Ok well....it seems that some people who actually had the insanity within them actually read this. What's more they liked it....either that or they were scared out of their minds at my bizarre story. Excellent. Well in any case I have decided to write a second chapter of this story....for those of you crazy enough to read it. I do not own the characters they are Tolkiens...blah blah blah you know the drill. So if you're in for some insanity read along and review to tell me what you think :D

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The next morning I woke up to water being thrown on my face. Squinting in the early morning sunlight I could see Legolas standing above me.

"An early morning rainshower must have passed overhead,"he stated innocently.

I let out a string of rather unpleasant curses at being so rudely awakened.

"What language is that she's speaking?"Frodo asked Legolas.

"No form of elvish I know," he replied.

I rolled my eyes and stood up,"So where are we travelling to today?"

"'Today we rest and decide on our further course,"Aragorn replied, not taking his eyes off the sword he was sharpening.

"Yippee,"I muttered, keeping my eyes on the sword.

Legolas strode over with my breakfast and I moved over to allow him to have a seat on the especially comfortable log I had found.

We ate in silence for a while until Legolas cleared his throat and said,"You wished to know more about elves did you not?"

"I do," I smiled, inching closer to the elf,"especially in their technique oh say....in kissing?"

"No."

"Alrighty then...how about weaponry?"

"Ah yes weaponry. Well in mirkwood archery is our main form of combat, and our weaponry varies greatly from that of Lothlorien. Our arrows for example have much longer shafts..."he began.

I began to snicker.

"What?"he asked, clearly confused, and annoyed at being interupted.

"Well you know,"I laughed," It sounds like you're referring to your....well you know....um...."I trailed off noting his blank stare. "Never mind,"I sighed,"carry on."

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An hour later I awoke to find Legolas still describing his bow.

"And as you can see, the strands of elf hair we use are quite long and stiff...."

"OK that's it! I need just a bit of a break,"I said abruptly standing up,"Sam, can I get something to eat?"

"Bread."

"Why am I only allowed to have bread?Why not something else?"I snarled.

"Bread it is,"he said tossing me a chunk.

"Yea thanks! A LOT!!!" I yelled.

I sighed and settled down to watch the hobbits argue over who's feet were harrier, however, it didn't take long to become bored of that, not to mention losing my appetite. For bread. So I turned to watch Aragorn and Boromir who were off to the side, but with their greasy appearing I didn't want to risk discovering if lice lived in middle earth or not.

I sighed, the elf was my only option, but as I approached I could hear him murmering.

"Ah yes, the trees have so much to say. I am listening oh great and elder trees."

"Oh lord...I'm doomed,"I groaned.

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There so I hope you liked it....and understood the jokes better than....well Legolas did. Anyways if you absolutely hated it or absolutely loved it....don't forget to review and let me know.