DISCLAIMER: JAG characters are the property of CBS, Paramount, and Belarius
Productions.
Spoiler: It's not my fault if they are afraid to let their star grow up. My suggestion for the real writers is that they rent " Adam's Rib", the Tracy and Hepburn classic. Follow that rental with "His Gal Friday" with Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell. The dialog is unbelievably well written. Chemistry does not end with marriage.
Thanks for the reviews; they were great encouragement. I've been a JAG fan for a short time, but it's been an intense addiction. I've read most things I can find and spent far too much time watching USA reruns. I guess I'm a shipper. I haven't seen anything between Harm or Mac and any other characters that begins to rival the chemistry between the two of them. I'll keep my mind open if a nonshipper can recommend an episode. That being said, Chegwidden gets the best lines of the show. Next time, I may write about him.
CHAPTER TWO: Mission: Planned
26 February 2003 1700 ZULU
Burnett Kitchen La Jolla, California
Frank Burnett: Well, Trish, your dream is finally coming true. Harm's getting married.
Trish: Don't you think it's about time? He'll be forty in October! I was really starting to worry about him.
Frank: Worry about what? It's been obvious for years that he had no problem attracting women!
Trish: But the guy could not sustain a relationship! He's been acting like an adolescent long past the time when he should have given up such childish things. I had been married and widowed by the time I was his age. I had a child to raise without a father. I was lonely and it was tough. I know I wanted to shelter him from the loneliness that I felt, but I wonder if I didn't show him enough of the importance of marriage.
Frank: Well, he's had years to watch us.
Trish: Yes, but while he was still at home, I always held back toward you. I didn't want to fight with you for fear it would fuel his resentment toward you as an outsider. I didn't want to be too passionate toward you for the same reason.
Frank: As I recall, I was not a sorry stepfather when we delivered him to the Academy the summer after his high school graduation. I've loved him for years, honey, but he's never really let me in. Maybe this Mac can break down some of the barriers he built when he lost his father. I know I never was able to.
Trish: Now Frank, your relationship has become much better over the years. Harm seems to enjoy you now.
Frank: Yes, he does, but he still maintains that distance. He doesn't even stay with us when he visits! When he crashed his plane, how long did he stay with us while he was recovering? A couple of lousy weeks! Instead, he ran to his grandmother.
Trish: How do you think I felt? I'm his mother and because I chose not to live the rest of my life in the past and had the audacity to remarry, he couldn't be with me. Don't misunderstand, Frank. You picked me up and helped me rebuild my life as a woman. You've been the essence of patience with me and with my son. We really don't deserve you. You've been the male example that Harm should have imitated. You've been self-sacrificing, generous, and stable. Harm will see that when, and if, he ever becomes a father. When I talked with Sarah this morning, she told me that Harm talked to her at great length about my parents and their relationship. My dad died when Harm was fourteen; I didn't realize that he had noticed so much about their relationship. Of course, until you and I married, what other reference did he have? His father was dead, Harm's dad died in World War II, so none us ever really knew him. Perhaps we should be a little more generous in judging his love for you; you're one of the only men he was ever around.and you're the only one who lived.
Frank: Honey, such a lovely speech before noon! A guy could get used to that! Now, my lovely wife, you need to tell me what plans are being formulated for the next month inside that beautiful head of yours.
Trish: Well, I'd like to just fly to D.C. and stay the month. However, my presence would probably scare my son completely away from the altar. There are some things there that I'd like to take care of in the next week, but then we need to be there the week before the wedding.
Frank: Trish, call the travel agent and book two trips. We'll go tomorrow and stay for several days or a week or however long you think you need to put your imprint on this wedding. Then we'll go out the Monday before the wedding. Don't fly us in coach though. We can afford first class and the food's better. For some reason, people in first class with screaming babies seem to be more apologetic than those in coach too.
Trish: Oh, Frank. Kids often have ear pain on flights. You know, we may actually have some grandchildren one day and they might cry. Is that going to send you into orbit?
Frank: Our grandchildren won't cry. If they have ear pain, I'll buy a motorhome and drive them from coast to coast myself!
Trish: Well, let's actually see if Harm goes through with this first. Do you want to take care of the business end of this? I mean, are you comfortable with talking with Harm?
Frank: The four of us are going to go out to dinner and I'm going to lay it on the line with Harm in front of his Marine lawyer. When he gets his, "I'm not taking any of your money" back up, I'll let her cool him down.
Trish: He may be more reasonable than he has been in the past. He did propose. He had that ring reset for her. I guess it's quite the piece from what Sarah told me. He dropped some money on the resetting too. That's a good sign. I was beginning to think that all his money went into a car and into a plane.
Frank: Well, he did buy his building. You can't just knock out walls in an apartment belonging to someone else.
Trish: I wish I could say that I like the part of town where he lives.
Frank: He'll rethink it if they have children.
Trish: Grandchildren, what a wonderful thought! When you retire, we may want to move to Virginia or Maryland!
Frank: Hold on there, let's get the daughter-in-law before you buy the house next door to your grandchildren.
Trish: Thanks for staying home with me this morning.
Frank: The pleasure was mine. I should be able to tie up all the loose ends by early evening. Do you want to eat out or have something here?
Trish: I need to go to the gallery, so let's meet. Call me by four and give me an e.t.a. and we'll decide where to meet.
Frank: See you later. I love you.
Trish: I love you too.
1500 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS FALLS CHURCH, VA
Mac is sitting in her office attempting to focus on a demonstration of a listening device that is being demonstrated by a female intelligence officer.
Mac: Julie, thanks so much for taking the time to come out here, but I really don't know when I would need a bug that fastens with adhesive to my bare skin!
Julie: Well, Colonel, you just never know. Perhaps with a formal strapless dress, a bathing suit, or a time when you will not be wearing anything, you would need this.
Mac: At the times when I am naked, bugging someone is NOT what I plan to be thinking about. Can we finish this later? I still have some JAG files to clean up. I just cannot seem to concentrate.
Julie: Well, do not forget that Carol wants to go over the list of caterers with you at 3:00. Tomorrow you need to talk about wedding cakes, napkins, and favors.
Mac: Imagine that! The Marines never prepared me to decide between butter cream and whipped cream frostings! Thanks for coming. See you later. (To her - Don't let the door hit you on the way out!)
Harm appears at Mac's door.
Harm: What's wrong? Webb's wedding planners getting to you?
