Disclaimer: ::blink:: You have got to be kidding me.

A/N: Thanx once again to all who responded about the flame (especially anonymus who didn't want to be the voice of wisdom but was anyway). A sequel for this story is in the works (in my head of course)! This is going to be the last really angsty chapter and then it has minimal fluff from there! (I don't like stories w/2 much fluff-as my friend Crysta put it- running in the meadows picking flowers.) There will be at least 3-8 more chapters. This chapter also holds some buffy p.o.v.

A/N 2: This story won't be updated until next year because right after Christmas we're going to Disney World (YAY!) and I probably won't have time 2 update. I'm really sorry! I wish you all a happy and safe holiday! Please remember to not drink and drive (if your of the age or under). We were shown crash pic's of drunk drivers hitting pedestrians today in health and they made me sick to my stomach so please keep safe, smart and have a great holiday!

A/N 3: (I know don't you all hate me by now?) I'm sorry but I forgot to mention major apologies to all who read the new case but that won't be updated till next year either because I'm really tired and I MIGHT write only a little of ch.3 tom. Ok!

And on to the fic. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 7: Memories



First, all Buffy could feel was pain. It seeped through her pores and down into her nervous system and into her muddled mind. It was screaming through her blood and all she could feel was fire and ice slicing through her veins. A fatal fire that could destroy cities and whole worlds; burning them to an ash. *Ashes, Ashes we all fall down....* Buffy thought bitterly. *Down is the only place we can go....down..down...down.* Buffy's head lolled to the side as the fire was quenched and freezing rain that turned into a deadly ice came pounding down on her from every direction. Every where she tried to turn it would sting her eyes and rip at her skin. There was no way out of the storm. She had to get out! She would die! Die all alone..but death was good wasn't it? Wasn't it where she was happy? No, she wasn't happy. That was also why she came back. It wasn't just for...for...who was she trying to save? She couldn't remember.

Nameless faces passed by her in rows. Sad, happy, terrified, joyous, angry, complete, screaming faces. She knew them, yet she didn't. None of it made sense. She was being ripped apart! She was going to die like this. Alone with no one to care, no one to remember. Remember what? Then they came pouring back. All of her memories of time long forgotten. Time seemed to slow for each second and she was living time backwards.

She was older..22 she guessed. She saw herself in a handsome mans arms crying. Why was she so sad? Then 21 and with a young girl crying and herself, stone faced as she lifted a sheet off a table with someone underneath. A woman lay underneath with blond hair and a sweet face. Someone who cared. Then she was 20 and joking around with some friends about a..demon? Too late, she was back to 19 with a young man kissing happily in the bright sun. Yet, she didn't seem complete as if she couldn't, wouldn't give herself to this man completely. 18 came and she was standing in front of a gigantic demon, taunting it. Soon she saw a girl her age. She saw herself fight with the girl and then stab her. She saw the look of hurt, betrayal, and pride in the girl's eyes. *She wanted me to stop her.* Buffy realized. *She didn't like the way she was, what she had become. Faith...that was her name. My soul sister.*

Then she was 17 in the arms of her love consummating their relationship. The two seemed happier then any other people she had seen. It was heart- wrenching that they had no idea what to come. She tried to warn them but then she was 16 sitting in the library with an older man, a young redhead, and a dark haired young man. They all seemed so very happy. Untouched by the darkness that would plague their lives. Untouched by fear, doubt and insecurities. Untouched by the pain of heartbreak and by bad choices. Untouched mostly by the darkness that would consume their lives in a few short years. Years that seemed like decades at the same time.

She wanted to protect their innocence and happiness but she was too late. Another year passed and she was 15. She saw herself kill her first vampire and when she was called. She went through all the rest of her years, grieving over lost innocence. She saw herself at 12 and her first kiss. 9 and getting her braces on. 4 and she could tie her shoes. 2 and she could walk. 1 and she said her first word. Each year she was happier. She was happy in her innocence of the future and what it held. She lived through her baby months and then there was a short darkness as she switched to another, earlier, life.

