Chapter 7: Grams

My Dearest Grams,

   I'll be seeing you soon; I know this deep in my heart that I will. Stay as long as you can because I know that mom and Jack will need you. I never thought that in the past few years mom and I would be on speaking terms as we are now. It's thanks to you Grams that we are. There are so many things that I have to thank you for.

  I came to you ten years ago a troubled fifteen year old expected to help her grandmother and dying grandfather out so that my parents didn't have to worry about me. I remember so much from those early days in Capeside. How different we both seemed, how I would defy your words at any chance I got because I didn't want to be there. I remember how you didn't want me socializing with the sinners that were Joey Potter and Dawson Leery. Funny how things turn out huh? We all ended up being the best of friends, you even let Dawson live with us for a time.

  I cannot say that in the end I have found God. I know that you've been trying to help me find God since I arrived in you care. I have not found the faith that you have and I have to say that it might've been for the best. I had you and my friends and that's all I really needed. I hope that no matter how hard my death is on you that you keep your faith. Your faith is something to hold on to during these hard times.

  I must thank you for everything that you have ever taught me. You've allowed me to change in my own way, giving me my space when I needed it and ordering me around when you found right. Without your guidance I don't know if I would be as accomplished and happy as I am now. I just hope that you are able to pass some wisdom onto my baby girl before you join me.

   Without you Grams I don't think that in the past three years I would've handled motherhood as well as I did. You were there to guide me, to help me take care of my daughter and at the same time let me discover many of the wonders of motherhood. In the past ten years you were not only a Grandmother to me but a mother and mentor as well. You gave me what my mother and father had never been able to give me in early childhood.

 

   I was terrified. When I first found out my fate I was terrified. This is something that I could never tell the others, only you because I know that in a way you could understand this. I didn't want to die, I was afraid to. Near the end though I had embraced the fact, there was nothing more I could do. There was only one thing to do and it was to be at peace with the fact that whether I wanted to or not I was going to die. So, put you mind to rest that I know I will die at peace, with no anger what-so-ever.

   There are a few requests I would like you to comply to. With my clothes and what-not you can do what you please with it. I only ask that before you get rid of anything you let Joey, Andie and Audrey and whoever else would like raid my room and keep what they want. Please, assure them that this is what I want. They need something to hold on to, it is important to me that they have something that they can keep close to their heart and remember me, as do you so take what you like as well. Also, I would like you to move out of our house in Soho and move in with Jack for as long as you can. He's going to need some help and you've been there for many of Madison's late nights.

   I love you with all of my heart and I although I cannot say for certain if there is a heaven that I am going to, but I can say that no where you are, or where I am I will be looking after you until you join me. You must know that I am taking care of you even though I am not there to physically do so.

  I love you with all of my heart,

    See you soon,

        Jennifer.