Aoi to Kuroi
(Blue and Black)
A Recca no Honoo fanfic
By Tenshi no Ai
I do not own the premise of Recca no Honoo, nor its characters. I'm just a lowly fanfiction writer, after all...
Summary: Inside the Ishijima no Hana on a hot April day, an unexpected phone call raises more questions and unexperienced emotions than preferable.
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I like living.
It was strange, Aoi decided one April day while arranging flowers at the Ishijima no Hana. It was only a few weeks into the school year, and already the weather was promising many hot days ahead. He didn't mind, as there was a working air conditioner inside the flower shop, but it was still strange. Only a month ago there were still the remnants of winter. He remembered snow falling into his hair, and hot chocolate with his best friend. Spring, so far, only brought the promise of many nights of working alone and covering while Domon went out with Fuuko.
He decided that he liked winter better.
I never used to care about life or death as far as I was concerned--I killed, and if I failed I would die--and I certainly didn't care about living a life'. What was the point when death was always lingering around, ready to pounce on you at any moment?
As the A/C whirled to life, more for the flowers' sake rather than the humans who took care of them, a small smile danced along the former Shishiten's face. Deftly, he placed some Baby's Breath into the midst of his arrangement, marveling at how such a small flower could make an arrangement appear larger if placed right. When Ishijima-san had first shown him that, it had amazed him.
Simple things like that never ceased to amaze Aoi.
As an assassin--no, more than that, a Shiten--I had no qualms about death. Kill, or be killed. And since I was a toy made for only that purpose, I made sure that I was well versed in the killing game.
Aoi loved the silky feel of flower petals. There never seemed to be an oddly placed bump or scar along the skin of a petal. He looked down at his own hands. A bit larger than a girl's, his hands bore the marks of practice with all sorts of weapons: swords, knives, guns and plain hand-to-hand practice.
It really is a game. And I was just a mere pawn in it. My title meant nothing without the attention of the king. And Mori Kouran never cared about a toy such as me.
Lovingly, he gazed at the drops of water that clung to the calluses of his fingertips. In a slow, deliberate fashion, he wiped his hands off with the front of his apron. Under the apron he wore a white, short-sleeved shirt and bright red, baggy capris that reached down to his calves. He looked the part of a casual tomboy whose flower arrangements revealed a feminine side to the short hair and well-toned arms and legs.
I was a failure, after all.
With a sign he looked up from his latest botany masterpiece. Other than himself, there was only one other co-worker in the shop. Ishijima-san was upstairs in the family room, working on the bills for the month. Her son was in his room, playing video games. Kirisawa-san had forbade her daughter from further dating until her grades were up. As it was only the beginning of the year, things seemed bleak for Fuuko's, and therefore Domon's, dating life. Domon promised to wait as long as it took.
Aoi didn't really understand why waiting' would be a necessity to promise.
When I first attended school--a mission entrusted to me by my king'--I had my first glimpse of what living' meant. How painfully normal people actually existed in day-to-day circumstances, worrying about homework assignments or talking to someone they liked. These people could easily show that they were happy, or sad, or angry without dire repercussions.
Aoi liked working with Kasumi.
Heiwake Kasumi was a small girl with hair that looked like caramel over chocolate--that is, light brown hair that suddenly became nearly black as soon as it reached her cheekbones. She was a darling girl who loved flowers. Incidentally, she also liked Domon very much. She was Domon's tutor as well as Aoi's co-worker.
She often worked with Aoi while Domon was out with Fuuko, a small, secretive smile on her face as she worked on arrangements. Once, Aoi had asked her if she was sad or bitter about helping cover for Domon while he was out with another woman.
They lived.
But Kasumi merely smiled and said that she was also part of his life.
I didn't know that people could do such things on their own free will. It made me wonder, can I do that? Is it possible for even a pawn like me to live my own life?'
