Chapter 3- Going Back

The image of Ellie in his arms has forever been burned into my soul. For the last two weeks, it has been the last image I see before I fall asleep every night, and the first image I see when I open my eyes in the morning. I hadn't realized until that day at the market, that I had put my own selfish fears ahead of Ellie. She has a family she deserves to know, a family she NEEDS to know...

The gates to number 53 Aigen stare at me, almost daring me to go inside. I open them slowly, knowing that if I go inside, I'll probably never leave... I walk in slowly, stopping just inside the gate. Ellie happily content in my arms, as I take a deep breath, and summon all the courage I can find...before I take the first steps towards the house.

A few moments later and I'm ringing the bell, I want to run and never look back...

I stand there waiting for what seems like an eternity, until I finally see the door slowly opening.

Franz appears in the doorway, his mouth agape. He says nothing, utterly stunned to see me standing there, and with a baby in my arms no less.

" Hello." I say as cheerfully as I can manage.

" Fraulein Maria…" He says a moment later, still in obvious shock, " Please."

He motions us inside, I nod to him and step inside.

" The children are outside with Baroness Schraeder, I'll go and get them." He says quickly, disappearing before I have a chance to say anything.

I slowly step down the steps and stand just at the bottom of the stairs, my eyes looking over every inch of the house, I can't help but fall in love with this house all over again.

Ellie reminds she's there by letting out a few happy gurgles, " Beautiful isn't it?" I whisper looking down into her little face. I don't have a chance to say anything else because the silence of the house is interrupted by what sounds like a stampede coming in from outside. I look up to see the children running towards me, Louisa leading them. They stop just a few feet from me, tears already welling in their eyes…

" Fraulein Maria." Brigitta says, a quiet shock present in her voice.

" Hello." I say happily, I have missed these children more then I ever thought possible.

" You didn't say goodbye…" Louisa says sadly, " You just left…not even a note."

" I'm sorry, I should have at least explained myself."

" We woke up and you were gone…again." Kurt says sadly, still refusing to look me in the eyes.

" Why did you leave us?" Gretl asks innocently.

" Well, I um…I missed my life at the Abbey." I tell them not knowing what else to say.

" You could have telephoned us." Friedrich says, he's angry, they all are.

" I should have telephoned, I should have written."

" What's her name?" Brigitta asks quietly, I look down at Ellie thankful for the sudden change of subject.

" Ellie." I say, as I see their eyes softening.

" Is she yours?" Kurt asks, quickly.

I nod to him, still looking at Brigitta, " Would you like to hold her?"

" May I?" Brigitta asks as she steps to me, tears welling in her eyes, " I missed you."

"I missed you, too." I choke out, failing to keep my tears from falling as I look down at Ellie, " Here." I say, as I gently place her in Brigitta's arms.

As soon as Ellie is out of my arms, the children fly into them.

" We missed you." They say, their words muffled by tears.

" Oh, I missed you." I say tearfully as I pull them closer to me.

" Are you back to stay?" I hear Marta ask, as the other children begin gathering around Brigitta and Ellie. Out of the corner of my eyes I see the baroness standing by the back door, barely inside the house . She says nothing, her eyes capturing every detail of the scene unfolding before her.

" Hmmm…." I say as I look down at Marta, " No, no I can't stay."

" Then why did you come back?" Liesl asks, " You can't leave one day, and come back a year later, only to leave again."

" Liesl, I can't stay…more then a few hours." I say, practically begging them to understand.

" Why come back at all?" Her tears pull at my heart…

I struggle to come up with anything to say, as I watch her nod to me before walking outside. I look back at the other children, who are happily babbling to Ellie. The happiness in their eyes brings a smile to face despite my tears. " Will you keep an eye on her for a moment?" I ask them. They nod to me and I walk out to the terrace to find Liesl…

I find her sitting on one of the benches down by the lake. " You didn't give me time to answer your questions." I say.

" Why did you come back, if you won't stay?" She asks, her eyes fixed on the ground.

I hesitantly sit down next to her, " I missed you children."

" You waited almost a year…" Her tears are no longer present, replaced instead by the anger and betrayal I can hear in her voice.

