Disclaimer: see part 1.
Chances Taken
Part 5
The Fine Line Between Who You Are and Who You Want to be
By Random1377
"You're risking an awful lot, coming here…" Ritsuko mused, giving her visitor a sidelong glance.
"I don't care," came the level reply, "all I want is to get closer to the truth."
"And how can I help?" the blonde inquired, leaning back on her cell's lone cot. "In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a traitor…"
She shook her head at the irony. She, who had done so much for Project-E, labeled a threat to security and imprisoned. Not that she did not deserve it for her actions, but it still seemed so very, very strange.
She had helped keep mankind from the brink for so long… and now she was its prisoner
"You don't seem to care too much," was the answer, "and that's just ONE of the things I wanted to talk to you about."
"Do tell," Ritsuko yawned, looking bored.
"I don't have much time for this, doctor," the other mumbled, "I have questions that need answers – and I need you to help me." There was a pause, then a whispered, "I don't care if you don't like me… but I know you care about Shinji, and Maya… tell me what I want to know, so I can protect them."
Ritsuko swallowed, averting her eyes. "What do you need?" she whispered.
"Codes," came the immediate reply, "I need access to certain… functions, of the MAGI – codes you have, and I need-"
"I don't have the codes here," Ritsuko cut in, "but I'll tell you where to look to find them. What else?"
"Tell me why."
"Why what?"
"Tell me why you killed them."
Ritsuko flinched as if struck. "I don't have to explain myself to you…" she said angrily, "I said I'd help, but this is-"
"You were happy…"
"What?"
"I said you were happy," the other person replied quietly, "you were happy playing big sister to Maya – so what happened? Why kill Rei?"
"They were just spare parts…" Ritsuko whispered.
"So you said," the other answered evenly, "so they should have meant nothing to you."
There was a long, pregnant pause in the cell… then Ritsuko murmured, "She always beat me…"
"What?"
"He was right," Ritsuko swallowed, "he said, 'The Commander will never see you as he sees her – not ever…' and he was right!"
"Who?" the other person demanded, "Kaworu?"
Ritsuko was staring at the floor. "I would have undergone any pain," she whispered, "any humiliation… if he would have only SEEN me!"
"What is Kaworu?"
"The codes," Ritsuko whispered in a monotone, "this place isn't safe. You'll have to find what I love most – after HIM – and break it… do you understand?"
"I think so," the other nodded, "but Kaworu – please, I have to know… is he…?"
Ritsuko sighed. "Yes…" she breathed, looking up into her visitor's face, "he's probably the last angel."
"In that case," came the immediate reply, "goodbye…"
"Where are you going?"
"Where do you think?"
Ritsuko nodded as the cell door slid open.
"Good luck…"
"Thanks… you too…"
**
"She's… gone?" Maya whispered sadly, toying with a set of red A-10 connectors.
"We found her clothes," Misato replied gently, "but there was no sign of her…"
The technician let out a gusty sigh. "Have you told Shinji yet?" She smiled sickly as Misato hemmed and hawed and admitted that she hadn't. "Ok," she whispered tiredly, setting the neural connectors on her desk. "I'll tell him."
"Are you two doing ok?" Misato asked hesitantly.
The Operations Director always approached the subject of Shinji and Maya's romance with trepidation. It had seen quite a few ups and downs so far, and she was never quite sure how things were going from day to day. It certainly LOOKED as if everything had stabilized for the young couple, but from experience she knew that things weren't always as they appeared. She thought something was amiss currently, what with Maya's new position and the time apart putting strain on the relationship.
She was glad, in this instance, to be wrong.
"Everything's great," Maya replied happily, "he's… one of the good things in my life right now."
Misato smiled. "Better not tell me any more," she winked, "or I might try to take him from you."
"You had your chance," Maya retorted, blushing at the boldness in her own voice.
The older woman laughed with delight. "And I see having a steady boyfriend has given YOU a shot of self-confidence!" When Maya's blush deepened, Misato just laughed harder.
"Ummm, there is something odd, though," the younger woman mumbled, trying to change the subject.
"What is it?" Misato chuckled, getting herself under control. "Is it serious?"
"I don't know," Maya replied, "but someone came into Sempai's office and smashed one of her kitten statues…" she shook her head sadly. "It looked so pitiful, lying there in five little pieces," she sighed.
"Oh," Misato murmured noncommittally. "Well, I'll tighten security if you like. Hey, is that the time? I gotta run."
"Ok…" Maya replied, confused, "I'll… tell Shinji… about it later, ok?"
"Thanks," Misato sighed, "sorry for putting it all on you, but I've… got some stuff to take care of…"
Maya nodded. "I understand."
