*I posted this because I can! And because I liked this chapter. Next one will actually be something I just threw in, about Natsumi and something she's hiding. Actually, it came from Lilybunny, she did some fanart for me and I got a great idea from one of the pictures. See some of her work here: http://www.gurlpages.com/larevolution/index2.html. So thanks to her for the idea of the next chapter!*
Chapter 14: Cooling
She spent the day with Umi, riding, and when they came back the inhabitants all had grim expressions. Ascot pulled Umi aside and whispered something to her that Fuu couldn't make out.
"What?" Umi screamed; her deadly blue eyes sought her prey, but he was nowhere in sight. Her hands clenched to the point of spilling blood on her milk white hands, "I'll kill him."
Ascot tried to calm her, but then she looked into Fuu's confused, questioning eyes, she turned and ran from the room.
"Let her go," Clef instructed.
"But she might…" Presea began.
"She won't, she just needs time to cool off," he stopped her.
"What's going on? What's with the long faces?" Fuu tried to question cheerily as Ferio and Natsumi walked in. "Hey," she tried again, this time to be civil.
"I know it's sudden, but surely there can't be so many plans as to make you downcast," Natsumi smiled, but Ferio noted how it failed to light up a room like Fuu's.
"What's sudden?" Fuu inquired.
"The wedding of course."
Maybe I didn't like to hear
"W-what?" she could feel her heart stopping, and the blood draining from her face.
"As soon as the last Magic Knight arrives, when you're all present," she smiled. "Surprised?"
Fuu nodded and walked from the room. She knew it was going to happen, but this confirmed it, the love they shared was officially over. She would never again hear him whisper to her in the night. She would never again feel his arms tight around her or his lips teasing her, his touch. It was all over, and it was hard for her to believe.
But I still can't believe Speed Racer is dead
She had to stop this, her ambitions flared. She was going to stop it, somehow. Her quick, nimble mind began to process and plan for her destruction of their wedding.
So I thought I'd make some plans
But then…everything stopped because she remembered who Natsumi was. All her fires were dashed, and her plans were but ashes under Natsumi's feet. All her hopes were shattered, and she was left with the calm tenderness of depression and apathy. One minute she was crying and the next she was numb, neither were good feelings.
But Fire thought she'd really rather be Water instead
"Fuu, Fuu," Umi shook Fuu hard when she found her in the gardens.
'How did I get here?' Fuu asked herself. "Hai?"
"You don't need him; we don't need any of them," Umi was pleading with Fuu to stay with her, to stay alive and healthy and not screw up like she had.
"Hai," Fuu mumbled absently. "Ferio…"
"Fuu listen to me, we don't need them because we have each other," Umi held her shoulders.
And Peggy got a message for me, from Jesus
"Hai," she answered. Her mind played the scene over and over. *"The wedding of course."* She felt her heart shatter again and again.
"Fuu, are you listening? Fuu?" Umi demanded, and her eyes filling with tears. She hugged her, and Fuu snapped out of it and hugged her back.
"I'm here Umi, but…" she looked into shimmering blue eyes, "The thing is, I do need him, because I love him," she stood and walked from the gardens, leaving Umi more hurt for Fuu and for herself than ever before. Fuu's words brought her to harsh reality; you did need the people you loved. She couldn't ignore that anymore.
And I heard every word that you have said
She found her way into the library once more, and leaned her head against a nearby bookcase and let the tears come. When the rest of her life was supposed to be spent in happiness and fulfillment she was crying about betrayal and duty. Then she overheard Clef nearby.
"Maybe it's best if we send them home," Presea was saying gently.
"Send them home?" she could hear the horror in his voice.
"Umi's miserable, Fuu's beyond repair with Ferio's engagement. Do you realize what this wedding is going to do to them? We'll be lucky if Umi doesn't jump from the pews and strike Natsumi down, or worse yet, Ferio!"
Clef sighed heavily, "I would, but there is no way. The portal is closed."
"But what about Hikaru?"
"She's already half way through. The portal has shut behind her," Clef answered.
Closed? Fuu thought, then there was no way for her to get home and mend her life. She was stuck here, and now she was going to be forced to live in this torment that was her only paradise forever.
She tried so hard to get back to him, worked so hard to change his mind, and nothing worked. Now there was no way out.
And I know I have been driven like the snow
No way home and no way out of her pain, she was wasted on the ground. Her hair was disheveled from sleepless nights, her body frail from the inability to eat. Her eyes were a combination of black and red from crying, and she was spent. She was finally spent, at age eighteen she was spent; she couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't go on living. She was tired and useless and weak. She couldn't make herself happy, how could she even begin to make anyone else happy?
But this is cooling
She struggled though, her heart struggled. Give him time, it begged, just a little time. Give it all time, and it will turn out. All this happened too fast for her body to give up when she wished it just would. The sensible part of her mind was screaming for her to stay on this floor and never get up, and the shocked but hopeful part of her heart was screaming that she was okay and she would get through it. She would come out on top and be happy and complete, with or without Ferio.
