(A/N/- It's me again! I forgot about this, but now the creative juices are
flowing free like the waters of the uncaged Nile. Read and review my
lovers!)
"I beg your pardon?" said Harry in his cultured way. He held the baby a little tighter. "I don't think so."
"You must be!" exclaimed the monk. "For when you were a year old, at the exact same time you conquered the Dark Lord, our late great Dalai Lama died."
Harry handed the child to Hermione. The infant, with it's perpetual gaze was scaring the beejesus out of him. "I'm sorry for your loss," he said politely. "May I ask how he died?"
"He got AIDS," said the Monk 3 briskly.
Harry looked stunned. "Oh.I'm sorry."
"No, just kidding. He had Parkinsons' Disease. But it's okay." Monk 3 smiled. "We've got you now," said the monk reassuringly.
Before Harry could correct him, he felt a sharp poke at his shoulder. "Hey Harry!" said Colin Creevey excitedly. "Who are these people? Are they your friends? I was watching the whole time from behind you...Can I get a picture?" He noticed the child. "Is that your son? Did you and Hermione have a love child? Or is it Ron's? Huh?"
"You are strange.and off-putting," said Monk 1 in what sounded like a Romanian accent. "Leave now."
Yet Colin was too busy snapping photographs of the child. "He's going to have your ears, Harry. Mmh..smile now." He bent closer to the child to take a close up. It began to squirm and wail, reaching out for Colin.
"Here," said Harry, thrusting the child in to Colin's arms. "You can keep it."
"Er..I don't think so." said Colin uncertainly. "You want it back?" Colin tried in vain to shake the child from his hands. It gripped hard. The continual stare was now fixed on Colin. He shifted the child so it wasn't on his precious camera. "You're a weird little tyke, aren't you?"
"Anywhoo," continued Monk 3, "We've come to take you to Tibet. With your brilliance and magical studies, you will make a MAGNIFICENT lama."
"You're a llama?" asked Colin urgently. "Wow! When did you become Animagus? Are you going to be in a zoo? Which one? Isn't Tibet a communist Muggle country and monks keep setting themselves aflame?" "Weren't you leaving?" asked Monk 1. The clock chimed three times. "I have to go now," said Colin earnestly. "Here's your kid." He attempted to hand over the baby, but it was to now avail. He tried again. "Here."
The infant had no inkling to move, and promptly fell asleep on Colin. "Oh great," whined Colin. "McGonagall is going to love this."
"Yeah, I got to go too," said Harry. He nodded at Ron. "Come on wench, we have Potions with that sexy stud.." Ron shot him a worried look. "I mean.GREASY GIT! Isn't that better? God, Weasly, I can't believe you called Snape sexy.he's greasy and unattractive. He's a professor, for crying out loud!" Harry bit his lip. "It would never work."
Ron stared. "No, I guess not." Harry and Ron turned to leave. The monks bowed reverently and turned.
"I want to go meet this Headmaster man," grumbled Monk 2 in a surprisingly Brooklyn mobster accent. "I heard he's got slaves in the kitchens.they need to be free."
"You ought to talk to Hermione," snickered Ron. "Maybe you can join SPEW."
"Hehe.SPEW. Isn't it funny that Hermione is trying to do something special when we both know she will never accomplish anything without me?" Harry couldn't help feeling superior when his friends tried to do something distinctive without him. What could be more special than the Boy-Who-Lived- To-Be-An-Asshole? Ron and Harry thundered down the hall as the three monks calmly began heading towards the Great Hall.
"Guys? GUYS?" shouted Colin. He joustled the sleeping baby. "HARRY? RON?!?!?! MONKMEN? You left your baby!"
Silence.
"Well, I guess it's you and me, baby." Colin paused and thought for a moment. "I guess we should go to Transfiguration."
(A/N/-Sorry for the short chapterness. I'm kind of busy reading disturbed fanfic. There are some weird people out there. That's the strange part about fanfic-you never know who the author is. Anywhoo, if you enjoyed this I recommend When Harry Met Jesus, a fic I co-authored. It's pretty amusing I believe!)
