Chapter 3:
Note: This chapter contains Sexual themes and extreme adult language in some places. This may be offensive to some readers. I will post warnings where I think younger readers. (Especially women readers) Might take offence. You have been warned.
There is a dark area outside a hut, in the small town of Mineral Village. In the church the Pastor was in the confession room when Chef stepped inside.
Chef: Why is it so dark in here?
Pastor: This is a confession room.
Chef: Confession room?
Pastor: It is where you confess your sins.
Chef: I guess.
Pastor: So, what have you done?
Chef: I did a lot of stuff like Stampeded cattle, Terrorized citizens, assaulted the mayor, killed a sheep.
Pastor: Killed a sheep?
Chef: It was an accident I had a spasm in my arm and I threw a rock and it hit the sheep.
Pastor: Okay.Is there anything else you would like to confess about?
Chef: Well I just had some munchies but last time I checked that wasn't a sin. (Laughs hysterically)
Pastor: Uh okay you can go now.
Chef: But you haven't told me the goddess forgives me!
Pastor: Believe me the goddess will never forgive you.
Chef: Fuck you!
(Chef storms out and Jack comes in)
Jack: Uh Pastor?
Pastor: Yes Jack?
Jack: I.uh need to talk to you. It isn't about confessing unless it is confessing about love.
Pastor: Okay shoot.
Jack: (Pulls out a gun)
Pastor: No I mean ask away.
Jack: Oh sorry about that. Well uh there is this girl.
Pastor: Okay this girl.
Jack: Who I love very, very much. But there is this guy that gets in the way. What should I do about it?
Pastor: This isn't about Popuri and Kai is it?
Jack: Uh yeah.
Pastor: Normally I wouldn't say this but since it is that cheater Kai. Put this in his beer tonight.
(Gives him a box)
Jack: What will it do?
Pastor: Lets just say he won't like girls for a long, long time. (Laughs hysterically)
Jack: Uh pastor. Will it kill him?
Pastor: No.
Jack: Okay then sounds like fun. (Starts laughing too)
At the Clinic Elli is sorting through the medicine cabinet when the Doctor comes in.
Elli: Doctor don't you think it is strange that no one died 3 months ago?
Doctor: Are you talking about when the mayor killed all those people?
Elli: Yeah. I mean even Jack survived and he was shot in the head.
Doctor: Let's just say the goddess was with us.
Elli: But no one died!
Doctor: Elli let's just drop this okay? We should be thanking the goddess that no one was killed.
Elli: Okay I guess so.
Meanwhile.
Cliff: Uh Chief?
Chief: What is it Cliff?
Cliff: Uh Harris escaped sir.
Chief: WHAT? Sound the alarm and alert the town's people.
Cliff: Yes sir!
The Mayor's bell rings and the towns people gather at the sound of the bell. The mayor walks up to them and they quiet down.
Mayor: Harris has escaped!
All: AHHHH!
Mayor: Please everyone calm down.
Chief: Everyone must stay calm. We are doing our best to ensure everyone's safety.
Gray: Yeah like you guys helped us last time. The entire town almost got killed because of your lead officer and his asshole father.
Chief: Please calm down or I will have to hold you in contempt.
Gray: You? Put me in Jail? I would like to see you try! For all I know you and our new mayor could of let him out.
ALL: Yeah!
Mayor: I assure you we are doing our best to ensure the safety of this town. I had to pass a polygraph remember?
All: Oh yeah.
Gray: Well maybe the mayor isn't involved but that asshole cop could be.
Chief: If you don't calm down.
Gray: Calm down ill show you calming down.
(Goes over to the statue in the middle of the courtroom and pisses all over it)
Gray: There that's what I think about you mother fuckin cops.
(Gives him the finger)
Chief: Okay your coming with me. (Grabs Gray)
Gray: Gets your hands off of me you man of the law.
Chief: That's right and if I say your in jail your in jail.
Mayor: Sorry about that.
Meanwhile in the Sprites hut.
Timid: Uh Bold we lost all of our money can we have some more?
Bold: No fuckin way I don't have anymore money for you to waste at Jack's house, when you are never going to win anyway because he cheats!
Timid: Oh come on Bold.
Bold: NO!
(Timid knocks bold down and steals all his money then runs out the door)
Bold: God damn mother fucker.
(Just then the phone rings and Bold picks it up)
Bold: Hello?
Killer: What is your favorite Scary Movie?
Bold: What do you want and if its you gambling fucks you can't have anymore of my money.
Killer: What is your favorite scary movie?
Bold: Do you have to repeat your fucking self all the damn time? I am hanging up.
Killer: Oh well I just wanted you to know I am outside of the house.
