Disclaimer: see part 1.

Chances Taken

Part 4

Kaworu's Maturation Theorem

By Random1377

Asuka lay in perfect silence, controlling her breathing so as not to disturb her bedmate. She stared up at the ceiling, her expression alternating from simple contentment to mild agitation, though the surface was a mere shadow of her inner turmoil.

-Another two points,- she thought as her concern once more surfaced, -seven more and I won't even be able to raise Unit 02's arm…-

She turned her head to consider Shinji's face, allowing herself a smile of relief. He had not backed away – even when she screamed at Doctor Akagi that her sliding sync ratio was due to a fault in Unit 02's program. After being sent, in disgrace, from the EVA cages, Shinji had come to her, trying to tell her not to worry.

"And I pushed," she whispered, carefully shifting on the bed until she was as close to him as she could be, "I pushed like I've never pushed before… trying to MAKE you leave me alone – but you wouldn't do that, would you? You never leave me when I need you."

Shinji shivered slightly in his sleep and rolled onto his side, facing away from her and pulling the blanket on her bed up around his shoulders.

Asuka waited for a moment until he stilled, then slowly slid her arms around his chest, pressing herself against his back. "Don't pretend you're asleep," she whispered, her voice shaking, "you may have changed, Shinji, but I know you better than anyone – even Maya. You're scared of seeing me like this, right?" She waited for a moment as his chest continued to expand and contract slowly, "Please talk to me," she murmured softly, "I need you…"

The room was filled with silence for several moments, broken finally when Shinji whispered, "Yeah, it scares me." Though he was facing the wall, she could hear the frown in the tone of his voice. "It's ok," he said quietly, putting his hands over hers as he felt her shaking, "I'm not going to jump up and leave or anything, it's just… kind of weird."

"Weird?" Asuka asked, slightly confused, "What's weird about it?"

She waited again as he formed his thoughts, gently stroking the back of her hand. "It's weird," he said softly, "to know you're so strong, and that you can do anything you want to do… and then watch you give up."

The redhead's mouth gaped open, and the feeling of betrayal that surged in her chest was immediate and hot. "I haven't given up on anything!" she shouted, trying to pull back from him, "How can you say that to me!? When I'm the one who's getting replaced, and I'm the one-"

"Don't do that," Shinji cut in quietly, holding onto her hands and awkwardly twisting around until he was facing her, "you said you knew me? Well, I know you, too, you know."

Asuka's struggles ceased as she stared into his dark blue eyes, and a sudden trill of fear worked through her spine as he frowned.

"Don't pretend," Shinji said firmly, making sure she heard every word, "that you're so persecuted." He frowned deeper as she averted her eyes, a look of sullen frustration on her face.

"I never said that," she whispered, trying to be angry at him, "I was trying to say thanks for staying by me, you big jerk!"

"No," Shinji corrected gently, putting his hand under her chin and bringing her eyes back up to meet his, "you did that already – lots of times. What you were doing just now is trying to get me to tell you everything's alright… but you know something? It's not, Asuka… it's really not." He sighed as she swallowed. "Look," he whispered, his tone softening, "I know it's been hard for you since Kaworu's gotten here, but come on… are you going to let that stop you?"

"I don't have a choice!" Asuka shot back fiercely, "I'm one step away from losing my Unit to him!"

Shinji nodded gravely, never breaking eye contact as he told her, "You're one step away… but you're the one walking, Asuka." He nodded again as her eyes widened. "Since Misato took us out for lunch, I've been watching everyone around you," he confessed quietly, "and I've been watching you, trying to see if I could figure out WHY your sync ratio has been going down, since Doctor Akagi didn't seem to care too much about it."

"And what did you see?" Asuka asked him, her voice shaking with fear and anger, "What did you see that Doctor Akagi, Misato, my psychiatrist, and my friends don't? Huh?"

Shinji sighed deeply, knowing the reaction his answer would get. "You know what I saw?" he asked softly, bracing himself mentally, "I saw a weak, scared little girl, letting her fears and insecurities rule over her li-"

It wasn't a terribly strong slap, as they were very close to one another, physically speaking, but Asuka still managed to connect with a good deal of force. "You bastard," she snarled, trying again to get free of his confining arms, "you were planning this all along, weren't you? Getting close to me, pretending you cared – all so you could make me feel like shi-"

Her tirade ended in confused silence as Shinji gently placed his forefinger over her lips, shushing her softly and pulling her closer to him. He waited until she stopped squirming before speaking again. "Yeah," he said quietly, "I planned to have you replaced, Asuka. I made sure they found the Fifth Child, sabotaged Unit 02, and pretended to be your friend for weeks on end JUST so I could see you cry."

