Disclaimer: If you've read the past few chapters then you know they're not
mine 'cause do you think the networks would allow this? Nope.
A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't updated but I have sooooooo many tests 'cause of the break coming up and it was a really busy week. Thanks to whomever responded to my rant and everyone who reviewed the last chapter of this story. Also, anyone who reads the New Case that story will be updated either next weekend or this depending if I get time, but not during the week. I'm going to take down the first apology 2.
Dedication: My English teacher ('cause that's what I'm in right now), Kit, Queen Boadicea, and SaffronAngel(I'll read your stories today). Thanx 4 raising my spirits guys!
And on to the fic!
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Chapter 7: Fear
Fear.. That's all Angel felt and could feel. Fear of hurting Buffy, fear of loosing control, fear that he would give into his demon. It consumed him. His every thought was morbid and dark. Thoughts about blood and pain. Pain that he would cause. They had all found out researching for any other way to save him that he had to drink directly from Buffy and he had to take a lot of blood. This thought of blood led to other dark thoughts of fear. He felt like a little child in his bed at night, afraid that the monsters would grab him if he moved or tried to get out of bed. Monsters. He was one of them and he was still scared. Why did I ever agree to this? Angel shifted in the bed. I bet I can still leave if I ran. I know it would hurt Buffy but I could hurt her physically, maybe even kill her! Then I could move on to killing the rest of my family. Reveling in their pain. No! I wouldn't do that! I couldn't! I just..don't want to hurt anyone. Angels brooding about what could happen if something went wrong was cut short as Fred entered the room. He met her eyes and what he saw there surprised him. He saw compassion and an undeniable deep feeling of sadness. Why should she feel compassion for him? A monster. Even if he wasn't a monster she still only new him for a few weeks. Could he really do that much to a person to make her feel for him? Not romantically but in a way that a sister would feel. I don't deserve compassion. Angel thought bitterly. Also, she was sad. Sadness he didn't understand. He continued to ponder over her and almost missed it when she started to speak.
"I'm sorry Angel." Angel blinked in surprise.
"What do you have to be sorry for?" Angel didn't mean it harshly but he truly didn't understand what she was sorry for. Fred shifted uncomfortably.
"Well..If you hadn't spent your time saving me in Pylea then you could have saved Buffy. I'm also sorry that you have to go through this." Angel quickly understood that she felt guilty and was quick to reassure her.
"Fred it wasn't your fault and don't ever think that! Buffy and I understand that we are in a dangerous business and that there are casualties even though we wish that we all could be safe. You're not just business either! You're a good friend and I can see that you'll be a wonderful ally if you decide to stay with us. Don't worry about Buffy and I. We'll be fine.." The change in Fred's eyes was extraordinary. Suddenly Angel was staring in bright and happy eyes with only a slight hint of worry. She jumped forward quickly and wrapped Angel up in a tight hug. Angel hugged her fiercely back once he got his bearings and then let go. Fred stepped back awkwardly and looked at her thumbs.
"Sorry Angel but It's just that I never had many friends before. You're like a brother to me now and I would hate to loose you." Angel caught her eyes.
"Don't be." Fred gave a small smile of her own.
"The rest of the guys are out there waiting for their turn so I won't keep them waiting." With a happier presence then which she came in with Fred left the room and Gunn entered.
"Hey man. Look, there are a few things I need to get off my chest before anything goes down. I know we never had the best start but I really appreciate everything that you did for me. You're a great man. When Lan..Lan..when my sister was turned you where there for me even though I didn't want you to be. That in itself is a debt that I still owe you. Even when I treated you like dirt you treated me with respect. Basically I owe you." Gunn stopped and waited for Angel to say something. Angel sat there for a little while just pondering. Then he spoke.