It was too bad, he thought, that Kasumi and himself did not share the same class. Kasumi was in 2-E with Domon and Fuuko, and he was in 2-F with Recca. Yanagi was in 2-A, and consequently it was also Recca's secondary class. Aoi visited Yanagi whenever he could, but he hated intruding on what he called his favorite couple'. He joined the group's lunches on the rooftop every time, though.
In the midst of the craziness, while Fuuko, Domon and Recca got into three-way fights; Mikagami--a rare guest indeed--would grimace and shake his head at their monkey antics' and Yanagi would happily much on whatever bread she bought at the canteen. While all of this would be going on Aoi would merely smile and enjoy family-like atmosphere.
I had my chance after my king' died. Finally I could live my own life. Odd words for a failure like me to think, that my life was mine to live. Hiruko once told me, a few years back, that there are always constraints in life. Even if you aren't controlled by a king, you will be bound by something else. Of course, he turned out to be right, but it doesn't matter now. I would much rather be bound to the people I love rather than a so-called king.
As Domon came downstairs at the end of Aoi's shift, the phone near the stairwell to the living quarters upstairs rang. Reflexively, a large hand engulfed the handle of the phone and thrust it up to a proportionally large ear. Hello, Ishijima no Hana, Domon politely answered. Aoi's attention turned to taking off his apron and giving one last despondent gaze around the empty store. The heat wave had scared off most prospective customers.
Hiruko understood that even more than I did. That's why he left Japan. He wanted to go back to the people he loved, the mother and father who cared enough to send him to Japan in the first place.
At the tone and wording of this exclamation Aoi turned towards Domon, mildly shocked before realizing that he must've been talking to Recca or someone equally worthy of teme'. The frown on the self-proclaimed Oni of the Hokage' was one of equal parts confusion and irritation, and he gave a small hn' to whoever was on the line.
That's why he left me.
Small black eyes caught large brown eyes. Yeah, she's here, he said in an almost kind manner before waving Aoi over and giving him the receiver, for you, he shrugged before going over to Kasumi and happily admiring her arrangement. Aoi stared at the cordless receiver in his hands before slowly putting it up to the left side of his face.
Hello, Kagura Aoi speaking.
But I still like living.
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The person on the other end of the phone said nothing, but merely sighed. Aoi could feel the weariness in that simple exhalation of breath. He often observed how tired people became while living their own life, and he wondered if he would ever tire of his own life.
[]
This mere word forced the breath out of Aoi's lungs. The voice was a mellow baritone, the word spoken with a stronger English accent than he remembered. It had only been about half a year since they had last spoken; why did it feel like years?
Forcing himself to be calm, Aoi quietly took in a deep breath and clutched the receiver tightly. Hello, Hiruko. It's been a while, he could say this without resentment because of their written correspondence, how are you?
[Fine. You?]
Of course Hiruko was fine, Aoi chided himself, he wouldn't call to say that something was wrong with him! Hiruko didn't care about himself enough to complain about his own woes. I'm fine.
There was nothing said for a long moment. Aoi wasn't a phone person, and Hiruko wasn't one for small talk. It was going to be a difficult conversation, the dark-haired boy bluntly told himself, then spoke slowly. Was there a reason you called? He then winced at how rude--wait, Hiruko wouldn't care about rude--how uncaring--Hiruko himself wasn't the most caring person in the world--how much he sounded like he wanted the conversation to be over. That was the complete opposite of how Aoi felt at that moment. I mean, aren't long-distance phone calls expensive?
[Since when are you the type to care about expenses?]
Hiruko sounded fairly mocking. Aoi grinned. That was perfect Hiruko. He could almost see that infamous smirk plastered on Hiruko's face as he questioned and bothered Aoi about anything and everything, just because the two were partners.
Partners.
Since we don't have an unlimited expense account to play with anymore, was Aoi's teasing remark back. He heard Hiruko grunt back, which meant that he found Aoi's remark amusing. Hiruko wasn't the type to actually laugh at smart remarks or jokes.
Aoi had heard Hiruko laugh exactly one time, before he joined the Ura Uruha.