Mac: Aren't there professionals who do this stuff? I was trained to research Supreme Court cases, not to agonize over the font on wedding invitations.
Harm: There are professionals, and there are people who enjoy doing these things free. One of the latter just happens to be flying in tomorrow afternoon and you would give her great joy if you would ask her to handle some of these details for you.
Mac: Who's Webb bringing in now, Emily Post?
Harm: Almost. My mother.
Mac: Really? When's she coming? Where' s she staying? Do you think she'll like me?
Harm: She'll adore you. She and Frank fly in tomorrow at about 1600. They are staying at a hotel. I don't have room. Besides, we're not the slumber party type family. My marching orders are that we're to have dinner with the two of them. They want to get to know you. My mother wants to help with the wedding plans, and, if I know Frank, he's going to want to put my financial house in order.
Mac: What's wrong with that?
Harm: I don't want his money.
Mac: Why not, he's your stepfather.
Harm: And that word "step" is key.
Mac: He has no other heirs. You're going to end up with all their money anyway, what do you care?
Harm: I don't like to take. I like doing it myself.
Mac: Sometimes, Harm, it takes more graciousness to just say, "Thank you very much. I appreciate your thoughtfulness." That's no sin.
Harm: Wait till he offers to pay for the wedding, so that my mother can get exactly what she wants planning the wedding for the daughter she never had!
Mac: You think they'll do that?
Harm: We'll be lucky if he doesn't offer to buy us a house, so that, "Mac doesn't need to be afraid in your apartment if you're ever out of town." In their generation, women weren't trained to kill, Marine.
Mac: I'm giving them a chance. It's time for new beginnings, Harm. Maybe you should start over with Frank.
Harm: I don't like men who horn in on the women I love.
Mac: Harm! He married your mother almost twenty-five years ago. Lose the Oedipus complex, will you? Are you going to have rivalry with your son?
Harm: Only if you love him more.
Mac: Get thee to a counselor, Harm. You have issues. What time's lunch?
Harm: Oh, I wanted to mention that to you. I think I should have lunch with Sturgis today. I'm going to ask him to be my best man. I really debated about asking Sergei or Bud, but Sturgis and I have more history. What do you think?
Mac: I think it's your choice. Go with your gut. I'm asking Harriet to be my matron of honor. I don't think I'll have any bridesmaids except Chloe.
Harm: Would it be okay with you if I asked Bud to be in charge of an honor guard at the wedding? I don't know how you feel about having a military wedding.
Mac: I guess if I marry a military man, I need to accept some of the traditions. That will be fine.
Harm: I'm going to ask Sergei and Alex to be ushers, unless you think people will think they are KGB spies!
Mac: You've thought this all through, haven't you?
Harm: Not with as much thought as I've given to the honeymoon.
Mac: That's red light talk for the office. I'll see if I can shake Harriet free for lunch today too. Dinner tonight?
Harm: Let's order pizza tonight and get through as much of that stupid wedding planning list Webb sent us as we can. Then when my mother gets here, we will know what decisions we want to make and what she can take care of for us.
Mac: Your place or mine?
Harm: Mine. I need to do laundry while we're at it.
Mac: Now we're really on the marriage track!
1700 ZULU
Diner in Falls Church
Sturgis: Buddy, you surprised me. I didn't know you and Mac were dating.
Harm: We weren't. What's that have to do with marriage?
Sturgis: You mean, you just proposed to her out of the blue.
Harm: Sturgis, I've dated dozens of women, most of them eye candy. Mac is different. She's so much smarter than the rest of them. It's as if she's already a part of me. What's the point of playing games?
Sturgis: Hey, who am I to criticize? We're the same age, buddy. Dinner and a movie does seem a little juvenile at times. So what about chemistry?
Harm: We're waiting for the lab part of the course.
Sturgis: Really? I guess Mac's not going to be your latest girl toy.
Harm: It wasn't her suggestion. It was mine. You know, when I dated Renee, I could tell you about every inch of her body, but when she would open her mouth, sometimes I would find myself thinking, "Who IS this person?" With Mac, it's her mind that I know. She completes my thoughts. Delaying myself the gratification of knowing her body may not be today's norm, but I think it's the right thing to do.
Sturgis: My father would agree with you on that! He's become a fan of this "courting" trend. You don't date until you've located a woman as a matrimonial candidate. Then you ask her parents for their permission to "court" their daughter. They say that dating only teaches you how to break up.
Harm: That's interesting. Mac doesn't exactly have parents that I could ask. She's a little old for that anyway. Sturgis, I've been meaning to ask you if you'd be willing to be my best man.
Sturgis: Harm, I'd be honored. I've known you for more than twenty years, and, for what it's worth, my opinon is that you've saved the best for last when it comes to women. She's the best, Harm, and she adores you. I can't imagine being happier for either of you.
Harm: Thanks, Sturgis. Don't forget to bring a date to the wedding. I'll toss you the garter.
Sturgis: I'm still pursuing the dating game, Harm. Who is doing the ceremony, Harm?
Harm: That's on our list to do tonight. Wait, do you think your dad would be willing to come and marry us? I'd feel comfortable with him.
Sturgis: You would? I should warn you that he's a hardliner on marriage. You'll have to go to premarital counseling and everything.
Harm: Funny, Mac told me today that I'm a headcase and need a counselor. What kind of counseling does he do?
Sturgis: Oh, he works with couples on hot issues that ruin marriages, in- laws, finances, communication,.
Harm: We have all those things. I'll talk to Mac about it. Do you think it helps?
Sturgis: It's hard for me to say, but statistics show that your marriage has a better chance if you've worked through some issues before you get married.
Harm: Okay. I'll try anything once.
2400 ZULU
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
Mac: Harm, can you get me another seltzer while you're in there?
Harm: Sure, but stay out of that veggie side of the pizza; stay with your dead mammal side.
Mac (reading from a list): It says here that the first thing that we must decide is what type of wedding we want, traditional or modern?
Harm: Traditional.
Mac: I agree. Now we move on to formal or informal.
Harm: Formal.
Mac: I agree. Time of day?
Harm: Morning. Let's get it over with. We can be on the honeymoon by 1600.
Mac: Morning? What about evening?
Harm: I don't know, Mac. If it were in the summer, maybe, but Webb said we have to leave by noon on Sunday. I just don't think I want a late night.
Mac: Let's table this. I'll give some thought to morning or early afternoon, since you need your beauty sleep. Next question is food.type of meal. Hmm, we can't decide on that until we decide what time of day.