(Killer hangs up)
Bold: What a strange phone call. Oh well I'll just start watching TV again.
(The Killer come through the window)
Bold: I know your Timid and those gambling fucks you want my goddamn life insurance too.
Killer: WUZZZZUUPPPPPPP
Bold: You know I could kick your ass timid.
(Killer slices him in the side)
Bold: Damn you!
Later that night in the bar. Ann is washing out glasses and Doug is in the warehouse preparing the alcohol for the customers when Jack, Popuri, Elli, Kai, Karen, Gray's Grandpa, Basil, Rick, Chef, Timid and Cliff come in.
Jack: (Sits next to Kai)
Kai: What do you want?
Jack: I just wanted to know if you wanted a beer. It's on me.
Kai: Is this some kind of trick?
Jack: No, I just thought we shouldn't be enemies anymore. You know kind of well.friends.
Kai: Yeah whatever I am on to you.
Jack: Hey waitress!
(Ann comes over)
Ann: What can I get you boys?
Jack: Just get me a bottle of Champagne and a beer for Kai here.
Ann: Okay I'll be right back.
(Ann leaves and comes back with the order)
Jack: Thanks and here is a tip for your hard work.
(Gives here 300G)
Ann: Thanks.
(Jack takes out the box and finds a bottle of pills inside and stick 4 of the pills into Kai's beer when he isn't looking)
Kai: Hey look a pink elephant!
Jack: Where?
(Kai puts some Viagra pills into Jack's champagne)
Kai: Sorry it was just Karen.
Karen: You calling me a pink elephant?
(Karen punches him in the face)
Karen: That will teach you.
Timid: Hey look a midget!
Karen: Where?
(Timid takes constipation medicine out of his bag and puts it into Karen's beer)
Timid: Sorry it was just Chef.
(Chef hits him on the head with a beer bottle)
Chef: I aint no midget I'm just short.
Chef: Hey Basil look it's a unicorn!
Basil: Where?
(Chef also puts constipation medicine into Basil's beer)
Chef: Sorry it was just a regular horse, weird.
(1 Hour later) Karen: Ughh I don't fell so good.
Basil: Me either.
Karen: You did something to my beer Basil!
Basil: No you did something to my beer.
Karen: Ughh I just got a bad feeling at the pit of my stomach.
Basil: Me too.
(They run to the bathroom and Chef and Timid laugh hysterically)
Jack: That was a good one guys.
Chef: We got tons more. Want me to teach you someday?
Jack: Sure. (Looks at his watch) Oh shit! I have to be at the court house.
(40 minutes later at the court house)
Judge: Unless your star witness doesn't come in 5 minutes I am dismissing this case.
(Just then the door flies open and Jack and Popuri come in)
Jack: I'll see you later.
Popuri: Okay ill be waiting at your place.
Jack: Sounds good.
Judge: Mister I suggest you come to the stand.
Jack: Okay.
(Jack walks over to the stand)
Girl: Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Warning: This contains content that women maybe even some guys may find offensive I will post another warning in capital letters so that you may continue reading. You have been warned.
Jack: I cannot tell a lie those are the biggest bosoms I have ever seen.
Girl: Excuse me?
Judge: Just say yes Jack.
Jack: Yes.
Girl: Okay you may now ask questions judge.
Judge: Where were you on the night of Last Summer 5th?
Jack: Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Judge: Excuse me? I have the right to hold you in contempt.
Jack: I don't care how you hold me, just hold me.
(The courtroom is filled with laughter)
Judge: Enough! I will not let you make a mockery of my courtroom! Answer the question or leave!
Jack: What question? Oh let me see.your hot, your hot, and hello Mrs. Sexy! You know where I live don't you? It's the only farm in Mineral village you can't miss it.
Judge: Cliff, please remove him from this court.
Cliff: Yes Judge! Come on your coming with me.
Jack: Gets your hands off of me! You man of the law!
(Cliff leads him out of the courtroom)
WARNING: YOU MAY CONTINUE READING NOW THE REST OF THE FIC WILL BE APPROPRIATE I PROMISE.
Cliff: What the hell were you thinking in there?
Jack: I don't know what came over me. I think Kai did something to my beer.
Cliff: Well that doesn't give you permission to make an ass out of yourself.
Jack: Well whatever it is I think it is wearing off.
Cliff: Normally I would be sending you to jail but considering you are my best friend.
Jack: Cool well I am going back to my place.
Cliff: Okay see you. Meanwhile at the mayor's house.
Chief: Uh mayor.
Mayor: Yes chief what is it?
Chief: There has been another killing sir.
Mayor: Jesus Christ!
Writer S: So what did you think aside from the bad parts good? Bad? Or so so? I'll try to post the 4th chapter tomorrow.
