CHAPTER FIVE
Three Months Later
Murdock opened his eyes and yawned. Daylight was coming in through the window and he squinted as he tried to read the numbers on the clock. It was 7.30, rolling over; his arm hit the empty bed. Katie was nowhere in sight.
Stretching he called her name, she appeared in the door to the bathroom looking harried. 'Yes?'
'Just wondered where you were. Come on back to bed babe.'
She shook her head and crossed to the closet. 'I'm late for work Murdock.'
'C'mon Muchacha. You've got a few minutes yet.' He reached out his hand to her. With a reluctant sigh she went to join him. He put his arms around her and nuzzled at her neck.
'I might have a few minutes spare but not long enough for that.' She chided gently as she rested her head on his shoulder. 'Besides, I thought you'd have had enough of that after last night.'
His brown eyes gleamed wildly. 'I can never get enough of you. Any messages for Billy?'
She smiled. 'Just the one. Take care of you and tell him to make sure you don't get into trouble and keep you away from the nice female nurses.'
'That's three but I'll tell him anyway.'
'I gotta get dressed now Murdock.' She sat up.
'Oh but that robe looks so becoming on you. I'm sure it'll be a new fashion.' He grinned wolfishly and pulled her back to give her a kiss.
It was a few minutes before they parted again. With a frustrated groan she removed his arms from around her waist. 'I really am gonna be late now.'
'Just tell 'em it was your rampant crazy boyfriend.'
She laughed and went to get dressed.he watched her move about the room and wished he didn't have to go back to the VA. She kissed his forehead. 'Don't be here when I get back.'
He nodded; it was habit now for him to be gone before she was back from work. The first time they'd parted had been so difficult that they couldn't do it again. She never went with him when he went back to the VA and they never said goodbye either. Their goodbyes were always unspoken and in the morning she would leave for work and he would be gone before she got back.
'Ok, see you later honey.'
'Yeah, see you later.' He forced himself to let her go and not pull her back into bed with him. It would be so easy but he had to go back to the VA today and she had to go to work.
He got up and padded to the small bathroom. He had never sold the apartment where he'd lived when he'd returned to LA after pretending to be dead. It hadn't worked out though, he'd needed to go back to the VA; he wasn't ready to live permanently in the outside world. Instead he'd given the apartment to Katie putting the deeds in her name. She hadn't wanted to live with her mother again after he'd rescued her from Jerome. She needed her independence and the apartment was close enough to her mother's house that she could see her whenever she wished.
Blearily he reached for the razor and it slipped from his fingers and into the wastepaper bin by the side of the sink. He said something unfavourable in Vietnamese and upended the contents of the bin on the floor.
As he gingerly sifted through rubbish his hands closed on something he had not expected to see. Whilst he wasn't in a position to ever have needed to use the object he now held, he did know what it was. It was a pregnancy test.
The sound of his breathing was loud in his own ears as he stood staring at the long slim object in his hand. His hand began to tremble.shakily he searched for the box; there it was half-hidden under some lipstick marked tissues. He scanned the instructions and then looked back at the test, and then he looked back at the box and at the test again to make sure he was reading it right.
He hadn't misread it.the object in his hand was telling him that Katie was pregnant.
*** Murdock didn't go back to the VA; instead he spent the morning and afternoon walking round the shops with a grin on his face. Everywhere he went he seemed to see children, babies and pregnant women. He went to the bank and checked how much money he had in there and was pleased to see it was a lot more than he'd thought it would be. Face had clearly been putting money in there on a regular basis.
He sat down for a coffee and read the newspaper looking for a new apartment. With a baby on the way, they'd need more room. As he sipped his coffee he wondered idly if it would be a boy or a girl, he didn't really mind but he found himself hoping it would be a girl. A daughter to look like Katie. The smile on his face grew.
He went to the grocery store and bought food to cook her favourite meal and an extra large tub of her favourite ice cream.
*** The first thing that Katie noticed when she entered the apartment was the smell of cooking. In surprise she shut the front door and looked around.
The table was set with candles, the lights were down low and soft music was playing. 'Murdock?' She called. He came out of the kitchen almost immediately smiling brightly.
'Hey baby.' He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply.
She pushed him back. 'Whoa, hang on a minute. I thought you had to go back to the VA today.'
