CHAPTER TEN

Murdock got out of the car and walked towards the house. Katie was living with her mom again, all this time so close and yet so far. Automatically he reached for her hand and laced his fingers protectively through hers.

He was surprised at the action, part of him, no matter how much he understood, was still angry with her that she hadn't come to him in spite of Jerome. But a bigger part of him still loved her, an even bigger part of him thought that she might be the last friend he had if the plan didn't work. She could be his only friend, he didn't trust Frankie the way he trusted Katie, not even her running from him had destroyed his trust in her. That was why he had wanted her in on the plan and that was why he had wanted her in the boat with him.

He didn't know what to expect when Katie opened the door and they stepped inside. A wave of memories washed over him, all the familiar sights and smells of this house, a part of his past that he never thought he'd be visiting again.

Karen looked up as they entered; she was just about to go into the kitchen, her arms full of washing. She stared at Katie and Murdock's linked hands and then someone was barrelling at them at top speed.

Megan wrapped her arms around her mother's legs and hugged them tight. 'I'm glad you're back Mommy.'

Murdock stared down at her and aware of the scrutiny, Megan looked up. As soon as she saw who it was, her whole face lit up. 'HM!'

He bent down and enveloped her in a tight hug. 'Hey sweetie.' The little girl wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him back just as hard. Murdock felt a lump in his throat.this child whom he'd met barely two days ago was his. His child, his daughter, he didn't want to let her go.

'You know her?' Katie asked in surprise. She hadn't been expecting this.

Murdock finally let go of Megan and both looked up at Katie with identical grins. 'Yeah I think we know each other.' He tweaked Megan's nose and she giggled.

'See.I didn't get run over by a truck.' Megan tilted her head and took in his appearance with interest. 'Why you dressed as a priest?'

Murdock looked at Katie. 'It's a secret but.maybe I'll tell you if you're a good girl.'

Megan's face instantly became innocent and she nodded seriously. 'I'm always good, aren't I Mommy?'

Katie laughed softly and smoothed back her daughter's hair from her face. 'Sometimes, when you're not running around and frightening the life out of me.'

Megan beamed up at her. 'But you like it when I do that.'

Katie didn't dignify that with an answer, she just gave Megan a look, which the little girl knew very well. 'You can change in my room Murdock.' Katie told him.

'I'll show you where it is!' Megan volunteered eagerly. 'And then you can see my room.'

With a laugh Murdock nodded and took her hand. He was glad for the distraction; he knew it was going to feel like forever before Stockwell phoned him to say that the guys were back. But then, knowing Stockwell he probably would just not bother calling.

Murdock scooped up his bag and followed Megan upstairs, even though he knew very well where Katie's room was, he humoured Megan and let her show him.

When he came out he was dressed in his converses, jacket and khakis and felt much more like himself again. Megan was balancing herself on a banister, walking along it as if it were at tightrope.

In a second he was there and had lifted her down. 'Megan! Don't do that! You could have fallen.' His voice faltered suddenly as he realised what a fatherly thing that was to say.

She looked upset. 'Sorry.I just wanted to see what it was like.'

'It's dangerous honey, you could hurt yourself.' He shook his head; she was so much like him it was scary. He could remember his mother and grandmother reprimanding him much the same way he was reprimanding Megan for similar things. Like the time he'd jumped out of a tree trying to fly for instance.

She took his hand and looked up at him. 'Ok, I won't do it again. I'm sorry.'

'Ok good girl.' She started pulling him towards the direction of her bedroom.

'C'mon come and see my room.' She dragged him inside and jumped on her bed, swinging her legs with an expression on her face that reminded him of Katie.

With a grin he stepped inside, it was much like any other child's room.strewn with clothes and toys. But he could see books lining the shelves, which would never have been seen on the average three year olds shelf.

She saw his Converses and her eyes lit up. 'I got a pair like that.' In a second she had jumped down from the bed and was in the corner of the room rummaging through her clothes trying to find the shoes.

