Legalities and other niceties in Chapter 1.
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31 March 2003 – Mac
There are times when I really wish that Harm and I weren't honorable people with integrity. Very few, of course, but one of them is happening right now. My head and my heart know that waiting is the right thing to do, but my body isn't convinced at all.
Neither, I realize when I step around Harm, is his body. I'm impressed.
And it may be just because my soul mate is the one standing before me, but Adonis has nothing on Harmon Rabb, Jr. His pink and white scars form a map of his misadventures along his tanned skin; I don't know how he manages to stay so tanned even in a winter as bad as this one has been. He's sculpted but not bulky and although he's closer to 40 than 39, he still has washboard abs. He has just the right amount of hair in the right places; I reach out to run my fingers through the black strands on his stomach and find it silken rather than rough as men's body hair often can be.
I can see in his face the effort he's making to stand still. His eyes are a sapphire blue I've never seen before and his desire snaps in them as he meets my gaze. I want to kiss him, but I don't trust myself to stop there; instead, without dropping my eyes from his I take his hands and bring them to my lips, repeating for him what he did to me in the car.
His eyes close and he growls in the back of his throat. For that sound, I'll do this all night.
But the tub is finally full to the 2-person mark, so instead I lead him to the Jacuzzi and let him help me step over the side before he climbs in. Harm situates himself against the back of the oblong bath and then guides me down to sit between his outstretched legs. Then he wraps his arms around me and coaxes me to relax against his strong chest.
We haven't said anything out loud since I sent Harm out to find my bikini, but here in the warmth of his embrace with the evidence of his attraction unmistakable against my backside, we don't need the words that have so often gotten in our way before.
We sit like this for 23 minutes, letting the jets of hot water soothe away all the fears and obstacles between us, before Harm pushes me forward a little and begins to massage my back and neck.
"I had nightmares," he says, his voice low and velvety in my ear. "I was in the war zone with you but I couldn't fire my weapon to protect you. And I watched you throw yourself on a grenade."
"I had nightmares, too, Harm," I answer, stroking his legs with as much assurance as I can. "Your COD went down on the way to a carrier and Iraqi fighters got through air defenses when you were flying BARCAP and shot you down."
His arms encircle me again and he pulls me tightly against his body. "I'm sorry, Sarah." He sighs. "I'm so sorry for all the nightmares I've given you over the years."
"I know, Harm. And if I could change every instance that I've caused you nightmares, I would."
We're silent for another 4 minutes as he resumes his ministrations along my spine. I yawn contentedly and reach for his arms, wrapping myself in them and snuggling back against him. He tucks my head under his chin and reaches out with one long, muscular leg to turn on the hot water just to refresh the temperature a little.
"I love you," I say.
"I love you."
"You kind of asked me a question earlier that I never answered." I am getting so drowsy.
"I did?"
I'm too comfortable and I feel too secure to be upset that he doesn't remember; besides, I don't think that was the speech he had planned. "You did," I confirm. "Well, it was more of a demand. You said, 'Marry me, have my children, grow old with me, just say you'll always be with me, please.'"
I feel him grin above me. "Wow. That was amazingly articulate of me. Will you? Will you ma…"
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31 March 2003 - Harm
"…rry me, have my children, and grow old with me?" I ask, but I feel her sag before I finish. When I turn to look down into her face, she's sleeping peacefully with the most beatific smile I've ever seen gracing her features.
I shake her gently and call her name, but she doesn't stir except to sigh a little in her sleep. I've seen her do this before; that night in Afghanistan – once we finally got settled after the decidedly unfriendly friendly fire nearly killed us – she fell asleep in mid-conversation and I couldn't wake her with a whisper, a kiss (on the cheek; I wasn't quite brave enough to try kissing her on her lips), or my best imitation of a Marine Corps Drill Instructor.
Under these circumstances, I can be a bit bolder; I spend five minutes nuzzling and kissing her lips before I give up on the idea of waking her up that way. This is going to be interesting. We can't sleep here in the tub, she can't sleep in her wet bikini, and I am not about to break the rules by having both of us nude at the same time, even if she would never know.
My first concern is where to put her once I get her out of the tub so that I can put on the one pair of boxers I have with me. I know I can't leave her in the tub while she's asleep, even for a few seconds, but I also don't want to lay her on the marble floor. The luxurious shag bathmat would work if it were longer, but more of her would be off than on.
