*No editing, just had to get it up. Hope you like, a little depressing, okay a lot depressing. Um…the next chapter, do you want me to do a chapter on Umi's choice, or just go right into Fuu/Ferio? Let me know, I can do either or because I haven't started or even considered next chapter. Important: read the notice at the bottom*

Chapter Eleven: Caught A Lite Sneeze

His breath caught when he walked into Clef's study and found Umi. He wasn't sure how to take it, to just walk out and pretend he never saw her or to pull her into his arms and tell her everything, even if she was a dream. He just stood there and stared, not sure at all what to do now that she was finally here.

Caught a Lite Sneeze

Caught a lite breeze

"Umi," he whispered her name and looked over that fragile body and tried to take her all in. He wanted to rip whoever did this apart, wanted to see the girl that he had dreamt of. She was here, his angel, but she was so weak, sick. This wasn't what he wanted when he wanted her to miss him. This isn't what he thought that would happen, this wasn't how it was supposed to be. So full of life she was, had been, and now…this?

Caught a lightweight

Lightningseed

She looked around and stopped on him. He looked almost disgusted and she threw her head down. She had waited so long because he was the one person she knew truly cared for her. She had longed and pined to see his reaction when she got home and this is what she saw.

Boys on my left side

In her shame her eyes scanned the room, from man to man, each had love. And she had no one, and now Ascot didn't even want to see her. Had it been that long? Had he forgotten her? Did she remind him of that crazy fantasy he had had, that girl that was nothing to him anymore? Did it embarrass him to admit that he may have cared for a girl like her?

Boys on my right side

Her mind was filled with insecurity and still she looked at his face and tried to smile. She tried to rip that disappointment, that disgust from his every expression and find her Ascot, the one that had truly missed her. He was in there somewhere wasn't he?

Boys in the middle

He turned and left, he couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't look at her like this, couldn't picture her like this, couldn't listen to what Clef had to say. Every word she spoke was like a knife going through his heart, reminding him of what he couldn't have, about what was and wasn't real. And the way she looked ripped him apart, his guilt tore him limb from limb until he could no longer take it and left. After all the anger was over and everyone had calmed he was no longer able to stay in the room, with her, with the way she was, the way she was so perfect and so untouchable.

And you're not here

She sat in her room and stared out at the sea. She closed her eyes and smelled in the salt and the night air that tangled together in an intricate dance, the smell of home and of Cephiro and the purity and love in the air.

"I know," she said to herself. "I'll fix myself up, like I used to. Then maybe they'll remember me the way I was and not hate me anymore."

She thought they saw through her; she thought they saw what she had done. She didn't know they were only worried for her, she hadn't been worried about in so long.

I need a big loan

From the girl zone

She pulled her hair into an intricate bun and let a few small curled blue strands fall down her narrow cheeks. She put on a thin-fitting silk blue dress, once tight now loose. Once it had shown her curves, now she had none, but it looked spectacular all the same. She smiled to herself, she couldn't wait to see their faces when she came to dinner.

Building

Then, in a fit of rage and sorrow she threw the dress from her body and ripped out her hair. Who was she kidding? She was still dirty and unwanted and that look he gave her plagued her, that look her ex-boyfriend had given her. That 'I am above you and all you stand for' look. And he was, because she was nothing, not anymore. She wasn't anything there, what made her think she was something here? Because she was a Magic Knight? That was over and done with, and how much had she truly done to begin with? Without Hikaru and Fuu, Celes, Windam, Rayearth. She was nothing special.

Tumbling down

She sat down at the foot of her bed and started to cry. No one loved her, not any longer. She was no longer wanted, not even here. Who had come to see her? No one, no one had wanted to speak with the Magic Knight of Water.

Didn't know our love was so small

She screamed inside and didn't know how to express her rage. She wanted to cry, but tears couldn't find their way from her eyes. She wanted to hit something, but it didn't help. She wanted to express her feelings somehow, but there was nothing, nothing but a broken girl sitting on a floor in a home that wasn't hers, in a place she wasn't wanted.

Couldn't stand at all

She struggled to her feet and walked out of the palace, in search of comfort. She needed to be loved, needed to be wanted, if only for the night. She walked into a village and looked around, anyone, just anyone to caress her and make her feel needed.

Mr. St. John just bring your son

"So what's your name?" he asked gently; she was already his. He didn't have to ask because she knew as well as he that he would never see her again.

"It doesn't matter," she looked down as he fingered her neck.

"I like that," he kissed her neck and teased her.

She never smiled, never kissed him back, just let him devour her.

The spire is hot

"Where's Umi?" Ascot asked, and Clef shook his head, feeling the same strange feeling. "Something's wrong, isn't it Guru?"