'I did.' His fingers stroked her hair lovingly. And his smile widened. 'But.I decided to stay and cook you a meal.' His hand reached into his pocket and he pulled out the pregnancy test. 'I'm figuring we have something to celebrate.'
She took the test from him in silence staring at it for the longest moment before raising her eyes to his. But the look on her face was not what she had suspected. 'You've been carrying this around all day?'
'Yeah.' He nodded his confirmation wondering what was the matter. A sense of unease was settling upon him.
'Murdock.you, uh, you realise I had to pee on this don't you?' She said handing it back to him.
He paused and then threw it over his shoulder. 'Yeah.sure I did.' He grinned lopsidedly and she smiled but he noticed it didn't quite reach her eyes. 'When were you going to tell me?'
'Murdock I'm not pregnant.'
He felt numb; it had never occurred to him that the test could be wrong. 'But the test said.'
'I know what it said but I went to the doctors to make sure. He confirmed it, I'm not pregnant.'
Murdock swallowed. 'Oh.' He pulled her close. 'It doesn't matter; we can try again. It'll happen at some point.' He felt her tense and was afraid.
'Murdock.that's what I want to tell you, there isn't going to be a next time.' She looked up at him. 'I want to break up.'
She said the words so quietly, so calmly. Four words, so simple and yet so devastating. 'What?' He thought he'd misheard.
'I don't think it's going to work; I want to break up. I'm ending it.' 'No Katie.' She had removed herself from his arms and he reached for her but she moved back, away from him.
'I'm sorry.'
'You're sorry? Last night we made love, you said 'I love you' and this morning you want to break up with me!' His voice rose and he tried to keep calm. 'And you just expect me to accept that?'
She didn't look at him and he grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. 'Look at me!' It was the first time in months that he'd raised his voice to her. His hand gripped her arm almost painfully.
She looked at him slowly. 'I don't love you anymore.'
'No.I'm not buying that.' He shook his head vigorously.
'Come on Murdock.it was never more than a fling, we both know that. A quick fuck in the back bedroom of a Chicago apartment. We just tried to pretend that it could be more.'
Now he pushed her against the wall, anger boiling to the surface. 'Don't you ever call what we have that again!' He must have realised that he'd hurt her this time because he let her go and backed off. 'I asked you if that was all it was to you and you said no. You said you loved me.'
'I'd just come out of an abusive relationship, you were.nice, it was safe. Now I need something more.'
There was a bitter taste in his mouth and he could feel bile rising in his throat. 'More? You want more than love?' He was starting to lose control of his emotions but there was nothing he could do about it. That she could so callously turn around and tell him that she had no feelings for him made him feel as if he was dying inside.
'I think you should go Murdock. I'll pack up your stuff, you can come by tomorrow and pick it up. I'm sorry.' That said she disappeared into the bedroom.
There was nothing else he could do; his head was spinning so hard that he could barely think. He turned and left the apartment, venturing out into the rain soaked evening.
He remembered pretending that he wanted nothing to do with her when he'd been trying to save her life back when Carl had kidnapped her. He knew now how she'd felt. He'd pretended that she meant nothing to him and she had.he broke the thought off abruptly as another occurred to him.
He'd pretended. He saw in his mind's eye her face as she said she didn't love him, as she said she wasn't pregnant. She had been lying, he'd been too stunned to notice it at the time but now he saw the way her eyes had shifted, lost focus. The way she'd brushed him off and the slight hitch of her shoulders as she'd turned away. If he thought now, he would swear that she had been on the verge of tears.
He stopped his aimless wandering and broke into a run; heading for the one person he knew could help him get to the truth.
*** Face was preparing for an evening out. For once he didn't have a date planned and was looking forward to going out by himself and surveying what calibre of woman he might decide to pick up tonight.
The knock on the door came to a surprise to him, not many people knew where he was because he'd just moved into the apartment. Hannibal hadn't phoned to say that they were needed on a mission. With care he crossed to the door and looked through the peephole.
One look showed him all he needed to know and he opened the door to a bedraggled and feverish Murdock.
'Murdock?'
His friend didn't look up immediately, he was muttering to himself. It took Face two tries to get the pilot to answer him.
'She broke up with me. I found it in the bathroom, she said it was wrong but I know she was lying, she loves me, I know she does.'
'Murdock? What are you talking about? Look just calm down; let's get you inside where you'll be warm and dry, you can tell me exactly what happened.'
