MATTERS OF THE HEART

By: Cindy

Email: sg1phileshipper@skynet.be; monica.doggett@skynet.be

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. They are property of CC, 1013 and FOX. No copyright fringe is intended. I promise to return them as soon as I'm finished. I wouldn't mind keeping Doggett though. ;-)

Rating: R (attempted rape/bad language/violence)

Classification: Angst/friendship/UST

Keywords: DRR, hurt/comfort. Some MSR

Summary: After Monica works on a case in Mexico without John he realises how he feels about her. But then something happens to her and John must put his feelings aside to help her.

Spoilers: All the way up to season nine to be on the safe side.

Archive: XFMU, fanfiction.net. Anywhere friendly is just fine, but an addy would be nice so I can pay a visit.

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing angst. Let me know how I did.

Feedback: Positive and encouraging words will be cherished forever.

Dedication: This one is for all the drippers out there. I love all of your fics. And to Andre, the best friend anyone can wish for. I'm glad we're friends! This one's for you dd.

MATTERS OF THE HEART

It was early in the morning and John Doggett made his way through the crowded Dulles International Airport. Backpackers were trying to find their way out; children were rummaging through their parents' suitcases. The arrival hall was stamped with people waiting for their family, friends or loved ones. John Doggett was waiting for those three persons bundled in one: Monica Reyes. She was returning from an undercover mission in Mexico. She had been gone for nearly two months and John had missed her like hell. He had been reluctant to let her go alone, buy he had had little choice in the matter. She had teamed up with an investigator from Acapulco to investigate unexplainable kidnappings in the Acapulco area. It had taken them quite some time to close the case, much to John's dismay. He could picture her walking down the beach in a skinny bikini, that detective keeping a close eye on her. Truth be told, he was a little jealous. He would have loved to go to Mexico with her, but they needed a local. With Monica being an expert in the supernatural and growing up in Mexico, she was perfect. With John's poor knowledge of Spanish, his help was ruled out. So they ended up being separated for a while.

The doors opened and an apparently very tired and worn out Monica Reyes stepped through. A small duffel bag hung over her shoulder and she was holding a large suitcase in her other hand. She spotted John waiting in a corner and a large smile appeared on her face. She waved at him to catch his attention, but he seemed to be miles away. As soon as their eyes met and John saw her smile, his heart skipped a beat and he felt warm inside. He walked to where she was standing and she stumbled in his arms, her legs shaky. Monica put her arms around John's waist, holding him closely. John put his cheek on the top of her head and inhaled her scent. She smelled like strawberry and peach. No words were spoken; they were just content to hold each other for a moment. John was the first to pull away, smiling at Monica. She grinned back at him.

"It's nice to see you, Monica. I don't think I gotta ask if you're okay." He still looked at her, unable to tear his eyes away from her face.

Monica smiled at him, before stepping back into his embrace. "I'm dead on my feet, John. It was the two hardest months of my life. I can't remember how many nights I stayed up, trying to crack this one." She stepped out of his embrace and smiled weakly at him.

"Yeah, but you managed to catch the guy. I gotta say Monica, I'm proud of ya." John kissed the top of her head, threw her duffel bag over his shoulder and took her suitcase. "Come on Monica, I'm taking you home. You look like you could sleep for a week." He looked over at her and she just shook her head, looking like she was already half asleep.

She followed him out of the airport and to his SUV. Once they reached his SUV, he put her bags in the trunk and opened her door. With his hand on the small of her back he helped her inside.

"Aren't we being a gentleman today?" Monica looked up at him, the humour apparent in her eyes.

"Ain't I always the perfect gentleman?" John's eyes grew big, causing Monica to start giggling. "I kinda missed you, Monica."

"You kinda missed me?" Monica smiled mischievously. "You really know how to talk to women, do you?"

"I guess I do." John's eyes bore right through Monica's soul.

"Yeah you do, John." Monica shook her head and John expertly manoeuvred his SUV out of the crowded garage.

They left the airport without much trouble and drove down the highway. While John was concentrating on the road, Monica was smiling to herself. She was happy about the joy John had shown seeing her back. He had never been a man of many emotions - or he didn't allow his emotions to the surface. But for a split second she had been able to see right through his soul. And she liked what she had seen. They had always been pretty close, especially since Monica had joined him on the x-files. And Monica had never really hidden how she felt about John. But lately she had the impression John was allowing himself to grow closer to her.

