Title: 3 parts boredom, 2 parts planning, 1 part luck
Author: Caroiunia
Categories: Attempted Humor, Romance
Pairings: R/S, M/C
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Star Trek and all related ideas are the property (read hostages) of Paramount. I'm just playing around.
Archive: Just ask
Summary: When nobody is trying to destroy the Enterprise or its crew, Jon comes up with some of his own diversions, with the aid of his two trusty sidekicks.
Author's Note: This idea keep on nagging me, even though I haven't watched Enterprise in ages. Some mild sexual references. Very mild.
Jonathan Archer, captain of the star ship Enterprise, was bored. The first captain to be sent out on a mission of exploration, who had initiated countless first contacts, who had averts many diplomatic disasters, who had discovered things man never knew existed, was bored.
This was not a good thing.
He had read in some book or something that the crew follow their captain not only in their action, but in their morale. A bored captain was not good for morale.
The ship's library was exhausted of good literature. (Who's idea was it anyway to bring Shakespeare but not JK Rowling?) Movies should only be viewed on a big screen. The little display in his quarters ruined them. Porthos was tired from getting so many walks around the ship. He could tell that T'Pol was getting tired of his mindless wandering around the bridge. She had raised many eyebrows telling him so. He was getting kind of tired of the first contacts. They followed a predictable pattern: meet people, fight people, make peace or retreat.
There was nothing else to do now. They were on their course to a planet that the Vulcans had suggested might be "interesting" to Starfleet. (Was probably a desert. Or had man eating plants.) Either way, the Vulcans were probably laughing at them right now.
Just then, Hoshi entered his ready room.
"Captain, there's mail for you," she said, procuring two data chips from her box.
"Thanks Hoshi," Jon said, trying to sound sincere to the person who had just given him a whole lot of paperwork from Starfleet.
"No problem," she said, as she left the room and began her rounds.
Jon looked at the orange chip, and then the green one. Which one should he choose first? He closed his eyes and began to murmur: "Eeeny Meeny Miny Mo…" He opened his eyes to find his index finger pointing at the orange one. He picked it up, held it in his hand as if hoping by diffusion; the information would seep into him, and then put up the green chip into the computer.
The screen briefly displayed the standard Starfleet logo before beginning.
"Ohh, darn it, how do you work these things? What do you mean it's on? Alright young man, but you better be right." Archer smiled as he saw his Aunt Mae, a feisty woman of 55 years. "Hel-lo Jon-a-than. Whaddaua mean that we can speak normally?" She said to the figure to her side. She sighed. "Hello Jon. Remember me? Your auntie Mae? Remember coming to my house during the summers when you were a little boy? I recall that you used to love running around naked," Jon hoped that Hoshi hadn't seen any of this, "and that you used to eat all of the ice cream! Ahh, those were the days. But enough of that. Jon, honey, your Auntie Susan wasn't able to come today, she's busy tossin' her cookies. So she wanted me to just send you a message saying that you won't have your inheritance just yet.
"Well, since Susie obviously hasn't been doing this, I will get you up to speed on the latest gossip. You know Margaret and Thomas? Well, they…" Jon listened intently to the rather long message, sometimes laughing at his Aunt and sometimes at her victims. She was a true matchmaker in her community.
The messaged ended too soon. He found himself quite jovial for the first time in days.
That's when he realised how to spend his idle hours. People of the Enterprise, beware.
But first, he needed his two trusty sidekicks. He set off to his quarters and then towards engineering.
…
"That is one of the stupidest ideas I've ever heard!" exclaimed the chief engineer. "Ya mean that ya took me away from my modifications 'cause ya want to stir up some gossip!"
The captain looked sheepishly down at the ground. This was not the response he had expected. Jon expected his best friend to join in his evil schemes. But no, Trip had to be reasonable. But there was still a chance.
"Did you say modifications Trip? I thought that I had said you couldn't make those modifications until we docked at the next starport…"
"Well, um, ya see, well…" Charles Tucker III stumbled over his words, "I thought that since we hadn't, well, ya know…"
"It's OK. But you see, sometimes it doesn't hurt to bend the rules, if its for the good of the crew."
Trip saw this viewpoint as a revelation, and stood quiet.
"OK, fine. I'll help ya. But what exactly are we going to do?"
"Haven't figured that out yet," the Achilles heel of the captain's plan was showing, "Rather hoping that you could help me with that."
Trip smiled at his friend while searching his mind for ideas.
"Haven't a clue about how to start this. Hey, how about I go up to the bridge and check on the glitch in Hoshi's panel and then we head to lunch."
Jonathan Archer sighed and accepted the plan. At least they had some sort of plan.
…
For more spell binding antics, keep on reading!