Note: This chapter contains Sexual themes and extreme adult language in some places. This may be offensive to some readers. I will post warnings where I think younger readers. (Especially women readers) Might take offence. You have been warned.
There is a dark area outside a hut, in the small town of Mineral Village. In the church the Pastor was in the confession room when Chef stepped inside.
Chef: Why is it so dark in here?
Pastor: This is a confession room.
Chef: Confession room?
Pastor: It is where you confess your sins.
Chef: I guess.
Pastor: So, what have you done?
Chef: I did a lot of stuff like Stampeded cattle, Terrorized citizens, assaulted the mayor, killed a sheep.
Pastor: Killed a sheep?
Chef: It was an accident I had a spasm in my arm and I threw a rock and it hit the sheep.
Pastor: Okay.Is there anything else you would like to confess about?
Chef: Well I just had some munchies but last time I checked that wasn't a sin. (Laughs hysterically)
Pastor: Uh okay you can go now.
Chef: But you haven't told me the goddess forgives me!
Pastor: Believe me the goddess will never forgive you.
Chef: Fuck you!
(Chef storms out and Jack comes in)
Jack: Uh Pastor?
Pastor: Yes Jack?
Jack: I.uh need to talk to you. It isn't about confessing unless it is confessing about love.
Pastor: Okay shoot.
Jack: (Pulls out a gun)
Pastor: No I mean ask away.
Jack: Oh sorry about that. Well uh there is this girl.
Pastor: Okay this girl.
Jack: Who I love very, very much. But there is this guy that gets in the way. What should I do about it?
Pastor: This isn't about Popuri and Kai is it?
Jack: Uh yeah.
Pastor: Normally I wouldn't say this but since it is that cheater Kai. Put this in his beer tonight.
(Gives him a box)
Jack: What will it do?
Pastor: Lets just say he won't like girls for a long, long time. (Laughs hysterically)
Jack: Uh pastor. Will it kill him?
Pastor: No.
Jack: Okay then sounds like fun. (Starts laughing too)
At the Clinic Elli is sorting through the medicine cabinet when the Doctor comes in.
Elli: Doctor don't you think it is strange that no one died 3 months ago?
Doctor: Are you talking about when the mayor killed all those people?
Elli: Yeah. I mean even Jack survived and he was shot in the head.
Doctor: Let's just say the goddess was with us.
Elli: But no one died!
Doctor: Elli let's just drop this okay? We should be thanking the goddess that no one was killed.
Elli: Okay I guess so.
Meanwhile.
Cliff: Uh Chief?
Chief: What is it Cliff?
Cliff: Uh Harris escaped sir.
Chief: WHAT? Sound the alarm and alert the town's people.
Cliff: Yes sir!
The Mayor's bell rings and the towns people gather at the sound of the bell. The mayor walks up to them and they quiet down.
Mayor: Harris has escaped!
All: AHHHH!
Mayor: Please everyone calm down.
Chief: Everyone must stay calm. We are doing our best to ensure everyone's safety.
Gray: Yeah like you guys helped us last time. The entire town almost got killed because of your lead officer and his asshole father.
Chief: Please calm down or I will have to hold you in contempt.
Gray: You? Put me in Jail? I would like to see you try! For all I know you and our new mayor could of let him out.
ALL: Yeah!
Mayor: I assure you we are doing our best to ensure the safety of this town. I had to pass a polygraph remember?
All: Oh yeah.
Gray: Well maybe the mayor isn't involved but that asshole cop could be.
Chief: If you don't calm down.
Gray: Calm down ill show you calming down.
(Goes over to the statue in the middle of the courtroom and pisses all over it)
Gray: There that's what I think about you mother fuckin cops.
(Gives him the finger)
Chief: Okay your coming with me. (Grabs Gray)
Gray: Gets your hands off of me you man of the law.
Chief: That's right and if I say your in jail your in jail.
Mayor: Sorry about that.
Meanwhile in the Sprites hut.
Timid: Uh Bold we lost all of our money can we have some more?
Bold: No fuckin way I don't have anymore money for you to waste at Jack's house, when you are never going to win anyway because he cheats!
Timid: Oh come on Bold.
Bold: NO!
(Timid knocks bold down and steals all his money then runs out the door)
Bold: God damn mother fucker.
(Just then the phone rings and Bold picks it up)
Bold: Hello?
Killer: What is your favorite Scary Movie?
Bold: What do you want and if its you gambling fucks you can't have anymore of my money.
Killer: What is your favorite scary movie?
Bold: Do you have to repeat your fucking self all the damn time? I am hanging up.
Killer: Oh well I just wanted you to know I am outside of the house.
