Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki and Hana to Yume comics. I promise (and swear upon most everything holy) that I came up with this concept myself, and didn't exert any effort in stealing the idea from anyone else--any similarities are purely coincidental.

Just wanted to voice my thanks for the reviews, and I hope that you guys like this next chapter :) Last note: I always listen to music when I write to get into the mood of it all, and this chapter was written while listening to Alanis Morissette's "Uninvited". Randomness, I know. Enjoy!

REVISED : Haha, I know that Kyou and Tohru were hugging in several parts of this, but I've been lazy about correcting myself until now. Nothing has changed other than the discrepancies…but if you'd like to read it again, be my guest! :D

Regret Me Not

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 Chapter 1.

            "Tohru..."

            She turned slowly, a rolling pin in her hand and a sweet smile on her face.

            "Kyou!" Putting down the kitchen utensil and hastily wiping her hands on her pink apron, Tohru ran—more like leaped--into her husband's arms. He picked her up and twirled her around, smiling.

            "I'm sorry this trip took longer than I expected," he apologized gruffly, his eyes softening at the relief on his wife's face. I'm away far too much, he thought reproachfully. Lowering her slowly, he bent down to kiss her with a timid smile. She eagerly returned his affections.

            "It's okay," she smiled softly, after their lips had parted. "Just as long as you're back now." Kyou wrapped his arm around her waist possessively and nuzzled her hair with his forehead, and she giggled. "I'm so glad you're back."

            "So am I," he echoed. His attention turned to that of the kitchen they were standing in, specifically towards the mess of flour, milk and dough that Tohru had been working on diligently. "And what's all this fuss about, Tohru?" he asked with a smile. Her cheeks flushed pink. Oh, he's not going to like this.

            "I was just...ah..." Wringing her hands nervously, she bit her lip. Immediately, she could feel her husband's temper rise to the boiling point. His grip around her waist tightened…hurt almost.

            "Tohru." Calm yourself. It was the only thing the cat could tell himself to keep his anger from exploding. "How many times have I told you that worrying about...about that stupid excuse for a—"

            "Kyou, don't call him names, please," she pleaded, wrapping her arms around herself. Her eyes fell to the linoleum on the kitchen floor as he sucked in a breath, the air hissing through his teeth. "Kyou..."

            "...That sorry, stupid, pathetic excuse for a man!" Kyou exploded. His temperament had improved greatly since they had been married, but this was one subject he would never have patience with. "I can't believe that you can still find a place in your heart for that stupid rat! He's never given you anything but grief, Tohru, for God's sake, just let it go already!"

            They had this fight a lot...the times between the continuing fight growing shorter and shorter with each year. It wasn't really a fight, though—having a fight with Tohru was quite impossible, Kyou had discovered early on in their marriage—but the stubborn woman refused to see what was rational. He really loved that about her...it was this same quality that made him fall for her so unguardedly. But God did it drive him mad when his rational clashed with her idealism.

            "I deserve the grief," she said, choking tears down her throat. "I've given him nothing but grief, why shouldn't I get the same in return?" She pulled away from her husband to look into his eyes. "If I had known how he had felt—maybe I could have—if only things hadn't unraveled so quickly—"

            "Us getting engaged was 'unraveling'?" he said angrily, exhaling the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Tohru's eyes filled with tears.

            "No! Kyou, please try to understand me." Her blue eyes looked at his auburn red imploringly. "Try to understand what he has gone through."

            "Tohru, we've been married for five years," he said shortly, averting his eyes from her gaze. "That is more than enough time for any grown man to get over a teenage crush."

            "You know it wasn't just a crush, Kyou! He was in love! He's hurting!"

            "And what do I care?" he barked, the last restraints on his anger finally broken. "Look, I felt pretty awful for the guy at first, but what do you expect me to do now? Pay him visits and bring over a friendly plate of fruitcake once in a while? Apologize for marrying you?" Tears were streaming down her face feebly, her lip trembling.

            "Kyou," she pleaded, a desperate smile on her face. She really always did have a smile on her face, no matter what, he thought sadly inside of himself. "Kyou, you know I love you...I would never want you to apologize for the gift of your love to me...not to him, nor to anyone." Tohru buried her face in his chest, her tears soaking through his weather-worn shirt. He gingerly encircled his wife with his arms as he rubbed her back slowly, his head resting on hers as he let her cry. I wish I could hold her.

            "I love you too," he whispered, the remnants of his anger fizzled at the warmth between his arms. "Tohru, I love you...and that's why I want you to stop doing this to yourself." She let out a small sob, and he took a deep breath, his heart weighed down with her unhappiness. "With each passing year, you keep yourself hurting in penance for what you think you've done. What have you done, Tohru, other than find happiness with someone else? I know you hold all of us in your heart with the highest regard, but Tohru, you can't keep doing this to yourself...you see that, don't you?"