"You are one of the best men I have ever met and that's saying a lot because I have met a good amount of men in my life time. You are courageous, loyal, and one hell of a fighter." Gunn chuckled and then waited for Angel to continue. "With Lana....I just wished we didn't have to kill her and that I could have been their sooner. You owe me no debt for anything. I treated you with respect because you deserved it, I don't." Angel could see Gunn was going to protest but Angel stopped him. "If you do want to repay me somehow..then I'm going to ask you for a favor. If something goes wrong then I want you to kill me. Buffy can't because it would destroy her, Cordelia couldn't, Wesley couldn't, and neither can Fred, but I know that you would be able to. I know it might be hard but I want you to. Can you do that?" Gunn looked down at the ground before answering.
"Of course man. Although I wish it doesn't have to come to that." Angel looked back solemnly.
"So do I." Gunn shifted from foot to foot as Angel stared at him.
"Well man. Wesley's probably got his tweed panties in a bunch so I'm gonna leave. I really hope that everything goes alright." Gunn walked forward and shakes Angel's hand. "No matter what you may think. You are a great man." Angel smiled. He knew that Gunn would be able to live up to his word.
"Thanks." With restored good feelings between them Gunn left the room and a certain British man entered.
"Well, Angel. What can I say? You believed in me and my skills when no one else would. In the beginning I know that I wasn't as....respectful to you as I am now. I do realize that something may happen although I wish with all of my being that it does not. No matter what you may think you are a great man and I wish you the best of luck." Angel studied the watcher amusedly.
"That's the second person who called me a great man today. Pretty soon I'm going to blush even though I have no circulation." Then Angel became serious. "You had and still have all the right not to respect me. Most of my actions aren't that respectful. I know that you realize that something might go wrong and if something does I want you to be able to stand strong. I already asked Gunn to stake me if my alter-ego may return." Angel could see Wesley let out a sigh of relief. He obviously didn't want to have to stake one of his best friends. *I wouldn't want to either.* ".so I'm asking you to stay strong emotionally if something happens. I don't think that either of the others will be able to."
"Of course Angel, I will do everything in my power, though, so that we don't have to resort to that. I always will respect you if I haven't before. I would never have been able to ask someone to stop me if I was turned." He turned to leave and Angel smiled. *Another person with better feelings between us.* Wesley turned around and Angel listened to his parting remark.
"Even though some of your alter-ego's actions and your human actions may not have been all that respectable. *Your* actions have never been anything but remarkable." Wesley turned around and exited. Cordelia entered just a second later.
"Gosh. There is so much I want to say to you but I can't even put it into words. How do you tell someone that they have been the best friend or rather brother that they've ever had? Or that someone believed in you and your strength when no one else would. Or that a person has always been there for you when they were needed most." Cordelia stopped and took in a shaky breath. "How do you tell someone that you love them and that you would do anything for them? How do you tell someone that you're terrified that they'll die or worse? How do you tell someone that you're happy that you have another chance with the person they love? How do you tell anything to the most remarkable person alive?" Cordelia wasn't able to speak as tears cascaded in rivers down her face. Angel beckoned for her to come closer and she sat on the bed. He engulfed her in a huge bear hug and held her as she sobbed her heart out.
"We still don't know if anything will go wrong so don't worry about that. You yourself are a remarkable person who risen whatever obstacles were put in her way. You're a sister to me. I never had a sister until mine was killed. By me which is slightly ironic. I probably loved her most out of my family which is how I feel about you. I will always believe in you and I'm happy that you gave Buffy and I your blessing. You don't realize how much that means to me. I love you sis." Cordelia sat back wiping tears off her face.
"How do you know exactly what to say?" Angel wiped some tears off her face and hugged her again.
"What can I say? It's a gift." Cordelia laughed through her tears. Not a small laugh but a joyous one not restricted with grief.
"For my sake and for Buffy's don't screw this up! Okay?" Angel laughed as her her usual self shined through. Nothing could hold her back. He just wished that she would stay the same if something happened. Cordelia looked at him in mock annoyance.