She lived countless ages and lived through different people all of them girls. Not just ordinary girls but powerful girls. In other words they were slayers. She saw their lives, their deaths, and their every thought. Each of them had painful lives with painful histories. Most of the chosen were forgotten in the sands of time. Buffy saw how they each mourned to be remembered, to live on in spirit. She went backwards into time. She saw history being created, being destroyed. She saw civilizations rise and then fall into the abyss. She saw people die and people live. She saw democracy, progress, inventions, art, music, writing, beliefs, until she could barely stay conscious of the thoughts running through her mind. Colors mixed together and finally everything stopped right before she was about to go mad. She saw a bright light, reached out to touch it, and then the darkness claimed her.

Angel couldn't see the thoughts running through Buffy's mind and wouldn't be able to understand them if he tried. He saw from the moment he was born to his first few years. He saw his wonderful mother and his happy life. He saw how he rejoiced when his sister was born. He saw his idolized father become a bitter man. He saw the pain of his life and how it was. He saw the darker days of when he started going to taverns and enjoying women, and then he saw the darkest day of all. His death.

He followed a beautiful evil into an alley where the embodiment of his failure changed his life forever. He lived through the pain of that night and when he first crawled out of a grave. His years sped up but he lived each one thoroughly, he lived in himself as he killed countless numbers of people. Blood, fear, and anger were like an elixir to him. He reveled in the pain he caused. He destroyed lives, homes, cities, and sometimes civilizations. He saw it as an art and perfected torture. He watched in horror, shame, guilt, and in pain, as he was ecstatic in stalking young girls and raping them. He saw himself commit countless acts that caused so much pain. It was all coming at him like a freight train unable to stop. Unable to stop when it had to keep going....going....going......gone.

He rammed into all of his pent up feelings head on. He felt immense joy, happiness, rapture and then anger, pain, and guilt. The emotions raging through him tore his mind apart like a raging sea. It seemed calm at first but then whipped up to a terrifying frenzy unable to be sedated. He was briefly animalistic, as he couldn't grasp any straight thought. He tried to grab on to something, anything that would keep him sane.

In his delirium, all he could come across was a poem, a children's lymric really. It talked about the plague and people dying but it was all he could think of and he chanted it in his mind over and over and over again..

Ring a-round a Rosy,

A pocket full of posies,

Ashes! Ashes!

We all fall down.

And down he fell. So far down. Down through the sky, the atmosphere, through land, sea and water, through more land, through the crust in the earth, and then to the burning core. The burning core that ate throughout his skin and through his muscles. Down through his bone and then finally it attacked his heart. His heart amazingly didn't burst though, or give in. It resisted and wouldn't give in to the blaze. He fought bravely and then everything came back. His heart beat new blood through his new veins. He recreated his bones, his brain, and finally his skin. Old heart, new body.

He felt renewed, refreshed somehow. As if all of his past was washed away yet it was all still there. Deep inside him with wonderful memories and horrible ones alike. When the blaze tried to touch him again and scorch him, he felt a presence protecting him, defending him. He tried to find his savior and he looked everywhere but he realized he had to open his eyes but he couldn't.

He couldn't realize why he couldn't open them when he realized that he was in his own way. He had to forgive himself to be able to see his savior. He went through his memories again and in what felt like ages and at the same time seconds he decided if he was allowed to forgive what he did. He thought about everything. The past, the present, and the future. He analyzed every direction before he finally decided that he was ready to forgive himself.

He prayed with every fiber in his being to be able to have the power to forgive himself. He felt the soul helping him, guiding him and then he was finally able to forgive himself. He opened his eyes in time to see the blaze dim and the heat vanish forever. He turned and he saw a light, he reached out to touch it and fell into darkness, but this time, it was a comforting one filled with promises of true happiness.