Faster than I can
And then reality checked in, and she was that pathetic Magic Knight on the ground, weeping over a man. The one thing she had promised herself she would never do, be hurt by a man. She swore to herself that she would never do that. She had seen Kuu and what she was like after a break up, and promised herself that it would never happen to her, and here she was, in the same position.
This is cooling
Clef said something then, something that she would never forget. He said something that would ring through her head for days upon end, "There is always room for hope when there is love Presea, for all of them."
After that, her heart wouldn't let her give up. He was the Master Mage, the wisest in Cephiro, and he believed there was hope so there was.
Faster than I
Somewhere in the next day she got the courage to regain some of her dignity and respect with the future Princess of Cephiro. She didn't know why she cared what the girl thought of her. She guessed she just wanted to be around Ferio. She just wanted to see him happy, and that's the only way she could do it, but deep down, the old Fuu came out. The Fuu that didn't want anyone to be angry with her, didn't want anyone to hate her.
She walked up to Natsumi as she and Ferio walked into the gardens to think about plans, because of course that's where the wedding would be held, the most beautiful part of the palace.
So then Love walked up to Like
"Natsumi," she bowed low to the girl, leaving the two astounded and Ferio with anger in his heart.
'Don't let her win Fuu-chan, she's just playing on you,' he begged, but with that bow Natsumi smiled a deep smirk full of malice and triumph. He knew it was over.
"Gomen nasai, for the way I acted with you, it was wrong. I should have more respect for the future Princess of Cephiro, and I'm deeply sorry," Fuu said everything through her teeth, but it came out civil and polite. She knew in the long run it would help Cephiro, and that's all that mattered to her. If Cephiro was his main concern, then it was hers as well.
"It's quite alright, I know that having someone new in the palace was probably stressful for you. It was probably even harder meeting someone more powerful than you," she smiled though her words were degrading.
"Don't get too carried away," Ferio muttered under his breath, and Fuu smiled at him, always protecting her wasn't he?
"Stop teasing Ferio," she instructed. "I just came to apologize, and ask if I could borrow the Prince for a minute, Clef desires his presence, alone." She couldn't believe that had come out, she was thinking fast. What was she going to do now? Why had she said that?
"Why may I ask does the Guru need him? We're really in the middle of something," Natsumi seemed flustered that anyone would get in her way.
"Top secret I'm afraid," Fuu's eyes had a bit of mischief in them, the old mischief that she had, and Ferio's heart jumped.
Natsumi grinned, thinking it had something to do with a wedding surprise and dropped his arm, "Then you may go."
He nodded and walked out with Fuu, once they were out of hearing distance but not out of sight Ferio muttered.
"As if I needed her permission," he shrugged his shoulders, as if trying to be rid of her feel on his skin. Fuu giggled softly; she got so happy when she was around him, even now. He smiled at her, glad to hear her laugh.
Let's go for a ride
"I have to confess something," Fuu sighed heavily when they were out of sight as well.
"What's that?" he asked gently, afraid to upset her. He knew that she was still so fragile, he didn't want to say the wrong thing. He wondered if being near him was this must torture to her.
"Clef didn't ask for you; I just said that because it looked like you needed to be alone for awhile, that's all," she had her head down. She hated being dishonest.
"Oh," he smiled. "Arigato." She always did know his moods.
"So I'm going to leave you be then," she smiled and started to walk away, but he caught her wrist and pulled her into his chest. They were both breathing heavy by this point, being so close to one another. "Ferio," she looked around nervously, but he shook his head and leaned her against the wall.
"No," she pushed him away, and he looked pained.
"What?" he choked.
"This is too complicated," she began to pace. "It would hurt so many people."
"I don't care about her," he threw his hands up. "Why don't you see that?"
"Do you care about me?" she lashed back, and her green eyes shone with tears that she was holding back.
"Yes, more than anything in the world," he answered softly.
"Then let me go," she turned her head with her words. "I want Cephiro's safety, and your happiness, but Ferio I desire things too. I desire a husband and children. I want to wake up next to my husband every morning. I don't want to have to be something on the side; I'm too good for that."
That caught him off-guard, because she was never too good for anything, never in her words. She was always the noble, modest girl. She never held anything above anyone, be it grades or charm or looks. She was always just quiet and shy, and what she said was meant to hurt. She did want to let him go, but he couldn't, not yet.
"There's too much involved in this, too much hanging on this one tiny thing. The world could come crashing down upon you, thousands could die, if she saw you just even touch me. If she heard one word, it could all be over for so many people, including you. You know I couldn't do that to you," Fuu smiled weakly, and he couldn't take the pain in her eyes.
This ocean is wrapped around that pineapple tree
He wouldn't hear what she said and still see the pain in her eyes. What she said was not what she wanted; it's just what was right in her mind. She wasn't one to let her heart overtake her mind, but she needed to, for once. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her, not letting her say a word.
A wave crashed upon her, and she pulled herself close to him; her mind overthrown by her heart and body. She kissed him back with a year and a half of passion and sadness. All her pain and anger were washed away with his touch and when they pulled away she still couldn't think. All she could do was smile and laugh at the touch he gave her. He ran a few fingers down her neck, and she shivered. He kissed her gently, and she demanded more.