It's hard to laugh when you're immersed in death.
[True. Well, I am working and making my own money.]
Aoi nodded. I remember. He did, too. Hiruko was working at his mother's office. His mother was a very competent businesswoman, completely ruthless to her rivals and often to her friends, as Aoi had heard. It was a quality that ran in Hiruko's blood as well, something Aoi observed over the years. So you decided to spend it by talking to your dearest friend, hm? He added a girlish lilt to his voice, making it even more feminine than it already was. He knew Hiruko would catch on this, as well as his word for friend'.
Tomodachi. Not nakama', like Hiruko liked to use.
[Are you still image-playing?]
A smirk spread on Aoi's gentle looking face. It's who I am now. Kagura Aoi, a high school junior and cute girl, he sighed and pushed away the bangs that covered the left side of his face, I rather like it. It feels...natural.
Hiruko said nothing for a long minute, making Aoi wonder if he had said something wrong. He had always known that Hiruko didn't care for Aoi's crossdressing, even if the boy in question actually liked it. And, he reasoned, with his hips, his voice, the delicate nature of his body, how could he be anything different than a young girl?
[I told my parents that you were a girl, so I don't care.]
Why would you tell your parents anything about me? Aoi questioned. He didn't think that he was really important to Hiruko's life now. After all, they had only been partners in spreading death to whoever opposed the top businessman of Japan. It didn't matter now.
--It wasn't because I was worried about a friend that I came--
Although...Aoi wanted it to, just a little bit. It was a little bit like separation anxiety, something he read about while in a bookstore. Something--someone--that was close to a person for a number of years that suddenly leaves...one is bound to have some feelings of missing, of wanting that thing--person--back. It was all very logical and understandable.
Both he and Hiruko were logical, understanding people.
There was another silent moment on the phone. It was beginning to get to Aoi. Rarely was Hiruko so...standoffish about something. Normally he would just tell Aoi something, and let the younger boy muse over it. Their relationship strove on blatant honesty and a general apathy for what others thought.
[I plan on staying here through summer.]
That long? The words toppled out of Aoi's mouth before he could stop them. He really didn't mean to say that.
[]
He answers more quickly to a question I didn't even mean to ask, Aoi thought in irritation.
End of summer. That was a while ahead. That was past the end of the first trimester. Past the sports festival in June. Past summer break. Past lots and lots of Yanagi and Recca's dates. Past nights of covering for Domon while he went to spend time with Fuuko.
And was he supposed to live in constant anxiety for Hiruko's return?
Why would he wait in anxiety for Hiruko's return?
Hiruko's just his partner...
Partner.
Aoi was beginning to hate that word.
You must be having a lot of fun in England, Aoi said conversationally, his bangs slipping from the side of his face to obscure half of the glare he was giving to the base of the phone.
Why was he feeling so...so...
[Actually, I was hoping you would come here for your summer break.]
Aoi froze. There were things wrong with that last sentence.
Hiruko was not the foolish, hoping type. Luck was one thing, hope was another.
He was asking Aoi to come over to England.
This was asked in a harsher tone than normal for the quiet, complacent boy.
[Thought you would like it here.]
And here was Hiruko thinking about others. About others and their feelings.
About his feelings.
Aoi slumped down into a sitting position on the floor, using the corridor wall to support his weight. I don't have the money, he said quietly, most of it goes to Ishijima-san for rent.
[Aoi, I'm buying your ticket.]
His name. He didn't remember the last time that his name had been uttered by Hiruko.
The whole conversation was beginning to get too weird for even Aoi to take. Alright, would you like me to find out when I get my break?
[It's not necessary right now.]
Aoi said again. He certainly couldn't think of anything else to say.
[Anyway, it's seven in the morning over here and I need to get ready for work. I'll send off my letter later today.]
