Disclaimer: Once more, I don't own GW. That's really depressing.

Author's note: This chapter is considerably longer than my last. I guess I got carried away. Thanks to Pat, who was the first to read (and hate) this fic.

~The Dreaded Lollipops of Evil~
By Burnt Rice

Chapter 2: Herbal Essences and Trowa's Pants

Heero looked around at the pilots who were currently suffering in agony. So far,the effects had not yet reached the perfect human. 'How can some stupid candy cause some of the greatest pilots in the universe so much pain?' asked the unbelieving Heero. The end of Duo's braid twitched. He stood up, looking totally normal. "Duo, are you alright?" asked Heero. "Yeah, I feel perfectly fine.", the Shinigami replied. His eyes flashed with a twinkle of purple. "I...." his voice faltered, and he struck an imposing stance. "There have been many thoeries suggesting a nonorganic origin of petroleum, but none of them have been successful. It is now accepted universally by geologists..." He went on for a while like that, talking about alternative energy sources and evolution. You know, smart people stuff. Heero blinked. 'Duo isn't this smart...' he thought. '..he must be a SPY! I must eliminate him at all costs.' He pointed his gun at the raving pilot, and was about to pull the trigger, when...

"YEAH!!! GO GET 'EM, HEERO! PULL THE TRIGGER!!!! LET DUO HAVE IT!!! CAUSE HIM PAIN! YEAH!!!!" Heero twisted around, only to find Quatre standing behind him, bursting with grand expectations of Duo's death. "You must be a spy too!" said Heero with sudden realization. "Prepare to die." His aim was perfect. The remaining resonance of the shot could still be heard in the room. The smoke that was surrounding Quatre's body had faded, but.........HEERO MISSED!!!!!! "HA HA HA!!" Quatre's body was doubled over with laughter. Sandrock's owner had dodged the bullet. "So, Mr. High and Mighty, I guess you're not so great now that you missed! I guess it took you a while to figure out that YOU SUCK!!! HA HA! Down with tea, that's for prissies like Trieze and Zechs!"

"Did I mention that stuttering is a disorder in which the rhythmic flow, or fluency, of speech is disrupted by rapid-fire repititions of sounds, prolonged vowels, and complete stops, or verbal blocks?" interrupted Duo. Quatre's eyes were wide with a mix of annoyance and insanity. "SHUT UP YOU STINKY COW!! MUTTERING ABOUT SPEECH IS

USELESS! YA GOTTA GO AND HURT SOMEBODY, WITHOUT REASON! YEAH, THAT'S THE WAY!" Duo looked thoroughly insulted. "Well, I never!" replied Duo. "It just comes to show how an ignoramous like yourself reacts to superior beings, like myself. I turn my nose up at you!" And he did.

Heero stood behind them, still in a state of shock thinking about how he had NEVER missed before now, and how his gun must've had some sort of flaw. Beeps could be heard from his right side, and he noticed Trowa dialing precisely and methodically on the telephone. 'At least one person here hasn't reacted to the candy.', he thought with relief. 'He must be calling for his weekly hair appointment. Yeah, that's it....'

But Heero was SO wrong....

Trowa, the ever-silent one, spoke. ".....so I was like, NO WAY! And she was like, WAY! And I'm like, SERIOUSLY? And she goes, TOTALLY! So I'm like,......." Duo, Quatre, and Heero stared. They had never before heard Trowa's voice, and all three hadn't realized that Trowa's voice had a strange similarity to Justin Timberlake's. Man, he could be a pop star, if only they could find him a pair of pants that would make his butt look bigger. His butt was impossibly miniscule.

Heero was caught up in the wonder of it all, and was about to suggest the option of spandex pants when he felt a cramp build up in his stomach. "Oh, no....not NOW..." he said aloud. Inside of his head he could hear a faint sound. It was oddly familiar.... "OH NO!! Disney's Aladdin!" He could hear the industry-produced's Arabian character sing 'A Whole New World' inside his mind. It was getting louder and louder, and Heero was getting the strangest urge to dance and sing along with Aladdin. "N-NO! I-I MUST RESIST THE URGE!......." It was too bad Heero was a bad dancer, because he held his arms out as if he were an airplane, whooshed around the room and started to sing, if you could call it singing. "A Whole New Woooooooooorld! A dazzling place I never knew......" And boy, he was no Justin Timberlake.

