's like that with any group of friends. I used to fight with the DigiDestined, too.

But, we are NOT going to play Yukata's depressing songs. Yes, I do appreciate his style. What I don't appreciate is his exaggerated angst.

Arrgh...I'm just not gonna think about it anymore. I'm gonna go home and call Ken. He'll make everything better.

As I walked home, I wondered if he ever thinks about me. I feel bad that I pretty much didn't think about him at all during the three hours of rehearsal. But maybe he'd forgive me if he knew the six hours I was supposed to spend paying attention in class were instead devoted to daydreaming about the way his cheeks color when he blushes.

Sheesh, I've got it bad...

That's good, though, because it means I'm not moping over Taichi anymore.

And I sigh. I always do that when I think about Tai. The first time was in frustration--how can anyone be that gung-ho about...everything? But then, it was that same daring that drew my affection in the first place. And then I would sigh in despair that he would never return that affection. Now it's an "oh well" sigh. Accepting what could never be.

I always sigh when I think of Tai.

But I sigh for Ken, too. A whole new kind of sigh. A sigh of relief and release. To calm myself down when I've built up so much excitement that I can hardly keep myself from grinning--which would be very suspicious considering my character.

Just thinking about Ken and I feel better already.

That is, until I get back to the apartment, a.k.a. mess.

Dad had the control pointed at the T.V. and was clicking to the next channel after every three or so words. He says that used to drive Mom nuts. "How can you tell what's on when you change the channel so fast?" she would groan. But I agree with Dad. If you don't recognize the actor right away, the show is probably not worth watching.

"You're home early," I commented, using my guitar's case to move used plates out of the way so I could leave the case on the table.

"I gotta go back to work tonight," he mumbled, never taking his eyes off the randomly flickering television.

I frowned at the back of his head. "Takeru is going to think you're avoiding him on purpose..."

Dad shook his head, then drank from a can that looked suspiciously like Slim Fast. "No, he won't. Takeru isn't like that."

Deciding that I needed a soda, I headed toward the kitchen. "He'll still be disappointed," I said over my shoulder. I know Dad doesn't need the guilt--his job is what separated the family in the first place--but I know I'd be upset if I went to visit Takeru and Mom wasn't around...

I hunted around in the refrigerator for a drink (the 'fridge is always crammed full, and yet there's never anything to eat...) and, upon finding nothing that wasn't diet, turned back to the kitchen. If we ever had company other than Takeru, I might find a reason to clean house once in a while...

Although, I might invite Ken over eventually. And he's rich. He probably lives in some pristine Tamachi penthouse. He may not be stuck-up, but still. I couldn't let him see all this. Plates overflowing the sink onto the counter; mold growing in half-full glasses; fingerprint stains on the cabinets because we rarely wash our hands and then we don't use the knobs, just pull at the edge of doors that are never shut.

We're guys. We don't do clean.

Takeru teases me because I'll dig a shirt out of the laundry and still iron it before I wear it. That's just one of my pet peeves.

Dad snapped me out of any inspiration to clean house I might have had by yelling at me from the living room that I had messages waiting on the answering machine.

I gave Ken my number...maybe he called!!

"YAMATOOOOO!!!!" the girl on the machine shrieked. Definitely not Ken...though that would be cute, heh.

"This is Jun." As if I hadn't figured that out already. "I'm SO sorry I missed your concert last night." She hadn't been invited anyway. How did she even know about it? "I'll make it up to you, I promise! Call me when you get home, okay? Love Ya! Bye!"

Yeah, right. Next message...

"This is Tsugaru." Crap, this is gonna be about the band...I didn't want to think about this any more. "Yukata is threatening to quit again. You should probably talk to him." Screw that. If he's gonna throw a fit, I don't want him around anyway. "Would it be so bad just to try one song?" Yes, it would, actually. "Anyway...um...bye." I snickered at that last part. That's about as intelligent as I end messages, too.

"Hi, this is Jun again," Arrgh, not again... "I heard Akira is sick and just wanted to say get well soon." She did that a lot, calling me about the welfare of the other band members, just to have a reason to call me.