The pilot walked past him and began to pace the living room dripping water everywhere. Face looked at his friend's face and saw beneath the surface something that was deeper then just nonsensical babbling. His friend was very much distressed. He clearly wasn't going to be going anywhere tonight, finding a date was going to have to wait too but he didn't really mind, he was too worried about Murdock right now.
Face helped Murdock inside and helped him take off his rain-drenched coat and hat. 'Now go warm up by the fire. I'll get you a drink and you can explain this whole thing.'
As Murdock dried out, Face made him a cup of hot chocolate; handing it to him he sat across from his friend. 'So what brings you out here on a night like this? What's going on?'
'Katie.she.she broke up with me Face, but I don't think she wants to and I found a pregnancy test, it was positive but she said she's not pregnant and she's lying, I know she's lying. You have to help me.' All of this came out in one huge babble.
Face held up his hand. 'Just slow down. Start from the top and take it slow.'
Murdock took a breath and told his story, Face sat in stunned silence. He and the rest of the team had found out about Murdock's relationship with Katie only recently. It had come as a shock but after seeing how the couple were together Face had slowly started to realise that maybe there was something more there than he knew.
He was stunned to learn that Katie was breaking up with Murdock; he knew how she felt about him. 'Are you sure you read the test right.'
'Of course I read it right!' Murdock's voice rose an octave and Face nodded hurriedly.
'Well what do you want me to?'
'I need you to break into the doctor's office for me. He'll have the results filed.I have to know Face. She wasn't giving me the whole truth; I saw it in her eyes. She doesn't want to break up with me, I know it.'
Face thought for a moment and then nodded. 'Ok, I'll help.'
*** Face picked the lock on the office door and motioned Murdock inside. The pilot paced the floor of the office babbling to himself as he did so. Face opened the filing cabinet and flipped through the files, it didn't take him long to find the one marked Anderson, Katherine. Pulling it out he opened it.
The report lay right on the top just waiting for him to pick it up and read it. 'Well?' Murdock asked impatiently. 'What's it say?'
'Give me a chance to read it would you.'
Face scanned the report, Katie had indeed visited the doctor for a pregnancy test, about that she had not been lying. Face read further down the page and then paused, his eyes fixed on one single word. A word that would change his friend's life forever. He knew that he could lie to Murdock now, save him the suffering, he would get over Katie but would he ever get over the knowledge that Face now held?
'Murdock.' Face said; he only needed an instant to make a decision. Murdock was his best friend and he couldn't keep this from him.
'Yeah?' Murdock's voice was raw with hope.
'Congratulations, you're going to be a father.'
There was a pause as Murdock digested this information and then the biggest grin nearly split his face in half. He threw back his head in one long howl of elation. He threw himself at Face hugging the life out of him; getting carried away he kissed his friend on both cheeks and grabbed the piece of paper from him.
Another howl erupted from him as he saw that Face was not messing with him. Face frantically tried to calm him down but Murdock was too overjoyed to listen to him. 'I gotta go man; I gotta go tell her that I know.' With a whoop of happiness he ran from the room and threw open the door. The moment he did so every alarm in the building began to ring.
Face groaned and Murdock stopped and turned to look at his friend with an expression of guilt on his face. 'Ooops.'
'Just go.' Face instructed him and Murdock did, nearly skipping down the hallways.
*** Murdock ran; he ran harder than he ever had in his life. His only thoughts were with her, he needed to see her, to hold her and tell her everything was all right.
He fumbled for the key to the apartment and thrust it into the lock, it turned easily and then he was through the door and in the apartment.
The silence was like a smack in the face, all was in darkness and it was cold. No one had been here for several hours. For a moment he stood there feeling the adrenalin draining away from him. He'd been so caught up in what he was going to say to her that he'd never thought that she might have left.
He walked into the bedroom still clinging to the hope that she was sleeping but he knew she wasn't. He knew she had gone.
As promised Katie had packed up his things, a bag sat on the bed full of his clothes and a box containing whatever small possessions he'd kept in the apartment. He noted that some of the gifts he'd given her were in the box too.
Hesitantly he crossed to the closet and opened the door; most of her clothes were gone. He tried to think where she would have gone, who she would feel she could trust. Her mother? No, Karen would tell her to patch things up with him especially with a baby on the way. He ran through a list of her friends and then it clicked. Linda, the woman she'd worked with in the diner before he'd come back. Linda knew him and Katie trusted her.
