I just took down this chapter, reworked it, and reposted it. That doesn't mean that you are excused from reviewing. Look at this thing. Four reviews for two chapters? It isn't _that_ bad, people. Come on.

JKR owns the world. I claim Maria. Any horrible things I may to do to Snape... are Guillermo's fault.

Oh, and I'm just counting the song as common property.

Plot? Believe me, it's going to be fun.

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In the Gryffindor common room, the traditional beginning of year party was going on. Ron, Hermione, and Harry sat in a (relatively) quiet corner, letting the happy fireworks (and bursts of feathers, when Fred and George could trick someone into eating a Canary Cream) wash over them.

"Did you hear how the hat almost put her in Gryffindor?" Ron was amazed. "And then it choked, sort of, and then it put her in Slythrin."

Harry shrugged, lolling tiredly in the red brocade armchair "Maybe it messed up."

Hermione got that you're-about-to-get-way-too-much-information look on her face. "Maybe she asked it to. You know like how it did to you, Harry? I read in Hogwarts, A History, that sometimes-"

Ron interrupted. "But why would she want to be in Slythrin?"

Harry sighed. All he wanted to do was to fall asleep where he was, and not wake up until Christmas. "I don't know, Ron. Why don't you two talk it over. I'm going to sleep." He pried himself from the chair and staggered up the stairs, with a great deal of help from the banister. He reached the fifth-year dormitory with relief.

Harry Potter, wonder of the Wizarding world, had had a truly horrible summer. First the Dursleys, who were bad enough in the first place. Then the letter from Dumbledore, telling him to come to Hogwarts, that Voldemort was looking for him. On his way there, he was chased over most of England on a flying carpet, and then arriving Hogwarts, only to find Dumbledore nowhere in sight. Only the community of giant spiders in the forest had saved him, and after they had driven off the Dark Wizard, Hagrid fortunately showed up to keep them from eating him. He still had nightmares about cobwebs.

Harry was... tired. He was therefore not in the mood, when he lay down, to sit on something hard. It was, he found after a few inventive curses, a book. It was titled Ways To Survive Potions, and he had no idea how it had gotten there. *If it's Ron's, he'll find it.* Harry grunted, pitched the book to the floor, drew the curtains around his bed, and went to sleep.

~*~

In her room, Maria pretended to be asleep when the other girls staggered wearily in, to fall into their beds without even showering. They appeared to be both exhausted extremely drunk. (What is it with Slythrins and beer?) Still, she kept her wand by her side until she heard the last one begin to snore. Only when the fifth set of drawn-out near-roars assaulted her ears did she finally swing out of bed and don her pale lavender nightrobe.

She cursed silently as her tired muscles complained at this further abuse. *I am going to be absolutely worthless tomorrow.* She had barely had enough energy to defend herself from Malfoy. She almost gave up and collapsed back into bed, but there were some things she just had to know before classes started tomorrow. *Actually, today. God, I'm tired.* On the first night of school, none of the teachers would be patrolling the halls. They would be trusting to the House Parties to keep the students under control, if not to get them to sleep. *Teachers are strange.*

~*~

Albus Dumbledore reclined in his study, looking over a letter he had received from the Department of Wizardry. He knew that in the teacher's lounge, his colleagues were having a sedate beginning-of-year party. When he had left, professor Snape had been looking black and sitting in a corner, as usual. Minerva had been slightly tipsy; and Flitwick was busy dueling with Madame Pomfrey. He shook his head. *Magicians are odd about expressing his affections, it seems.* And that as far as _that_ track of thought was going to go.

Uninvited, several thoughts attacked him at once. *Snape needs a girlfriend.* Also, *Flitwick has a crush on Pomfrey. Why did I not notice that until they started trying to knock each other senseless?* And, as both a final embarrassment and an answer to his question, *McGonnagal tipsy? I wonder she's drunk enough to need me to tuck her in.*

At that moment, he decided to give up on the paperwork and go tell Maria, wherever she was, to go to bed. *Not even two hours of the Knight Bus and a battle with her parents would be enough to keep her from exploring tonight.* It was no mystery to him how she had reversed the hat's opinion of her appropriate house; he knew of her aversion to Gryffindor. *What I _don't_ understand is why she chose Slythrin.*

~*~

*Perhaps I never will.*

Professor (Severus) Snape had taken sought refuge in the darkness of his quarters shortly after Flitwick and Poppy had both fallen asleep in their feuding tracks. *I do _not_ understand why they dislike each other so. And why on earth was Minerva singing that foolish song?* Unbidden, the nonsensical lyrics play in his head. "Sitting in a tree..."

Snape drops off to sleep after reviewing his lesson plans for tomorrow in his head. He does not return to his first thought, even though it is one which he broods on often. If the lyrics are even somewhat accurate, he may have quite an excuse to muse on it, and soon.

"First comes love..."

~*~

Padding softly through the darkened and chilly halls of Hogwarts, Maria hears a swish of robes that could only be Dumbledore's. *Damn.*

He sees her. With an effort, his face becomes stern. "Marilliti..."

*Oh, god. No!!! *

"Even pasteurized couch-products require sleep..."

"I'll get some. I promise." Anything. Just don't mention my mother.

"And not, I hope, in you're family's traditional resting spot."

*Or my father!! Or my father!!*

"Good night."

*Thank you thankyouthankyou!*

(A/N: this scene is not integral to the story. It is simply me further confusing people who think they have finally figured out some basic facts about the relations of Maria, Anaheit, and Kate.)

~*~

The next morning, Maria woke up refreshed and ready for anything... provided it was so larger than a dust mote, and had misplaced it's wand.

*Damn, that was stupid.* Overall, she had gotten maybe four hours of sleep. The fifteen-year-old fifth year groaned. *I'm a nine-hour kind of person. Maybe ten. _Damn,_ was that stupid.* For the first time, she closely examines her new roommates. *They're almost as irritating asleep as awake.* Some drooled on their velvet pillows. Others murmured in their sleep. All snored.

*Talk _and_ snore? _Why_ don't they choke?* She took a quick shower to wake up, donned her robes, and looked at herself in the mirror, encrusted with copious and disgusting amounts of silver and jade. Her first thought was, *I wish that decorating spell had some kind of fashion sense.* Her second was, *I look like a raccoon. A _green_ raccoon.*

Rummaging through her trunk, she found a very useful book, one that one of her Muggle friends had gifted her with for her thirteenth birthday, as a joke. "Charms Every Witch Needs In The Morning. Written by Oprah Winfrey." Part of the cover had long ago been turned bright blue by a badly aimed Colorum spell. *Like the one I gave that blonde boy.* It had worn off by now; either that or he had hexed his face off trying to get rid of it, and _then_ it had worn off. Only a very good potionsmaster could brew the concoction to remove the coloration before the spell was set to expire. She now knew that the tall man with the black hair from the common room the other night was Hogwarts' potion-master. She also knew the password to his room and what kind of shampoo he liked. She was looking forward to finding out how good he was at his craft.

*This is going to be _so_ much fun.*

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Poor Snape. His life is going to become hell on wheels. Down stairs.

For people who know what I mean, she's going to pull a Fred. Or, for the rest of the world, a HermioneMew.

Don't kill me, the house-elves made me do it.

Just REVIEW the thing!