"Do you think I'm kidding mister?" She poked his chest. "This is serious!" She seemed to deflate a little and the worry was back in her eyes. "They told me to tell you that we are going to stay in the lobby with you and that we were going to do this soon." Angel looked at her nervously. Cordelia saw this and tried to delay his pain. "Do you want to talk to Buffy first?" Angel shook his head.
"No we talked before and if I talked to her I wouldn't be able to go through with it." Cordelia nodded and helped him get out of bed. They walked down to the lobby where everyone else was waiting. He connected eyes with everyone and then he saw that Buffy was missing.
"Where's Buffy?"
"I'm right here." Buffy entered from the office with a book in her hand. She gave it to Angel without looking him in the eye. "It's for after. I want you to read it." Angel nodded, handed the book to Cordelia and looked Buffy directly in the eye. Nothing else was said between them for a few minutes. He examined her expressive green eyes and realized that anything that needed to be said they had already said to each other. He had written his letter before and anything that she wanted to say that she didn't she told with her eyes. After they were done they nodded simultaneously and looked at the rest of the group. The group spread out to the corners of the room and Angel saw that all the furniture was pushed out of the way and there were pillows and a mattress set up in the middle. The rest of the group turned around as if they were interrupting something personal. Angel felt a sense of De JA Vu for the second time since Buffy's return. She looked back at him and took his hand. He squeezed it and they walked to the center of the room. Buffy turned around in front of Angel and looked up at him. He looked at her for another moment and watched her expression as his face changed. She didn't flinch and slid one hand over his rigged eyebrow, down his bumpy features, across his golden eyes, over his exposed fangs, and finally settled it by her side. He slid his hands around her waste and she picked her arms up and put her arms around his shoulders. Angel bent down to her lips and kissed them once. He placed light kisses over her face and down to her throat. He pushed her hair back and kissed her neck and then softly bit into her skin. He felt a slight resistance before a warm liquid entered his mouth and then he drank.
I know you probably hate me right now for stopping right there but I want to save what happens for the next chapter. It describes what they see and feel. Tell me what you thought of this chapter! Gosh I'm tired. Damn tennis drills. I hope you liked this! Chow 4 now! ~Crystal/ the insane one (he he he crysta)
A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't updated but I have sooooooo many tests 'cause of the break coming up and it was a really busy week. Thanks to whomever responded to my rant and everyone who reviewed the last chapter of this story. Also, anyone who reads the New Case that story will be updated either next weekend or this depending if I get time, but not during the week. I'm going to take down the first apology 2.
Dedication: My English teacher ('cause that's what I'm in right now), Kit, Queen Boadicea, and SaffronAngel(I'll read your stories today). Thanx 4 raising my spirits guys!
And on to the fic!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 7: Fear
Fear.. That's all Angel felt and could feel. Fear of hurting Buffy, fear of loosing control, fear that he would give into his demon. It consumed him. His every thought was morbid and dark. Thoughts about blood and pain. Pain that he would cause. They had all found out researching for any other way to save him that he had to drink directly from Buffy and he had to take a lot of blood. This thought of blood led to other dark thoughts of fear. He felt like a little child in his bed at night, afraid that the monsters would grab him if he moved or tried to get out of bed. Monsters. He was one of them and he was still scared. Why did I ever agree to this? Angel shifted in the bed. I bet I can still leave if I ran. I know it would hurt Buffy but I could hurt her physically, maybe even kill her! Then I could move on to killing the rest of my family. Reveling in their pain. No! I wouldn't do that! I couldn't! I just..don't want to hurt anyone. Angels brooding about what could happen if something went wrong was cut short as Fred entered the room. He met her eyes and what he saw there surprised him. He saw compassion and an undeniable deep feeling of sadness. Why should she feel compassion for him? A monster. Even if he wasn't a monster she still only new him for a few weeks. Could he really do that much to a person to make her feel for him? Not romantically but in a way that a sister would feel. I don't deserve compassion. Angel thought bitterly. Also, she was sad. Sadness he didn't understand. He continued to ponder over her and almost missed it when she started to speak.
"I'm sorry Angel." Angel blinked in surprise.