He set off at a run barrelling through the front door of the apartment pausing only to pull it shut behind him.
***
As he raced towards Linda's apartment it started to rain again. Large drops pounded into the pavement, soaking him through to the bone but he didn't care, his only concern was to get to Katie as quickly as he could.
He knocked on the door, relieved to see from the warm glow of lights that someone was home. It was a long moment before Linda answered the door.
'Where is she?' He didn't bother with pleasantries. 'I have to see her.'
'I'm sorry Murdock, she's not here.'
'Don't give me that!' He was fast losing patience. 'She is, I know she is.'
Linda's face told him that he was indeed right; Katie was there. 'Please Linda, I need to see her.'
'She.she's in no state to see you right now.'
'She told you then, I know she's pregnant Linda.' He said it loud enough for Katie to hear him from wherever it was she was hiding. 'She tried to lie to me but I didn't believe her. Tell her that I've seen the doctor's records, I know that she's carrying my baby.'
Linda's eyes were maddingly sympathetic and she laid a hand on his arm. 'She's not carrying your baby, not anymore.'
His breath caught in his throat. 'What do you mean?' He croaked out. 'Did something happen to the baby? What's going on?' He tried to push through the door.
Linda held her ground. 'I think you should go home Murdock, she's in no state for you to ask her a thousand questions.'
'What's happened to my baby?' It was nearly a yell.
'Katie had an abortion earlier today; I don't want her anymore upset than she already is. I'm sorry Murdock, I really am, the best thing you can do right now is to go home.' She shut the door and this time he didn't try to stop her.
He felt numb to the bone, the rain continued to fall and somewhere far behind him he heard the rumble of thunder. He couldn't breathe, his child, the life they'd created, gone, murdered.
He fell backwards, stumbling away from the apartment running again, he didn't know where. There was a sharp pain in his heart.their baby, their son or daughter, the symbol of all that they felt for each other, their love had created a person and now it had been ripped away from him.
It was close to dawn when he wandered into the VA, tears mingling with the rain on his cheeks. He trudged down the halls past the startled orderlies who immediately called for the doctor. He walked into his room and stood there staring about him.
As the first rays of sunlight pierced the clouds Murdock collapsed to the floor sobbing.
Three Months Later
Murdock opened his eyes and yawned. Daylight was coming in through the window and he squinted as he tried to read the numbers on the clock. It was 7.30, rolling over; his arm hit the empty bed. Katie was nowhere in sight.
Stretching he called her name, she appeared in the door to the bathroom looking harried. 'Yes?'
'Just wondered where you were. Come on back to bed babe.'
She shook her head and crossed to the closet. 'I'm late for work Murdock.'
'C'mon Muchacha. You've got a few minutes yet.' He reached out his hand to her. With a reluctant sigh she went to join him. He put his arms around her and nuzzled at her neck.
'I might have a few minutes spare but not long enough for that.' She chided gently as she rested her head on his shoulder. 'Besides, I thought you'd have had enough of that after last night.'
His brown eyes gleamed wildly. 'I can never get enough of you. Any messages for Billy?'
She smiled. 'Just the one. Take care of you and tell him to make sure you don't get into trouble and keep you away from the nice female nurses.'
'That's three but I'll tell him anyway.'
'I gotta get dressed now Murdock.' She sat up.
'Oh but that robe looks so becoming on you. I'm sure it'll be a new fashion.' He grinned wolfishly and pulled her back to give her a kiss.
It was a few minutes before they parted again. With a frustrated groan she removed his arms from around her waist. 'I really am gonna be late now.'
'Just tell 'em it was your rampant crazy boyfriend.'
She laughed and went to get dressed.he watched her move about the room and wished he didn't have to go back to the VA. She kissed his forehead. 'Don't be here when I get back.'
He nodded; it was habit now for him to be gone before she was back from work. The first time they'd parted had been so difficult that they couldn't do it again. She never went with him when he went back to the VA and they never said goodbye either. Their goodbyes were always unspoken and in the morning she would leave for work and he would be gone before she got back.
'Ok, see you later honey.'
'Yeah, see you later.' He forced himself to let her go and not pull her back into bed with him. It would be so easy but he had to go back to the VA today and she had to go to work.