He awoke to find himself in a large green field dressed in loose white clothing. He felt something guide him, not the presence from before, but something slightly holier. He was led past trees and land, past meadows and rivers. He must have walked for miles but felt neither tired nor even slightly downtrodden. On the contrary, he felt light and airy, filled with a peace he never knew existed. A true peace that only comes when your touched by something holy. He finally stopped at a brook and stopped to see a beauty rise out of the water.

She stopped in front of him and stared up with expressive green eyes. He somehow knew that they were meant to be together and that they had always known each other even before time began. She ran a soft hand over his face and lips and then kissed him so lightly on the mouth he barely knew if she had kissed him at all. Then she spoke in a melodious tone that would remain in him forever.

"Vos es redemptor Angelus. Ago in pacis." She stepped away from his and was about to go into the water but he stopped her and went up to her.

"Don't leave me again. I won't be redeemed without you. I will always love you Buffy, my love, my life." He had never seen a more joyous smile on anyone's face then he did then and he was slightly guilty that he was going to stop her luscious mouth from doing that for a while. All thoughts of guilt vanished from his mind as his lips touched hers. There were no fireworks behind the eyes but there was a sense of joy, happiness, and completeness that filled both of them and made their souls rise together past any earthly obstacles and towards the heavens. Joined together in unity. They were truly soul mates now.

When Angel opened his eyes after slowly pulling away, he became aware of his surroundings. He coughed violently and threw up blood but he knew in his mind that it represented all "bad blood" from past ages. He smiled and through back his head in a full laughter. He was redeemed completely! He looked down from where he was kneeling and saw Buffy lying unconscious at his knees. Thoughts of happiness vanished from his mind when he saw she wasn't breathing.

Panic overtook his mind and he started CPR. He waited, tried, again, waited and tried again. *NO!* His mind screamed. *She can't be dead now! Not now!* He frantically kept trying CPR until he felt a hand lay on his shoulder. He turned weeping to a pretty brunette who he felt was a sister. Cordelia he remembered. Three other figures stood behind her in silence and he recognized each of them. Fred, Gunn, and Wesley all seemed to be relieved that he wasn't evil but they seemed somber too. They refused to meet his eyes until Cordelia spoke.

"Let it go Angel. She's gone." Angel whipped around at her and advanced on her angrily.

"What would you know! She's not dead! She can't be! She just can't." As quickly as he was angered, he broke down into heartbreaking sobs. He turned to Buffy and looked at her angelic face. A heavenly smile rested on her lips and he looked at where here eyes should be open, smiling, and full of life. They now were closed, devoid of any life. He kissed both of her eyes lightly. *She's still warm..* Angel mused before he placed a final kiss on her lips. She was too good for this world. I have my time here and then I can join her. He turned to the group and smiled at them.

"She's gone to where she belongs." Suddenly he stopped as all their eyes widened. He heard a sound behind him and turned slowly. He stopped in his tracks as he saw his beloved move. He moved over to her and helped her sit up. Tears of joy streamed down both of their faces and they murmured exchanges of happiness and love as they placed kisses on each other's mouths. The others stood in awe at the miracle that took place. Then Buffy stopped what she was doing. She looked in awe at Angel's eyes and then looked at her hand on his chest and back to his eyes.

"Your alive!" Happiness was resurrected in full and everyone ran over to grab both of them and show their happiness to everyone in the room. The light illuminating their faces stopped every demon that tried to destroy their happiness that night. Nothing could stop them. Nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is slightly revised because people told me that the run on paragraphs distracted them from the story. I also revised some of the parts that I didn't like. I hope that this is more to your satisfaction because it is to mine!

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The latin sentence in this chapter said (roughly!!!): You are redeemed Angel. Live in peace. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't worry kiddies! This isn't the end! I still have to explain what happens in sunnydale when Buffy, Angel, and co. come home. Lot's of explaining there and THEN there's the ending. I'm expecting about 3-8 more chapters so don't worry! Tell me what you thought of this chapter please! I wrote this all in one night and Drusilla will be very angry if you don't respond! Happy holidays!~Crystal