"What do you have to be sorry for?" Angel didn't mean it harshly but he truly didn't understand what she was sorry for. Fred shifted uncomfortably.
"Well..If you hadn't spent your time saving me in Pylea then you could have saved Buffy. I'm also sorry that you have to go through this." Angel quickly understood that she felt guilty and was quick to reassure her.
"Fred it wasn't your fault and don't ever think that! Buffy and I understand that we are in a dangerous business and that there are casualties even though we wish that we all could be safe. You're not just business either! You're a good friend and I can see that you'll be a wonderful ally if you decide to stay with us. Don't worry about Buffy and I. We'll be fine.." The change in Fred's eyes was extraordinary. Suddenly Angel was staring in bright and happy eyes with only a slight hint of worry. She jumped forward quickly and wrapped Angel up in a tight hug. Angel hugged her fiercely back once he got his bearings and then let go. Fred stepped back awkwardly and looked at her thumbs.
"Sorry Angel but It's just that I never had many friends before. You're like a brother to me now and I would hate to loose you." Angel caught her eyes.
"Don't be." Fred gave a small smile of her own.
"The rest of the guys are out there waiting for their turn so I won't keep them waiting." With a happier presence then which she came in with Fred left the room and Gunn entered.
"Hey man. Look, there are a few things I need to get off my chest before anything goes down. I know we never had the best start but I really appreciate everything that you did for me. You're a great man. When Lan..Lan..when my sister was turned you where there for me even though I didn't want you to be. That in itself is a debt that I still owe you. Even when I treated you like dirt you treated me with respect. Basically I owe you." Gunn stopped and waited for Angel to say something. Angel sat there for a little while just pondering. Then he spoke.
"You are one of the best men I have ever met and that's saying a lot because I have met a good amount of men in my life time. You are courageous, loyal, and one hell of a fighter." Gunn chuckled and then waited for Angel to continue. "With Lana....I just wished we didn't have to kill her and that I could have been their sooner. You owe me no debt for anything. I treated you with respect because you deserved it, I don't." Angel could see Gunn was going to protest but Angel stopped him. "If you do want to repay me somehow..then I'm going to ask you for a favor. If something goes wrong then I want you to kill me. Buffy can't because it would destroy her, Cordelia couldn't, Wesley couldn't, and neither can Fred, but I know that you would be able to. I know it might be hard but I want you to. Can you do that?" Gunn looked down at the ground before answering.
"Of course man. Although I wish it doesn't have to come to that." Angel looked back solemnly.
"So do I." Gunn shifted from foot to foot as Angel stared at him.
"Well man. Wesley's probably got his tweed panties in a bunch so I'm gonna leave. I really hope that everything goes alright." Gunn walked forward and shakes Angel's hand. "No matter what you may think. You are a great man." Angel smiled. He knew that Gunn would be able to live up to his word.
"Thanks." With restored good feelings between them Gunn left the room and a certain British man entered.
"Well, Angel. What can I say? You believed in me and my skills when no one else would. In the beginning I know that I wasn't as....respectful to you as I am now. I do realize that something may happen although I wish with all of my being that it does not. No matter what you may think you are a great man and I wish you the best of luck." Angel studied the watcher amusedly.
"That's the second person who called me a great man today. Pretty soon I'm going to blush even though I have no circulation." Then Angel became serious. "You had and still have all the right not to respect me. Most of my actions aren't that respectful. I know that you realize that something might go wrong and if something does I want you to be able to stand strong. I already asked Gunn to stake me if my alter-ego may return." Angel could see Wesley let out a sigh of relief. He obviously didn't want to have to stake one of his best friends. *I wouldn't want to either.* ".so I'm asking you to stay strong emotionally if something happens. I don't think that either of the others will be able to."
"Of course Angel, I will do everything in my power, though, so that we don't have to resort to that. I always will respect you if I haven't before. I would never have been able to ask someone to stop me if I was turned." He turned to leave and Angel smiled. *Another person with better feelings between us.* Wesley turned around and Angel listened to his parting remark.