Hesitating at the door for a moment, Misato appeared on the verge of saying something more. Finally, she shook her head and stepped out the door.
**
Shinji sat in stunned silence, trying to cope with what he had just been told. "So they… don't know where she is…?" he asked weakly.
Maya kissed him softly on the cheek, pulling slowly back and nodding her head reluctantly. "No, Shinji," she whispered, "but Section Two is sure they can find her… they just need some more time…"
"And… and Rei…?"
Maya pulled him closer to her, wishing (a touch spitefully) that Misato was the one on the couch with Shinji. "She's still Rei," she murmured, stroking his cheek gently, "nothing's changed…"
When Shinji pursed his lips, Maya frowned.
She wanted to believe what she was saying… she really did – but to say that Rei was just the same old quiet little pilot she had always been was just too big a stretch. She wasn't even sure that Rei was entirely human. Ritsuko had told them that Rei was a vessel, and had a 'salvaged' soul – as did the EVAs – but she didn't say WHO the soul was salvaged from…
Shinji looked around the apartment, blushing faintly.
"What's wrong?" Maya asked concernedly.
"Is… Kaworu here?" Shinji murmured.
Maya blinked, then shared in Shinji's blush as she shook her head.
Closing her eyes as the boy reached for the top of her shirt, she whispered, "I don't think we should… Shinji…"
Shinji's hands shook as he forced them not to unbutton Maya's uniform. "Why not…?" he asked slowly, lowering his eyes.
Maya put her hand on top of his and pulled them around her waist, kissing him gently on the lips. "It's hard to explain," she whispered as they parted.
"Can you try?"
Keeping her eyes closed, Maya murmured, "If we… do that every time one of us is scared… that'll be the only time we do it…"
Shinji frowned. "But the last time we did it, it was just because we wanted to…"
Maya smiled. "I know… but I don't want to do it because one of us is scared – I don't want to remember any time with you as being caused by sadness…"
For a long moment, Shinji said nothing.
Maya opened her eyes, taking a breath to speak… but letting it out as she found Shinji's eyes damp with tears. "Shinji," she began uncertainly, "I-"
"Can I… say something?" Shinji cut in, his voice uneven. When Maya nodded, he whispered, "I think… that if one of us is sad or scared… that's exactly when we SHOULD do it…" He averted his eyes, adding, "I don't want you to think that I'm using it as an excuse… or that I'm trying to use you… but I feel safe when I'm with you that way – safe and close… and if I'm scared, or lonely, or sad, or you are any of those things… I think…" He shrugged uncomfortably. "I think that would be the best time to do it," he concluded, "because that's when it would mean the most."
Maya was speechless.
"We don't have to," Shinji said after a moment, smiling and kissing her chin. "I just… wanted to tell you how I feel." Rising to his feet, he stretched. "You want something to drink?" he asked awkwardly, "We kinda talked for a long time…" When Maya did not reply, he turned towards the door to the kitchen.
"Shinji, wait…"
The brown-haired boy paused, looking over his shoulder as Maya got to her feet and approached him.
"It really makes you feel that way…?" she asked quietly, sliding her arms around him from the back. "Safe… and close?"
"Yes," Shinji whispered, "being with you is like being in heaven."
Maya chuckled quietly. "From anyone else," she said softly, "or even any other time… that would sound so corny, Shinji, and I don't think I've understood before now…"
Shinji flushed, and opened his mouth to explain himself further.
Before he could speak, Maya slowly turned him around to face her, staring into his eyes as she breathed, "I want to see heaven with you…"
**
"Such a shame," Kaworu mused, looking up at Evangelion Unit 02. "I truly thought you would play with me, Souryu… but you fled…"
Sighing briefly, the boy stepped off the edge of the catwalk, floating in midair in front of the red mecha.
"I suppose…" he whispered, "that it's time to end this."
Unit 02's eyes snapped open in response to the boy's silent call… and the final angel began to move…
**
The command deck was in a frenzy.
Maya and Shinji had arrived at NERV twenty minutes prior, and had been in her office, enjoying a quiet (rather extensive) 'have a good day at work,' when the angel alarm sounded.
"I've got no feed from Unit 02," Maya reported, trying to push the thought that everyone was staring at her away, "as far as I can see… no one's in it."
She sighed wistfully, blushing as she recalled just how near Heaven she had gotten in her apartment before they had gone in to work… and wondering if Shinji would want to spend the night with her.
-I can get Kaworu to stay somewhere else,- she thought, her blush intensifying, -just one night… don't we deserve that?-
Whether they did or did not… it was not looking like she would be getting any alone time with Shinji that night.
"Is it that boy?" Kouzou whispered to Gendou, "Is he planning to unite with Unit 02?"