Harm: Let's give em some cake and shove them out the door.
Mac: No, I want food..and dancing.
Harm: Dancing? How about a string quartet instead? Nice soft music.
Mac: No way, Flyboy. I want some rock 'n roll. I can't wait to see you out there doing that chicken dance and the Macarena.
Harm: The closest I get to flapping my wings is on a plane. I will not chicken dance or bunny hop or electric slide. I would have to consume large amounts of alcohol first. If you want dancing, we'll have dancing. DJ or Band?
Mac: What are the chances of getting a good band on a month's notice? I'd like a band, but I'd rather a good DJ than a lousy band singing, "I can't help falling in love with you."
Harm: How about a Country and Western band? My mother and Frank would just love that.
Mac: Really? I could look into that.
Harm: Sure, Mac. You need to suggest that tomorrow night. You'll really score some points.
Mac: Well, I like some country music, but I'm not sure that's what I want. Of course, if it'll make your parents happy.
Harm: Just suggest it to them. I dare you.
Mac: Okay, now to attire. Are you wearing a tux or dress uniform?
Harm: Dress uniform. How about you?
Mac: Harm! I already have a gown.
Harm: You're not wearing that.
Mac: Why? I've never worn it.
Harm: No. You bought it for someone else. Get a different one. I'll give you the money, but please don't wear that one. I don't want to be reminded that I almost lost you to Mic.
Mac: Harm, how would you know if I wore that dress?
Harm: Mac, burn the dress, give it to a women's shelter, I don't care, but PLEASE choose a different dress.
Mac: A little jealous, aren't you?
Harm: I would say that I'm possessive. I've messed things up so many times between us. I'm working very hard at saying what I mean and meaning what I say. I want this to be new without anything reminding me of the past. That's one reason why I didn't ask Bud to be my best man. He was going to be Mic's best man.
Mac: He did that for me, Harm.
Harm: I know. I just want you to buy a new gown. Ask Harriet or my mother or both to go with you.
Mac: Okay. New dress for Mac. We need to pick out gowns for Harriet and Chloe anyway.
Harm: I'll pay for them.
Mac: Harm, you don't have to do that.
Harm: I want to. Just give me a figure. Five thousand enough?
Mac: For three dresses? I sure hope so.
Harm: Next item.
Mac: Honeymoon.
Harm: My department.
Mac: I get no say?
Harm: Well, Webb takes us on Sunday, so it's not going to be much other than that first night.
Mac: So we'll just rent a room at a hotel.
Harm: What about coming here?
Mac: I think you're supposed to go somewhere where people aren't looking to find you.
Harm: Well, can I plan it?
Mac: Can I have a few surprises for you?
Harm: I'm counting on it. Next item.
Mac: Wedding gifts for each other. Do we want to exchange gifts?
Harm: Yes.
Mac: Why? Isn't that an unnecessary expense?
Harm: Then don't get me one, but I have ideas for yours. I don't want anything other than you.
Mac: I'll mark this item as "more debate needed". Uh oh, I just realized that we were supposed to start with a budget for the whole deal. What's our budget?
Harm: How much do we need? Shouldn't Webb pony up for some of the costs here? Of course, if I let him do that, the Ambassador to Madagascar will be on the guest list. I've got about $25,000 in savings. Do you have any money?
Mac: Of course. I don't have expensive hobbies.
Harm: How much do you have?
Mac: Enough. I'll buy the dresses, your ring, the church rental, flowers, etc. I may not have enough to cover the reception, especially if you insist on haute cuisine.
Harm: Send me a bill. We just won't be buying a farm any time soon.
Mac: A farm?
Harm: It's a little dream I've had. I'd like a place in the country for week-ends. Speaking of which, where are we going to live in town?
Mac: I think we should live here and give up my apartment. You've done so much work on this apartment that I don't want to leave it.
Harm: Thanks, Mac. I appreciate that. Well, we'll save some money on rent, that'll help with buying a house. Since you're willing to move here with me, I think you should choose what kind of place we buy, if we buy.
Mac: Oh, a farm sounds great to me. Do you think we could find something that we could afford?
Rabb: Maybe I'll call that real estate agent that Harriet worked with. We won't need anything until this Iraq deal is over. Do you think we'll draw hazard pay?
Mac: Ask Webb. I've had enough for tonight.
Rabb: Good, let's sit here and neck like a couple of teen-agers. Then you can be the one driving home in an altered state! Tomorrow night, we'll have chaperones.
Mac: Oh, I was thinking about that. Harm, what would you think if I made dinner for you and your parents tomorrow?
Rabb: Sarah, you are an overachiever in almost every area of your life, but the kitchen is not exactly.
Mac: Are you saying I can't cook?
Rabb: No, but why put yourself through the stress of entertaining?
Mac: That's it. You've challenged me and I'm going to cook you and your parents a fabulous meal tomorrow night.
Rabb: Now how are you going to cook for me, when I don't eat meat, and Frank, who only eats meat?
Mac: I'll think of something. I'm an overachiever, remember? In fact, I'm such an overachiever, I'd better get home and rifle through my cookbooks for a recipe to knock your socks off.
Rabb: But I thought we were going to get all steamed up on my couch! You can't leave me here with cold pizza and.
Mac: Oh Harm, you're right. Let me kiss it and make it better. (She leans over, kisses Harm passionately. He leans back on the couch and pulls her toward him.)
Harm: That's more like it.
Mac (pecks him on the top of the head, jumps up, grabs her jacket and purse and walks to the door): Duty calls, Squid. See you in the morning.
27 February 2003
2300 ZULU
Mac's Apartment Georgetown
The table is set with service for four. Harm's calla lilies are arranged in a vase on the coffee table. Mac scurries out of the bedroom toward the kitchen wearing an olive silk blouse and olive slacks. She throws an apron emblazoned with "My food is better than MRE's. Ooo Rah!" on it. She checks her make up in the mirror, enters the kitchen and turns the oven on. She pulls out a roll of foil, arranges a loaf of bread on it, pours olive oil and fresh garlic on it. She opens the refrigerator, unwraps a package of parmesan cheese and grates it over the bread and wraps it with the foil. Someone knocks on the door. She checks her face once more as she passes the mirror and opens the door. Smiling, she says, "Welcome!"
Trish: Mac, I'm so excited to finally meet you. Oh, you're just as pretty as the pictures I've seen. I must say, the television screen doesn't begin to do you justice.