"Jun again!" Dammit. Didn't KEN call?? How do I fast-forward this thing? "Call me when you get home. I need a partner for a double date. Thanks! Bye!"

I've never returned a single call from her. What's it take to tell a girl no? Just one more good reason to stay away from them, I guess.

That was the last message, too. Nothing from Ken. I sighed the despair sigh. I didn't like it. That's not the right sigh for Ken...

"Oh, and someone else called, too," Dad said from the couch.

Someone else? Ken?!

"He asked for you, but didn't leave a message. Just thought I'd tell you."

Hiding the excitement that had been induced (Dad didn't need to know why hearing that would excite me), I grabbed the phone...and realized I didn't have Ken's number...

It can't be hard to figure out, though. He is famous.

Which would mean his number is probably unlisted...

Hmmm....

While I was pondering that, the phone rang and I yanked it up before the first ring ended. "Hello. This is Yamato."

"Yamato!!!" the phone screeched. I refrained from banging my head against the wall.

"Hello, Jun," I answered, far from enthusiastic.

"Yamato, are you free tonight for a double date? We already have reserva--"

"I can't go tonight," I cut her off. And this time I didn't even have to make up an excuse. "I'm spending the evening with my brother.

She sniffed audibly. "But...we already have reservations..."

I leaned against the wall, pressing the phone between my ear and shoulder. "I'm sorry, Jun, I just have plans."

Hey, I bet Daisuke knows Ken's number.

"Could you do me a favor, though?" I asked, switching the phone to my other ear.

"Sure!"

"Could you let me talk to Daisuke for a minute?"

She whimpered just a little bit. "Okay..." Then I could hear her moving around the house. "Yamato wants to talk to you," she yelled.

An instant later, Daisuke was on the phone. "Hey, Yamato. What's up?"

"Hey, Daisuke, hold on." I switched to the cordless phone so Dad couldn't listen in on the conversation, and then went to my room and sat on the bed. "Okay. Do you know Ken's phone number?"

There was a short silence, then, "Yeah..."

"Well, can I have it?" I snorted impatiently.

Another silence. Then, "Why?"

"Well why else?" I asked sarcastically. "I want to talk to him." The less I explain to him the better. As clueless as Daisuke already is, this situation couldn't confuse him any more than usual.

At that point, the phone beeped to tell me there was someone on the other line. Daisuke went ahead and gave me Ken's number so I could hang up and take the other call.

Please-be-Ken-please-be-Ken-please-be-Ken-please....

"Oh...Hi, Mom."

"Am I still bringing Takeru over tonight?" she asked. She knows how bad both Dad and I are about forgetting various appointments. She calls to check on us constantly. It bugs the hell out of Dad, but I don't mind.

"Sure, bring him over," I said. Then, in a stroke of brilliance, "Can you stop by a friend's house and pick him up too? It's a little out of the way..." I'm sure she'd be more than happy to oblige anything I asked of her, considering I don't usually ask for anything.

"Of course. Where does he live?"

Damn. I don't know that either...

Takeru does!

"Takeru can show you. Tell him you're picking up Ken."

"Ken," she repeated, making sure she got it right. "Okay, no trouble at all. Oh, and Yamato...I'm glad you're getting to spend more time with your brother..."

"I am too, Mom," Err, I do not want to talk about this right now. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Having been dismissed, Mom just kind of sighed. "Bye bye, Yamato."

Finally, I can call Ken.

Is it just me, or is it hot in here?

I carefully manipulated my way through the laundry and around the ironing board toward the window. It was cloudy and cool outside, and when I opened the window it let a nice breeze into the room. And the apartment is on a level high enough that you can't hear much of the street noise.

I leapt onto the bed where I had left the phone and, lying on my back, I dialed Ken's number.

At the first ring, a shiver ran up my spine. It's just the room getting cold; I'm not nervous.

There was a click, and, "Hello?"

A silly grin spread across my face. "Hey, baby!"

"Y-Yamato?" Ken gasped. I hope that's surprise and not horror. "How'd you get this number?" he asked.

"Daisuke gave it to me," I answered cheerfully.

"What?" Ken whimpered. He sounded panicked. "Why did you have to ask him!? What's he going to think!?"