Have a nice day, Hiruko, Aoi said quietly. There was a click, and the dial tone started sounding. Quietly, he rose from his sloppy sitting position, placed the receiver back in its cradle, and walked up the stairs to his room. It was small and practically void of decoration, but it had a futon and that was good enough for him. He laid down on the futon and stared blankly up at the ceiling.
He didn't understand.
Hiruko's call brought up so many feelings in him. Feelings that were something more than just he had ever remembered having for Hiruko.
Hiruko was just a mere ex-Shishiten, like himself. Just his constant partner.
Just...a friendly partner.
Certainly not a close friend, like Yanagi.
And definitely not anything more.
He thought of putting on the mask of Shishiten Aoi and just not care. Maybe that was the best reaction, to just not give in to the multitude of feelings tearing him up inside.
But he wanted to live, and Shishiten Aoi was not the gate to life. Kagura Aoi was. And at the moment, Kagura Aoi was confused. All the confusion led back to Hiruko.
He didn't understand why, but that made him feel like the anxiety was worth it.
Resignedly, Aoi closed his eyes and thought that maybe tomorrow he would talk to Yanagi and ask her what she thought. Yanagi, in her simplistic manner, could often dispense good advice by just saying what was in her mind. And, she always did have a calming effect on him.
Living, it seemed to him, meant to depend on others. He'd try that tomorrow.
Today, though, he'd just try to puzzle over Hiruko's behavior.
And maybe even his own.
-Owari-
I didn't think that I'd write a sister story to Aoi to Shiroi' anytime soon, but I just decided that I'd showcase more of Aoi-kun. Where are my books so I can do my notes this time...-I'm writing Hiruko as half-English, half-Japanese. This will become more clear in a future story, but for now I'm just going to say that, although Hiruko's name is written in kanji (leech' and lake'), the furigana next to it is in katakana. While this could mean an annoying number of things, I'm going to go basic and think it means that Hiruko is a foreigner--even if you're Japanese, if you're foreign-born your name may be spelt in katakana. (Ex. I've seen Hikaru Utada's name in both kanji and katakana, but mainly katakana. She is U.S. born.)
-'Image-playing' is something Hiruko accuses Aoi of doing in vol. 22. It's literally ima-ji pu-rei, and Hiruko states it makes him sick to see Aoi image-play as a high school girl. I like the original better than the translation dress up'.
-'It wasn't because I was worried about a friend that I came.' The original line is Nakama ga shinpai shite kite yatta no ni sore wa nai na.' It happens to be one of my favorite lines.
-'Nakama' does mean friend, but it also means partner' and colleague'. That doesn't imply a very friendly friendship', does it? Incidentally, when Aoi says nakama' to Recca during their fight, Sumeragi of Quasi-Translations has it translated as acquaintances' because the next word he says is tomodachi'. Huh...
And now, reviews!
Rhiannon, I'm so happy to see you still around! You must have me on Author Alert, or maybe it was just luck. I have a sneaking suspicion that anything I write you'll call nice. Sorry, sorry, I'll be around now. Anyway, how are you doing?
Mitsujr, hello! I was expecting this question, so I'll be happy to explain seeing as you know who Aoi is, and you were kind enough to review (although I wish you had left some comments about the story itself).
In volume 31, Recca fights Aoi. Before Recca gets into the fighting, he asks Aoi three questions: Has Hime joined with Mori yet?, What do you think about that? and finally, Are you a man? Woman? Your body...is it male?
Aoi responds with a question, asking, Since I wore a skirt to school, don't you know?
Recca says, I see! and then decks Aoi across the face.
Under even harsh circumstances, Recca would never hit a girl. He didn't hit Kagerou and he didn't hit Fuuko. In his fight with Menou, he felt bad just for cutting her hair. I don't remember how the Neon-Miki fight went, but I do remember it was Mikagami who hit Miki. Recca ran from Kirin when she and Rasen ambushed him and Yanagi at school. Anyway, because of this trait, the fact that he hit Aoi and proceeds to punch him a couple more times during their fight suggests that Aoi is, in fact, male. I hope that clears up that question.
