*Sorry it took so long for me to update this! Well I finished this before break was over so it's yes, can you believe it, actually edited! But probably not very well done, but I actually read over it before throwing it on fanfiction. This is a chapter of Umi's choice, and I'm almost finished the next chapter with Fuu and Ferio. More on that later though, I hope you enjoy! ^.^*
Chapter Twelve: Just Ellen
The morning light rose and she awoke, still alive, with no sign of Fuu or Hikaru. She walked down to breakfast and smiled at everyone.
"Umi, you said they were on their way," Lantis growled, and Ferio and his fiancée walked into the room to hear the conversation.
"They are," she replied and turned to Clef for answers, to more questions than he knew.
"The travel, to you," he nodded to Umi, "seems only a few seconds. Here, it may take a few days. When you come separately, which you've never done, several days pass."
Everyone nodded and turned back to the Water Knight who was forced to turn her head from the Master Mage.
Ever since I met you
You captured my heart
"Umi, where were you last night?" Ascot asked gently. "I mean, why were you in that village?"
Clef's eyes found hers, and she turned and looked down; he had to see straight through her. He seemed strangely intrigued though, as if concerned and ignorant.
"Nothing," she muttered, "just walking."
"You walked nearly five miles!" Ascot burst out, and she kept her eyes down. "Gomen."
"I was thinking about things," here she met Ferio's eyes, "about how people betray the ones they love."
"Who, may I ask, are you?" the girl on Ferio's arm demanded.
"You have no right to speak to me like that," Umi began, "as if you're above me." Her hands clenched and threatened to draw her sword, for Fuu.
"She," Clef cleared his throat and spared Umi the anger and gave her some dignity, nobility, in the matter, "she is the Magic Knight of Water, Umi Ryuuzaki, Dragon Master."
You treated me like a lady
From the very start
She smiled softly at Clef and looked smugly at the girl who gasped and apologized.
"Oh, and by the way," Umi turned, "just because you've tamed the Prince doesn't mean you're better than anyone, especially not us. And just because you have him now doesn't mean you've won," she walked from the room, unable to eat in a room with those two.
"Does she like you or something Ferio?" Natsumi asked quietly.
"Far from it," Ferio answered just as quietly. "And she's just getting started."
§§§~~~
"Dammit Selece! Where does he get off hurting her like that?" Umi screamed and kicked the ground, pacing her room.
"I do not know."
She sat on the ground and folded her legs over one another, "I just don't understand. Why can't I be normal Selece? I'm so strong outside but inside I'm weak and tired; they see through me. Why won't they just say it and get it over with? Displace me and let it be gone? Why can't I be the same everywhere?"
Guess I'm a little girl
In her dreams
"Oh Water Knight," Selece laughed a deep laugh that made her body shake.
"You underestimate their intelligence, they would never do that, they love you too much."
"They," Umi muttered. "Arigato Selece."
Who doesn't want to see
She walked from her room and out to the gardens where Ascot found her. "Come on," he took her hand and led her outside.
The Master Mage watched and sighed inside, then turned back to his solitude.
§§§~~~
Ascot led her to a place behind the palace where a small stable lay.
Umi hesitantly walked inside and gasped. Two beautiful geldings merrily chomped on hay inside the stalls. One was a bay, the other a gorgeous chestnut roan, they looked like Andalusians with long silky manes and tails, and a coat that shone. "Ascot…I…how?"
"We knew that you and Fuu like horses, so Clef, Ferio and I tried to find a way to keep a part of you with us. We searched everywhere here, but eventually found them in Chizeta."
"Arigato," she touched the nose of the bay and looked into its deep brown eyes. They were calm and knowing, and she was soothed.
"So what were you really doing last night?" Ascot asked meekly as she began to stroke the bay's neck.
"I told you," she responded but wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Umi stop playing these games, tell me what's wrong," he pleaded.
"Nothing," she protested, "nothing you can help me with." She brought the horse out and put on a bridle, then jumped on bareback. "This is something I need to work out myself." She clicked her tongue and kicked the horse, and it walked from the stable. Another kick and they were cantering out of sight of the palace and its people.
That I have to grow older
And change on my own
They ran, and she didn't care where. She wanted to be free and here, in this place, she was. She felt so much safer when she was alone, so much more put together. She knew what was what and who was who and where she was going. Now, she wasn't so sure.
I want to be a singer
But go it alone
The horse stopped in that same village and her stomach turned when he walked outside and stared at her. She tried not to scowl as he approached.
