Chapter 5: Andie

 Darling Andie,

    It's sad to think that after so many years of separation we were finally all brought back together only to have the group forever altered. It had been so long since I'd seen you, and seeing you again only made me remember what I had almost done. I cannot express how sorry I am Andie. I should never have let you even see that Ecstasy, I shouldn't even have taken it when Drue gave it to me. Of course, I know you won't let me take the blame so I will only say it once more, I'm sorry.

  I've missed you Andie, truly. The group never was the same without you. I always thought that you would be there with us, in Boston. I thought that we would all attend college and see each other on a daily basis as we had during High School; I guess I messed that up. You stayed in Italy while Jackers and I headed of to Boston and leaped into our College years. Joey, Pacey and Dawson followed but you weren't there. We were moving on and growing up without you and you were growing up without us. You managed fairly well as I can see. It must've been harder for you. I had Jack and the others to help me along, but you had to start all over in Italy. I admire you for that Andie, for making a new life for yourself in a foreign country. I only wish I could've seen more of you. Don't regret your decision to stay though, you were happy and that's what matters.

  I could see it in your eyes that sometime you feel sad that you have missed out on so much of our lives. Mine and Dawson's re-kindled relationship, Jack's joining a fraternity, Joey singing in a band and Pacey's success as a businessman. As I said before don't regret your decision Andie. You were able to create this wonderful life before returning to us. I also have it on good authority that you still love a certain boy, namely Pacey Witter. Andie, as much as it pains me to tell you but you need to move on, you haven't had Pacey's heart for a long time and it's time that you fall in love again. The intent of this whole paragraph is to tell you that you must finally let go of your regrets, of the past and of Pacey. Pacey and Joey are each others true love, and as much as it may hurt to finally let go, you must, it's important that you do for yourself and Dawson. 

  You might wonder what Dawson has to do with letting go of Pacey, but you know very well what it has to do with that. You've lived with Dawson for quite some time now and I'm quite certain that you've begun to fall for the Leery charm as Joey and I have done ourselves in the past. Trust me when I say that your feelings are reciprocated Andie. Dawson may pine for Joey openly, may try to win her back, but he's starting to see you in a different light. I could tell by the way he looked at you that night at the Ice House after our little swim in the Creek. You and Dawson are so much alike, have felt a lot of the same things. You both have lost loved ones, and felt the deceit of Joey and Pacey's relationship. It was you more that me who helped Dawson through the summer when Joey and Pacey sailed through the Keys. Now, it will be you who will help him through letting go of Joey once and for all because he must.

   I'm glad that we were able to keep in touch most of the time throughout the years. A telephone call when permitted and an e-mail every week was able to sustain our friendship fairly well. Our communication helped me know that no matter what we were still friends even after everything we had all been through. It helped me know that to you I was not just your brother's best friend but I was also your friend as well. I have many friends, but none of them are as close and as dear to me as you, Jack, Joey, Pacey, Dawson and Audrey are. The six of you have taught me many things, and you Andie have taught me the importance of happiness which I must admit is one of the most important things in the world. Without happiness one cannot live a full life and you managed to be cheerful no matter how bad things seemed to be. I know that you would say that wasn't true, but it is. You knew how to turn something dreadful into a cheerful situation. You managed to remain friends with Pacey and Joey even though they had hurt you. You did something that Dawson was not able to do; you were able to be the bigger person. That is just one more thing that I admire about you.

  You, Andie McPhee, are a person worthy of admiration and there is no question about it. You have pulled yourelf up when you were down, and make your life mean something even when you were depressed. You always knew to do the right thing, even if it meant expulsion. Never let anyone put you down or make you forget your worth. There are many people in the world but none can do the things you do on a daily basis. You have been through more than most people. You have dealt with your brother's death, your mother's insanity, your remaining brother being Gay, and your own depression. You have dealt with this and more and are still able to put a smile on your face at the end of the day. I know you Andie, we've been friends for so many years and although sometime I can still see the sadness of the years in your eyes I know that you are happy about what you have accomplished in your life. You hurt sometimes; I can understand that, I hurt sometimes as well, but unlike other who might have caved under similar circumstances as you, you live every day to its fullest appreciating every moment. You are special and you are the only person like you and that makes you all the more special. Andie, you are one of the jewels of the world.

  I must ask you as I have Joey to take care of Jack as much as you can. Although I know that you will be in LA most of the year I ask that you visit when your schedule permits. Jack will need to be around you and the others often, he'll need help because I know my death will affect him the most. He is now the father of my child, he will now have to raise her on top of maintaining his relationship with Doug and teaching his High School classes. I fear that by leaving him Madison I am only going to be pushing him away from his friends. He'll need you Andie as a sister and as a friend because Madison will remind him everyday of what he has lost, remind him everyday of what he must do and I know he'll need all the help he can get. I don't want him to bury himself in his work, to hide behind Madison making her his shelter from the hurt. Jack is my best friend Andie, my soul mate and although my soul will now be with him forever I know that sometimes he may forget that. I am no longer there to pick up the pieces and give him my shoulder to cry on and Andie you need to take care of him as much as you can.

  And remember to love, live and be happy. Because those three things will make you life full, will make you whole and keep you sheltered from the hurt and sorrow. I may not be there; you may no longer be able to hear me, feel me or see me but know that I'm always watching over you. That as long as you live and love, as long as you feel the happiness and even the sadness I am there with you, in your heart comforting you. Never forget the importance of life, of love, and of happiness because in them I am alive.

  Love always,

     Jen.