Grace woke me up at noontime; I had slept straight through the morning without waking once. I was exhausted not only physically, but mentally as well. I argued that I needed my rest but Grace insisted I needed some nourishment. I never had a chance to eat dinner the night before; I had planned on eating after Stan's visit, but that never happened.

"Come on Karen, just have some soup and you can go back to bed." Grace said as she made herself comfortable in the chair beside my bed.

"Besides you haven't seen the baby yet today and I think it would do you both some good if you spent a little time with her."

As I tried to sit up in bed I realized I was in a lot of pain. My ribs felt as though they were on fire and my face stung from the stitches.

I told Grace to give me a minute to get washed up and I made my way into the bathroom. I glanced into the mirror and was shocked by my reflection. The entire right side of my face was bruised and swollen from where Stan had kicked me and my right eye was practically swollen shut.

I took a washcloth from the linen closet and tried to wash my face as best I could without getting the stitches wet. There was no way I could let anyone see me like this I thought as I brushed my teeth. I was ashamed and embarrassed by what had happened the night before. Stan had never been violent, if anything he had always been the complete opposite. He had never even raised his voice to me, never mind do something like this. I suppose the divorce had pushed him to drinking and that drinking had let him to violence. If I had any idea he was capable of this he would have never been allowed in the house. I was lucky I was the only one he took his anger out on, he could have just as easily hurt the baby and there would have been nothing I could have done to stop him.

When I was done freshening up I found Grace in the bedroom picking out some clothes for me to put on.

"Grace I don't want to get dressed, I just want to go back to bed."

"Karen just put this on." Grace said as she held up a gray sweater and a pair of black cotton pants. "You'll feel better once you get dressed." I'm going to go out and get lunch started, come out when you're done and you can feed the baby; Will's just getting a bottle started."

I got dressed which wasn't an easy thing to do considering the amount of pain I was in. I went back into the bathroom and tried my best to cover up the bruises with makeup, but it was no use. My hair was a mess and after several attempts to tame it I finally pulled it back in a loose ponytail. I took one last look in the mirror and headed out to the living room.

Will was on the couch with Samantha and Grace and Jack were making lunch.

"Hey Kare," Jack called out when he saw me enter the room. "Sit down and I'll bring you something to drink."

I made my way over to the couch where Will was seated and sat on the opposite end; as far away from him and the baby as possible.

"Here Karen, take Samantha and I'll get you a bottle." He handed the baby to me and Grace handed him a bottle and a rag to give to me.

"Thanks for taking care of her last night Will," I said as I tested the bottle on my wrist and began to feed her.

Jack brought over a glass of water and I took a quick sip and continued feeding the baby.

"Karen how does soup and grilled cheese sandwiches sound?" Grace asked from the kitchen.

"That sounds fine honey" I replied without looking up.

"Will why don't you take the baby so Karen can start on some soup?"

I handed her back to Will and went to the table where Grace had placed a bowl of tomato soup.

"I'll have a sandwich ready in a minute, but go ahead and get started on the soup."

I sat in silence and tried to eat as much as I could but after only three spoonfuls I knew I couldn't eat anymore. Grace pulled up a chair next to me and handed me a grilled cheese sandwich. I took a small bite and instantly felt sick to my stomach. I ran to the bathroom and barely made it there in time to expel what little amount of food I had managed to consume.

Grace brought me a cool wash cloth and held it on my forehead as I leaned my body against the wall beside the toilet.

"Please don't make me eat anymore Grace, it hurts too much to throw up."

"Why don't you go lay on the couch and we'll try some crackers?"

"I can't go back out there Grace. I feel like a freak on display the way they're watching me; waiting for me to crack."

"Karen no one is waiting for you to crack, we're worried, that's all. Come on back out and we'll figure this out, I promise. I nodded and gave Grace a small hug. "Thanks honey, I know this is way more than you ever bargained for, but thanks so much for being here for me. I've been leaning on you way too much the last few months and now this; I just hope you know I'm really grateful."

We went back into the living room and Grace instructed Will to get off the couch so I could lay down.

"Sorry honey," I said to Will as I climbed onto the couch and made myself comfortable.

"Not a problem." Will brought over a blanket and an extra pillow for me.

"Here, try these." Grace said and handed me some crackers. "We'll start small and go from there."

I ate two crackers and decided not to push it by eating anymore.

"Will, do you think I'll have to testify in court?" I asked after taking a sip of water. The thought of having to look at Stan again horrified me and I needed to know what to expect.

"It's hard to say Karen, and I don't think you should be worrying about that right now."`

"Well I am worried about it Will and I need to know what to expect."

"You sure you want to talk about this right now?

I nodded in response to his question and sat up on the couch. Grace sat down next to me and put her arm around my shoulder and pulled me toward her so I was resting my head on her shoulder.

