----- Author's Note: All Characters belong to Grant Naylor - - -

Chapter 3: "Officer Lister"

3,000,00 light years from earth, the mirror Red Dwarf sits peacefully in outer space. Inside Lister and the others have just entered this odd universe. They were searching for Rimmer

"Where the smeg could Rimmer be?" Lister asked out loud

"We've got to find him; he has the microbe with him," Kochanski commented.

Cat seemed to ignore her as he said, "I've got a question, if this Red Dwarf is OK, and not being eaten away at, why don't we just stay here?"

Kryten decided to answer this. "A seemingly good question, but I'm afraid it's impossible," he said

"Why?" queried the cat.

"Because there is a great possibility that a paradoxical and quite alternative version of ourselves is inhabiting this Red Dwarf," Kryten answered.

The cat, in confusion, wrinkled his nose and raised an eyebrow as he said, "Say what? This time explain it like it was in a five-page book with lots of pictures."

"Let me see if I can make this simple," Kryten chimed back at the cat, "This is a mirror universe."

"Right," said Cat.

"And in this mirror universe, there are people who resemble us, but they are a mirror version of us," Kryten explained.

"How so?" The cat wondered aloud.

"Well, take Mr. Lister for example. Perhaps in this universe there is a version of him that absolutely hates curry. Maybe he likes salad, and dare I even say he likes pasta," Kryten said.

Lister looked disgusted and made a motion like vomiting, "Don't say that Kryters. I don't think I could watch myself eat that junk. I eat food not pasta."

Once again Cat ignored the others comments and said, "So there's another me here?"

"It's quite possible, yes sir."

"And he's nothing like me?"

"Probably a little like you, but his personality is different," Kochanski chimed in.

"Ewww," the cat said, "Who wouldn't want my personality?" Kochanski looked a little take a back, "Yours? You're just a self-centered, egotistical cat who only looks out for number one!"

The cat spun around and did a little dance as he cheerfully said, "Exactly, who would wanna change that?"

Lister looked annoyed he just wanted to find Rimmer and he made that clear, "All right let's find Rimmer and get back to our own universe. We need to fix this mess.

Rimmer walked up to the others and gave them a double Rimmer salute.

"There you are Rimmer, we've been looking everywhere for you," Lister said in a relieved voice.

"First Officer Lister, is that you? Why are you dressed like that?" Rimmer asked in an authoritive tone.

Lister looked confused, this seemed to be the official emotion for the day: Confusion. "First officer?" Lister asked.

Rimmer continued, "And Professor Cat, is that you? Where are your glasses, your cardigan, and your bow tie?"

The cat couldn't believe what he heard. Kochanski said, "He wouldn't be caught dead in those things."

"Buddy, a bow tie and a cardigan IS dead!" the cat yelled.

Still, Rimmer continued, "And is that your assistant? Kochanski? My you look different, and what are you doing with them Kryten?"

Lister said, "Rimmer, what the smeg are you talking about? I'm not an officer; I'm a technician, just like you."

"What are you driveling about you gimboid git? I am captain Arnold Judas Rimmer. Now stop acting like this, and meet me in the drive room in five minutes." Rimmer gave them a full Rimmer salute and walked off; as he got down the corridor he yelled back, "Toodle Pipski."

"What was that about?" Kochanski asked.

Kryten spoke, "I think I can explain ma'am. You see, that was the mirror version of Mr. Rimmer. Apparently in this universe Mr. Rimmer is the captain of Red Dwarf instead of a mere technician."

"Hang on, are you saying that there is a Rimmer who is more of a smeghead than our Rimmer?" Lister demanded to know.

"Yes, I'm afraid it's true," responded Kryten.

"Oh that's sick. I don't even think that's possible," Lister said with disgust

Kochanski interrupted, "Come on let's find our Rimmer."

Lister had an idea he took his hand out of his pocket and looked at his watch, "Hey Hol, is there any chance that you can locate Rimmer. OUR Rimmer?"

Holly's face appeared on the watch and he said, "Gordon Bennet, do you expect me to do everything for you? It's becoming bothersome."

"We hardly even bother you," Lister responded.

"Oh that's right, sorry, I was thinking of another bloke."

Kryten interfered, "I propose we find Professor Cat."

"Don't you think we need to explain all of this to the other crew first?" Kochanski asked.

Lister said with confidence, "Krissie's right. Let's go find Captain Arnie J." Lister mocked Rimmer by doing a sarcastic version of a half Rimmer salute. He and the others walked down the hall way towards the drive room.

Next Chapter: "Return to Rimmerworld"