"Even though some of your alter-ego's actions and your human actions may not have been all that respectable. *Your* actions have never been anything but remarkable." Wesley turned around and exited. Cordelia entered just a second later.
"Gosh. There is so much I want to say to you but I can't even put it into words. How do you tell someone that they have been the best friend or rather brother that they've ever had? Or that someone believed in you and your strength when no one else would. Or that a person has always been there for you when they were needed most." Cordelia stopped and took in a shaky breath. "How do you tell someone that you love them and that you would do anything for them? How do you tell someone that you're terrified that they'll die or worse? How do you tell someone that you're happy that you have another chance with the person they love? How do you tell anything to the most remarkable person alive?" Cordelia wasn't able to speak as tears cascaded in rivers down her face. Angel beckoned for her to come closer and she sat on the bed. He engulfed her in a huge bear hug and held her as she sobbed her heart out.
"We still don't know if anything will go wrong so don't worry about that. You yourself are a remarkable person who risen whatever obstacles were put in her way. You're a sister to me. I never had a sister until mine was killed. By me which is slightly ironic. I probably loved her most out of my family which is how I feel about you. I will always believe in you and I'm happy that you gave Buffy and I your blessing. You don't realize how much that means to me. I love you sis." Cordelia sat back wiping tears off her face.
"How do you know exactly what to say?" Angel wiped some tears off her face and hugged her again.
"What can I say? It's a gift." Cordelia laughed through her tears. Not a small laugh but a joyous one not restricted with grief.
"For my sake and for Buffy's don't screw this up! Okay?" Angel laughed as her her usual self shined through. Nothing could hold her back. He just wished that she would stay the same if something happened. Cordelia looked at him in mock annoyance.
"Do you think I'm kidding mister?" She poked his chest. "This is serious!" She seemed to deflate a little and the worry was back in her eyes. "They told me to tell you that we are going to stay in the lobby with you and that we were going to do this soon." Angel looked at her nervously. Cordelia saw this and tried to delay his pain. "Do you want to talk to Buffy first?" Angel shook his head.
"No we talked before and if I talked to her I wouldn't be able to go through with it." Cordelia nodded and helped him get out of bed. They walked down to the lobby where everyone else was waiting. He connected eyes with everyone and then he saw that Buffy was missing.
"Where's Buffy?"
"I'm right here." Buffy entered from the office with a book in her hand. She gave it to Angel without looking him in the eye. "It's for after. I want you to read it." Angel nodded, handed the book to Cordelia and looked Buffy directly in the eye. Nothing else was said between them for a few minutes. He examined her expressive green eyes and realized that anything that needed to be said they had already said to each other. He had written his letter before and anything that she wanted to say that she didn't she told with her eyes. After they were done they nodded simultaneously and looked at the rest of the group. The group spread out to the corners of the room and Angel saw that all the furniture was pushed out of the way and there were pillows and a mattress set up in the middle. The rest of the group turned around as if they were interrupting something personal. Angel felt a sense of De JA Vu for the second time since Buffy's return. She looked back at him and took his hand. He squeezed it and they walked to the center of the room. Buffy turned around in front of Angel and looked up at him. He looked at her for another moment and watched her expression as his face changed. She didn't flinch and slid one hand over his rigged eyebrow, down his bumpy features, across his golden eyes, over his exposed fangs, and finally settled it by her side. He slid his hands around her waste and she picked her arms up and put her arms around his shoulders. Angel bent down to her lips and kissed them once. He placed light kisses over her face and down to her throat. He pushed her hair back and kissed her neck and then softly bit into her skin. He felt a slight resistance before a warm liquid entered his mouth and then he drank.
I know you probably hate me right now for stopping right there but I want to save what happens for the next chapter. It describes what they see and feel. Tell me what you thought of this chapter! Gosh I'm tired. Damn tennis drills. I hope you liked this! Chow 4 now! ~Crystal/ the insane one (he he he crysta)