I never really looked at this bathroom, so it takes me two full reconnaissance sweeps before I catch sight of the maroon robes hanging from the hooks on the back of the door. They look to be terry cloth, which will solve two problems at once – Sarah will be warm as the water that beads so gently on her smooth skin is absorbed.
I can think of other, more interesting things that could happen to those beads of water.
The trick to getting us both out of the tub safely, I discover as I'm learning by experimentation, is to drape her head and shoulders over the side of the tub until I can stand up and step out. Then I can reach down and lift my Marine as though she were a child – albeit a very well developed one – and carry her the seven steps to the door so I can wrap a robe around us both.
She's so funny, this woman I intend to marry. As I pull the thick material around her shoulders, she stirs and snuggles into my neck with a sleepy sigh; it's not even worth checking to see if she's more awake now because she'll do this several times throughout the night.
Yes, I confess that I stayed awake to watch her sleep that night in Afghanistan. At least most of the night.
I carry her to the bed and lay her on the comforter. It takes me only a minute to put on my boxers and grab another one of my t-shirts for Sarah and return to her side. I'm not taking any chances here; she didn't step out of the shower earlier so she's going to sleep in something, too.
I sit down on the bed and sit her up against me, studying the closures on her bikini top. I think I can do this without seeing anything, even though there's not much I'd like to do more than to see her gloriously nude form in my arms.
I hook the neck straps, then do as she taught me when I was completely helpless trying to dress Little AJ as a baby and roll the t-shirt up into my fingers before I drop the neck over her head. Right arm, left arm, then up the back to unhook the back closure and pull the soggy blue bikini bra off.
The bottom piece is going to present a bit more of a challenge, I realize as I move myself down the bed. I ponder this as I study her svelte, toned legs, then decide on a course of action. I pull her (my) shirt down as far as it will go – which, given the difference in our heights, is almost to her knees – and slide my arms up her outer thighs until fingers on each hand grasp the hip band. Then I try as best I can to pull the bottom off without disturbing the t-shirt.
It worked, amazingly enough, which is both a relief and a disappointment. The fulfillment of that dream will have to wait; on the other hand, my Sarah will be sleeping in my arms in a real bed tonight. I am a very happy man.
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31 March 2003 – Mac
I have no memory of getting into bed. Which makes my current location and state of dress a very interesting puzzle to ponder as I lie here in the early morning sun against Harm's sleeping form.
Eight hours and 27 minutes ago, Harmon Rabb, Jr., told me he loved me and asked me to marry him. I tried to answer him 5 hours and 49 minutes ago – after which I remember nothing, so part of the puzzle is that I obviously fell asleep in the Jacuzzi.
Hmm…
So Harm managed to get me out of the tub, take my bikini off, and put his t-shirt on me so I wouldn't have to sleep in my wet blue swimsuit. The question is, did he peek or was he creative enough to undress me and put the shirt on without looking?
I won't be upset if he did peek; reversed circumstances and I doubt that I'd have been able to resist the temptation. On the other hand, I really want to be able to see his face when he gets his first look at me – I mean, he couldn't have missed the awe on my face earlier this morning when he stood before me, more beautiful and human than any fantasy my imagination ever summoned.
I think I'll do something about proving his fantasies sadly lacking.
Later.
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31 March 2003 – Harm
I'm sorely tempted not to open my eyes. I'm afraid of two things: one, that this is just a very realistic fantasy that will go away if I open my eyes, and two, that if it is real and I open my eyes, Mac will stop what she's doing to me.
The exquisite sensation, real or imagined, has me aware of every nerve in my body. She must have started at my toes, but I was awake before she reached my knees with my her butterfly kisses and caresses. She's alternated between sides of my body and skipped everything covered by my boxers on her way up to her current target, my clavicles.
My eyes pop open involuntarily a moment later, however, when she stretches out on top of me and I realize that she's not wearing the t-shirt I so lovingly put on her last night. Or anything else, for that matter.
"Good morning," she laughs in her sexy, sultry voice, and now I know that this is no fantasy.