While Monica was thinking about her deep and growing friendship with John, she was lulled into sleep by the soft driving of his SUV. When John stopped the car in front of her apartment building, she was softly snoring. She stirred a little but didn't wake up. John got out of his SUV and walked to Monica's side, opening the door. He gently picked her up and walked her to the door. He took the keys to her apartment out of his pocked and managed to open the door without disturbing her. He walked into the elevator and walked into her apartment. John carried her all the way to her bedroom and gently laid her down on the bed. He removed her shoes and socks and covered her. Before leaving, he placed a tender kiss on her forehead and removed a strand of hair that had graciously fallen in her face. John smiled at his best friend. "Goodnight, Monica. Have sweet dreams."

John closed the door and silently left her apartment. His heart has leapt when he had seen Monica sleeping. He knew he cared a lot about her, but he didn't know if the time was right to tell her just yet how much he really cared.

THE NEXT MORNING, JOHN DOGGETT'S RESIDENCE

John was cleaning his kitchen when his phone rang. "John Doggett."

"Hey John, it's me." John could hear Monica smiling into the phone.

"Hey Monica! How are ya? Did ya sleep okay?"

"I slept like a rose. I just wanted to thank you for driving me home. And for putting me in bed."

"You're more than welcome." John grinned into the receiver.

"There's something I gotta ask you. Dana and Mulder are going to this new club. Do you want to come along?"

"I dunno, Monica. You know clubs and me. We don't get along that well."

"Don't be such a party pooper, John. It'll be fun."

"I dunno, Monica."

"Oh, come on John. Do you want me to beg you?"

"Well, that's an interesting thought. I just might hold you to that."

"Please John, I'm begging you." Monica giggled into the phone.

"I love it when you giggle." If Monica had seen the smile John gave her, she would surely have melted inside.

"I'm sure you do. So are you coming?"

"Okay, I'll come along. Maybe it'll be fun."

"That's a boy. It wasn't even hard to give in."

"I can play it harder if you want." John's eyes twinkled mischievously.

"I'm sure you can John, but I like it nice and easy sometimes."

"Doesn't everyone?"

"Yeah, well... Mulder and Scully are meeting me at my place around six. Do you think you can make it?"

"I'll be there. See ya."

"Bye."

John ended the conversation and smiled to himself. It felt great to have her back, even if it meant going clubbing with her. He had missed her a lot when she was gone. He felt like a part of him was missing. Monica was the better part of him, even if he never said it out loud. Without her, John felt empty and useless. And it was about time he acted upon his feelings. Maybe tonight would be the perfect moment. He knew he couldn't go on like this forever. He was close to losing the fight he had put on with his feelings.

A few hours later, John was getting dressed. He picked a tight black 501, a grey shirt and brown timberland boots. He put everything on and checked himself out in the mirror. The result wasn't bad. He grabbed his black leather jacket, his keys and took off.

When John arrived at Monica's place it was only 5.40. He let himself in her building with the spare set of keys she had given him. He jumped in the elevator and softly knocked on her door. Monica opened her brush in her hand. John smiled at her and surprised her by placing a feather light kiss on her cheek.

"Hey Monica. You look good."

Monica blushed slightly and took in his features. He was looking very handsome tonight; his eyes appeared even bluer because of the black he was wearing. Monica blushed slightly when she noticed John had surprised her staring. A huge grin appeared on his face. "Thanks John. You don't look bad yourself." Monica fidgeted nervously with her brush, looking down at her feet.

"Geez, Monica. I don't think my old heart can't take that much compliments."

"And we don't want anything to happen to that old heart of yours."

"You don't?" John's eyes bore into Monica's.

"Of course I don't. What kind of question is that? Who would I bore to dead with my theories if you weren't there?" Monica lifted her eyebrows at John.

"So, if I understand what you're saying, I'm just your toy boy?"

"As if you didn't know yet."

"Great. Thanks Monica."

"No pun intended, John."

Monica grinned widely at John and he pinched her arm. She screamed, sending John into a mad fit of laughter. He looked her tenderly in the eyes and laid his hand on her cheek. He gently caressed her with his thumb and Monica smiled shyly at him.

"You know I missed you Monica, right?" John felt Monica's cheek burn under his touch.

"I missed you too, John. During the little free time I had, I got bored out of my skull. I kept thinking about taking the next plane home and bore you to dead with my theories. Or I hoped you would fall out of the sky."

