Thank You
In seven years, I had not addressed him once. This does not mean that I didn't talk to him. It was obligatory to answer Professor Snape's questions. But I never talked to him out of class, pertaining a test, or that day's lesson, or clarification on a point. I, like many of his students, was under his constant projection of fear.
In seven years, she had never addressed me once of her own free will. Sure, she answered my questions during class, but she never spoke otherwise. While her classmates created mischief and wallowed in their foolish endevors, she stayed silent. A bit too passive for my liking, but I must admit she was dedicated to learning Potions.
So one day, in my seventh year, one of the last Potions lessons, I found myself staying behind after the class was dismissed. Lord knows what outside force kept me in that room after the others left, but I guess I had decided to go through with my plan. I walked up to his desk and stood there, while he finished writing something-probably the points he'd docked from Potter that period.
The second to last Potions lesson for her proceeded normally. After the students left, I sat down at my desk, writing up the 25 points I had deducted from Gryffandor for their usual blunders in class. I knew that Willard stood in front of my desk, felt her presense even as I wrote. But she was a student- I, being her teacher, had authority over her. So I made her wait. It was probably a trifle issue, and when she began to be inconvienced, she would leave.
I suppose it was five minutes before he even acknowledged my presense. I didn't know whether he actually knew I was there, I mean, he was very good at hiding his thoughts. But I guess he either noticed me or was sick of having me around when he looked at me and addressed me.
"What is it, Ms. Willard?" I said. She was not going away, like some others would have. It must have been important to her, whatever is causing her to stay behind like this. I looked at her, merely made eye contact, and she immediately cast her eyes down upon my desk. Couldn't handle the confrentation, like so many others.
I don't know what I was doing there. I could feel his eyes bore into my forehead as I stared at the top of the desk. Looking back, I suppose I said the following in a low voice because I was afraid of him hearing- I must admit I lived in a sense of irrational fear. What I was going to say wouldn't get me a detention...would it? You never knew for sure.
The girl stood there- a bit fearing, perhaps wondering if her statement would warrant a detention. If she recongnized that I give out detentions only for correction of behavior, then she would have been fine. But obviously she generalized my actions (which during class are almost always disciplarian in nature) to mean that I will always give a detention to those who talk to me. If the comment insults me or my position, then the detention is warranted. But the students (and definately Ms. Willard) did not see the flaws in their logic.
"Um, I would just like to say...thank you."
"What Ms. Willard? Speak up."
God, I have to repeat it? Oh well. "Thank you."
"For what?" I was a bit skeptical. Probably this was one of Potter's pranks, setting me up for some asinine joke that they would no doubt find amusing but would result in a week's detention.
His eyes narrowed as the glare became more confined. I got the sense he was trying to dig for the reason for my statement with his eyes. I lifted my head in a noble attempt to make eye contact, but got scared and ended up staring to the left of him, at an apparatus he was using for the 5th years. Lord, I didn't want to explain to him! Wasn't it enough to say it? Why can't he get the message and send me on my way?
She was acting out of character. What had I done to expect such a message? I had not helped her in her studies, or in any other matter. But she was still an adolesence student. I didn't really know if she was capable of acting in such a manner for some interior motive, but I never assumed she wasn't acting. I asked her to explain herself, and I waited for the usual breakdown or obvious lie.
I sighed, and felt my being plunged into the ocean of fate as I explained myself. "Thank you for such a wonderful learning experience these past 7 years-"
Did I just say what I thought I said?
Did she just say what I thought she said?
"-and, well...being such a great teacher."
Silence.
Silence.
Well, I did it. I am embarassed upon reflection that I didn't look at him, but focused my eyes on the apparatus. I waited for the reprimand in silence, like always.
This was a joke. A cruel joke. No one said this sort of thing to me, ever. I am embarassed upon reflection that my anger showed up on my face. She responded before I could say anything.
"Sir," I started, really quickly, because I could see his anger growing,"I mean it. I was not sent by anyone, I am not trying to make you angry, I am acting on my own free will."
Own free will? I bet.
I swallowed hard for the next part. "I just wanted to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the dedication you have shown to teaching Potions and your firm insistance upon the importance of the subject these past seven years." That was the most I had said in one setting. I hoped that didn't sound infantile to him, because....I meant it. And perhaps to prove it to him, but mostly to myself, I turned my head and looked directly into those eyes.
Does she realize how infantile that sounded ? If she was trying to get on my good side, it was unnessacary. She tore her focus from the Distillation setup to me. It was the first time in a long while that someone below me looked at me with conviction and truth. I could smell her fear, and yet she broke away from her safety to confront me. This one act challenged my way of thinking. Could she be telling the truth? For the first time in a long time, I was unsure of my assumption. For the first time since I started teaching, I turned away from a student.
Something changed on his countenace- I couldn't tell you what exactly. I could tell he was struck somehow with what I said- or maybe with how I said it. He shifted his attention slightly to the right of me, lost in thought. I was about to turn to leave, when he spoke.
"I - suppose I should thank you for your gratitude."
A million thoughts running through my head, I muttered a bare "thank you sir," then left the room.
I tried to research the stack of essays that the various teachers had assigned me, but my mind kept wandering. Why am I letting two words stop my work? Why did I end up leaving the library, and sitting, pondering over the previous scene?
Any notes are appreciated. Email me please at mssnape_34@yahoo.com. This one has just been hanging around on my hard drive, and it..well..wanted to come out. So here it is. I really hope that one day Harry will say "thank you" to Snape -- because I think he deserves it.