"Hi."
"Hello," she mumbled.
"It is you then? I haven't been able to stop thinking about you," he admitted shamelessly, and she glared. That was such a line, she thought to herself. "I'm sorry," he started. "I didn't know…"
"That I was a Magic Knight," her words were icy. "It would have been different; you wouldn't have jumped on the opportunity."
"No, that's not what I meant. Come inside with me, you can leave whatever that is," he pointed at the horse, "outside."
She dismounted and wrapped the bridal around a tree, telling the horse she'd be back.
She walked inside hesitantly.
"Want something to drink?" he asked.
She shook her head, doubting if they had anything to get her drunk enough to do this, like they did at home.
"What I meant…"
"Save it," she ordered harshly.
"Gomen nasai," he muttered.
She walked into his room, and he followed. With shaky hands she unbuttoned her vest, and he watched with a smug smile.
§§§~~~
He turned away from the crystal and tried not to be sick at what he had just witnessed. What had happened to her? Why would she hurt herself like that?
But it is so hard for me
Cause I don't want to see that
She closed her eyes and wished that she hadn't done what she had. She wished she could just get over the pain. She was home after all; she could get rid of the pain. Still, seeing him now was one thousand times harder than not seeing him at all.
She was just a child in his eyes.
I'm too young for a man
She pulled herself from the bed she was in and tried to clear her thoughts. What if they came looking for her? She gathered her clothes and pulled them on, then looked disgustedly back to the bed and glared at him. He hadn't even asked why she cried. Tears ran down her face while…she turned her face. She didn't want this anymore; she wanted love, true love. She didn't want this half-comfort that left her more empty than before. She wanted to be loved by someone for who she was not what she could put out.
But I'm too old for a boy
She walked outside and mounted the bay. She rode hard back to the palace and arrived in time for dinner. She smiled at them all and tried to explain where she had been.
"Just out for a ride, I missed the scenery."
"So you found the stables all right?" Clef smiled, but she knew there was something lurking beneath that smile, as there was something lurking beneath hers. Only, his was sheer anger.
She nodded and grinned at Ascot, "Arigato, both of you."
Ferio walked out of the room, and wouldn't speak to anyone, wouldn't even eat.
"Your coming has distressed him, why don't you go back to wherever it is you came from?" Natsumi demanded hotly.
Umi's fingers clenched, and they all got ready to hold her back. "Why don't you ask him why he's distressed? It's better if you know!"
"What is that supposed to mean?" Natsumi stood, and they knew that there was going to be a fight.
"Find out yourself," she was about to walk out, but Natsumi did first.
So can't we just pretend
She settled herself and tried to be cheery, but Clef kept sending her death glances. She tried not to notice, but she did and it sent her further and further into her darkness.
§§§~~~
Finally, he couldn't stand it any longer. He caught her after dinner and took her to his study, "I know where and why you've been sneaking off."
"Oh?" she tried to stay calm and casual, but it didn't work.
"It's not good for you, not good for your image and safety or for Cephiro's image and safety," he tried to stand firm, but his voice had more anger and passion than he wished. He got the reaction that tone always expelled from her.
"And what do you care for my image? It's my life!"
"It's the image of the Protectress of Cephiro."
"I'm not your student! I am my own person!"
"You're only a child!" he shouted too soon, and she withdrew. He knew he had something terribly wrong because she apologized and walked out.
That I am older than I really am
But then, only little girls pretend
She sat in her room and thought what could she do to make him see that she was no longer a child? She sat at her vanity and looked into the mirror. With some determination she pulled up her hair into an elegant ponytail and put on earrings that fell all the way to her neck. She painted her nails a deep red and put on blue eye shadow and eyeliner. She thickened her lashes with jet-black mascara and reddened her cheeks with blush. She slipped into a tight, short skirt with a shirt that exposed her flat stomach and let everything show. She deepened the color of her lips with lipstick and looked at herself in the mirror. Was this even her?
I put on all the make-up that I can possibly find
She timidly walked outside and found all the palace inhabitants talking in the living room. Silence filled the room when she entered.
I'm five years older in just a minute's time
"U-umi?" Ascot stuttered.
"Hai?" she tried to be bubbly, this only earned her more stupefied glances.
"What did you do to yourself?" Presea finally burst out.
"I…" she looked down at the ground. "Thought it might be nice for a change."