He got up and padded to the small bathroom. He had never sold the apartment where he'd lived when he'd returned to LA after pretending to be dead. It hadn't worked out though, he'd needed to go back to the VA; he wasn't ready to live permanently in the outside world. Instead he'd given the apartment to Katie putting the deeds in her name. She hadn't wanted to live with her mother again after he'd rescued her from Jerome. She needed her independence and the apartment was close enough to her mother's house that she could see her whenever she wished.
Blearily he reached for the razor and it slipped from his fingers and into the wastepaper bin by the side of the sink. He said something unfavourable in Vietnamese and upended the contents of the bin on the floor.
As he gingerly sifted through rubbish his hands closed on something he had not expected to see. Whilst he wasn't in a position to ever have needed to use the object he now held, he did know what it was. It was a pregnancy test.
The sound of his breathing was loud in his own ears as he stood staring at the long slim object in his hand. His hand began to tremble.shakily he searched for the box; there it was half-hidden under some lipstick marked tissues. He scanned the instructions and then looked back at the test, and then he looked back at the box and at the test again to make sure he was reading it right.
He hadn't misread it.the object in his hand was telling him that Katie was pregnant.
*** Murdock didn't go back to the VA; instead he spent the morning and afternoon walking round the shops with a grin on his face. Everywhere he went he seemed to see children, babies and pregnant women. He went to the bank and checked how much money he had in there and was pleased to see it was a lot more than he'd thought it would be. Face had clearly been putting money in there on a regular basis.
He sat down for a coffee and read the newspaper looking for a new apartment. With a baby on the way, they'd need more room. As he sipped his coffee he wondered idly if it would be a boy or a girl, he didn't really mind but he found himself hoping it would be a girl. A daughter to look like Katie. The smile on his face grew.
He went to the grocery store and bought food to cook her favourite meal and an extra large tub of her favourite ice cream.
*** The first thing that Katie noticed when she entered the apartment was the smell of cooking. In surprise she shut the front door and looked around.
The table was set with candles, the lights were down low and soft music was playing. 'Murdock?' She called. He came out of the kitchen almost immediately smiling brightly.
'Hey baby.' He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply.
She pushed him back. 'Whoa, hang on a minute. I thought you had to go back to the VA today.'
'I did.' His fingers stroked her hair lovingly. And his smile widened. 'But.I decided to stay and cook you a meal.' His hand reached into his pocket and he pulled out the pregnancy test. 'I'm figuring we have something to celebrate.'
She took the test from him in silence staring at it for the longest moment before raising her eyes to his. But the look on her face was not what she had suspected. 'You've been carrying this around all day?'
'Yeah.' He nodded his confirmation wondering what was the matter. A sense of unease was settling upon him.
'Murdock.you, uh, you realise I had to pee on this don't you?' She said handing it back to him.
He paused and then threw it over his shoulder. 'Yeah.sure I did.' He grinned lopsidedly and she smiled but he noticed it didn't quite reach her eyes. 'When were you going to tell me?'
'Murdock I'm not pregnant.'
He felt numb; it had never occurred to him that the test could be wrong. 'But the test said.'
'I know what it said but I went to the doctors to make sure. He confirmed it, I'm not pregnant.'
Murdock swallowed. 'Oh.' He pulled her close. 'It doesn't matter; we can try again. It'll happen at some point.' He felt her tense and was afraid.
'Murdock.that's what I want to tell you, there isn't going to be a next time.' She looked up at him. 'I want to break up.'
She said the words so quietly, so calmly. Four words, so simple and yet so devastating. 'What?' He thought he'd misheard.
'I don't think it's going to work; I want to break up. I'm ending it.' 'No Katie.' She had removed herself from his arms and he reached for her but she moved back, away from him.
'I'm sorry.'
'You're sorry? Last night we made love, you said 'I love you' and this morning you want to break up with me!' His voice rose and he tried to keep calm. 'And you just expect me to accept that?'
She didn't look at him and he grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. 'Look at me!' It was the first time in months that he'd raised his voice to her. His hand gripped her arm almost painfully.
She looked at him slowly. 'I don't love you anymore.'
'No.I'm not buying that.' He shook his head vigorously.
'Come on Murdock.it was never more than a fling, we both know that. A quick fuck in the back bedroom of a Chicago apartment. We just tried to pretend that it could be more.'
Now he pushed her against the wall, anger boiling to the surface. 'Don't you ever call what we have that again!' He must have realised that he'd hurt her this time because he let her go and backed off. 'I asked you if that was all it was to you and you said no. You said you loved me.'