John was taken back by so much honesty coming from Monica. "I know what you mean, Monica. Better than you can imagine."

John pulled his hand away from Monica's cheek and smiled at her. He felt a little embarrassed at showing so much affection, but it was the only way he would be able to make her understand what she meant to him. He didn't always know how to act around her, nor was he really sure what she felt for him. Something was definitely going on, but neither of them had the courage to act upon it.

Both were interrupted in their personal thoughts by the doorbell. Monica opened the door and a grinning Mulder and a laughing Scully greeted them.

"Monica, it's great to see you." Scully hugged Monica and smiled at John over Monica's shoulder. "How was Mexico?"

"You know same old same old. Hot, poor and boring. Mind you, I didn't have much time to be bored." Monica smiled at Scully and they turned around to find both men chatting happily on the couch.

"Who'd have known they would get along?" Dana said, while grinning at Monica.

"To be honest, Dana, I had a hunch." She grinned and walked into the kitchen, opening the cabinet and taking out some biscuits. "Does anyone want a drink?" When no one answered she went back to the living room and peeked around the corner. John and Scully were laughing at something Mulder said. She approached them and John looked up at her.

"Mon? Something the matter?" He looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"I wanted to know if anyone wanted a drink, but I guess you guys were too busy dealing with Mulder and his dirty jokes." At hearing his name, Mulder looked up at her. "Right, Mulder?"

"What are you talking about? Dirty jokes and me? I think not." Mulder shook his head and looked very serious, shrugged his shoulders and sat down next to Scully.

"So, does anyone want a drink?" Monica looked at Mulder and Scully.

"An orange juice would be nice, thanks Monica." Scully answered and looked expectantly at Mulder, who just stared back at her, having no idea what was going on. "Just give him the same." Scully looked back at Monica, a slight grin appearing around the corner of her mouth.

Monica turned around and walked back to the kitchen, feeling a hand on the small of her back. She turned her head and looked straight into baby blue eyes. "I'll give ya a hand, Mon." The use of her nickname didn't go unnoticed. She smiled thankfully at him and opened the fridge, took out the orange juice and turned around. She bumped into John, who was standing closely behind her. She gave him an odd look and saw a small smile appearing around the corners of his mouth. Without warning, he pulled her into a tight embrace and she almost dropped the carton of juice she was holding. She put her free hand around his back and smiled into his sweet embrace. John dropped a feather light kiss on the top of her head, before releasing her and looking down at her tenderly.

Monica raised her eyebrows and stepped a little closer to John, already missing his warmth. "What was that for, John?"

He shrugged his shoulder and smiled. "I just wanted to hold you."

Monica was surprised at his words and just stared at him. She offered him a typical Monica-smile and John smiled back. "Very sweet of you, John. Would you mind taking a couple of glasses?"

"Sure thing, Mon." John opened the cabinet and took four glasses. Monica opened the carton of juice and filled them. She put the carton back in the fridge and took two glasses while John took the other two. He put his mouth next to her ear and whispered. "It's great to see how well we work as a team."

"Two can play that game." Before John had a chance to realise what was going on, she felt her lips in his neck. She tenderly kissed his Adam apple. She turned away from him and walked off.

John put the glasses on the sink and held Monica by her arm. She turned around with a surprised look on her face and John looked her straight in the eyes. "John?" Monica asked, standing very close to John.

"Mon, you're playing a dangerous game here." He smiled and came closer to her, inch by inch. He scared the hell out of her by placing a tender kiss on the corner of her mouth.

Monica said nothing; she just stared at John with her mouth wide open. John on the other hand had a victorious smile on his face. He took the glasses from the sink, gave her a sideways look and walked into the living room, handing both Mulder and Scully a glass. Monica stayed behind, unable to move. She touched the part of her mouth were John had kissed her with her fingertips. She couldn't quite believe it. Never in her wildest dream had she thought that John would do something like that. But it had meant nothing, right? Yeah right, whom was she kidding?

A minute later, Monica was still standing where John had left her. He walked back in the kitchen, finding her leaning against the doorframe, the glasses shaking in her hands. He took the glasses from her and put them on the sink. As he carefully approached her, she lifted her eyes to his. They came eye to, the world around them coming to a halt.

Scully noticed them standing staring at each other in the doorway and nudged Mulder in the ribs. A huge grin appeared on his mouth. "I knew this would happen." He whispered to Scully and she motioned for him to keep quiet. The couple was still standing there motionless, merely staring at each other, neither of them moving. Both Mulder and Scully gave them curious looks, wondering what would happen next.