"WHAT THE FUZZ IS HEERO DOING?! HE WAS GOING TO HURT DUO NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES AGO-"

"I SAY! Heero is tone deaf! Who knew?! We must stop his raunching and

gallavanting around the house this instant-"

"OMYGOSH! You'll never guess what Heero is wearing-"

"It's crystal clear! That now I'll share this whole new world with yooouuuuuuu..."

Wufei was pissed. There was some sort of SOUND coming from the other room, interrupting his concentration! He had just beat Pokemon 'Nataku' version, and was starting Pokemon 'For non-weaklings who bring about justice- fuzzy wuzzy cuddly sparkly pink happy non-violent super duper teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini pika pika' version. (The Nintendo company had run out of colors) He had left his marshmallow Pikachu theory in the dust, but was now a strong believer of the chocolate Pikachu theory! It was SO obvious! He left the game in his room and walked out into the hallway to tell everyone to shut up. But as he walked past Duo's room (his door had been left open, and it could be seen that that room was proudly decked out in Deathscythe posters and candid pictures of Heero) a heart-wrenching scent met the chinese pilot's nose. Curiousity overcame Wufei and he walked into the 'Forbidden Zone', seeking out the it's source. Back to the others.

Heero had run out of Disney songs and was now unsucessfully attempting to seranade Quatre with commercial jingles. "I've got the urge! (In-stant herb botanical) I've got the uuuuuuuurge to herbal! She's got the urge!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK! WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?!" Quatre made a mad dash for the room labeled, 'The Room of Weaponry and Destruction', with Heero whooshing after him in hot pursuit. Trowa was giggling like a mad school girl, and Duo started to recite the economic principles of a free economy, obviously ticked that Heero was trying to seranade Quatre, rather than him. For no reason whatsoever, Zechs Marquise opened the front door, stepped in, and took a picture of the deranged pilots on his handy-dandy Kodak. "Heh-heh. This is for blackmail later." He said it with apparent glee. "Oh boooooys......." he sang in a sing-song tone (he sounded more like Elton John, rather than J. Timberlake) "I'm hungry and lonely. And filthy rich- can I stay here till I'm old and wrinkly and even more rich than before?- Ooooooo, candy......" It was pretty apparent that Zechs had spotted the forgotten blue lollipop lying innocently on the coffee table. He took it for himself, of course. He sat down on the couch, enjoying the show that was unfurling in front of his very eyes! A grumble came from his stomach. His eyes turned a tint of blue and watered with pain. He fainted and unconciously fell to the floor. Couldn't handle the agony, I guess.

Trowa, eyeing Zechs, who was currently on the floor, grabbed his make- up kit, yes, MAKE-UP KIT, and started applying foundation on Zech's zit-filled face. "I wonder how Zechs got through shooting 'Endless Waltz' with a face as repulsive as this?! Like, it must've been his make-up artist...." Trowa went on muttering to himself about the miracles of Clearasil versus Neutrogena, and applied some eyeshadow, lip gloss, and tweezed the Tallgeese pilot's eyebrows, not that they needed it. They were really thin! But Trowa promised himself that this was only practice for until he got his hands on Treize. Now, Trieze was one that needed some work!

Meanwhile, Quatre was blowing stuff up with hand granades, flamethrowers, and Heero's very own semi-automatic, cursing Relena, Lipton Iced tea, and anything else he could think of at the moment. Heero could be heard singing 'YMCA'. And Duo was scolding Trowa for using fireman-red lipstick instead of pansy-pink lipstick, the mistake was only soooooo obvious.

And this was the moment that Wufei chose to waltz into the room. "Hey guys, you'll never guess what I found under Duo's bed-" He blinked, calmly observing the chaos that had flooded the pilots. He blinked again, his left eye twitched, and simply walked away from the others, convinced that he was delusional, and headed back towards his beloved Pokemon game.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And that's it! That's the end of my fic, though I may write more if my reviews tell me to.

Disclaimer #2: I also do not own: Justin Timberlake, Disney, Pokemon, The Bikini Song, Herbal Essences, Clearasil, Neutrogena, or YMCA. Gosh, WHY can't I be more original?! I curse myself and my ideas.

Please Review!! ^-^