"So Karen, how's the baby making going?" Grace asked while working on some
sketches. "You haven't mentioned anything over the last couple weeks, is
everything going ok?"
"I don't know Grace, maybe I can't even get pregnant, but I'll be damned if I've been having all this sex with Stan for nothing! Good lord that man is going to kill me one of these days. I'm telling you Grace I'm ready to call it quits."
"Hmm, maybe the problem isn't with you, maybe the problem is with Stan."
"Well I hadn't thought of that, he managed to knock up the ex twice. No, I'm sure it's me."
"Well, don't call it quits yet Karen, I mean you didn't give up all the drugs and booze for nothing."
"I know, I'm actually a few days late so I could be pregnant. Anyway, I'm having too much fun taking advantage of Stan to give up just yet. Do you know that man actually went on a diet? Yeah, it was Jacks idea. I told Stan I was worried about him not living to see our precious baby grow up and thought he should lose some weight, so he went out and hired a new cook. Yeah, he's counting calories, cutting down on carbohydrates. My god I actually saw fruit in the kitchen. Ha he even put the fat one on a diet. I'm telling you Grace, Stan and I have never been happier, and by Stan and me, I mean me! I haven't had this much fun since I had Rosario's jaw wired shut!"
"Karen your plan seems brilliant but I would think you would want to keep Stan as unhealthy as possible in the hopes that he might have a sudden heart attack and leave you a multi millionaire."
"Grace you should know better than that. There's no way in hell Stan's going to actually lose weight. Come on honey, we're talking about a man who keeps a refrigerator stocked full of various deli meats by the bedside so he won't have to get up for his nightly feedings. I give him two weeks. He's going to crack Grace and when he does he'll feel so guilty there's no telling what that guilt will buy me."
"Well Karen you seem to have it all figured out. I have to ask though, have you given any thought to what you're going to do once the baby is born? I mean babies are a lot of work. Diapers, feedings in the middle of the night, the endless crying, are you prepared for all that?"
"Grace of course I'm prepared. I'll have around the clock nannies. Oh Grace you didn't think I was actually going to care for the baby did you? Come on, I barely manage to care for myself, never mind a baby. No, once I give birth to the little monster my job is done."
"I don't know Kare; you might be in for a surprise once the baby arrives. Besides, don't you think Stan will be a little disappointed if you don't take any interested in the poor kid? You think you're creating a bargaining tool for yourself, but once the baby's born Stan might use the baby to get what he wants from you. You know, like maybe he won't let you purchase anymore third world countries until you take Junior to the circus. Or maybe he'll put a stop to your daily spending spree at Barney's unless you join the PTA. You could be setting yourself up for a world of hurt here Karen, you better think about what you're getting yourself into before you conceive "the little monster" as you so affectionately put it."
"Good lord Grace what if you're right? Ugh, I knew this plan was too simple. Damn and I could be pregnant right now, for god's sake Grace, I'm 4 days late!"
"Well Karen, go buy a test."
"No way, I'm not ready to know now. I can't be pregnant; Stan will have full control over me if I am. What was I thinking?"
"Karen take a test already the suspense is killing me!"
"Hey Grace here's an idea, why don't you go get knocked up yourself and get off my back, why the heck did you and Will change your minds anyway?"
"It's complicated Karen. I guess I wasn't ready to give up on the idea of meeting Mr. Right just yet. We decided if I didn't find someone by my 35th birthday we would try to have a baby again."
"Yeah, well I think you made the right decision, you're too young to give up on your dreams even if there is no chance in hell they'll come true! Ah, dreams are cute, aren't they?"
"Nice Karen, I don't know why I try to have a civil conversation with you."
"Aw honey, I'm just giving you a hard time, what I really mean is, the chances of you finding a hot, rich, Jewish Dr are slim to none. Ok? Is that better?"
"Karen, cut it out. I know this is hard for you to understand, but I do have human emotions and you should be more sensitive to that. God, sometimes you make me crazy you know that?
Grace stormed out of the office and into the Ladies Room.
"Grace, what the hell is the matter with you, come on out of there honey, I was only kidding. Grace! I'm serious, you're starting to scare me, come out already. Grace, if you don't come out of that bathroom I'm never going to be able to take that test!
Grace flew out the door with a bolt.