"I'm not… crying…"

Shinji gently pressed his finger against her cheek, pulling it back and showing her the dampness on it. "You said you need me," he reminded her as she stared at her own tears, "and I'm here." His voice was serious as her eyes refocused on his. "And you're right, I wouldn't ever let you push me away – you mean too much. But I also won't let you lie to yourself anymore." He lowered his voice and put his face right in front of hers. "Your sync ratio is low because you're feeling sorry for yourself," he told her flatly, "you see a failure when you look in the mirror, so that's how you're living your life, am I right? Believe me, Asuka… I know how it feels to hate yourself…"

She considered his face for a moment, then pressed herself as close to him as she could, resting her head against his chest. "I hate you," she breathed, "right this minute, Shinji… I hate you so much I could just kill you." She sighed and closed her eyes as his soft lips pressed against the top of her head.

"Yeah," Shinji answered, smiling softly, "I hate you too."

Neither said anything for a few minutes, then Asuka asked, "Am I really that bad, Shinji? I mean – really?" She growled in frustration as he nodded.

"Yeah," he said lightly, "you're pretty bad… but that's ok with me – I just want to see you happy, and if that means having you hate me, well I'm willing to pay that price."

"Yeah," Asuka grumbled, "besides, you can always go over to Maya's and grin like an idiot."

"I don't do that!" Shinji protested.

Instead of making him see it, Asuka chose to simply roll her eyes. "Whatever."

"I don't!" Shinji insisted, "I just… when I'm around her… I…" he sighed, "ok… you win."

Asuka laughed.

"You should do that more often," Shinji observed, closing his eyes.

"I'll work on it," Asuka yawned. She groaned in frustration as the phone rang, ruining the closeness she was feeling with its demanding tone. "Souryu," she mumbled as she picked up the phone.

"Well," a placid voice replied, "I was hoping to speak to you, Asuka."

"I told you not to call me that," the redhead growled, all traces of calm now entirely gone, "What do you want, Nagisa?"

"Just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes," the boy on the other end of the line answered easily, "I thought I might be able to offer you some advice."

"Whatever," Asuka snorted, "like I need YOUR advice! Don't call here again, you freak, I-"

"Poor little girl…"

The Second Child froze as the gray-haired boy's voice became pitying. "W-what…?" she managed, sitting up in bed and ignoring Shinji's concerned inquiry.

Kaworu was obviously smiling as he spoke. "Your doll won't play for you anymore, so you hide in the arms of your little friend. How sweet."

"You bastard," Asuka growled, her entire body quaking with rage, "how DARE you-"

"I'm in the cages," the boy cut in unconcernedly, "if you want that advice – and I think you do, Asuka – meet me here. I think you'll find it… enlightening."

There was a click, and the line went dead.

"What was that about?" Shinji asked as Asuka dropped the phone onto the bed. "Asuka? Asuka??"

The redhead rose to her feet, her nostrils flaring as she drew sharp, angry breaths. –Advice?- she thought, tearing her door open and storming to the front of the apartment, -I'll tell him what he can do with his advice!- "I'm going out," she announced, "I have something I have to take care of, Shinji…" She paused as she slipped on her shoes, turning to face the now-agitated boy and offering him a smile. "Don't follow me, ok? I need to do this by myself."

Shinji opened his mouth to protest, but closed it again and nodded. "Least tell me where you're going?" he asked, fidgeting with the phone, "Please?"

Asuka considered this request for a moment. –If I don't tell him,- she thought, -he'll definitely follow me…- Out loud she said, "I'm going to talk to Doctor Akagi."

Shinji nodded, offering her a relieved smile. "Ok. Be back for dinner?" When Asuka assured him that she would, he headed towards his room, waiting until the front door opened and closed before dialing the phone.

"Hey… yeah, it's me. No, she's ok… but she's coming in to NERV. No… no, I'm not really sure why. She said it was to talk to Ritsuko, but I don't think she was telling the truth…" he paused, listening. "Well, no, I don't think you need to do all that… but if you see her at all, keep your eyes on her, ok? Ok, thanks… yeah…" he blushed, "y-yeah, I'd like that. Ok, I love you too…"

Clicking the phone off, he went into the living room and turned on the TV. –Nothing to do now but wait,- he thought. He hoped Asuka would be keeping her promise. He couldn't tell why, but he had a bad feeling about her sudden departure.

