(A:N: Hey. Thanks for selecting to read my fanfic and ponder the meanings of whatever with me. Review when you're done. Please.........my mom is a giant potato)











Harry Potter and the Dalai Lama, Chapter One

"I definitely failed that exam," said Harry miserably as he and Ron met Hermione in the corridor. She smiled.

"You should have dropped it." Hermione never seemed to miss a chance to rub in the fact that she took this great course while they stared aimlessly into mugs of tea.

"Well.I think I failed it too," added Ron, trying desperately. If Ron had known Freud, Freud would had a great time telling Ron all about his inferiority complex and his attention-craving inner child, deprived of the attention he should have received while his mom was doing the dishes and having babies or whatever.

"I failed worse than you did," pointed out Harry. Harry also needed some Freud-It was so obvious how he had to be the center of attention. This probably dates back to how his aunt and uncle wouldn't give him food or anything normal and than he became this ?ber-wizard dude.

"You both failed a lot. Okay?" Hermione was actually the only normal person in the trio, despite the part where she looked like an overgrown beaver.

"I told her that I was going to be devoured alive by the squid in the lake after my kitten dies and I fail seven exams," declared Harry proudly.

"Well, I told her I was going to become a trashy romance writer and pose for covers and be thrashed to death by a crowd of teenagers."

"Shut up."

"You shut up Harry."

"You shut up first."

"Are those exchange students?" Hermione pointed across the hall where four men, dressed in bright orange robes were carrying a baby.

"Err.they could be," admitted Harry.

"Did they shave their heads?" exclaimed Ron.

"I don't know." Harry was bewildered by their actions as he watched them jabber away in some dialect of Chinese. They were jerking the baby around and pointing to Harry and his friends down the hall.

"Hey, Dean!" called Harry as he dormitory mate, Dean Thomas crossed the hall. Dean stopped. "Did those guys shave their heads or are they bald?"

Dean peered at the men. "That's shaved." He shook his head in disgust. "Why do white men always look like giant thumbs when they shave their heads?" He walked away.

"I'm going to talk to them," declared Hermione.

"You do that," muttered Harry. He gathered up his books. "You coming Ron?"

"No. I want to talk to them."

"You do?" Harry could feel astonishment seep through his blood like arsenic. Ron didn't even talk to his own classmates.

"Well.Hermione is.and I stalk her.you know?"

Harry nodded. "How could I not?"

And so, Harry and Ron wandered over to Hermione and the four hairless men.

"Harry! Ron!" exclaimed Hermione. "You're never going to believe who these men are!" She looked at them, almost giddy with excitement. "Guess."

Harry looked at them suspiciously. "Death Eaters."

"Nope!"

Ron looked into one of their faces. "Um.Abercrombie and Fitch Models?"

"Nope!" Hermione looked pleadingly ingot their eyes. "Come on, you guys. I can't' believe you don't know this."

"Are you the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Questioned Harry.

Hermione exploded. Her insides dripped against the sides of the hall and her spleen landed in Ron's hair.

Just kidding. She only exploded literally. Anyway.

Hermione exploded. "You guys are so dumb! Can't you tell?"

"Obviously not," commented Harry.

"They're Buddhist monks!" exclaimed Hermione.

"No way!" said Ron, mocking her with his tone of voice. "Are you kidding me? Buddhist Monks!" He turned to Harry. "'Scuse me, Harry. I've got to call my mom. This is the most exciting information I've heard since Justin went solo."

Suddenly, the baby in the monk number one's arms went limp.

"Hey.sir?" said Harry uncertainly. The monk smiled at him. "I'm not sure, but I think you just killed that baby."

Monk #1 looked confused. Harry pointed to his arms. "The baby," he said louder. "I think you killed it."

The monk still looked puzzled. Finally, a shock of recognition flooded his face. He shook his head, and indicated he was only sleeping.

"I see," commented Harry.

"Right," echoed Ron, who had yet to call Mrs. Weasley.

Suddenly, the baby in Monk 1's arms jerked away. Monk 1 smiled reassuringly at Harry. He held out the baby to Harry. The other three monks nodded encouragingly. "Er..alright."

Somewhere in the time between the monk handing over the baby to Harry and Harry catching it, the baby fell. It wasn't exactly a free fall, child abuse fall; it was only about three feet. The child didn't appear hurt.

"Sorry," apologized Harry. "I didn't mean to drop your baby."

Monk 2 smiled at Harry and patted him on the shoulder. "Um.thank you. I've got to go to class now.but I'll catch you later!"

"Yeah," added Ron. "We'll do that lunch thing."

"But guys," insisted Hermione. "I wanted to stay and learn things from my new Buddhist friends-"

"Shut up, Hermione! You have no friends!" snapped Harry. He smiled weakly. "Just kidding."

"Fine, but I like these Buddhist people.."

"Come on!" Ron tugged her arm. The way those monks were smiling at him was creeping him out.

They weren't five feet away when Harry noticed the baby was following them. "Ron!" he whispered. "Why is this child following us?"

"I don't know."

Harry shouldn't have stopped. He should have followed Hermione and taken a sharp left, or taken a quick sharp right like Ron. But he felt almost hypnotized as he watched the baby slow crawl to him, the Buddhist monks cheering silently in the background, Hermione and Ron urging him to move as the baby moved nearer and nearer. Finally, Ron and Hermione each grabbed an arm and forced him to move. But they found they couldn't. The baby had clamped his grip on Harry's ankle. "Um.could you let me go?" asked Harry. The baby smiled innocently. Suddenly, whoops of joy were heard from the other end of the hall. The monks were laughing, jumping up and down and smiling. Harry leaned over and picked up the baby. The monks approached him. All four knelt ceremoniously in front of him. "Why are you kneeling?" asked Harry frantically. "Harry Potter," said Monk 3 in a heavily accented voice. "You are the new Dalai Lama.

(A/N: Hey.it's Angie. Thank you for bothering to reach the end of this chapter. Please review this. I promise I'll update this soon.as soon as those creative juices are FLOWING flowing like the rivers that flow in my native Scotland.not really. Anyway, review. ()