Mac: That's very kind of you, Mrs. Burnett.
Trish: Oh, please, call me Trish.
Frank: And I'm Frank.
Mac: Frank, I'm so happy to meet you. I've heard so much about you both.
Frank: I'll bet you have.
Harm: Hi. (bends to kiss her quickly) Anything I can do to help in the kitchen?
Mac: No, I'll be serving the soup in just a couple of minutes, but dinner will keep. Do you want to sit here or at the table?
Trish: Oh my, look at what a lovely table you set! Your apartment is just charming, Mac, or should I call you Sarah?
Mac: Mac's fine. Most people call me that.
Trish: What lovely callas! There's an Guatemalan artist that I'm trying to exhibit who does calla lilies in oil. Stunning work. How soon do you want to eat, dear?
Mac: Well, we can eat now. Harm, could you open the wine, please, and fill the water glasses. I'll get the soup and put the bread in. Frank and Trish, just make yourselves comfortable.
Mac carries in a soup tureen as Harm carries a wine bottle in one hand and a water pitcher in the other. Mac sits down, indicating that she's ready to begin.
Frank: I'd like to propose a toast, "To our son and his beloved, may this be the beginning of thousands of nights of sharing food and love around a table." They all clink wine glasses except for Mac who raises her water glass.
Mac: Thank you, Frank.
Harm: Thanks, Frank.
Harm: Okay, so what's the soup?
Mac: This is escarole soup. If you'll pass your soup plates, I'll just dip it for you. She takes extra care when she prepares Harm's bowl as she seems to be picking through the soup with the ladle.
Harm: Leaving me out of something?
Mac: No, it's just that there are tiny meatballs in the soup and I'm not giving you any.
They begin to eat.
Frank: Mac, this soup is terrific.
Trish: This is very good. How is it without the meatballs, Harm?
Harm: Surprisingly good.
Mac: Harm was a little nervous about my cooking tonight. Our tastes in food are not very simpatico.
Trish: I don't think his tastes are very simpatico with those of most people.
Frank: I never did figure out when all this vegetarianism started. He sure ate his share of meat when he was a kid.
Trish: When he was little, he went through stages, the hot dog stage, the taco phase. Maybe this is your vegetarian phase, Harm.
Harm: I'm just fine with what I eat.
Trish: I just noticed your ring, Mac. It's stunning. Harmon, I'm impressed.
Harm: Thanks, Mom. I tried to combine the old with the new.
Frank: So, Mac, tell us about yourself. We've only heard Harm's "just the facts" version. How did you happen to join the Marines?
Mac: I had an uncle who was a Marine. He meant a great deal to me as a kid, so I thought I'd stop floundering around and try to have some direction in my life. The Marines are good for that.
Trish: Now I know that your father is dead, but what about your mother?
Mac: I don't stay in contact with my mother.
Trish: Will she be at the wedding?
Mac: I really haven't given it much thought, ma'am.
Harm: Mac, do you want help with the salad?
Mac: No, I'll get it.
Harm and Frank (at the same time): Stay off the subject of her mother!
Mac returns carrying a tray of individual bowls of strawberry spinach salads topped with roasted walnuts.
Mac: I just put the gnocchi on to cook, so I'll need to watch that. Harm, the salad dressing is there in front of you, if you'll start it.
Frank: Good salad, Mac. If the soup and salad are any indication of your culinary prowess, you can cook for me any day.
Mac: You're too kind.
Harm sits with a surprised look on his face.
Trish: So, tell me about the wedding plans.
Frank: Hey Harm, it's a record! Your mother actually waited thirty minutes until she got down to business.
Harm: Well, Mom, the wedding will be at a small chapel out at the Naval Observatory. We're unsure of what time of day. We're having a military wedding with an honor guard. We're having dancing. Sturgis is my best man and Harriet Sims is Mac's matron of honor. Mac has a little sister from a social program who will be her other attendant.
Trish: Who's giving you away?
Mac: I haven't asked him yet, but I assume the Admiral. Harm, I meant to ask you too, should we have AJ be our ring bearer?
Harm: That's fine with me. He's a cute kid.
Trish: Now who would that be?
Harm: That's our godchild, Harriet and Bud's son. He's four. Oh, Mac, I forgot to ask you last night, do you think we should ask Sturgis' dad to perform the ceremony?
Mac: I'd really like that.
Trish: Now will there be other groomsmen? You will need ushers, of course.
Harm: Well, mom, I'm going to ask Sergei and Alex Volkonov to be my ushers.
Trish: Oh.two Russians, that'll be interesting.
Frank: Harm, do you think that's a good idea? Is there a language barrier?
Mac: They both speak perfect English. They are fun people; you'll like them.
Trish: Okay, so what are your sticking points?
Mac: Time of day and honeymoon.
Trish: Well, Frank probably would have some good suggestions on honeymoons. He's taken me on several. What's the problem with time of day?
Harm: I want to get married in the morning. Mac thinks that's a little weird.
Trish: Well, you could get married in the late morning and have a luncheon.
Mac: I want dancing at the reception.
Trish: Well, we can dance at any time, I guess. What about a mid-afternoon wedding, say two-thirty or three thirty, and then dinner and dancing?
Harm: I go for the earlier time.
Mac: That's fine with me.
Trish: Okay, then that's settled.
Mac: Let me get the pasta and sauce. (Mac leaves the dining room).
Frank: Are we having spaghetti? I don't like spaghetti.
Harm: I don't know what we're having but so far, she's done okay.
Mac (returns with pasta): This is gnocchi with a white wine and tomato basil sauce.
Harm: I'll be happy to dish your plates for you.
Frank: That smells wonderful. Heap it up on there, Son.
Harm: Where'd you get the pasta, Mac?
Mac: I made it, dear.
Harm: Really? Oh, I mean, wow, it's really good. I think I'm going to take some lessons from you.
Trish: I think you are going to spend a lifetime taking lessons from this young lady, Harm. Okay, now, what about guests? Frank and I have a list of about a hundred people we want to invite.
Harm: Mom, that's about fifty more than we want to invite.
Frank: Harm, that's one of the things we want to talk to you about. Now your mother and I have attended dozens of weddings of the children of our friends. We'd like to include them on this wedding. We certainly don't expect you to pick up the tab for our guests. In fact, since Mac doesn't really have much family, we'd like to host the whole thing and pay for it.
Harm shoots Mac the "I told you so" look.