Sighing, he idly changed the channels, forcing himself to be patient as he waited for the phone to ring… and hoping it would be ringing with GOOD news.

**

Maya set the phone back in its cradle, smiling as she thought of Shinji's stammered agreement to come by and visit later. She sighed happily, turning her attention back to her monitor. –Keep an eye on Asuka, huh?- she thought with a small shrug, -Well, I guess I can do that for you, honey… but I don't think she needs anyone to baby-sit her.-

She grinned as she recalled how the redhead had dressed her down for breaking up with Shinji. "So angry and protective," she mused, typing several lines of code into the Magi before leaning back and regarding the ceiling. "Sticking up for a boy you wouldn't even admit was your friend."

She closed her eyes, thinking of what Shinji had told her of the girl. He hadn't gone into detail, and she respected his privacy, understanding that it was a matter of honor somehow… but he hinted – strongly – that Asuka was not as fearless and bold as she made herself out to be.

Maya could only take his word for this, as she was not privy to the psychiatric reports Doctor Akagi held, and wasn't close to the girl, but she still found it hard to believe that the redhead was as bad off as Shinji suggested – even after the time she had spent locked in Unit 02's plug.

"Just doesn't fit," she mused, idly making patterns on the armrests of her chair, "I mean, I can see Asuka being a bit softer than she portrays herself, but the way he talks about her… I dunno, just feels like maybe he's taking it a bit too seriously…"

A slight frown graced her features as she recalled an old saying: The curse of adulthood is to forget childhood's joy – and its pain.

"Maya."

Maya started, sitting upright in her chair as a sharp voice behind her spoke. "Sempai!" she exclaimed, blushing as she reached for her keyboard, "I was just-"

"That's not important right now," Ritsuko said tersely, "I need you to come with me."

-She's so tense lately,- Maya thought, rising quickly to her feet at the tone of command in the blonde's voice. "Yes ma'am," she replied, unconsciously smoothing her uniform pants, "where are we going?"

"Just follow," Ritsuko said flatly, turning for the door, "there's something you need to see."

Maya followed obediently, wondering what was so important that she should simply leave her terminal untended in the middle of her shift. As she was lead deeper and deeper into Central, then Terminal Dogma, her curiosity grew… though she never suspected the horrid truths that awaited her upon her arrival in one of the most heavily guarded locations in NERV.

She followed without question. Lulled by her faith in the woman leading her… fooled by her belief that she had seen the worst things angels or mankind had to offer… and never suspecting the depths of cruelty that could run in the heart of a woman betrayed by her love.

**

"Where's that advice you were muttering about on the phone?" Asuka grumbled, squinting as she peered into the darkened room in front of her, "And where the hell are we, anyway??"

The gray-haired boy at her side smiled brightly. "My advice to you," he said coolly, stepping through the door, "is this: watch the ones around you. You can learn more about being human from them than you think."

"Being human?" Asuka snorted, following the boy mere seconds before the door slid shut and plunged the room into darkness, "What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?? First I come all the way down here – interrupting my day off – and then you lead me all over the damn place, promising to tell me this great 'secret' that-"

Less than two seconds, that's what Asuka would decide later. It took less than two seconds for Kaworu to stop, grab her by the arm, whirl her around, and clasp his hand over her mouth, effectively gagging her as he yanked her down under one of the dimly-lit terminals in the vast room.

-Oh GOD!!- the redhead's mind screamed, -He's going to… NO!!!-

With every ounce of strength she could muster, Asuka fought. She tried to twist her body, but he held her firm. She tried to pull free, but he wrapped his other arm around her waist. She tried to bite his palm, but he cupped his hand, pulling the skin back from her teeth.

As her body began to shake with fear, Kaworu spoke. "Here," the youth whispered softly, "I am going to show you that secret I promised." His tone became light, amused, "I think it will be a very interesting lesson – for both of us."

Forty seconds of silence followed, during which Asuka continued to try and break loose.

-Please,- her mind entreated, -please God – anybody! Don't let this happen again… not again!!-

"Such fragile creatures, humans," Kaworu mused, holding the girl firmly as she redoubled her efforts to free herself, "so strong of will and spirit when they choose, but so weak and helpless when they perceive themselves to be."