"I knew you'd crack! Sucka! Go get the test already!"
"I don't know Grace, maybe I can't even get pregnant, but I'll be damned if I've been having all this sex with Stan for nothing! Good lord that man is going to kill me one of these days. I'm telling you Grace I'm ready to call it quits."
"Hmm, maybe the problem isn't with you, maybe the problem is with Stan."
"Well I hadn't thought of that, he managed to knock up the ex twice. No, I'm sure it's me."
"Well, don't call it quits yet Karen, I mean you didn't give up all the drugs and booze for nothing."
"I know, I'm actually a few days late so I could be pregnant. Anyway, I'm having too much fun taking advantage of Stan to give up just yet. Do you know that man actually went on a diet? Yeah, it was Jacks idea. I told Stan I was worried about him not living to see our precious baby grow up and thought he should lose some weight, so he went out and hired a new cook. Yeah, he's counting calories, cutting down on carbohydrates. My god I actually saw fruit in the kitchen. Ha he even put the fat one on a diet. I'm telling you Grace, Stan and I have never been happier, and by Stan and me, I mean me! I haven't had this much fun since I had Rosario's jaw wired shut!"
"Karen your plan seems brilliant but I would think you would want to keep Stan as unhealthy as possible in the hopes that he might have a sudden heart attack and leave you a multi millionaire."
"Grace you should know better than that. There's no way in hell Stan's going to actually lose weight. Come on honey, we're talking about a man who keeps a refrigerator stocked full of various deli meats by the bedside so he won't have to get up for his nightly feedings. I give him two weeks. He's going to crack Grace and when he does he'll feel so guilty there's no telling what that guilt will buy me."
"Well Karen you seem to have it all figured out. I have to ask though, have you given any thought to what you're going to do once the baby is born? I mean babies are a lot of work. Diapers, feedings in the middle of the night, the endless crying, are you prepared for all that?"
"Grace of course I'm prepared. I'll have around the clock nannies. Oh Grace you didn't think I was actually going to care for the baby did you? Come on, I barely manage to care for myself, never mind a baby. No, once I give birth to the little monster my job is done."
"I don't know Kare; you might be in for a surprise once the baby arrives. Besides, don't you think Stan will be a little disappointed if you don't take any interested in the poor kid? You think you're creating a bargaining tool for yourself, but once the baby's born Stan might use the baby to get what he wants from you. You know, like maybe he won't let you purchase anymore third world countries until you take Junior to the circus. Or maybe he'll put a stop to your daily spending spree at Barney's unless you join the PTA. You could be setting yourself up for a world of hurt here Karen, you better think about what you're getting yourself into before you conceive "the little monster" as you so affectionately put it."
"Good lord Grace what if you're right? Ugh, I knew this plan was too simple. Damn and I could be pregnant right now, for god's sake Grace, I'm 4 days late!"
"Well Karen, go buy a test."
"No way, I'm not ready to know now. I can't be pregnant; Stan will have full control over me if I am. What was I thinking?"
"Karen take a test already the suspense is killing me!"
"Hey Grace here's an idea, why don't you go get knocked up yourself and get off my back, why the heck did you and Will change your minds anyway?"
"It's complicated Karen. I guess I wasn't ready to give up on the idea of meeting Mr. Right just yet. We decided if I didn't find someone by my 35th birthday we would try to have a baby again."
"Yeah, well I think you made the right decision, you're too young to give up on your dreams even if there is no chance in hell they'll come true! Ah, dreams are cute, aren't they?"
"Nice Karen, I don't know why I try to have a civil conversation with you."
"Aw honey, I'm just giving you a hard time, what I really mean is, the chances of you finding a hot, rich, Jewish Dr are slim to none. Ok? Is that better?"
"Karen, cut it out. I know this is hard for you to understand, but I do have human emotions and you should be more sensitive to that. God, sometimes you make me crazy you know that?
Grace stormed out of the office and into the Ladies Room.
"Grace, what the hell is the matter with you, come on out of there honey, I was only kidding. Grace! I'm serious, you're starting to scare me, come out already. Grace, if you don't come out of that bathroom I'm never going to be able to take that test!
Grace flew out the door with a bolt.
"I knew you'd crack! Sucka! Go get the test already!"