"I beg your pardon?" said Harry in his cultured way. He held the baby a little tighter. "I don't think so."
"You must be!" exclaimed the monk. "For when you were a year old, at the exact same time you conquered the Dark Lord, our late great Dalai Lama died."
Harry handed the child to Hermione. The infant, with it's perpetual gaze was scaring the beejesus out of him. "I'm sorry for your loss," he said politely. "May I ask how he died?"
"He got AIDS," said the Monk 3 briskly.
Harry looked stunned. "Oh.I'm sorry."
"No, just kidding. He had Parkinsons' Disease. But it's okay." Monk 3 smiled. "We've got you now," said the monk reassuringly.
Before Harry could correct him, he felt a sharp poke at his shoulder. "Hey Harry!" said Colin Creevey excitedly. "Who are these people? Are they your friends? I was watching the whole time from behind you...Can I get a picture?" He noticed the child. "Is that your son? Did you and Hermione have a love child? Or is it Ron's? Huh?"
"You are strange.and off-putting," said Monk 1 in what sounded like a Romanian accent. "Leave now."
Yet Colin was too busy snapping photographs of the child. "He's going to have your ears, Harry. Mmh..smile now." He bent closer to the child to take a close up. It began to squirm and wail, reaching out for Colin.
"Here," said Harry, thrusting the child in to Colin's arms. "You can keep it."
"Er..I don't think so." said Colin uncertainly. "You want it back?" Colin tried in vain to shake the child from his hands. It gripped hard. The continual stare was now fixed on Colin. He shifted the child so it wasn't on his precious camera. "You're a weird little tyke, aren't you?"
"Anywhoo," continued Monk 3, "We've come to take you to Tibet. With your brilliance and magical studies, you will make a MAGNIFICENT lama."
"You're a llama?" asked Colin urgently. "Wow! When did you become Animagus? Are you going to be in a zoo? Which one? Isn't Tibet a communist Muggle country and monks keep setting themselves aflame?" "Weren't you leaving?" asked Monk 1. The clock chimed three times. "I have to go now," said Colin earnestly. "Here's your kid." He attempted to hand over the baby, but it was to now avail. He tried again. "Here."
The infant had no inkling to move, and promptly fell asleep on Colin. "Oh great," whined Colin. "McGonagall is going to love this."
"Yeah, I got to go too," said Harry. He nodded at Ron. "Come on wench, we have Potions with that sexy stud.." Ron shot him a worried look. "I mean.GREASY GIT! Isn't that better? God, Weasly, I can't believe you called Snape sexy.he's greasy and unattractive. He's a professor, for crying out loud!" Harry bit his lip. "It would never work."
Ron stared. "No, I guess not." Harry and Ron turned to leave. The monks bowed reverently and turned.
"I want to go meet this Headmaster man," grumbled Monk 2 in a surprisingly Brooklyn mobster accent. "I heard he's got slaves in the kitchens.they need to be free."
"You ought to talk to Hermione," snickered Ron. "Maybe you can join SPEW."
"Hehe.SPEW. Isn't it funny that Hermione is trying to do something special when we both know she will never accomplish anything without me?" Harry couldn't help feeling superior when his friends tried to do something distinctive without him. What could be more special than the Boy-Who-Lived- To-Be-An-Asshole? Ron and Harry thundered down the hall as the three monks calmly began heading towards the Great Hall.
"Guys? GUYS?" shouted Colin. He joustled the sleeping baby. "HARRY? RON?!?!?! MONKMEN? You left your baby!"
Silence.
"Well, I guess it's you and me, baby." Colin paused and thought for a moment. "I guess we should go to Transfiguration."
(A/N/-Sorry for the short chapterness. I'm kind of busy reading disturbed fanfic. There are some weird people out there. That's the strange part about fanfic-you never know who the author is. Anywhoo, if you enjoyed this I recommend When Harry Met Jesus, a fic I co-authored. It's pretty amusing I believe!)