Asuka's struggles ceased as the lights in the big room came up and three women entered, easily recognizable by their voices. For a brief moment, Asuka thought they might see or hear her… but the hope was dashed as the loudest sound she could muster was drowned out by the hum of machinery in the room.

And the gasps of two of the women.

"Do you know why I think humans mature?" Kaworu asked, his tone idle, but barely audible as the three women paused in their conversation, "I think they do it because they are taught to. Look at your guardian for example," he tilted his head slightly, indicating one of the women, barely visible from the awkward angle under the terminal, "she behaves as a child would whenever she is given the chance… yet she pretends it is simply 'cutting loose.'" He smiled. "But what is most interesting about humans is that, in spite of your old saying about old dogs, humans continue to mature – even after reaching full size."

The boy paused as the three women discussed the contents of the room… and the fate of a Child. Asuka felt faint as the truth behind the First's existence was brought into harsh, glaring focus.

"You see?" Kaworu asked, pressing closer to Asuka's back and whispering directly into her ear, "Even adults can grow. Look at how worried Miss Ibuki is – simply because she knows this event will hurt the one she loves."

Asuka's eyes were wide as Ritsuko's finger ruthlessly depressed the button on her handheld computer, sending countless Rei bodies laughing to their death.

"Amazing, isn't it?" the gray-haired boy continued softly, "So much anger from the doctor… so much love from her understudy. Doesn't that move you, Asuka?"

A tear slipped down the redhead's cheek as Maya began to weep, asking over and over why her Sempai had done such a horrible thing.

As the tear dripped silently onto Kaworu's hand, he smiled. "Thank you," he whispered, kissing the girl just behind the ear.

Asuka closed her eyes, shaking in the boy's grasp as Misato took Ritsuko into custody and led her out of the tanks. When Maya finally made her exit, wiping her eyes and whispering 'why,' over and over, the redhead began to sob, her cries muffled by the pale hand still covering her mouth.

When the door to the now-desolate tanks slid closed, Kaworu released the girl, allowing her to cry out loud.

"W-why?" the redhead demanded, "Why is this happening?? Why did you show me this??"

The Fifth Child said nothing for a moment, choosing to wait until the girl had gotten her tears under control. "Because," he said softly, embracing her gently, "you are the one that must choose."

"C-choose what?" Asuka demanded, pulling away and getting unsteadily to her feet, "Choose how I'm going to kick your ass?? Because I-"

"It was hard for you, wasn't it?" Kaworu interrupted quietly, rising to his feet and staring into the tanks. "Seven years old… newly named pilot…" he turned to face her, his expression calm and unsmiling, "alone and afraid."

"I wasn't alone!" Asuka sniffed, "And I wasn't afraid! I'm not afraid of anything!!"

Kaworu shook his head. "Forced to grow up in the shadow of a father that had left… and a mother that had been stripped away."

"Stop it!" Asuka whispered, clenching her eyes closed.

"Forced to be an adult before any child should have to," the boy went on softly, "all of your childhood trappings torn from your grasp until you convinced everyone – even yourself – that you wanted it that way."

"STOP IT!!"

"Yes," Kaworu said quietly, stepping past the agitated girl, "I definitely think it will be you that chooses. I thought it would be Shinji, at first, but he is happy with Miss Ibuki. He has known pain in his life – but not like you have, Asuka. The time is now… the choice is yours."

Asuka shook her head, narrowing her eyes as she spun to face the boy. "What are you… talking a… bout…"

Kaworu was no longer with her.

"Where are you, you freak?" Asuka demanded, her voice shaking, "Where are you??"

No answer was forthcoming, but the boy's final words echoed in Asuka's mind as she looked around the now-empty room.

"The time is now… the choice is yours."

Continued…

Author's notes: why the lack of detail on what Ritsuko, Maya, and Misato talked about in the clone tanks? Oh come on… if you really want to know, go watch episode 23 – it's the same stuff, just with Maya taking Shinji's dialogue. ((shrug)) Why couldn't Asuka break free? Kaworu's an angel – duh! Hehehe Anyway, see you next chapter.

Pre-read was by Ryoma, of course. :P Also playing the role of pre-reader on this chapter we have Locutus and ShinjiIkariEVA01 – take a bow, gentlemen!

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com