Disclaimer:  You know the drill… I don't own anything from Esca but I do own the characters not mentioned in the series so ask before you use them!  Thanks!   Death Moon Rising

I would like to take this time to dedicate this story to someone special.  She's touched my writing and has encouraged me to go places where I never would've thought possible.  Like Crimson Fire, she helped me get to where I am today.  Kae Noel, this one is dedicated to you!

Chapter 17: I Dream of You and Me

Over the two weeks Dilandau spent most of his time in the Medical Ward watching over Kat.  Everyone survived with minor injuries from the attack but nothing that needed extensive care-except for Nicole, Alex and Kat.  They had to rope off a part of the Medical Bay and call in the best physicians from all over Gaea to heal the Protector's injuries.  They needed intensive care and even as they were treated it wasn't sure if they would survive.

"I've never seen such a girl…" one of the doctors had said as he finished examining Alex.  "From what I can tell her energy is completely gone and that is why she is about to die.  Her body is feeding off her spirit to keep it alive.  The same goes for that one," he pointed to Nicole, "yet this one…" he trailed off, looking sadly at Kat.  "She has no energy and she's at the end of her spirit.  Her body can't get enough energy to repair itself.  I don't think she'll survive."

Dilandau had become angry and demanded a treatment.  He would not lose her after he hadn't gotten his answers.  Not before he showed her how much he cared, proved her wrong.  "Lord Dilandau, there's a very low chance that they will all survive," Chesta said gently to his commander, but his eyes were not on the angry man.  They were on Nicole as she slept.

He could only nod at Chesta's words.  They were all worried about their loved ones and he did not have the heart to slap a man in the same position as he was-it wasn't right.  As the days past Miguel, Chesta, and Dilandau spent their time in the Medical Ward.  It was hard but they felt like they had nothing else to do.

Dilandau was ordered to continue training his soldiers and the original Dragon Slayers were allowed back into Zaibach.  It was still sort of a shock to seem them walking around, live and well, the original Dragon Slayers back for action-even though they were all worried about the girls.  The newer Slayers didn't quite understand the connection so they weren't as concerned with the girls, which in turn, earned them glares and insults from the original Slayers and Dilandau beating them for their incompetence.  It was hard on all of them but somehow they managed to get by.

Dallet had finally come forth to Dilandau and told him what had happened.  It turned out that Nicole and Alex had come to Gaea a day before Kat and had visions of Gaea's destruction.  They thought they would wait for Kat to come and then reunite with Zaibach, but that's when they figured out the visions had been a warning and that was why they were there early.  They were to stop Kat from going to Zaibach.

They had been too late so they took her away, asking him not to come after her.  As Kat slept they raised the Dragon Slayers, wanting all the help they could get, then hid their presence from Kat, afraid that she would want to go back to Zaibach and drag the Dragon Slayers and them with her.  Yet when Kat found out she was a little ticked.

After that they could tell she didn't want to go back to Zaibach.  She seemed to be mad… they thought she expected you to be trying to get her back.  That was when he came crashing down and Kat, surprisingly, didn't fight to go back to you.  Gatti had mentioned how she had looked hurt as he called out her name and the way he had found them.  A few days later Dilandau and his Slayers had come back and Kat had fought willingly at Nicole and Alex's side, no questions asked. 

When they were all taken they had been worried about her and her decision.  They all knew that if she went back to Zaibach willingly the evil would for sure win.  At that time they weren't sure if they had gotten to her in time or not.  It turned out that Kat was more loyal then all had first thought and she staged their escape and disappeared into the forest.  After that the battle came.  Miguel had all ready filled him in on what happened while on the battlefield.

So, she thought I didn't want her because I didn't come after her?  Then I guess no one told her how I fought to find her and searched every damn book in the stinking library about spells, myths, and legends, he thought, as he laid in bed.  How could she… the guards, of course.  They made it sound like I didn't care.  Those bastards, they'll pay for their lies!

Sighing, he turned on his side and fell asleep unable to keep his eyes open for any longer.  He didn't like feeling like the one thing he had in this world was lot.  He hadn't slept in days… darkness swirled around him for a while, peacefulness and quiet-no emotions or thoughts strayed across his mind.  It was a peaceful sleep until the dream came.

~DREAM~

            He stood in the prison cells of Zaibach, leaning against the iron bars as he stared at the figure standing in front of him.  He briefly wondered why he was there before he noticed who the figure was.  Kat stood before him, the moonlight shining behind her, making her seem like an angel.  "Kat," he whispered, stepping forward.

            Kat held up a hand, stopping him.  "I want you to see what I see," she said, her voice soft and holding a tone of serenity in it.  "So you can understand my reasons."