I couldn't help but giggle. He gets so worked up. Somehow I don't think Daisuke would be wondering "Why would Yamato want to talk to Ken? They must be gay together or something." I don't think anyone would actually jump to that conclusion...

"Calm down, Ken. He's not going to assume anything right," I assured him. "Daisuke isn't clever enough to put two and two together."

"It's just... a sensitive subject." His voice was softer now. Maybe calling him was a bad idea...maybe I should have waited for him to call me...if he wanted to talk to me at all...

Stop that, Yama, you're making yourself nervous over nothing. He did kiss you back, after all.

"You want me to cancel the car then?" I asked. Now was as good a time as any to let him know he was coming over, heh.

"What?"

"Mom is bringing Takeru over and I asked her to drop by your place to pick you up!" I explained.

"Yamato...!" he stuttered. "I can't go with Takeru ... He's going to want to know why you're interested in me all of a sudden... Does he know about you?" There he goes again, getting all worked up. Poor kid must be in panic mode all the time. He's a kid genius (or former genius, I guess). People, especially his parents, must expect a whole lot from him. He's probably under a lot of pressure all the time.

As for Takeru knowing about me. "Nuh uh," I said. "No one else but Taichi knows." I sighed. I always sigh when I think of Tai. "That's what I get for trying to hit on him!" I laughed. I'm surprised I was able to talk about that so easily. I've been bottling up certain emotions in me for so long, it's a tremendous relief to finally be able to open up to someone who understands what I'm going through.

"How about you?" I asked.

"My mother knows. I don't know if my father knows or not. We've never talked about it."

He's one step ahead of me then. I wonder how he came out to his mother...maybe he could help me come out to Dad...

"What does she think?"

"Oh, she's thrilled."

Err...that was sarcastic...

"Mn. Too bad..."

"Yeah..."

I felt kinda bad. It hadn't occurred to me that he might not want to talk about any of this. I just knew I was excited to talk about it. He hasn't sounded like he's enjoyed talking to me at all...

This silence is killing me. Think of something to say, Yama...

"Today at practice..." I started, and ended up telling him all about the fight with Yukata, and more failed attempts at trying to record an album, or at least have one of our songs played on the radio. We're hot in Odaiba, but we'll never be anything more unless we can sell something.

Ken gave me a "yeah" and an "uh huh" once in a while to let me know he was still listening. But he sounded bored, so I shut up. "Sorry. I'm talking your ear off."

"I don't mind," he responded immediately. Enthusiastically, even. I sighed with relief. Ken sure is hard to read sometimes.

"Well, I'm gonna go anyway," I told him. I needed to start cleaning house if Ken was coming over. "We can talk when you get over here, okay?"

"Okay!"

Ah, there's the faintest hint of excitement I wanted to hear!

"Bye!"

"Bye..."

I hung up the phone and held it to my chest. Maybe that wasn't boredom I heard over the phone. Maybe it just sounds like that because he's shy. But, if he's gonna sound like that all the time, it's gonna be hard to tell if it's okay to...well...kiss him...and stuff...

Am I being to forward? Should I back off a little? It's not like I have a lot of dating experience. None, actually. My fangirls would be shocked and appalled.

I spent the next two hours doing dishes, throwing laundry into Dad's room, taking out the trash, ironing a shirt for me to wear, and ordering pizza (Takeru doesn't like my cooking). All this around my Dad, who was still sitting at the T.V. At least he had finally stopped on a channel.

He left almost the same time the pizza came, and he never asked me why I was cleaning. I may get mad at him sometimes for not taking notice of the things I do, but today is an exception. I wouldn't be comfortable inviting Ken over if Dad was going to be home.

The apartment wasn't actually clean when I decided I was done, I just got tired of cleaning and quit. I wished Ken and Takeru would hurry up and get here. Otherwise I might be forced to clean something else.

When the doorbell rang, I was in the kitchen and I sprinted for the front door. I was thrilled to see Ken and Takeru with their digimon on the other side. (I didn't know they were bringing their digimon...I don't know if there's enough food for them, too.)

I didn't bother to examine what Ken was wearing. What I did notice was the way he ducked his head shyly. I told him and Takeru that their digimon could run around the house. That way Ken couldn't hide behind Minomon anymore.