            "I know," came the reluctant answer. "I know, I do, but..."

            "But what?" he said softly. "Tohru, why does this...why does he...why does he bother you still?" Her breath caught, and in her mind's eye she saw the look on his face before he closed himself from her...when she had told him privately of her engagement...the utter heartbreak. Her heart broke again with his. Never could she erase that horrible image from her mind.

            Yuki.

            "I don't know," she said, her voice dead. She didn't know. She had wondered indirectly what kept his last looks so vividly in her memory, but had never really thought upon the subject itself...she was a little too scared to think about it.

            Part of her didn't want to know the answer.

            "Tohru," Kyou said with a weak sigh, breathing her name. "Promise me that after you finish making this, promise me that you'll stop trying to make amends." His hand gently cupped her chin and brought her gaze to his. "I don't like seeing you hurt so much over someone who has never tried in the slightest to forgive you. I don't ever like seeing you hurt...seeing you cry..." She smiled then, a genuine one, and felt warmth fill her from the inside out.  Thoughts of Yuki faded away and she saw nothing but the man in front of her.

            She loved him so much. Another tear slipped down her flushed cheek, sliding past the enormous smile on her face. "I can never convince myself that I deserve you," Tohru whispered, her hands cradling his warm face. He smiled in return and said nothing, but leaned in to kiss her again. She pulled away at the last moment, her lips a hair's width away from his. His eyes reflected the immediate pain her distance brought him, and she shook her head slightly with a loving smile.

            "Welcome home, love," she said tenderly, finally leaning into his lips as he smiled.

            The dough was left unattended for the rest of the day.         

*****

            Happy 25th Birthday, you sorry bastard, he thought to himself lifelessly as the clock struck midnight in his apartment. He had saved a bottle of expensive vodka to celebrate the occasion at this precise time, but had started a little too early in his eagerness to get as drunk as possible. Looking brokenly at the half-empty bottle, he sighed. He was starting to see why drinking alone was advised against.

            The apartment was quiet, save the occasional car driving by and the raucous of drunken men making their way back from a bar outside. The slender man sighed again to himself, unconsciously trying to fill in the silence with his breath. Twenty-five years...a quarter of a century. Most twenty-somethings gagged with the thought of getting older and older, but he found himself usually 'rolling with the punches', so to speak. The only sign of aging is the increase of regret. Satisfied with this melancholy conclusion, he leaned over drunkenly into a lying position on his leather couch. Yeah, regret. Good one, Sohma. Now have your infinite wisdom explain why you're sloshed beyond all reason.

            What was a birthday, really? Why do people celebrate birthdays when they dread the extra year tacked onto their life? Well he, for one, would not stand for it. Yes, he certainly was making a statement by partying all by himself. Take that, society, he thought stumblingly as his pale hand ran through his silver-grey hair. Bastards. The phone rang as if in response to his denouncement, and he put a pillow over his head to mute the guttural ring as much as possible.

            "It's me. Leave a message. –BEEP-"

            "Yuki? Yuuuuuuuuuki...YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKIIIIIIIIII!!!!" The man moaned irately into the couch, shifting his weight to his left as he rolled (quite ungracefully) from his comfortable position onto the floor. Woah, dizzy... "Yuki, I know you're there!! Pick up the phone, little brother! Your handsome older brother only has a set amount of hours in the day, and he can't wait forever!"

            "Of all the set hours, why can't you ever pick a reasonable one?" Yuki muttered to the phone. He had crawled over to the coffee table near the couch and pressed the 'speaker' button, and was now lying on the floor with his eyes shut. The speaker voice laughed heartily.

          "Oh-ho-ho! Do I hear the hint of slurred words? Could my little brother be indulging in a little bit of intoxication? Or maybe there is more than one of you over there? A birthday, alcohol, and sex in one night—you certainly live up life, Yuki! I can't even express—"

            "Shut up, Oniisan," he grumbled. "No one is here." Ayame laughed again. How the hell does he keep himself so damned hyper all the time? Yuki thought vengefully.

            "No one? Absolutely no one? Then I suppose I shall..." Yuki grabbed the phone line and forcefully yanked it out of its jack, silencing the speaker. The apartment fell into quiet once again. And then—

            "I suppose I shall let myself in!" The door opened wide, flooding in the corridor lights and temporarily blinding Yuki to death. "And not only myself..."

            The door opened even wider and revealed Ayame, Momiji, Haru, Shigure, Kisa, Hiro, Kagura and Hatori. They all had birthday hats and various party favors, determined to make as much noise as possible (with the exception of Hatori, who looked just as irate as Yuki felt).

