Chapter 3: Performing and Tears

Green Penguins: [stand a little away from the rest of the animals humming]

Kirby: [grabs the edges of her cloak and lifts it up to shoulder height]

Golden Monkeys: [mount Silver]

Silver: [neighs and stomps]

Ants: [sing and dance Macarena]

Pinky: [whimpers from the roof]

Stripes: [paces restlessly]

Purple Chickens: [cluck and peck at the Fellowship]

Pippin: [yells] LEAVE US ALONE!

Gandalf: oh, for the love of the Valar! [whacks the Chickens away with his staff]

Purple Chickens: [cluck indignantly]

Kirby: [angrily] hey! [hits Gandalf over the head] leave my Chickens alone!

Gandalf: [growls but controls the urge to whack Kirby to death]

Kirby: [comes to the front of the room] [claps her hands] and now we will begin.

Everyone: [falls silent]

Kirby: [walks to one side of the room, then nods to the Green Penguins]

Green Penguins: [sing in harmony] Said the north wind to the polar bear

Kirby: [walks to Blue making wind sounds while the Penguins sing] [sings shrilly and out of tune] Do you see what I see?

Green Penguins: [sing] Do you see what I see

Green Penguins and Kirby: [sing] way up in the sky polar bear?

Kirby: [sings] Do you see what I see? [looks and points up]

Blue: [looks up]

Green Penguins: [look up and sing] Do you see what I see?

Green Penguins and Kirby: A dog, a dog, dancing in the night—

Pinky: [swings around dancing]

Green Penguins and Kirby: with a tail as pink a-as gum, with a tail as pink a-as gum.

Blue: [turns to the Purple Chickens]

Green Penguins: [sing] Said the polar bear to the purple chickens

Blue: roar roar roar roar roar roar? [translation: do you hear what I hear?]

Green Penguins: [sing] Do you hear what I hear—

Green Penguins and Blue: [Penguins sing, Blue roars] Ringing through the sky purple chickens?

Blue: roar roar roar roar roar roar? [translation: do you hear what I hear?]

Green Penguins: Do you hear what I hear?

Green Penguins and Blue: A cat, a cat, meowing through the trees—

Stripes: [meows loudly from her spot in the tree]

Green Penguins and Blue: with a voice as big as the sea, with a voice as big as the sea.

[Kirby and her animals continue to sing until the song ends]

Hobbits: [applaud vigorously]

Fellowship minus the Hobbits: o.O

Hobbits: [stop clapping]

Kirby and Co.: [bow] thank you, thank you.

Kirby: [walks to the crank in the wall and turns it]

Boromir: [rushes to free the trembling pink dog]

Pinky: [runs away]

Aragorn: [gets Stripes out of the tree]

Stripes: [purrs and rubs himself against Aragorn's legs]

Aragorn: [smiles and pets the red-and-green-striped cat] [sits down]

Pinky and Stripes: [run into the other room bickering]

Golden Monkeys, Silver, and Queen and Servant Ant: [follow Pinky and Stripes]

Kirby: [turns to the Fellowship] and now we will perform our version of "Angels We Have Heard On High"

Hobbits: yes! Another performance!

Fellowship minus Hobbits: no!

Hobbits: [look dejected]

Blue: [walks over to his frigidare and sits inside, also leaving the door open]

Kirby: [runs into the room, taking the tree prop with her] [comes out again dragging one of those kiddy pools filled with water] Rainbow Troupe!

Rainbow Ducks: [come out of the room quacking and flapping their wings] [get into the kiddy pool, splashing a lot of water]

Green Penguins: [remain where they were standing]

Kirby: and now we shall begin

Green Penguins and Kirby: [sing in harmony]

Duckies we have heard on high

Sweetly quacking o'er the lake,

And the water in reply,

Echoing their quacky sounds.

Qua-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ack—

Gimli: [yells] AAAAAAAAHHH! SHUT UP! SHUT UP YOU DERANGED IDIOT! [looks at the Penguins] don't worry, you four aren't idiots.

Green Penguins and Kirby: [astonished silence]

Green Penguins: [angry at being interrupted, they huff away to the other room]

Purple Chickens: [cluck in fright]

Kirby: [incredulously] what did you call me?

Gimli: [emphasized] an idiot! A deranged idiot! And in case you don't know what that means, it's a stupid person who's crazy!

Kirby: [eyes fill with tears and her lip starts to tremble] [whimpers]

Legolas: [realizes what's going to happen] [quietly] Gimli, take that back.

Gimli: what?! I most certainly will not!

Legolas: [urgently] Gimli, for all our sakes, take it back!

Gimli: [crosses his arms and shakes his head] no!

Legolas: [covers his ears]

Kirby: [screams shrilly]

Fellowship minus Legolas: [covers their ears]

Ruby: [voice-over] the scream was so shrill it would put a Nazgul to shame.

Nazgul: [emerges from a shadowed corner] [offended] hey!

Ruby: sorry…Are you supposed to be here?

Nazgul: no.

Ruby: then…get out.

Nazgul: ok [disappears in a puff of smoke]

Kirby: [stops screaming and cries tears that are a foot in length]

Fellowship minus Legolas: [astonished]

Legolas: I told you to take it back.