Presea looked at Clef for help for the Water Knight, but he shook his head and walked out.
She still wasn't good enough for him; she never would be. He was the Master Mage, why would he want a mere child? He said it himself, that's all she was to him. She was only a child in his eyes, and all the make-up and fancy hairstyles in the world wouldn't change that.
But I can't compete with the ladies that attract your kind
"Come with me," Presea led Umi out of the room. "If you insist on doing this you might as well do it right."
Umi was led into Presea's room where she was then led into a huge closest, the size of her room at home.
"We're having a ball once the other two get home, in honor of you three," Presea told her, and Umi knew by her face that Clef had told her. He confided everything in Presea, everything, and Umi hated it.
"Oh?" she looked around the closest and stared in awe at all the beautiful clothes Presea had.
"Yes," Presea looked around herself. "And you may have anything out of here you wish, for that night. I want you to look your best, there may be someone special out there that night."
"But he'll never notice me," Umi muttered, and Presea pretended not to hear, but she did, and it pained her heart that they should both be in pain and not know it. She left the room and let Umi go back to searching.
So I rummage through my sister's things
She was caught by a gorgeous dress hidden away in a corner of the closest. She pulled it out and ran her hands down the beautiful fabric.
It was softer than silk and darker than the night. Bright blue flowers and drops of Water ran across it. It was accompanied by a similar sash that went in the crooks of the arm. She imagined that Presea had gorgeous jewelry to accompany it as well. If he didn't notice her in this he would never notice her.
Hoping to find something that will catch your eye
She took the dress to her room and laid it out on her bed, staring in awe. He had to notice her in this; he had to see that she wasn't a child in this dress. She was going to be her most beautiful, and he would finally see her for what she was, a Magic Knight and a woman in love.
She smiled at the thought.
To make you change your mind
She pulled her hair down and took off the make-up. She put on light blue pajamas and went and sat on her veranda railing and looked at the moon and the night sky. And if he didn't? After all this time, and all her pining and he didn't see her? Could she live here and be happy? Could she be happy going home and knowing that they were happy and live her life?
Her parents would move schools for her; they would send her to another private school, she could start over. She wouldn't have the same reputation. She would go to college next year and be safe and happy.
She made the decision; if something did change she would go back to Earth and stay. She couldn't live in pain here, not without him. Not with seeing him everyday and knowing he didn't feel the same. It was hard enough to live without him, but to live with him knowing he didn't care for her…she would go away and bury it. That's what she would have to do, if the night of the ball things didn't change.
So I won't have to leave
She couldn't take another one of his lectures. His words hurt her more than fists ever could.
So you won't say to me
That morning there was magic in the air. It was three days after Umi's arrival, and they felt another presence approaching Cephiro.
"One of the other two is on their way," Umi told them, and there were smiles and glares and mutters. "And for your sake it better be Hikaru," she added softly to Ferio.
He glared but didn't answer.
"We could use some cheer in this bunch," Eagle walked into the room, and everyone looked shocked. "Hello all, welcome back Umi."
"Eagle," Umi smiled at him, "good to see you."
"Surprised to see me?" he jested, and Lantis responded quickly.
"Very."
"Well, I heard that Fuu was coming back and…" he grinned when Ferio sent him a death glare, and a few people laughed.
"What?" Natsumi asked, but no one indulged her.
"No no, really," he put an arm around Umi's shoulder, "I heard Umi was back and couldn't help myself."
She looked to Clef and tried to see some kind of response but there was none.
I'm too young for a man
Ascot glared, and Caldina jabbed him jokingly in the ribs. Eagle laughed and moved away, teasing, and Ascot blushed.
But I'm too old for a boy
She smiled weakly and excused herself.
So can't we just pretend
That I am older than I really am
She walked into her room and slammed her fist into a wall, breaking in the wall and bruising her hand.
But then,
She hated this torment; she threw books from shelves and ripped blankets off the bed. She broke the mirror and tore down shelves full of elegant figurines. She hated what she had become, and the pain it caused. She had never been so angry in her whole life, and there was nothing that could contain her rage.
Only little girls pretend
Finally, when it was all over, she fell to the floor, sobbing. She lay near the bed and when the tears stopped she lay there and thought, too weak to move. With all her anger gone, and sadness taken over, she no longer had strength to do anything but think.
She folded the edge piece of a nearby blanket in half and created a point. She ran her finger over the point and thought of the night before. She sat on her veranda in the darkness, breathing in the cold darkness. She took in night's beauty and perfection and found herself comparing it to him.