'I'd just come out of an abusive relationship, you were.nice, it was safe. Now I need something more.'
There was a bitter taste in his mouth and he could feel bile rising in his throat. 'More? You want more than love?' He was starting to lose control of his emotions but there was nothing he could do about it. That she could so callously turn around and tell him that she had no feelings for him made him feel as if he was dying inside.
'I think you should go Murdock. I'll pack up your stuff, you can come by tomorrow and pick it up. I'm sorry.' That said she disappeared into the bedroom.
There was nothing else he could do; his head was spinning so hard that he could barely think. He turned and left the apartment, venturing out into the rain soaked evening.
He remembered pretending that he wanted nothing to do with her when he'd been trying to save her life back when Carl had kidnapped her. He knew now how she'd felt. He'd pretended that she meant nothing to him and she had.he broke the thought off abruptly as another occurred to him.
He'd pretended. He saw in his mind's eye her face as she said she didn't love him, as she said she wasn't pregnant. She had been lying, he'd been too stunned to notice it at the time but now he saw the way her eyes had shifted, lost focus. The way she'd brushed him off and the slight hitch of her shoulders as she'd turned away. If he thought now, he would swear that she had been on the verge of tears.
He stopped his aimless wandering and broke into a run; heading for the one person he knew could help him get to the truth.
*** Face was preparing for an evening out. For once he didn't have a date planned and was looking forward to going out by himself and surveying what calibre of woman he might decide to pick up tonight.
The knock on the door came to a surprise to him, not many people knew where he was because he'd just moved into the apartment. Hannibal hadn't phoned to say that they were needed on a mission. With care he crossed to the door and looked through the peephole.
One look showed him all he needed to know and he opened the door to a bedraggled and feverish Murdock.
'Murdock?'
His friend didn't look up immediately, he was muttering to himself. It took Face two tries to get the pilot to answer him.
'She broke up with me. I found it in the bathroom, she said it was wrong but I know she was lying, she loves me, I know she does.'
'Murdock? What are you talking about? Look just calm down; let's get you inside where you'll be warm and dry, you can tell me exactly what happened.'
The pilot walked past him and began to pace the living room dripping water everywhere. Face looked at his friend's face and saw beneath the surface something that was deeper then just nonsensical babbling. His friend was very much distressed. He clearly wasn't going to be going anywhere tonight, finding a date was going to have to wait too but he didn't really mind, he was too worried about Murdock right now.
Face helped Murdock inside and helped him take off his rain-drenched coat and hat. 'Now go warm up by the fire. I'll get you a drink and you can explain this whole thing.'
As Murdock dried out, Face made him a cup of hot chocolate; handing it to him he sat across from his friend. 'So what brings you out here on a night like this? What's going on?'
'Katie.she.she broke up with me Face, but I don't think she wants to and I found a pregnancy test, it was positive but she said she's not pregnant and she's lying, I know she's lying. You have to help me.' All of this came out in one huge babble.
Face held up his hand. 'Just slow down. Start from the top and take it slow.'
Murdock took a breath and told his story, Face sat in stunned silence. He and the rest of the team had found out about Murdock's relationship with Katie only recently. It had come as a shock but after seeing how the couple were together Face had slowly started to realise that maybe there was something more there than he knew.
He was stunned to learn that Katie was breaking up with Murdock; he knew how she felt about him. 'Are you sure you read the test right.'
'Of course I read it right!' Murdock's voice rose an octave and Face nodded hurriedly.
'Well what do you want me to?'
'I need you to break into the doctor's office for me. He'll have the results filed.I have to know Face. She wasn't giving me the whole truth; I saw it in her eyes. She doesn't want to break up with me, I know it.'
Face thought for a moment and then nodded. 'Ok, I'll help.'
*** Face picked the lock on the office door and motioned Murdock inside. The pilot paced the floor of the office babbling to himself as he did so. Face opened the filing cabinet and flipped through the files, it didn't take him long to find the one marked Anderson, Katherine. Pulling it out he opened it.
The report lay right on the top just waiting for him to pick it up and read it. 'Well?' Murdock asked impatiently. 'What's it say?'
'Give me a chance to read it would you.'
Face scanned the report, Katie had indeed visited the doctor for a pregnancy test, about that she had not been lying. Face read further down the page and then paused, his eyes fixed on one single word. A word that would change his friend's life forever. He knew that he could lie to Murdock now, save him the suffering, he would get over Katie but would he ever get over the knowledge that Face now held?