My other fear is alleviated when she resumes her ministrations on my neck. I can't help but put my arms around her now, feeling the silky skin slide under my fingertips as I stroke her back. I will spend the rest of my life exploring the sleek body above mine and finding every way I can imagine to satiate the hunger that permeates the atmosphere of our room.
"Good morning," I answer in a growling voice that telegraphs my desire to her.
Sarah sits up, straddling my hips and pulling my arms in to cradle my hands in hers at my waist. "I never did answer that demand you made last night," she teases with a gleam in her eyes and a lopsided smile.
"No, I guess you never did." The view, by the way, is captivating. I really don't know why my Marine wears underwire bras.
"Remind me what it was again?" Only a great lawyer can make a statement like that a question. No wonder she's the judge and I'm not.
I grin as slyly as I can manage with the woman of my dreams sitting astride me. "Do you really need the reminder?"
She shakes her head and the smile broadens. "Need? No. Want? Everyday of my life."
"Will you answer me this time?" I'm not giving in to this fantasy of hers unless I know I'm getting an answer. I think I know what it will be, but even if I'm wrong, her answer will define our relationship.
"If you don't take so long that I fall asleep again."
I slide and sit up against the headboard, careful to disturb her as little as possible as I do so, and she ends up sitting in my lap cuddled against my chest and looking up into my eyes. "I've been holding myself prisoner for so long and now if I don't let myself out I'll wither and die. Marry me, have my children, grow old with me, just say you'll always be with me, please."
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March 31 2003 – Mac
I wasn't expecting the whole heart-wrenching speech; I also wasn't expecting tears to come to my eyes on hearing it again.
"There's more," Harm says, lifting my chin with one gentle thumb. "I love you, Sarah Mackenzie. I will give up anything you want me to just to have the chance to make you happy for the rest of your life."
When he said it last night, I trembled with joy and relief that he truly feels about me the same way I do about him. Hearing it this morning, after a night in his arms – and confirmation in his expression that he didn't look when he changed my clothes – I am newly touched by the power of his words. But I have to make him sweat a little.
"Blondes?" I ask, trying to be serious.
Obviously, I failed; he answers me with a cocky raised eyebrow and insufferably smug grin. "Unless by some freak of genetics our children are blondes, absolutely."
"Hiding your feelings?"
"You'll hear about every little event that tweaks my heart."
"We'll see," I counter. "Arguing with the judge?"
"Only when it's you."
"Arguing with the admiral?"
This one makes him think. "I can try," he agrees. "But if it involves your safety…"
I was going there next anyway. "Trusting me to make decisions about the missions I accept when I'm given a choice?"
Harm squirms a bit before he exhales and gives me his answer. "Okay. But I'm not giving up my right to have nightmares whenever you're gone."
"I wouldn't ask you to," I assuage, "because there's no way I can, either."
After I'm silent for 42 seconds, he reaches up with one hand to stroke my cheek. "Anything else you want me to give up, Sarah?"
He's wondering if I'm going to ask him to give up his wings. "No, Harm, there's not. I can't ask you to give up anything that makes you who you are, even if it means that I'll run the risk of the Rabb curse."
"Really?"
"Really."
"So?"
"So what?" God, I could torture this man all morning like this.
"So, Sarah, marry me, have my children, grow old with me, just say you'll always be with me, please."
"Oh. That." His eyes are that sapphire blue again; he's getting antsy and suddenly I want nothing more than to have his hands and lips make my body sing as I know only he can.
I guess I'd better answer his question. "Yes, Harm, I will marry you, I will have your children, I will grow old with you, and I will always be with you."
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31 March 2003 - Harm
"Really?" I'm not sure I've heard it correctly. She said yes.
I knew she would. At least I hoped she would.
Okay, I prayed she would and wasn't really all that sure.
I'm a bit insecure when it comes to my relationship with Sarah Mackenzie.
"Harm, I've been waiting my whole life to answer that question from you."
Suddenly, I know it's true. Just as I've known – however much I've tried to deny it – that she was the one I've been waiting for since the day I met her, Sarah has known that we belong together. Everything we did to keep ourselves apart has only made this moment sweeter.
"You said yes. You said yes!" I bend in to kiss her, and know in the power of that kiss the commitment we have just made to unlock our love and to make our life together fulfill every prophesy and fantasy and promise we've ever experienced.