"Well Karen this case is easier than most. As you know the security camera was on when he attacked you and luckily you have video tape backup that hopefully recorded the entire incident. Granted it was dark in the room so the tape may not be as clear as we would want it to be, but there is still the audio portion of the tape to consider. There's no denying what he did to you. If he's smart he'll plead guilty to first degree rape and we can probably avoid having you testify. I've already put in a call to the district attorney's office and they've assigned a great lawyer to your case, you're in good hands.

"What happens to the tape? Who's going to have access to it?"

"Well right now the police have it, if Stan decides to fight the charges they may have to show it in court, but I don't think that's going to happen."

"Will, are you saying that the tape is at the police station right now? Stan has connections in the police department; he could have that tape destroyed."

Will sat and thought for a moment and decided to call the police sergeant in charge of the case.

"Alright Karen, the sergeant said they can have a copy made to be released to your attorney, now the lawyer is set to meet with the sergeant tomorrow to go over the case, he can get a copy then. He's going to have to view the tape anyway so it's good he have a copy.

"Karen, let me just say something before we go any further with this. You've been through a horrific trauma, I'm glad to see you're interested in seeing this brought to justice but you need to go slow. Let your lawyer do the work here, that's what he's there for. I don't want to see you get overwhelmed with the technicalities of the case. Concentrate on getting better and let your lawyer worry about the rest. If it will make you feel better I can stay in contact with the attorney and keep an eye on things."

"I'd feel a lot better knowing you were keeping an eye on things, thanks Will."

"Karen," Jack said as he sat down on the couch next to me, I don't want to push you, but do you want to talk about what happened last night? It's ok if you're not ready to talk about it, but it might help if you did."

"Jack it's all still a blur to tell you the truth. He showed up at the house drunk. He insisted on seeing the baby, but I had just put her to bed and I didn't want him to wake her up. I finally gave in because I knew he wouldn't leave until he saw her so I took him up to the nursery. We had argued while we were downstairs and I guess I must have angered him, but I had no idea he would do this. He got to see her and we were leaving the nursery when he pulled me back into the room. At first I though he was just fooling around. He started kissing me and he reeked of alcohol, I just wanted to get away from him. Before I knew it he had me pinned on the floor and I couldn't get away from him. At first I thought I had a chance to get away because he was so drunk, but he kicked me several times and I was in too much pain to get up. I almost managed to get up at one point, but he kicked me in the face and I was too disoriented after that to try to get away."

"Did he say anything to you Karen?"

"Ugh, he said some pretty awful things Jack, he said I was a bitch and I had gained a lot of weight. He said some other things I won't repeat. He basically made it sound like he was disgusted with me."

"What did he say when it was over Karen?" Jack asked with a look of deep sadness in his eyes.

"Nothing, he didn't say a thing. He just got up and got dressed without saying a word. I sat up and grabbed a quilt from the crib and when he was done getting dressed he kicked me back down to the floor and spit on me. I've never seen anyone so full of anger and hate as he was last night."

"He spit on you Karen?" Will asked with a look of horror and disgust on his face. "Karen, I'm so sorry this happened," Will said, "I should have never encouraged you to have him over."

"Will don't, I had no idea he was capable of this so there is no way you could have known either."

"But that's just it Karen, I told you before when I first went to see him I wasn't comfortable letting him see you. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew something wasn't right. And then when I went to see him at the office he seemed a lot better so I didn't think anything of it. I should have known better than to let him visit you alone."

"Will I wasn't alone. There were seven staff members at the house last night when he did this. Samantha was screaming at the top of her lungs, I screamed for help, but no one came. Someone must have heard something, but no one did a thing."

"Guys I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Ok Karen, like I said we're not going to push you. Do you want me to make you something to eat, you seem to have done ok with the crackers."

"I don't want to eat Jack. I just want to go back to bed."

"If you have a couple more crackers and a cup of tea I'll let you go take a nap," Grace said as she got up from the couch and went over to the stove to make some tea."

"I don't want to Grace, just let me go back to bed."

"No, you need to eat. How do you expect to get better if you can't manage to eat a few crackers?"

"Ugh alright, but you make a mean Mom Grace."

"I can live with that," Grace replied with a smirk.

I felt better after I had the tea and crackers and decided to skip the nap. I played with the baby for a little while and spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing on the couch.

Grace, Will and Jack spent the next several weeks doing everything they could to try to make me feel comfortable and safe. It took some time, but eventually I was ready to think about going back home. I was anxious to get back into a daily routine and spend some time alone with my daughter. I decided to move Samantha into another room; I couldn't bear the thought of being reminded of what Stan did to me every time I put my daughter to bed at night and every time I woke her in the morning. I had Grace decorate the new nursery; nothing from the old nursery was moved into the new one; I considered everything in that room to be tainted and refused to let it contaminate the new room. I locked up the old nursery with everything still in it, maybe one day I would be able to deal with cleaning it out, but for now it was easier to lock it up and forget about it.