Clef nodded, "Very wrong."

Ascot was overcome with worry, "I'm going after her. I can't stand around here and feel this without doing something. She's in danger, whether by herself or someone else I don't care. I'm going after her." He turned and ran outside, summoned one of his friends and took off into the sky. He tried to follow her with magic, but she was nowhere to be found. Instead he used his heart, and the bird went where he guided.

And my cells can't feed

And you still got that Belle

Dragging your foots

"Wow," he whispered as she stood and began to get redressed. "I mean, wow."

She turned and looked at him, with tears in her eyes, "Tell no one you saw me."

"Why?" he inquired and turned on his side to look at her.

"Tell no one!" she screamed, and he nodded numbly. "Good," she turned and left. Her blue ovum gem flashed on her hand, and he stared.

"Gods, I'm in trouble."

I'm hiding it well Sister Ernestine

"Umi," Ascot found her outside, wiping tears from her eyes.

"What brings you here?" she asked cheerily.

"Looking for you," he answered and helped her onto the bird. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing nothing," she waved it off and smiled.

He stared at her and then shook his head; he was worried but didn't want to force anything on her. He cared too much for her to be angry with him because he wouldn't let her have her space.

But I still got that Belle

Dragging my foots

"Uh…Umi?" Ascot asked on the way back.

"Hai?" her voice was meaningless, expressionless, apathetic.

He wasn't sure how to start with her voice like that, "Do you think…is there anyway…?"

Her heart jumped.

You get closer

And closer

"Nevermind."

She let it go, and her mind blanked out, so it was true. No one cared.

"Umi," his voice was meek; he wanted to try again.

She was silent, miles away. He sighed heavily and looked back toward the palace.

Called my name

But there's no way in

She slammed her door and thought about what had just happened. She had gone back to what she was before. Even here, safe, where she promised herself she would never do that, she had. She had flown to the arms of a man who didn't care. She had sought the first comfort she could find. Like a drug it had sucked her in and wouldn't let her go, not even here.

Use that fame

No one could ever love a creation like this, and she sank against her door and cried for hours. No one could ever love her, because she didn't love herself. If she couldn't love herself no one else ever could.

Rent your wife and kids today

Maybe she will

Maybe she will

He stared after her for a long time before he realized she had run from him, crying. Was she crying? His hands reached out to her, but she was long gone. Why did it always take him so long to realize what was going on with her? He cursed himself the thousandth time for letting her slip through his fingers, literally this time. She was finally here, and he was going to let her get away.

Caught a Lite Sneeze

She had thought that once she was here everything would be different and she would be happy and content and loved. She would have everything, friends and love and the happiness of a lifetime. She had been a fool to believe that, in a world where Will determines everything even, she didn't have a strong enough life force. She wasn't a strong enough person, not now, not ever.

Dreamed a little dream

He glared at himself in his mirror. How did he let her get away again? Why didn't he have the courage to go after her and demand to know what was going on? He could just go in there and ask where they stood, what she wanted. But he wasn't brave enough, and he hated himself for it. He hated Ferio for being able to do that and have happiness with the girl he loved, however fleeting it may have been. He hated Lantis and Eagle for at least trying; he hated himself for not being strong enough, brave enough to confront her.

Made my own pretty hate machine

The emptiness she felt in her heart was only accompanied by the long silence in the room. The silence that she had placed upon herself. So many men, and she wasn't loved.

Boys on my left side

So many men, and the ones she wanted to care never did.

Boys on my right side

Everything she had been times ten couldn't make her what she wanted, couldn't make her strong enough to say something to her friends, about her loneliness.

Boys in the middle

And you're not here

She gave up then, on life, on men, on love.

Boys in their dresses

And you're not here

Because nothing she did would make them love her.

Nothing she did would make him love her.

She had known it all along.

But now it was as clear as crystal.

And she hated herself because she wasn't good enough.

I need a big loan

From the girl zone

Not for him, not for anyone…

Notice: Hey guys! It's me, Umi-chan, some of you may remember me from past stories such as…lol, I'm not going to go on. So this is a notice, duh! I'm not going to be able to be updating nearly as fast as usual. School, midterms, science, all that good stuff, yeah right! Plus, I've finally got inspiration in my manuscript yey! So for all of you out there wondering if I was dead or something, I'm not! ^.^ just wanted to let you all know what was going on and everything.

Gomen nasai about it, I'll try and update at least once a month, or once every few weeks or so, I promise I'll try! I'm working so much lately and with homework and everything it's nearly impossible to find time to use the computer, let alone write an entire chapter. It's mad crazy! This week is packed with stuff to study for; I'm lucky I've had time to write these two paragraphs. Well I gotta go, until next update, ja ne!

Much love,

Umi-chan