"I ordered a pizza so none of you have to suffer my cooking," I said, gesturing to the box in the middle of the table.

Ken granted me a slight smile, then followed Takeru to the table.

"I heard Akira is sick again," Takeru said critically as he took a seat and opened the pizza box. "I trust you're not getting into anything like that?"

I rested both arms on the table in front of me, "You're as bad as Mom, you know that?" I accused. "I came straight home after the concert." I glanced at Ken, who was studying the table intently. I wish he'd give me something to work with. I didn't bring him over here to torture him.

Takeru helped himself to the food. "Well, Mom and I worry about you sometimes. You sing about happy stuff, but then you walk around acting moody all of the time. What you need is a girlfriend, Yamato."

I rested my chin on the back of my hand. "You're probably right." Talk about irony.

I looked over Ken again He looked so depressed. There must be something he's interested in, something he could talk about. Daisuke must be the only person Ken is completely himself around. I wonder how he does it.

Hmph. I'm jealous.

Maybe once I talked to Ken alone, I could figure out what was going on with him.

"I met a girl," Takeru started, once again taking my attention away from Ken. "Her name's Yuki. Long, dark hair with red streaks. She's as tall as 'Kari, and as smart as Miyako. I'm meeting her on Monday for dinner."

I smiled. When did Takeru get grown up and interested in girls? I guess around the same age I decided I was interested in boys.

"Actually, I did meet someone interesting," I said, a grin spreading across my face. Ken was gonna freak. "You probably know her, Takeru. She's got dark, straight hair. Kinda shy."

He looked up at the ceiling in thought and I flashed Ken a playful smile. His lips were parted, his eyes wide with worry.

I'm not gonna get us caught, Ken! Sheesh...loosen up...

I know what'd relax him, heh.

Ack! Down, Yama.

When the pizza was gone, Takeru offered to do the dishes, knowing that if he didn't, no one else would. I told him I was going to go talk to Ken, since I had invited him over and not exchanged a single word with him.

I found him standing in the hallway outside Dad's room, checking out the pictures on the wall. He must be bored to death if he finds pictures of people he doesn't know interesting. When he saw me, he shied and looked away.

I'm really concerned about him. I wonder if there's something else bothering him that I don't even know about.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No," he whined. "I'm nervous. You're just so... confident... and I'm not..."

I reached up to slide my fingers through his hair. "I really enjoy your company, Ken." Even if he doesn't appear to enjoy mine... "I can't help myself."

And I couldn't help it when my fingers trailed down his face and under his chin. I couldn't help it that he just stood there and let me kiss him.

I didn't mean for that kiss to last as long as it did, though.

I guess Ken really does enjoy my company.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and snaked his tongue into my mouth, which was something new for me, but I liked it just the same.

I moved my hands around to his back and kneaded my fingers against him through his shirt.

He felt so good...

We needed get out of the hall, though...

Careful not to break our kiss, I guided us into my Dad's room and shut the door behind us. A few steps later, Ken was pressed into the bed underneath me.

I couldn't believe I was actually there with him. Even though I knew there were other guys on the planet who were gay I had never really believed that I would find one who wanted to be with me, especially after being rejected by Taichi. Maybe I didn't really understand what being gay was. Maybe there was something even worse wrong with me.

But now there's Ken. And he's for me. He's mine.

The door opened... "Yamato, are you in he---Aa!"

Shit!!

Ken scrambled away from me, and I hung my head, trying to catch my breath.

Shit, shit, shit...this is bad...

I climbed off of Ken and off the bed, "Takeru, listen to me," I pleaded, but he had already sprinted off to the other room.

So I turned to Ken, who was as shocked as I was. "Ken, I am so sorry..." I whimpered. I didn't mean to get us caught. I looked back at the empty door worriedly, then back at Ken. "I really should talk to Takeru..." I didn't want to leave Ken behind, but Takeru could be scarred for life, or something...

Ken nodded wordlessly and I went off to find my brother.

God, Ken. I'm sorry...I'm sorry...

I should have been more careful...

I'm so sorry...

-to be continued-