Harm: That's not really necessary, Frank. We can afford this.
Frank: That's not the point. Save your money; buy a house.
Trish: Harm, really. Could you just let us do this one small thing?
Mac: That's very generous of you, but we really don't expect.
Harm: One thing? This is the only thing you're asking to do?
Frank: Well, what more is there?
Harm: I don't know. That's what I'm trying to find out.
Frank: Okay, Harm. We want to do two things: First, we want to host the wedding. If you think we're too heavy handed, I'll just give you, or Mac, a check that should cover the expenses. Then we won't be overstepping our decision-making boundaries. The second thing is this. Since you entered the Academy, you have refused to take any money from us. Now I understand male pride, but you've trampled on my pride just a little too. When I married your mother, you continued to receive survivor benefits from the Navy. We didn't need the money, so I began investing it to pay for your college. Then you got an appointment to the Academy. Once again, the money wasn't needed, nor was any of the money that we had saved toward your college expenses. Then I thought I could pay for law school when you had your accident. The Navy took care of that too. So, I invested the money with the intention of giving it to you as a wedding gift. To be honest, Harm, you've taken a little longer than most to get to this point, and the account has grown rather large. We insist that you take it now, because we can't wait until you get around to giving us a grandchild.
Harm: Well, we've been talking about buying a place for week-ends, out in the country, maybe a small farm.
Frank, reaching into his pocket: Harm, this is a cashier's check from the bank. I cleaned out the account. The other check is a check for what your mother and I would expect to pay if we were hosting a wedding in California. Please take them both with our best wishes, knowing that we couldn't love you more.
Harm looks at the checks and hands them to Mac.
Mac: Frank, this is a huge amount of money.
Frank: It's Harm's. All I did was invest it. Look, it's no secret that Trish and I are not poor. All that we own will some day be Harm's.
Harm: Frank, I'm not comfortable with this discussion.
Frank: Harm, my greatest hope is that you will have a half-dozen children and I won't leave you a dime. I'll put it all in trust for them. Is that a deal?
Harm: Frank, that's the best deal I've heard all day.
Mac: Thank you Frank and Trish. You have made this a lovely conversation.
Frank: Mac, I can't wait to see what you've done with dessert!
Mac: It's carrot cake.
Harm: Wow! Where'd you get that?
Mac: I made it.
Harm: Really? Overachiever!
Mac: You are just scratching the surface, Flyboy.
0400 ZULU
Mac's Apartment Georgetown
Mac is putting china away when she hears a knock at the door. She peeks through the peephole and opens the door.
Mac: Harm! I thought you were going home after you took your parents to the hotel.
Harm: Not before I said I told you so, and not before I let you tell me the same thing.
Mac: What?
Harm: I told you he'd want to pay for the wedding, which he is. Then I told you he'd want to buy us a house, which he did.
Mac: I know, Harm. Twenty-five thousand for the wedding and then that $30,000 for the farm. With our savings, we should have a nice down payment.
Harm: Mac, you misread the second check.
Mac: No I didn't.
Harm: Yes, you did. You missed a zero.
Mac: It's only three thousand? That seems a little low.
Harm: No, sweetie, it's $300,000.
Mac: Wow! Maybe we can get a horse farm!!!
Harm: Actually, real estate in Virginia is pretty pricey, but I think we can count on finding something with that kind of cash. I know that's not just my money, though.
Mac: Well, probably not, but you have to admit that the guy did it with class.
Harm: He did. Now for the other part of the equation here.
Mac: What's that?
Harm: That meal was fantastic; I humbly apologize for even questioning your ability. I'm going to have to add three miles to my daily run just to keep from busting out of my uniforms if that's the way you cook.
Mac: Don't worry. You'll be the chief cook after we're married.
Harm: But.
Mac: Do you remember when you went undercover as a Marine sergeant?
Harm: Yeah.
Mac: It was fun, wasn't it?
Harm: Sure but I wouldn't want a steady diet of it. I'm a naval aviator; that's where I get my real thrills.
Mac: Well, I'm an eater, not a cook, so sign up for KP.
Harm: For special occasions, could you cook that same meal again? My birthday, Christmas, the second Tuesday of the month. I'll think of more, just give me a little time.
Mac: We'll see. I think you owe me a little something from last night.
Harm: Look out couch, here we come!
Wedneday 04 March 2003
1200 ZULU
Mac and Harm meet at a bagel shop for breakfast. Mac opens a three inch loose-leaf notebook.
Mac: Here's where we are so far. Dresses have been ordered. Caterer hired. Menu decided. Cake ordered. Band hired. Flowers ordered. Napkins are ordered. Harriet and I are doing the favors on Saturday, the 21st. The invitations were mailed Monday. I registered for china patterns, bed linens, and all that jazz. We need to choose wedding rings, meet with the Realtor today at 1600, and meet with the chaplain at 1900.
Harm: My mother is a dynamo, isn't she?
Mac: I don't know who is more indispensable, your mom or Harriet. When Harriet got that band, it blew me away.
Harm: What'd she do?
Mac: Some girl from her hometown cancelled a wedding, something about the boyfriend's cleaning lady turning up pregnant. Apparently, she had booked this great band two years in advance. They're a bunch of guys who do this as a sideline, but they've got talent. When Harriet heard, she called them, booked them, and we're flying them in.
Harm: To the tune of how much?
Mac: Your mom said not to sweat the small stuff. She'd handle it.
Harm: Do you remember the words, "Just let us do this one little thing."?
Mac: I know. She was so dear about it that I couldn't say no. We were desperate on the band. It was this or the midnight to four DJ on the oldies station.
Harm: Okay. You did the right thing.
Mac: Besides, I didn't spend as much as she wanted me to on the gown.
Harm: She's paying for that too?
Mac: She felt that I shouldn't buy off the rack, but when she saw the dress on me, she said that a designer couldn't do a better job.
Harm: Really? My mother was that magnanimous?
Mac: You missed the best part of the dress shopping.
Harm: What was that?
Mac: Chloe and your mom.
Harm: Oh no, what happened?
Mac: By then end of the day, your mother told Chloe to call her Grandma Trish and they are making plans for Chloe to visit California when school's out. Your mother promised her unlimited time in the pool, a trip to DisneyLand, and tours of the studios.
Harm: Grandma Trish?
Mac: Wait till you see the vacation that she has planned for Bud and Harriet and their kids!
Harm: Did my mother find a dress?