            He only nodded, unable to say anything.  Suddenly a bubble appeared between them and images flashed across it.  He watched as he saw himself, looking through her eyes, he saw him guymelef in the fire blazing all around him, and he heard himself call out her name.  In his gut he felt her pain and anger at his tone. 

            He saw her sitting in the darkness, looking out the window and wondering about him.  Why he hadn't come for her.  Why no one was searching for her.  He felt the pain and hope and the fear inside of his gut as she wondered if he was hurt or injured or even dead.

            He saw her sitting in the tree, thinking about past memories, saying how she was lost in the darkness.  He saw her hurt as she remembered his calling out her name and how she hated the fact that he had just stumbled across her, a sign that he didn't care.  It was all an accident to her. 

            Pain, tears, hope, darkness, wonders, sadness, death, ideas, everything that she had ever felt came flooding through the bubble, the emotions over whelming him.  There were so many complex thoughts, so many tags and "what ifs" involved with each one, so many ideas and hopes, explanations and answers, questions and pain.  He wasn't sure if he could handle it all.

            Just as suddenly as the bubble had come it disappeared, leaving him with the pictures and emotions still tumbling around in his brain.  He stared at Kat, a look of surprise on his face.  He understood… he understood how she had been hurt and didn't give him a chance to explain.  An idea that she had been hurt like this before came across his mind as he stared into her deep midnight blue eyes and that was why she rejected him so quickly.

            "I was a fool to love," she whispered, tears silently falling from her eyes.  "I learned once you don't love and you don't trust.  Then you changed all that.  For some reason I was drawn to you-I believed that you'd understand and you wouldn't hurt me.  Was I mistaken?  Were all of my hopes, dreams, and thoughts about you wrong?  Did I sit in vain and wait for you, Dilandau?  Tell me."

            "No…"

            "Be honest with yourself, Dilandau.  Look deep inside you and then look me in the eye and tell me I am wrong."

            Dilandau thought and looked deep inside his heart.  They were at a crossroad, one way led to hurt and breaking up the other led to staying together with doubt always in her heart.  Could he choose one?  What was he to do?  He didn't want to lose her…

            "I thought so.  God, I wanted so much… dreamed that you'd tell me I was wrong and that I was mistaken.  That you'd take me into your arms and tell me that it was all a misunderstanding… I guess I was wrong."

            "Kat, wait," he said suddenly.  He didn't know what he was saying but he figured it was better then nothing.

            Kat stopped and looked at him-she was about to disappear but maybe she had doubted him too fast…

            "Kat, I can't say that you're mistaken.  I know that there was a lot more that I could've done to find you, so many more options that I could've chosen from.  I didn't. 

            "It wasn't because I didn't love you.  God, it's anything but that.  It was because I wasn't seeing it.  Because I didn't want to believe that you were really gone and I probably wouldn't see you again… because I was stupid and thought I could go on without you when I couldn't.

            "You're everything to me, everything.  You're my world and my heaven and my hell.  There's nothing you could do that would make me stop loving you.  I wouldn't be saying this if it weren't true.  I know it sounds stupid and clumsy but it's true. 

            "We were both mistaken and we both did stupid things.  All I thought about was you when you were gone Kat and anything the guards told you were lies.  I never thought about anyone but you.  I wanted you back so much… you're perfect in my eyes because you make me think and feel things I've never felt and I love it.

            "Don't you see that I am hopelessly in love with you?"

            Kat looked at Dilandau for a second, absorbing his words.  They were from the heart, she sensed that, and they were true.  He didn't like to admit it but she was changing him… maybe he wasn't the monster she had said he was.  "Dilandau, I… I can't say I love you back because I don't know what'll happen if I do.  I don't want to get hurt… I've put myself on the line too many times.  I can say that I would like to pursue our relationship if you're willing to put up with my feelings right now.  Maybe things will solve themselves with time," she said gently, gauging his reaction with each word.

            Dilandau gave her a true smile-he was overjoyed that she wasn't rejecting him again.  Life without her would be exactly like how he had grown up: pointless, empty and dark.  He reached out his arms to her, nodding his head in agreement.  Kat smiled back at him and for the first time in weeks he felt like he could take on anything.  "Time to wake up," she whispered as he opened his eyes, back in his room, fully awake with the dream still in his mind.

~END~

AN:  Yes, yes, I know Dilandau is so out of character.  I tried to fix that but I just couldn't.  Sorry people, it has to be that way.  Don't flame me for that mistake-I tried a thousand times to work with it!  Stupid story, it writes itself into something so stupid… oh well.  R+R and tell me what you think because I really like hearing from you people! 

~The Shadow That Takes Form as a Kat~

~~ShadowKat~~