(Killer hangs up)
Bold: What a strange phone call. Oh well I'll just start watching TV again.
(The Killer come through the window)
Bold: I know your Timid and those gambling fucks you want my goddamn life insurance too.
Killer: WUZZZZUUPPPPPPP
Bold: You know I could kick your ass timid.
(Killer slices him in the side)
Bold: Damn you!
Later that night in the bar. Ann is washing out glasses and Doug is in the warehouse preparing the alcohol for the customers when Jack, Popuri, Elli, Kai, Karen, Gray's Grandpa, Basil, Rick, Chef, Timid and Cliff come in.
Jack: (Sits next to Kai)
Kai: What do you want?
Jack: I just wanted to know if you wanted a beer. It's on me.
Kai: Is this some kind of trick?
Jack: No, I just thought we shouldn't be enemies anymore. You know kind of well.friends.
Kai: Yeah whatever I am on to you.
Jack: Hey waitress!
(Ann comes over)
Ann: What can I get you boys?
Jack: Just get me a bottle of Champagne and a beer for Kai here.
Ann: Okay I'll be right back.
(Ann leaves and comes back with the order)
Jack: Thanks and here is a tip for your hard work.
(Gives here 300G)
Ann: Thanks.
(Jack takes out the box and finds a bottle of pills inside and stick 4 of the pills into Kai's beer when he isn't looking)
Kai: Hey look a pink elephant!
Jack: Where?
(Kai puts some Viagra pills into Jack's champagne)
Kai: Sorry it was just Karen.
Karen: You calling me a pink elephant?
(Karen punches him in the face)
Karen: That will teach you.
Timid: Hey look a midget!
Karen: Where?
(Timid takes constipation medicine out of his bag and puts it into Karen's beer)
Timid: Sorry it was just Chef.
(Chef hits him on the head with a beer bottle)
Chef: I aint no midget I'm just short.
Chef: Hey Basil look it's a unicorn!
Basil: Where?
(Chef also puts constipation medicine into Basil's beer)
Chef: Sorry it was just a regular horse, weird.
(1 Hour later) Karen: Ughh I don't fell so good.
Basil: Me either.
Karen: You did something to my beer Basil!
Basil: No you did something to my beer.
Karen: Ughh I just got a bad feeling at the pit of my stomach.
Basil: Me too.
(They run to the bathroom and Chef and Timid laugh hysterically)
Jack: That was a good one guys.
Chef: We got tons more. Want me to teach you someday?
Jack: Sure. (Looks at his watch) Oh shit! I have to be at the court house.
(40 minutes later at the court house)
Judge: Unless your star witness doesn't come in 5 minutes I am dismissing this case.
(Just then the door flies open and Jack and Popuri come in)
Jack: I'll see you later.
Popuri: Okay ill be waiting at your place.
Jack: Sounds good.
Judge: Mister I suggest you come to the stand.
Jack: Okay.
(Jack walks over to the stand)
Girl: Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Warning: This contains content that women maybe even some guys may find offensive I will post another warning in capital letters so that you may continue reading. You have been warned.
Jack: I cannot tell a lie those are the biggest bosoms I have ever seen.
Girl: Excuse me?
Judge: Just say yes Jack.
Jack: Yes.
Girl: Okay you may now ask questions judge.
Judge: Where were you on the night of Last Summer 5th?
Jack: Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Judge: Excuse me? I have the right to hold you in contempt.
Jack: I don't care how you hold me, just hold me.
(The courtroom is filled with laughter)
Judge: Enough! I will not let you make a mockery of my courtroom! Answer the question or leave!
Jack: What question? Oh let me see.your hot, your hot, and hello Mrs. Sexy! You know where I live don't you? It's the only farm in Mineral village you can't miss it.
Judge: Cliff, please remove him from this court.
Cliff: Yes Judge! Come on your coming with me.
Jack: Gets your hands off of me! You man of the law!
(Cliff leads him out of the courtroom)
WARNING: YOU MAY CONTINUE READING NOW THE REST OF THE FIC WILL BE APPROPRIATE I PROMISE.
Cliff: What the hell were you thinking in there?
Jack: I don't know what came over me. I think Kai did something to my beer.
Cliff: Well that doesn't give you permission to make an ass out of yourself.
Jack: Well whatever it is I think it is wearing off.
Cliff: Normally I would be sending you to jail but considering you are my best friend.
Jack: Cool well I am going back to my place.
Cliff: Okay see you. Meanwhile at the mayor's house.
Chief: Uh mayor.
Mayor: Yes chief what is it?
Chief: There has been another killing sir.
Mayor: Jesus Christ!
Writer S: So what did you think aside from the bad parts good? Bad? Or so so? I'll try to post the 4th chapter tomorrow.