Mac: Yes. She's a pretty good looking woman; she certainly doesn't look her age.
Harm: Mac, she's my mother, not a sex symbol.
Mac: Still, I saw her undressed and
Harm: This is definitely more information than I need to know. Next subject, please.
Mac: Rings.
Harm: Buy me one; I'll buy yours.
Mac: Do you want them to match?
Harm: Do you?
Mac: Well, I don't know.
Harm: Look, Mac. All I want is a simple thin gold band. If that's what you want, then we'll buy matching bands. If you want something different, we'll have to shop.
Mac: Actually, because the band on this ring is so wide, I was thinking about something very simple too.
Harm: Done. I'll call the jeweler in Pennsylvania.
Mac: Shouldn't we shop and look?
Harm: Do you like your ring?
Mac: I love my ring, why?
Harm: I'd say that Joe the Jeweler and I did pretty well on that with twenty-four hour's notice. Trust me on this one.
Mac: You have a point.
Harm: He'll send me a few in the mail; then we'll pick, okay?
Mac: Perfect.
Harm: Next topic.
Mac: Counseling with Chaplain Turner.
Harm: Did you finish your questionnaire?
Mac: Of course, I'm the good kid.
Harm: Can I look at yours?
Mac: No. We're supposed to discuss the answers with him.
Harm: How'd you answer the sex question?
Mac: Female.
Harm: Smart alec.
Mac: Next subject. Realtor appointment. Today at 1600.
Harm: Do we have to? We looked at thirty houses on Saturday. Not one of them was even fifty percent of the things we wanted.
Mac: Today's might be. The admiral and Meredith spotted it on a ride on Sunday. I requested that the realtor take us out there.
Harm: Where is it?
Mac: Pretty far out in Loudin County. I guess the house needs updating, but it has a nice acreage.
Harm: Is there a barn?
Mac: Actually, there is. There's no garage.
Harm: I'd rather have a barn. We can build a garage. How much?
Mac: Spendy, but there's room to negotiate.
Harm: Where are we meeting?
Mac: Our office.
Harm: Okay, I need to run. I'm going to Quantico today for my next lesson in Amateur Spy Training with Webb. I'll see you at 1600. We'll have to hustle to get back for the Chaplain. Can we push him back?
Mac: I'll call him. I'll shoot for 19:30.
ZULU 2300
Rural Loudin County, Virginia
Harm and Mac stare at the sun setting over freshly plowed fields.
Harm: Okay, the kitchen is a disaster, the porch floor boards are rotten, the roof leaks, and it has only one bathroom. What do you think?
Mac: It's perfect.
Harm: I think so too. Let's buy it.
ZULU 0030
Admiral Chegwidden's Office JAG Headquarters Falls Church, VA
Chaplain Turner: I've looked over your answers to the pre-marital questionnaire. I must say that I've never seen anything like the answers you've given.
Rabb: Is that a bad thing?
Chaplain: Commander, it's just that usually couples are very different on their answers. Yours and the Colonel's are almost identical.
Rabb: So that's a good thing?
Chaplain: Not necessarily. It can be if that's honestly how you feel. It can be a disaster if you answered the way you did because you were just trying to please the other person. For example, Question 1, Which spouse will handle the bill paying and record keeping?
At the same time, Rabb says, "Mac will." Mac says, "I will."
Chaplain: Commander, does that threaten your masculinity?
Rabb: What, that's she better at handling money than I am? No. I forget to pay car insurance.
Chaplain: Mac, how do you feel about that?
Mac: Harm's not irresponsible. He's perfectly capable and he's not a spendthrift. I'm just obsessive about it.
Chaplain: Do you feel that he's any less of a man if you take care of the finances?
Rabb: Excuse me?
Chaplain: Commander, sometimes women resent the fact that they take the lead in financial matters. I'm trying to rule that out.
Mac: Sir, I think we should look at this as the Commander has a 95% average in this class. I have a 98%. We're both acing the class. It doesn't diminish him in my eyes in the least.
Rabb: Now I can sleep!
Chaplain: Okay, here's a situation where you have differing answers. Number of children. Colonel, you said six. Commander, you said two. How do you each feel about the other's answer?
Rabb: Six?
Mac: Well, as many as we can squeeze in between now and the time I'm forty or forty-two.
Rabb: Deal, next question.
Chaplain: So when you answered two, you didn't necessarily think that's how many you wanted.
Rabb: I want more than one. I was an only child and I would prefer that we have more than one. If that's not possible, we can adopt.
Chaplain: Colonel, how would you feel about adoption?
Mac: That'd be fine too.
Chaplain: Okay, here's another potential sticking point. In-laws.
Rabb: I'm the only one bringing any to the table. I see my mother about twice a year. I see my half-brother about that too.
Mac: Both of those are fine with me.
Chaplain: What if they pressure you to spend Christmas with them?
Mac: Harm spends Christmas here so he can go to the wall. His mother understands that.
Chaplain: Okay, the leading causes for marital problems are in-laws and finances. The area where all the problems of a marriage end up is in the bedroom. Let's talk about sex.
Rabb: What, exactly, would you like to talk about?
Chaplain: Well, this is difficult for me because I know you and your history. First, you have to forget about the fact that each of you has been involved with other people. You've chosen to be together and have willingly given up the past. Let's talk about what's been going on with you.
Mac: Nothing has happened.
Chaplain: Colonel, you don't have to worry about my confidentiality. We just need to talk about how intimate you've been and whether or not either of you feels that you've gone against your moral convictions by doing so. In other words, guilt.
Rabb: Sir. When I asked Mac to marry me, I decided that since we were going to have a short engagement, I would like to wait to have sex with her until after we're married.
Chaplain: Well, Commander, for hundreds of years, that was the normal protocol. Since the seventies, though, it's become pretty rare. Colonel, how do you feel about what Harm asked?
Mac: At first I didn't understand. I thought it was lack of commitment on his part. I'm not sure I fully understand it now, but he's been attentive and very committed in every other area.
Chaplain: So it was a bit of a rejection?
Mac: Well, I guess a little. I've always received male attention for my body first, then for my mind.
Harm: I'm not like everybody else.
Mac: Obviously.