" I was wrong…"

" Where were you?" She asks firmly, her eyes suddenly meeting mine.

" At the abbey." I say as confidently as I can manage.

" You were not. We went to see you…they said you had been gone for a month."

" Yes." I mumble, knowing exactly what she's getting at.

" Where did you go after you left they abbey? Why didn't you come back here? Why did you come back now?"

" I um…I…" I know that I can't answer her, and decide to try and change the subject for the moment " Why do you children need a governess, when you have a new mother?"

" Baroness Schraeder isn't our new mother." She says, her gaze shifting back to the ground.

" What?" I say, in complete shock.

" They aren't married. Father says that Baroness Schraeder wants a long engagement."

They aren't married, a long engagement…her words race through my mind…

" The wedding is set for next month." Liesl says sadly.

" I hadn't heard." I say, trying to cover my shock.

She nods, " Will you at least stay for dinner? Father had to go into town, but he'll be back before dinner. I think he'd like to see you."

I hesitate for a moment, knowing that I need to leave before the captain returns…" Of course I will." I say, deciding that staying a few more hours won't hurt.

She casts me a slight smile as her eyes meet mine, " I'm glad you came back, even if it's only until dinner."

The Captain returned home about an hour before dinner, his eyes instantly meeting mine. Thankfully, there had been no time for words, because the children had been unwilling to leave Ellie and I alone.

Dinner had been lovely, although the dinning room was filled with a lingering tension between the captain and I, which to my displeasure did not go unnoticed by the baroness...

When dinner finished, I let the children look afther Ellie, prompting the captain to request that I join he and the baroness on the terrace. Only moments after we'd walked out to the terrace, the captain received an urgent call that could not wait, leaving the baroness and I alone together...

And that's where I sit now, out on the terrace, across from the baroness, a cold wind blowing around us as the sun sets in the sky…

" I just can't get over how beautiful Ellie is." The baroness says, her feeble attempt at small talk cutting through the silence of the evening.

" Yes, thank you." I answer back, hoping that this will be the end of our conversation.

" I hadn't noticed until today just how much Ellie resembles Georg's children, especially the girls." She says matter a factually.

My heart starts racing, and my breath catches in my throat, " Oh, I hadn't noticed." I choke out.

" Yes. If I didn't know better, I would say she's his daughter." She says with a quick laugh, " So, you uh… returned to the abbey after leaving here?"

I release the breath I didn't know I was holding, and close my eyes as I try to figure how to answer her. " Yes."

" I didn't know you could have a baby while in the abbey." She says, flatly.

" I, well, you um…can't have a baby in the abbey." I find myself stuttering, not knowing what to say.

" Well that must have been a problem when you found out you were going to have Ellie." She says almost cheerfully.

" Once it was discovered that I was going to have a baby, I was asked to leave the abbey." I tell her the truth only because I don't have time to make anything up.

" I see. If you don't mind me asking, what did you do then?"

I exhale deeply as I try to come up with anything but the truth, " The Reverend Mother was very understanding, she was able to get me a job teaching Sunday school at the church. Because I work in the church, Ellie and I have been able to live in a small place on the church grounds." I finish answering her, and realize that I don't have it in me to lie…

" Well isn't that convenient. And Ellie's father, is he allowed to stay with you?"

Her last question runs through my mind a million times in a matter of seconds, before it finally dawns on me…she's setting me up…

" Where is Ellie's father?" She asks as her eyes meet mine.

I inhale sharply, suddenly realizing that the captain had not been the only one doing the math that day in at the market…

To be continued…

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Notes:

*I know the captain and Maria didn't say anything to each other in this chapter... just trust me, there's a method to my madness. They will have their time in the next chapter. Please keep in mind, that the Captain will have the same questions that you all do.

*I wanted it to come across that the baroness knows. The baroness seems like a very smart and savvy woman to me. I wouldn't put it past her to set Maria up the way she did.

* If you don't like my explanation of Maria's life for the past year, just let me know, and I'll use whatever ideas you have to change it.

*** I think the children would have been angry with Maria, and would have felt very betrayed by her. I don't think they would have greeted her right away with smiles and warm hello's.