"Fuu-chan," he whispered softly and kissed her.
"Hai?" she ran her hands over his face.
"Ashiteru," he kissed her neck. "Always," he met her lips once more, and she savored his taste.
And is your place in heaven worth giving up these kisses?
"I know," she whispered, "and I love you too."
"I never forgot that."
"I know that too," she trembled in his arms, and he brought his cloak around to cover her.
"Come on," he grabbed her hand and pulled her with him as they ran. She laughed in joy, and didn't even notice flashing blue eyes as a wisp of blue turned and walked down the hallway.
These yes
When she opened her eyes she was warm in his arms, but she wasn't in his room. When she remembered why she felt sick and had to get out of there. She quickly got dressed and scrambled out of the room, looking wistfully behind her as she did.
These kisses
When she shut the door she was met with angry blue eyes, and she gulped. "Umi-san, what are you doing here?"
Umi just glared and pulled her along, out to the stables where they could talk in private. "What do you think you were doing?" she screamed in Japanese, just in case someone was watching or listening. She didn't know Clef's capabilities anymore, and she didn't want anything slipping.
"I-…" she didn't know how to answer. "I don't know," she looked down. "I wasn't thinking."
"You're right you weren't!" Umi sighed and threw her hands down. "I want you to be happy Fuu, but I don't want him to use you like that. He can't have the best of both worlds, you have to tell him that."
And Peggy got a message for me, from Jesus
"He wants to call it off," Fuu said quietly.
"What?" Umi's face paled. "Then why is he still with her? Fuu what's going on here? Don't you want to be with him?"
"I do," Fuu sat on a nearby bale of hay and looked at Umi, "more than anything. You see though, Natsumi's father is a Noble controlling a huge army. An army enough to overthrow Ferio and destroy much of Cephiro and kill so many people. One slip up from him and it would be over. She could destroy him. I can't let him do that, he would though, for me he would."
"Oh man," Umi whispered and sat next to Fuu. "I had no idea."
"So see, we can't be together. I know that you want us to be, for hope for yourself, but we can't be Umi-san; it's just not possible."
"Fuu, that's not all true," Umi told her and put a hand on her friend's hand. "I want you to be together because I love you like a sister and want to see you happy. I don't approve of Ferio all the time, but I know that you love him and that's all that matters to me."
Fuu thanked her but stood anyway, "Whatever the reasons, it's just not possible, no matter what anyone wants."
And I heard every word that you have said
Ferio woke and found her gone. He didn't regret this, but he knew that she would. He hated hurting her. She was finally home, after all his pain, all their pain. She was home and she could be with him, his greatest fear was only that, a fear. She still loved him; there was no one else. Except there was one great flaw…
He wanted to call it off for her, but he couldn't go against her wishes either. He loved her too much, but he didn't want to see her in pain either. His mind was pounding, and it was too much anymore.
And I know I have been driven like the snow
He rolled over and slammed his fist into the bed. His hands clenched, and his face was full of anguish for what he wanted but couldn't do.
But this is cooling
Faster than I can
She walked along the palace wall and watched the sun set. She held her hand close to her chest and watched the breathtaking view. She used to do this with Ferio all the time, safe in his arms. She would sit on this wall and be at peace with the world, this was their secret spot. They shared it alone, no one else knew about it. She smiled at all the memories it brought and took in the last warmth of the fading sun.
This is cooling
Faster than I
When it was all over she walked into the palace for dinner and smiled softly at everyone. The last of her cheer and happiness had faded when she walked from that room, out of his life once more. She laughed but it was hollow, she smiled but there was no joy. They watched her, and knew that she was sick despite her attempts. They looked at the glances she gave Umi and the way they both seemed to fall into themselves. They looked at the way she wouldn't meet Ferio's eyes despite his attempts, and the way she seemed to cower with Natsumi's dominating voice.
This is cooling
She walked into her room right after supper and laid down on her bed and felt his arms around her. When she looked up, and he wasn't there she sat there and cried. She sobbed for so long that she didn't think she would ever sleep, but finally it came to her.
This is cooling
He sat against her door and listened to her cry until he knew that Natsumi would be expecting him and stood heavily. He wanted to go in there and just touch her, but knew he couldn't and it killed him. "Fuu-chan…"
This is cool cooling
The last thought she had was of the moon and the stars and the way that they shared the same sky. The way that there was somehow peace between the gorgeous moon that stole away the light from the stars, and the stars that waited backstage for their chance to be bright, to be loved.
This is cooling…
*Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed, especially with all the serious angst. From here on out it gets a little lighter, with Hikaru back and whatnot. The chapters with her are more confusion than depression, only because I really can't imagine sweet little Hikaru being depressed, only confused and upset. That's just what I get from her, so that's that. Then after that there will be some heavy fluff! *shakes head* which I'm bad at by the way, so gomen nasai for the suffering this fiction may have caused.*