Chaplain: I'm going to make a suggestion to you both. Sex is a very powerful tool in marriage's hardware store. I don't think you're going to hurt anything by abstaining. Let the first time be a gift to each other, secure in the legal and moral commitment that you've made. Think of it as something that you're perfectly entitled to be doing, even if the President walked in on you. Many times, couples come to me after they've been married for a time and there's a reason that they have to put their sex lives on a shelf. In some military cases, it's for a separation or an injury. Many times, it's following childbirth. There's a mandatory medical wait, only for the wife to find that she's so exhausted, she lacks desire. The husband feels rejected. I think that learning some self-control before marriage can help this. Think of it as a gift, not a right. It's just one of a thousand ways that you can please your mate, albeit a big one. Too many people have relied on it as their only way. I visit a Veteran's hospital near my home. There's a retired admiral who is in the Alzheimer's Ward there. I remember him from my first tour of duty. The entire fleet was in total awe of him. About two years ago, his wife slipped and broke her hip. She could no longer care for him at home, so reluctantly, she agreed for him to go to the VA hospital. Each day at two o'clock, she comes to the hospital, like clockwork. She brings her mail with her and reads it to him, comments on bills or on letters they've received from their grandchildren and great- grandchildren. She sits and talks to him. He just looks at her as she prattles on. At five o'clock, she pushes him in his wheelchair down to the dining room and eats dinner with him. He can't feed himself any more, so she spoons each bite of pureed food into his mouth. The way that she does it, though, is so dignified that you'd think they were having dinner at the O Club. She talks to the other patients as if they were old friends. When they've finished, she wheels him back to his room and they sit and watch Jeopardy! When that's over, she helps the aide get him ready for bed, including changing his diaper. She tucks him into bed and sits there until he falls asleep. Then she makes her way out to her car, greeting people and chatting all the way. I asked her once if she didn't think that she had been on the short end of the stick watching her husband slip away like that. She said something that I'll never forget. She said, "When we were young and he'd pull sea duty, I'd write to him every day, and try to make it seem like I was just talking to him. It's about the same now. He hears me; sometimes I think he understands me. He just can't talk back right now. But I promised the good Lord if He would bring him back safely from sea duty, I'd never complain about having him home. Couples used to marry for better or for worse. He gave me years of the best. Now it's my turn to do the same for him. This is a small enough thing to do to make his final years happy ones."
Mac: That's a very sweet story. Doesn't she ever take a break?
Chaplain: On Sundays, members of the family take turns visiting with her. Other days, she's the only one. I'd say she understands the commitment she made many years ago. She also learned to use a few other tools in the store.
You see, Commander, Colonel, I think that you're wise to use this time to develop other ways to make each other happy.
Rabb: Like cooking?
Chaplain: I'm not sure what you mean.
Rabb: Well, sir, Mac made this fabulous meal for my parents. I assumed that was going to be her normal mode, but she thinks I'm going to be the chief cook.
Chaplain: In the years that you've known her, has she shown a great interest in cooking?
Rabb: No! That's why this was so impressive!
Chaplain: So you think that she became Betty Crocker because you gave her a ring?
Mac: Sir, let me interrupt you. Harm, I enjoy cooking and entertaining, occasionally. It does not come easily to me and I work very hard at it. You, on the other hand,
Rabb: I love cooking!
Chaplain: So you should cook.
Rabb: But she's the wo-; nevermind, I think I get the picture.
Chaplain: And you, Mac, should clean up.
Mac: No problem. I can do that without thinking.
Chaplain: One more thing before I let you go. We'll meet a few more times before the wedding to discuss any other misunderstandings that may come up. Then I'll have you choose a ceremony, unless you're writing your own vows.
Harm and Mac: No!
Chaplain: As I was saying, if and when, you encounter problems in your marriage, do not be ashamed to get help from a professional. Most things can be fixed if you don't let them go too long.
Mac: Thanks, sir. You've helped us already.
Chaplain: Good, now work on my son for me. He needs a wife.
Mac and Harm walk to their cars. Harm takes Mac into his arms.
Mac: Flyboy, this is really going to happen, isn't it?
Harm: Don't you want it to?
Mac: It feels like a dream.
Harm: Better a dream than a nightmare.
Mac: Harm, would you feed me in a nursing home?
Harm: Just try to stop me, Sarah. "My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite."
Mac: Harm, is it too late to invite her to the wedding?
Harm: To invite whom?
Mac: Your high school English teacher.
Harm flashes THE smile.
Coming Attractions in Chapter 3 Mission: Attempted
Girl's day at the spa, A.J.'s survival bachelor party, Grandma Rabb, and Wedding Jitterbugs.
Spoiler: It's not my fault if they are afraid to let their star grow up. My suggestion for the real writers is that they rent " Adam's Rib", the Tracy and Hepburn classic. Follow that rental with "His Gal Friday" with Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell. The dialog is unbelievably well written. Chemistry does not end with marriage.
Thanks for the reviews; they were great encouragement. I've been a JAG fan for a short time, but it's been an intense addiction. I've read most things I can find and spent far too much time watching USA reruns. I guess I'm a shipper. I haven't seen anything between Harm or Mac and any other characters that begins to rival the chemistry between the two of them. I'll keep my mind open if a nonshipper can recommend an episode. That being said, Chegwidden gets the best lines of the show. Next time, I may write about him.
CHAPTER TWO: Mission: Planned
26 February 2003 1700 ZULU
Burnett Kitchen La Jolla, California
Frank Burnett: Well, Trish, your dream is finally coming true. Harm's getting married.
Trish: Don't you think it's about time? He'll be forty in October! I was really starting to worry about him.
Frank: Worry about what? It's been obvious for years that he had no problem attracting women!
Trish: But the guy could not sustain a relationship! He's been acting like an adolescent long past the time when he should have given up such childish things. I had been married and widowed by the time I was his age. I had a child to raise without a father. I was lonely and it was tough. I know I wanted to shelter him from the loneliness that I felt, but I wonder if I didn't show him enough of the importance of marriage.
Frank: Well, he's had years to watch us.
Trish: Yes, but while he was still at home, I always held back toward you. I didn't want to fight with you for fear it would fuel his resentment toward you as an outsider. I didn't want to be too passionate toward you for the same reason.
Frank: As I recall, I was not a sorry stepfather when we delivered him to the Academy the summer after his high school graduation. I've loved him for years, honey, but he's never really let me in. Maybe this Mac can break down some of the barriers he built when he lost his father. I know I never was able to.
Trish: Now Frank, your relationship has become much better over the years. Harm seems to enjoy you now.
