Before I start this chapter thank you to Even who pointed out a mistake in my Latin translation. I tried to write words that wouldn't have a double meaning but I missed that one. Thanx again. Now on 2 the fic.(thanx r in the next chapter)

Chapter 4: Consoling

The first thing Angel noticed when he woke up was that someone else was in the room. He turned his head to the side and was surprised to see two people. Hmm. My senses must be starting to dull. (A/N: I decided to start writing Angel's thoughts in italics...sorry 4 any confusion) There stood Cordelia and Wesley talking quietly. Angel could tell that neither of them had noticed he was awake so he stayed quiet. He could just make out snatches of their conversation and he wasn't liking what he was hearing.

..buffy..force him.

.no, wait till she decides what to do..can't pressure either of them...heaven....upset.

..dying...must save him...Buffy..dead...help her..sad...insane...trap...Angel...leave.

Angel could make out all of this in his slightly delirious state. The basic gist of it was that they were going to see if Buffy would donate her blood and they would force him to drink. The only thing he couldn't understand was about the trap. Oh, well that didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was Buffy getting hurt. They were the selfish ones now. They were going to hurt his precious darling and they were going to use him to hurt her. He couldn't believe his ears. He must be delirious. On the other hand if he did die then Buffy could go insane, but he just didn't think that his slayer could go mad. Break down, yes, heck even try to destroy him, but never in a million years did he think she would break down. Could she? He must have made a sound of distress because Cordelia stopped in the middle of her sentence. She hurriedly whispered to Wesley and they both went outside. His head was clearing and so were his senses. He could here them both in the lobby. He wasn't going to let them or Buffy try to save him. He was going to die but they weren't going to know about it. Yes that's right. They would just believe something else entirely. So he quickly got up and started around the room. He searched for a piece of paper and a pen. He wrote letters to each of them, telling them not to worry and that he had had a guide come to him in a dream, delaying his demise, and showing his path to his cure. Indeed when he had slept one of the dead oracles had come to him saying that his shanshu was about to come true but he had to find the way. He couldn't see how this was possible at all. Since he refused to drink Buffy's blood and no one had ever found another cure how could he expect to be cured? So he continued with his letters to his "family" each one more painful then the last as the realization that he would never get to see these people again sunk in. He would never see them move on, marry, have kids. He would never see them age and eyes shine with wisdom and youth when their skin was pale and their hair gray. So when he came to Buffy's letter he paused but then continued. He worked for several minutes agonizing over the final copy but was finally able to figure out what to say. It went like this..

My dearest Buffy,

From the day we first met up to this very second, I have loved you. In fact, I have loved you from the moment I have set my unworthy eyes on you in this City of Angels. How ironic huh? But of course everything is ironic when it comes to us? When we had our first kiss, we knew our love was doomed. How could it not be? We were both slaves to our emotions. Our night of blissful lovemaking was turned against us into heartbreaking experience that can never be forgotten. I never blamed you for.displacing me to destroy Acathla. In fact, I was always proud of you for that feat. It tore me apart to come back and to see that you had moved on, but then I saw that you really hadn't. When the first came and tried to destroy me you saved me. You saved my heart, my soul, you saved me from forgetting that I had to fight although it was painful. The predicament with Faith only strengthened our bond and though I believe that it has had its high's and lows, it has still held strong. When your mother came to me and told me that I couldn't, shouldn't be with you it made me realize a few things. Don't be angry, she helped me open my eyes and see what a mistake I was making. Forcing you to stay out of the light, and so I tried to make you stay away. To keep my emotions at a distance. Prom came and we broke up. You didn't understand though. When you said that you wanted your life to be with me and I said I don't, I meant that I didn't want you're life to be with me. I will always love you. When graduation came and then the poison, like now, forced me to drink from you it showed me the end of your demise if I stayed. I didn't want you to get hurt. There were the other incidences with Faith and Riley. Faith was just trying to reconcile and although you may not understand that she is still trying now. You should go see her again. Riley's gone so I won't talk about him although I have an undeniable feeling that I screwed that up too. Don't think about me if I don't make the journey. Although I have high hopes that, I will come back. I will always be there for you. Just like at your mother's funeral. She's still watching over you now. I know she loves you and just wants what's best for you. I will always love you and I want you to move on if I don't come back. Please, you don't have to forget about me or our love, but try to live. Remember our love. I will. Proumquam, ut est universitas cuspis.

Semper, Angel

Angel finished his letter and sealed it in an envelope. He left the other ones on his desk and packed a small bag of essential items that he needed. He had changed his mind as he had written the letter. No longer was he going to die. He was going to find the cure if it was the last thing he ever did on this earth..and it might as well be. With new determination, he honed his senses to find where Buffy was. He went throughout the hotel hearing some voices in the lobby. He stopped and his senses told him to go to a room down the corridor. He paused before the door and then opened it as quietly as he could. He saw his blond beauty sleeping quietly where someone had gently set her down. He put the letter on her pillow and gently kissed her forehead. He turned to her window, which was conveniently located right next to a fire escape. He climbed out of it and turned once to take another look at his beloved. He didn't notice her stirring as he turned around. He only said one thing to her.

"May venia exsisto vestri rector quod spes fulsi in vestri vita. Bonus nox noctis meus carus. EGO mos usquequaque diligo vos." With that he turned and went quickly down the fire escape leaving his love forever. He walked a few blocks when suddenly a fist came flying at him and hit him in the face. Emotional stress, physical pain, and his barley conscious state made him black out. A figure stepped out into the streetlights clutching a letter. Remains of tears could be seen in tracks on her face and she started to tear up again.

"I'm sorry Angel but you can't leave. Not when I love you so much."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rough translations from Latin to English (I tried to find a Gaelic translator but I couldn't find one):

Proumquam, ut est universitas cuspis -Forever, that's the whole point.

Semper -Always.

May venia exsisto vestri rector quod spes fulsi in vestri vita. Bonus nox noctis meus carus. EGO mos usquequaque diligo vos. - May grace be your guide and hope shine in your life. Good night my beloved. I will always love you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So.what do you think? I myself believe that this is my best chapter yet. It's also very long for me, which makes me happy! I believe Drusilla must have eaten someone with speed in their veins. (Drusilla is my muse/alter ego who is incredibly insane) I swear, two chapters in one night? Actually 4 hours? ::Shakes head incredulously:: Oh well, maybe I'll take a tiny break now. I might have to start using my brain for stuff like school. ::Shudder:: Chow 4 now!