"Come on, kiss her already." Mulder whispered to Scully, still smiling.

"Shut up, Mulder."

"You gonna make me? How are you gonna do that?" Mulder gave her a cheeky grin.

Scully put her lips to his to silence him and he responded by kissing her back. A few seconds later, they pulled apart and Mulder laid his hand on her cheek. "I can live with that." Both heads turned to the door, just in time to see John breaking the spell by taking Monica by the arm and disappearing in the kitchen.

"I would love to be a fly on the wall."

"You've got a dirty mind, Mulder."

"I..."

"Enough already Mulder."

In the meantime, Monica was leaning against the kitchen counter, still unable to tear her gaze away from John. He sighed deeply and put his arms around her. She relaxed into his embrace, a huge grin appearing on her face. She pulled away from him and read all the love he had for her in his eyes. He smiled at her and tenderly kissed her on the cheek. "I think you and I gotta talk, Mon."

Monica shook her head. "Yeah we do, John."

John sighed. "Why don't we check out this club and we'll talk later."

"Okay, I can live with that."

They walked back to the living room, only to find Mulder and Scully whispering to each other. John coughed and they both looked up. "What are you guys whispering about?"

Mulder opened his mouth to say something, but Scully gave him a warning look. "Nothing. Are you guys ready to go?"

John took his jacket and handed Monica's hers. "Let's go."

Mulder and Scully walked out of the apartment, Monica and John not far behind. Monica felt John's hand on the small of her back and she smiled at him. He smiled back and they followed the other couple outside. Once they reached John's car, he opened the door for Monica. He looked at Scully. "Are you guys driving with us?"

Scully looked at Mulder and he shook his head. "We'll take our car, so we can drive home from the club. Are you following us, John?"

"Sure, I don't have much choice. I have no idea where this club is."

"Don't worry, it's a short drive. See you guys there?"

John climbed in his car and gave Monica a look. She was smiling back at him. "Ready to have some real fun, John?"

"I was having fun before."

Monica said nothing. John could swear he saw her blush slightly.

They arrived at the new club less than fifteen minutes later. All four had to laugh when they saw the club's name. It was called "The Love Shack". The outside was decorated with red and pink heart.

John groaned and looked at Monica. "Whose idea was it to come here?"

Monica shrugged her shoulders and looked expectantly at Scully. Scully raised an eyebrow and held her hands up in defence. "I didn't know, alright. A colleague from Quantico told me it was a wonderful club: The right atmosphere, great music. She said it was perfect with the right company."

Mulder whispered in her ear. "I can see why."

Scully elbowed him in the ribs. "I get the message, Mulder." She looked at both John and Monica; both seemed a little taken back. "Do you guys wanna go in?"

John looked down at Monica and she waved her arms helplessly. "Why not, since we're here. Let's check it out."

They walked inside, John putting his arm around Monica's shoulder. She smiled at him. "Scared you're gonna lose me, John?"

"You could say that."

He didn't say more, causing Monica to wonder what he meant. They found a nice table in the corner of the club. Mulder sat down next to Scully and John and Monica sat down in the opposite corner, sitting very close to each other. Scully noticed how close they were sitting and smiled at them.

"Are you guys cold?"

Monica gave Scully a surprised look. "What are you talking about, Dana?"

"Nothing. Just that the two of you seem...um... very close."

John and Monica smiled weakly and returned to their conversation. Mulder and Scully got up and took the order. "What are you guys having?"

"I'll have an orange juice, thanks Dana."

John gave her a surprised look. "Are you sick, Mon? I mean... no beer?"

"No beer for me, John. I don't want to fall asleep. I'm not used to beer anymore and I'm afraid that if I drink one, I'll be tipsy."

John slowly circled her arm with his thumb. "I'll have a non-alcoholic fruit cocktail."

Monica gave him an odd look. "This is indeed very weird."

"What's weird, Monica?"

"You and a non-alcoholic fruit cocktail."

John shrugged his shoulders. "I'm driving, remember?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Monica and John got lost in each other's eyes and didn't notice Mulder and Scully leaving for the bar. John took Monica's hand in his under the table en intertwined their fingers. Her hand felt soft and warm in his and Monica was just enjoying being so close to John. If nothing came out of it tonight, she knew that from now on their relationship was changing.