I'm left out in the night
Thinking of thinking of him on her floor made her quiet and serene and calmed the raging tsunami inside her. She felt at peace, if only because she had strength and hope when her world was bleak, and she was too feeble to move off her floor.
I've lost all my senses
'They'll come and see what you've done; you have to get up,' her mind urged.
I know this isn't right
But she was so deep in thought she couldn't pull herself out. She just pushed her finger harder into the blanket point, moving it quicker. Her heart pulled her further and further into this place, though her mind protested.
But you've captured my defenses
If loving him this much hurt so badly she wondered how it must feel for someone to love someone else and have him or her love them back.
She loved him then… that's what this was. She had wondered why she missed Cephiro so much and why she had yearned so badly for return. This was it, this was why.
I really am in love
'This is ridiculous, get off the floor Umi. Grow up, accept it, he doesn't love you, can't love you,' her mind scolded.
Well that's the way I feel
She slowly stood up and began to remake the bed.
This game has to stop
She picked up the dress she had borrowed from Presea and stroked it gently. Slowly, she let the fine fabric slip from her fingers and fall to the floor.
Cause you know it can't be real
She walked past him in the hall but didn't say a word. He tried to speak, but couldn't, and she wouldn't stop, couldn't hear what he had to say.
I'm too young for a man
"You rushed out so fast…" Ascot told her, and she took his hand and led him outside. She told him everything and couldn't avoid his pain. She loved him too, but it wasn't the same. He told her he had known all along; he just couldn't admit it to himself let along confront her about it.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, but also knew she couldn't lead him on any longer.
"I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me," he smiled instead.
It was then that she realized that he really had gotten so much older. No wonder Clef couldn't see the way she'd matured; she couldn't even see the way Ascot had matured. Maybe there was hope yet.
But I'm too old for a boy
She wanted to kiss him then, because he loved her. She tried, but he held her back. She should have known he was too noble for that. She smiled at the thought, so nice for a change.
"No," he whispered. "I won't let you do that to either of us."
"Gomen nasai."
"Don't be, I just don't want someone hurt pretending.
She nodded.
So can't we just pretend
That I'm older than I really am
But then, only little girls pretend
She walked the halls, feeling hurt for Ascot but knowing he deserved better. He deserved someone that could be solely devoted to him, someone that would love him unconditionally. If she had the feelings for him that she had for Clef she could fit that role; she only wished he was spared the pain of loving her, and she was spared the pain of loving Clef.
I know I'd make you happy
She passed his study and peered inside. She stepped away and listened to him pour out his troubles with her to Presea and had to clench her fists.
"She doesn't understand sometimes; she endangers herself. She just expects everyone to make life easy for her. I know it's probably been rough for them, for her, but that's no excuse to act so childishly. Just because she's doing it in a 'grown-up' way doesn't mean it's not a childish action. It's like doing something you're not supposed to to get even with someone," he sighed, and she turned and walked from the door with tears in her eyes.
But I'm too young for a wife
She left too soon though, because she missed his next sentence or so, "I don't mean to be so hard on her, but what I saw…I was so angry and hateful. It was as if…" he stopped himself, "It's only because I love her."
Love is always special
She walked and tried to clear her thoughts
But I know I can't rush life
She knew she wasn't what he wanted now, but maybe later. Later, when all this had passed and she'd done something great, something to make everyone proud.
So I'm waiting in the wings to see what life will bring
Maybe leaving right away wasn't the answer, maybe staying was. After all, could she even leave now? Was the portal closed? Yes, she would wait and weather this. Maybe in the future she would please him, or maybe there would be someone else.
And maybe in a few years when I am wise and tall
Love will light again and shine upon us all
She finally settled in her room and waited for whichever Knight it was next. She had a sinking feeling that a heart was going to be broken though.
He says I'm a little girl in her dreams
She prayed it wouldn't be one of theirs.
Who doesn't want to see…
*I just want to thank those of you who have reviewed this story because at first I was shaky on how it was going to turn out, but the positive feedback seems to overrule my judgment so I kept going with it. So thanks for all the encouragement and I'll catch you next chapter! Oh, P.S. I'm going to try and post the next chapters of both my stories before Friday because that's when Christmas break is over. And after break all the teachers kill you with homework and whatnot, so I need to get these finished before I'm tied up for the next millennium. Ja!*