He sat down on the bed and then got up again. He was sitting on something; it was a book. He picked it up and studied it. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis. He couldn't help smiling; Katie had loved this book to death when she was a kid. But she'd been much older than Megan; he was surprised someone of her age would be reading something for a much older child.

He flicked through the pages and something fell out onto the floor. He bent and picked it up; his own face stared back at him from a photograph.

He looked over at Megan; she was still searching through the pile of things in the corner and had her back to him.

'Megan.' He said casually. 'Why do you have a picture of me?'

Megan looked up and from the look on her face he could see that she was scared of being told off. 'It's ok, I won't be mad you can tell me.' He held out an arm in an open invitation for her to join him.

She left her search for the shoes and went and sat beside him. She took the picture from him and looked at it. 'It was in Mommy's book, I borrowed her book to read.' She held the photo next to her face. 'See, I look like you.'

His breath caught in his throat. He didn't know what to say to that. He stared down at the book in his hands. 'Well.this is a book for older children.you can read it?'

She nodded. 'Oh yeah.some of the words are kinda big but I can do it.' There was something defiant about her answer. He read between the lines, she thought he was thinking of her as a baby. In a way she was but in other ways she was far older. Her dark eyes looked up at him. 'Are you my Daddy?'

If he had thought her earlier remark had left him at a loss for words that was nothing compared to this. He saw that spark of intelligence in her eyes and a memory came back to him.

Six years old, he'd gone to see a great aunt with his grandmother. She had seemed a hundred years old to Murdock and had regarded him with condescending eyes. His grandmother had raised an eyebrow and brazenly told the old lady that HM was quite intelligent for his age and if she had any doubts about that she need only look into the boy's eyes. Murdock had noted the look on the old woman's face.almost as if she had known all along that Murdock was bright and that the whole thing had been some kind of test that he seemed to have passed without doing anything.

Megan was still looking up at him questioningly and he realised she was waiting for him to answer. There was such a hope in her eyes that he knew he could do nothing but give her the truth, or as much of it as she would be able to understand. She might be intelligent but she was still only three years old.

'Your mom seems to think so.' He replied carefully.

She nodded as if she had expected as much. 'I think you are too and I'm really, really glad!'

He couldn't help hugging her. 'I'm really, really glad too.'

'And I won't tell Mommy, I promise.'

'That's probably a good idea for now at least. Honey, I'm sorry I've not been around much. I promise I'll make it up to you.'

She just nodded and looked down at her pyjama-clad feet. Karen appeared in the doorway. 'Come on you.' She said to Megan. 'Time to get dressed.'

Murdock ruffled Megan's hair and then stood up. Karen met his eyes before he walked from the room. 'It's good to see you again Murdock.'

He smiled back and squeezed her hand. 'It's good to be back.' In her eyes he saw the apology that was unspoken. The regret that she hadn't been able to tell him about his daughter and that she knew how much he had missed out on.

He went downstairs and found Katie staring thoughtfully out the window. He wanted to go to her and slide his arms around her waist and kiss her neck the way he always used to. Instead he shoved his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat.

She turned and smiled; she was about to speak when the phone rang. Murdock felt himself tense and all the panic and remorse came flooding back. It hadn't worked, something had gone wrong; he just knew it.

Katie laid her hand on the phone and paused.then she picked it up. 'Hello?'

Murdock's mouth went dry. 'Yes.ok.' That was all she said and then she replaced the handset. 'That was Frankie; he spoke to Stockwell.if you want to see them you've got to go now. He'll pick you up on route. He said you know where to go.'

Murdock nodded and then swallowed. 'I guess this is it. Unless.you want to see them too?' He couldn't help hoping.

She shook her head. 'I think I'll give you guys some time alone.'

'Frankie'll be there.' He knew there was a pleading note in his voice and he hated it.

'Just go Murdock.'

He looked at her and then couldn't help himself; he pulled her towards him with an arm around her waist and kissed her soundly on the lips. Then he was gone out the door and she didn't know if she would even see him again.