"Unlikely," the Commander replied, "I would wager that he's looking for something…"
"He's going to end it…" the older man murmured, "can we stop him?"
Gendou folded his hands in front of his face. "Of course," he replied coolly. Rising to his feet, he spoke to the entire command deck.
"The Fifth Child is to be reclassified as an angel. Launch Unit 01 to intercept and terminate it."
Maya gasped, swiveling her chair to face the command Dais. "B-but," she stammered, "Kaworu??"
"Maya," Misato murmured, drawing the technician's attention. "Launch Unit 01…"
"Yes, ma'am…" the younger woman whispered, turning back to her terminal.
"Where is Rei?" Kouzou muttered darkly.
"She is safe," Gendou replied under his breath. "In a place HE cannot get to her…"
"I see…"
**
"Kaworu is…?" Shinji asked incredulously.
"That's right, Shinji," Misato's voice replied, "you're the only one that can stop him, do you understand?"
"Yes," the Third answered reluctantly. "But-"
"No buts," Misato interrupted, "stop him."
Shinji swallowed, pushing forward on the control yokes. –How can this be?- he thought, listening distractedly as Maya guided him towards the linear carriage where Unit 02 and Kaworu were descending. –He was so nice… and considerate.- he thought as Unit 01 began to move down, -How can he be an angel??-
Focusing on the task at hand, he cleared his throat. "Approaching t-target…" he announced, "I can see them."
"Ahhh, Shinji…"
He gasped as Kaworu's voice reached him through Unit 01's external pickups.
"I thought you would come for me…" the gray-haired boy said lightly, "but I'm afraid the game is over – because you… are not Asuka."
"I don't understand!" Shinji cried, still trying to come to grips with the fact that Maya's charge could conceivably kill them all.
"She could not cross that line," Kaworu murmured, "the one between who she was and who she wanted to be. She could not cross it… because she was too weak – in spite of her posturing and bold words, she was too weak to step across that thin, thin line and become the person she longed to become." He sighed. "Therefore… I'm afraid I cannot play anymore."
Shinji shook his head in confusion, trying to understand what the boy was talking about… but it became all too clear as Unit 02 abruptly lashed out, sending Unit 01 reeling off balance, and buried its progressive knife in the purple machine's exposed throat.
**
Maya nearly passed out as Shinji's short, abruptly interrupted scream of pain reached her.
"01 is down!" Makoto cried, his eyes wide with disbelief.
"Prime the self-destruct charges," Misato ordered flatly, "when Heaven's Door opens…"
"I understand," the technician replied quietly, getting himself under control, "it's better than letting Third Impact happen…"
Misato nodded, sighing sadly. "I'm sorry," she whispered, laying her hand on the man's shoulder, "You've done so much for me… helping me when no one else would… and this is how I repay you…"
"It's alright," Makoto answered, fighting the urge to put his hand over hers. "If it's with you… it's alright…"
Misato smiled sadly as the technician blushed. "Thank you," she said quietly, lifting her hand and returning it to her side. "Hopefully… it won't come to that."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing…" Misato murmured, "just trying to have faith…"
"Not easy, is it?" Maya interjected, her voice shaking slightly from the strain of staying seated when all she wanted was to run to her lover's side.
Misato shook her head, chuckling bitterly.
"You can say that again."
**
Kaworu watched dispassionately as Unit 01 went limp, crashing to the ground as the linear carriage reached the end of its line.
"I am sorry," he said quietly, willing Unit 02 to release the knife. "But it was not for you to decide, Shinji. If Asuka had been able to cross that line, I would have continued the game a little longer… but now…" he shook his head.
The boy's red eyes took in Unit 02, standing perfectly still where it had touched down and facing him, waiting for its next command.
"I suppose you have served your purpose, Shadow of Adam," he mused, "perhaps, when this is all over, you will be free of the Lillim's bonds." He smiled brightly, releasing the mecha from his control. "But for now," he whispered, turning away and starting towards the final door, "I must go."
Ten feet from the last barrier, he heard a heavy footstep.
"Hmmm…?"
Kaworu turned, the expression on his face one of mild curiosity… and found a giant, red hand reaching for him.
He gasped as Unit 02 snatched him out of the air, too stunned to raise his AT field, let alone fight back. "Asuka…?" he whispered, stunned as he found himself the red mecha's captive.
"There is no line!" the redhead's voice boomed.
Kaworu's eyes widened as the girl went on.
"I am exactly who I want to be! I do what I have to do! I fight when I need to!" Her voice rose to a scream, "I protect the people I love!"