            "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!" they screamed joyfully, all smiles. Yuki couldn't help but smile, although it was a little pained. Shame he couldn't really see straight...

            "Thanks, guys," he managed to mumble, trying to hide the overt tones of drunkenness in his speech and demeanor (without much success). Before he knew it, his cousins had picked him up off his cream-colored carpet and sat him properly on the couch again, sitting on either side of him to support him. His hands automatically flew to his head and he bent forward, his elbows on his knees. "Yeah...Happy birthday to me."

            "Got the party started a little too early, did we?" Shigure said bemusedly, eyeing the bottle of vodka on the coffee table.  Yuki groaned in response.

            "It's ridiculous to celebrate birthdays," he said simply, his head still in his hands. "Although I do appreciate the unannounced party."

            "It was Ayame's idea," Momiji said cheerfully, his arm around Yuki's shoulders. Yuki groaned again.

            "And you will find me not surprised," he said dryly. Ayame, who had until that moment been putting away his cell phone, dashed over to his younger brother with a winning smile on his face.

            "Wasn't it a big surprise?" he said proudly.

            "I'm pretty sure anyone would be surprised after midnight," Hatori said observantly, leaning against the wall adjacent to the door. His gaze met Yuki's as the young man attempted to sit up. "Happy birthday all the same, Yuki. You should probably drink some water to detoxify your system of all that alcohol."

            "Of course," he said simply. He leaned back into the couch as Haru sat on the coffee table in front of him.

            "Happy twenty-fifth," Haru said listlessly, although not unkindly. "What's it like to be a quarter of a century?"

            "Same as always."

            "Aww, Yuki, you're no fun," Kagura said playfully, giving him a nudge with her elbow. Well...a nudge in her terms, which gave him what felt like a bruised rib. He smiled weakly and managed to chuckle a little bit as everybody else laughed a little uneasily as well. Talk about not knowing your own strength...

            "Anyhow," Shigure said nervously, "I believe that there is one tradition in which none of us Sohma can ever deny in terms of birthdays, and that is..." Kisa stepped out from behind Shigure with a round, perfectly-decorated cake littered with twenty-five candles. Shigure smiled mischievously. "Everybody's favorite song—ready?"

            "HAAAAAAPPY BIIIIIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOU..." The family, with the exception of Hatori and Hiro, burst into song at five different pitches at full speed.

            "Save us," Hiro muttered. Everyone was so enraptured with the performance that nobody heard his plea. Yuki smiled, a real one denting his normally cool demeanor.

            Maybe he had started celebrating early...because he figured that he would not have anyone to celebrate with. But each year, unfailingly, his family—the Juunishi—always made sure that he would never have to spend his birthday alone. His soft violet eyes reflected the bright light of the candles, sparks of happiness very seldom seen on his face nowadays.

            "HAAAAAAPY BIIIIIRTHDAAAAAY TOOOO YOOOOOOOUUU!!!" The song was finished heartily, and all that he was left to do was to make a wish. And for so many years, he had had the same wish, over and over again. It was silly for him to even hope that a little birthday wish would come true...he knew that. There must be something else to wish for that would make him just as happy...

            "The wax is going to get into the frosting!" Momiji exclaimed, breaking Yuki out of his reverie. "Blow them out, Yuki, hurry up!"

            I wish...that I could forget all about her. That I would stop seeing traces of her everywhere, anywhere. That I would stop reliving the pain of losing her. It was the same wish as always...he smiled in a self-deprecating manner. I wish I could stop loving her.

            He blew the candles out, and everyone cheered.

*****

           Lying in bed, a tan hand haphazardly resting on her hip, Tohru looked at the clock with a small smile.  12:17am. She couldn't explain why, but she had stayed up, half-asleep, in anticipation for a party she had no part in. They were probably just finishing up the Birthday Song, and he was blowing out his candles. She remembered it so well—the way his pale face would flush with embarrassment at the sight of the fuss others had made for him, his quiet joy in seeing those he loved together for a happy occasion, even though he always complained of the hassle. The look in his eyes as he smiled at her, the flickering candles reflected in the dusky violet. Her heart did another funny turn—she had learned to ignore them now—and she stroked Kyou's hand absently.

            I hope he likes my cake. I wish I was there to enjoy it with him.

            Tohru turned slowly to face her husband, kissed him softly on the forehead, and fell asleep.

*****

end Chpt. 1.

Wow. So it took me two months to get myself to write the first chapter, but only one night to write it. Pretty lame, huh? :) Yes, I know, this story is starting off very ambiguously...and it's not too bad of a TohruxKyou fic, eh? Just kidding, it's still Yukiru, I promise. Anyhow...stick around for the next chapter, if you please, and I'd love to hear more reviews of this story. Thanks much!

-Kris (Limey)