'Murdock.' Face said; he only needed an instant to make a decision. Murdock was his best friend and he couldn't keep this from him.
'Yeah?' Murdock's voice was raw with hope.
'Congratulations, you're going to be a father.'
There was a pause as Murdock digested this information and then the biggest grin nearly split his face in half. He threw back his head in one long howl of elation. He threw himself at Face hugging the life out of him; getting carried away he kissed his friend on both cheeks and grabbed the piece of paper from him.
Another howl erupted from him as he saw that Face was not messing with him. Face frantically tried to calm him down but Murdock was too overjoyed to listen to him. 'I gotta go man; I gotta go tell her that I know.' With a whoop of happiness he ran from the room and threw open the door. The moment he did so every alarm in the building began to ring.
Face groaned and Murdock stopped and turned to look at his friend with an expression of guilt on his face. 'Ooops.'
'Just go.' Face instructed him and Murdock did, nearly skipping down the hallways.
*** Murdock ran; he ran harder than he ever had in his life. His only thoughts were with her, he needed to see her, to hold her and tell her everything was all right.
He fumbled for the key to the apartment and thrust it into the lock, it turned easily and then he was through the door and in the apartment.
The silence was like a smack in the face, all was in darkness and it was cold. No one had been here for several hours. For a moment he stood there feeling the adrenalin draining away from him. He'd been so caught up in what he was going to say to her that he'd never thought that she might have left.
He walked into the bedroom still clinging to the hope that she was sleeping but he knew she wasn't. He knew she had gone.
As promised Katie had packed up his things, a bag sat on the bed full of his clothes and a box containing whatever small possessions he'd kept in the apartment. He noted that some of the gifts he'd given her were in the box too.
Hesitantly he crossed to the closet and opened the door; most of her clothes were gone. He tried to think where she would have gone, who she would feel she could trust. Her mother? No, Karen would tell her to patch things up with him especially with a baby on the way. He ran through a list of her friends and then it clicked. Linda, the woman she'd worked with in the diner before he'd come back. Linda knew him and Katie trusted her.
He set off at a run barrelling through the front door of the apartment pausing only to pull it shut behind him.
***
As he raced towards Linda's apartment it started to rain again. Large drops pounded into the pavement, soaking him through to the bone but he didn't care, his only concern was to get to Katie as quickly as he could.
He knocked on the door, relieved to see from the warm glow of lights that someone was home. It was a long moment before Linda answered the door.
'Where is she?' He didn't bother with pleasantries. 'I have to see her.'
'I'm sorry Murdock, she's not here.'
'Don't give me that!' He was fast losing patience. 'She is, I know she is.'
Linda's face told him that he was indeed right; Katie was there. 'Please Linda, I need to see her.'
'She.she's in no state to see you right now.'
'She told you then, I know she's pregnant Linda.' He said it loud enough for Katie to hear him from wherever it was she was hiding. 'She tried to lie to me but I didn't believe her. Tell her that I've seen the doctor's records, I know that she's carrying my baby.'
Linda's eyes were maddingly sympathetic and she laid a hand on his arm. 'She's not carrying your baby, not anymore.'
His breath caught in his throat. 'What do you mean?' He croaked out. 'Did something happen to the baby? What's going on?' He tried to push through the door.
Linda held her ground. 'I think you should go home Murdock, she's in no state for you to ask her a thousand questions.'
'What's happened to my baby?' It was nearly a yell.
'Katie had an abortion earlier today; I don't want her anymore upset than she already is. I'm sorry Murdock, I really am, the best thing you can do right now is to go home.' She shut the door and this time he didn't try to stop her.
He felt numb to the bone, the rain continued to fall and somewhere far behind him he heard the rumble of thunder. He couldn't breathe, his child, the life they'd created, gone, murdered.
He fell backwards, stumbling away from the apartment running again, he didn't know where. There was a sharp pain in his heart.their baby, their son or daughter, the symbol of all that they felt for each other, their love had created a person and now it had been ripped away from him.
It was close to dawn when he wandered into the VA, tears mingling with the rain on his cheeks. He trudged down the halls past the startled orderlies who immediately called for the doctor. He walked into his room and stood there staring about him.
As the first rays of sunlight pierced the clouds Murdock collapsed to the floor sobbing.