There was a long silence as the final angel stared into the glowing eyes of Evangelion Unit 02. He briefly considered trying to wrest control of the mecha from its pilot, but he knew it be futile. Unit 02 and Asuka Langley Souryu were in perfect synchronization – nothing he could do would shake that bond free.
Slowly, he smiled.
**
Maya gasped in horror as Unit 02 abruptly closed its fist, ending Kaworu's life with an anticlimactic, wet squelch. In the ensuing, disbelieving quiet, Asuka's whisper could be heard as clear as a bell.
"There is no line…"
"T-target is silent…" Makoto stammered, tearing his eyes from the main screen to look at his readout. "He's dead…"
Misato shook herself. "Status on Shinji and Asuka?" she murmured.
Maya swallowed, forcing her shaking fingers to type in commands on her keyboard. "Unit 02's feed is still inactive," she replied unsteadily, "but the MAGI's voice-stress analysis indicates that she's unharmed. Shinji…" she took a steadying breath, "Shinji's unconscious, but seems to be stable."
Misato nodded slowly. "I guess… it's over," she muttered, looking around the room as if waking from a long, dark dream. "Have… Asuka return Unit 02 to its cage, and have a retrieval crew get Shinji out of Unit 01 and check it for damage…"
"Major."
The Operations Director looked over her shoulder, still feeling somewhat dazed as she met the Commander's cool gaze. "Yes, sir?"
"Once both Units are in their cages," Gendou began smoothly, "I want the Second Child questioned."
"Asuka?" Misato asked, confused, "Why?"
"To find out where she has been," the Commander replied, "and how she was able to lock out Unit 02's surveillance functions."
"Does it really matter?" Misato asked hesitantly, "The angel is dead, sir, shouldn't we be celebrat-"
"Major," Gendou cut in sharply, "need I remind you that this is a tightly-structured, absolutely-necessary organization? There are other concerns besides the defeat of angels, and there must be no breaks in the chain of command. Do I make myself clear?"
"Y-yes, sir…"
"Good," Gendou nodded, rising to his feet, "I'll leave the rest to you, Fuyutsuki. Take us to level three status, and operate as usual."
"Yes sir," Kouzou replied evenly.
"Asuka…?"
Maya looked up from her terminal as Misato spoke out loud.
"Asuka…"
For a moment, there was no reply, and Maya thought that the redhead must have deactivated her communications… then a hesitant, meek voice – completely unlike anything she had ever heard from the fiery Second Child – whispered, "Yes, ma'am?"
Misato took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before asking, "Can you come home now, Asuka? Shinji's been worried about you…"
Maya felt her body trembling with a combination of relief and sadness as Asuka's voice rose an octave, her tone indicating that she was barely containing tears.
"Yes ma'am…"
-Asuka,- Maya thought sadly, -I'll make sure he never strays too far, ok? I can see how much you need him right now… so I won't take him away from you…- She smiled softly as Unit 02 began to move towards its cage, its movements slow and awkward. –I won't give him up,- she thought, with only a touch of guilt, -but I think… maybe… I can see that he spends some time with you. That's what friends do, right?-
The control room slowly returned to normal, each technician fulfilling their duty with a much lighter heart. The angel was gone – the LAST angel was gone… surely they would have some respite now, wouldn't they? Makoto and one of the lower technicians quietly discussed the future, musing over what careers they might go into should NERV disband. Shigeru quietly speculated on what might happen to the Evangelions, now that they were no longer needed. And nearly everyone one deck commented that they should visit the Second and Third, to thank them for their constant vigilance and sacrifices.
Only Misato did not join in the quietly subdued pseudo-revelry all around her. She could not shake the memory of Kaji's voice, quietly instructing her to press on in search of the truth… and she could not forget the secrets revealed on the chip he had left her, hinting at deeper secrets about the EVAs and SEELE.
And no matter how she tried, she could not forget the sight of Adam, the first angel, deep within Terminal Dogma… silently waiting upon a cross of red to fulfil some unknown purpose.
No, Misato could not join in the good cheer that was spreading all around her, because deep in her heart… she knew this was not the end…
Not by a long shot.
Continued…
Author's Notes: I had a hard time coming up with this chapter. I knew how I wanted to start it, and I knew how I wanted to end it – or at least, I knew I wanted to have Asuka in Unit 02 – but I didn't quite know how to get there. I finally had a breakthrough about a week and a half ago, and I wrote half of the chapter… then it got late and I went to bed. :P So today, I opened it back up and just finished it. Not that anyone really cares, but hey – now you know. Heheh. Two more chapters to go! Watch for Ricochet, the next chapter, coming (hopefully) within the next month or so. But don't hold me to that… :P
Pre-reading of this chapter was done by Major Mayhem – a fine job, Major! I'd give you a medal, if I had one! :P
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com