Frank: Yes, he does, but he still maintains that distance. He doesn't even stay with us when he visits! When he crashed his plane, how long did he stay with us while he was recovering? A couple of lousy weeks! Instead, he ran to his grandmother.
Trish: How do you think I felt? I'm his mother and because I chose not to live the rest of my life in the past and had the audacity to remarry, he couldn't be with me. Don't misunderstand, Frank. You picked me up and helped me rebuild my life as a woman. You've been the essence of patience with me and with my son. We really don't deserve you. You've been the male example that Harm should have imitated. You've been self-sacrificing, generous, and stable. Harm will see that when, and if, he ever becomes a father. When I talked with Sarah this morning, she told me that Harm talked to her at great length about my parents and their relationship. My dad died when Harm was fourteen; I didn't realize that he had noticed so much about their relationship. Of course, until you and I married, what other reference did he have? His father was dead, Harm's dad died in World War II, so none us ever really knew him. Perhaps we should be a little more generous in judging his love for you; you're one of the only men he was ever around.and you're the only one who lived.
Frank: Honey, such a lovely speech before noon! A guy could get used to that! Now, my lovely wife, you need to tell me what plans are being formulated for the next month inside that beautiful head of yours.
Trish: Well, I'd like to just fly to D.C. and stay the month. However, my presence would probably scare my son completely away from the altar. There are some things there that I'd like to take care of in the next week, but then we need to be there the week before the wedding.
Frank: Trish, call the travel agent and book two trips. We'll go tomorrow and stay for several days or a week or however long you think you need to put your imprint on this wedding. Then we'll go out the Monday before the wedding. Don't fly us in coach though. We can afford first class and the food's better. For some reason, people in first class with screaming babies seem to be more apologetic than those in coach too.
Trish: Oh, Frank. Kids often have ear pain on flights. You know, we may actually have some grandchildren one day and they might cry. Is that going to send you into orbit?
Frank: Our grandchildren won't cry. If they have ear pain, I'll buy a motorhome and drive them from coast to coast myself!
Trish: Well, let's actually see if Harm goes through with this first. Do you want to take care of the business end of this? I mean, are you comfortable with talking with Harm?
Frank: The four of us are going to go out to dinner and I'm going to lay it on the line with Harm in front of his Marine lawyer. When he gets his, "I'm not taking any of your money" back up, I'll let her cool him down.
Trish: He may be more reasonable than he has been in the past. He did propose. He had that ring reset for her. I guess it's quite the piece from what Sarah told me. He dropped some money on the resetting too. That's a good sign. I was beginning to think that all his money went into a car and into a plane.
Frank: Well, he did buy his building. You can't just knock out walls in an apartment belonging to someone else.
Trish: I wish I could say that I like the part of town where he lives.
Frank: He'll rethink it if they have children.
Trish: Grandchildren, what a wonderful thought! When you retire, we may want to move to Virginia or Maryland!
Frank: Hold on there, let's get the daughter-in-law before you buy the house next door to your grandchildren.
Trish: Thanks for staying home with me this morning.
Frank: The pleasure was mine. I should be able to tie up all the loose ends by early evening. Do you want to eat out or have something here?
Trish: I need to go to the gallery, so let's meet. Call me by four and give me an e.t.a. and we'll decide where to meet.
Frank: See you later. I love you.
Trish: I love you too.
1500 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS FALLS CHURCH, VA
Mac is sitting in her office attempting to focus on a demonstration of a listening device that is being demonstrated by a female intelligence officer.
Mac: Julie, thanks so much for taking the time to come out here, but I really don't know when I would need a bug that fastens with adhesive to my bare skin!
Julie: Well, Colonel, you just never know. Perhaps with a formal strapless dress, a bathing suit, or a time when you will not be wearing anything, you would need this.
Mac: At the times when I am naked, bugging someone is NOT what I plan to be thinking about. Can we finish this later? I still have some JAG files to clean up. I just cannot seem to concentrate.
Julie: Well, do not forget that Carol wants to go over the list of caterers with you at 3:00. Tomorrow you need to talk about wedding cakes, napkins, and favors.
Mac: Imagine that! The Marines never prepared me to decide between butter cream and whipped cream frostings! Thanks for coming. See you later. (To her - Don't let the door hit you on the way out!)
Harm appears at Mac's door.
Harm: What's wrong? Webb's wedding planners getting to you?
Mac: Aren't there professionals who do this stuff? I was trained to research Supreme Court cases, not to agonize over the font on wedding invitations.
Harm: There are professionals, and there are people who enjoy doing these things free. One of the latter just happens to be flying in tomorrow afternoon and you would give her great joy if you would ask her to handle some of these details for you.
Mac: Who's Webb bringing in now, Emily Post?
Harm: Almost. My mother.
Mac: Really? When's she coming? Where' s she staying? Do you think she'll like me?
Harm: She'll adore you. She and Frank fly in tomorrow at about 1600. They are staying at a hotel. I don't have room. Besides, we're not the slumber party type family. My marching orders are that we're to have dinner with the two of them. They want to get to know you. My mother wants to help with the wedding plans, and, if I know Frank, he's going to want to put my financial house in order.
Mac: What's wrong with that?
Harm: I don't want his money.
Mac: Why not, he's your stepfather.
Harm: And that word "step" is key.
Mac: He has no other heirs. You're going to end up with all their money anyway, what do you care?
Harm: I don't like to take. I like doing it myself.
Mac: Sometimes, Harm, it takes more graciousness to just say, "Thank you very much. I appreciate your thoughtfulness." That's no sin.
Harm: Wait till he offers to pay for the wedding, so that my mother can get exactly what she wants planning the wedding for the daughter she never had!
Mac: You think they'll do that?
Harm: We'll be lucky if he doesn't offer to buy us a house, so that, "Mac doesn't need to be afraid in your apartment if you're ever out of town." In their generation, women weren't trained to kill, Marine.
Mac: I'm giving them a chance. It's time for new beginnings, Harm. Maybe you should start over with Frank.
Harm: I don't like men who horn in on the women I love.
Mac: Harm! He married your mother almost twenty-five years ago. Lose the Oedipus complex, will you? Are you going to have rivalry with your son?
Harm: Only if you love him more.
Mac: Get thee to a counselor, Harm. You have issues. What time's lunch?
Harm: Oh, I wanted to mention that to you. I think I should have lunch with Sturgis today. I'm going to ask him to be my best man. I really debated about asking Sergei or Bud, but Sturgis and I have more history. What do you think?
Mac: I think it's your choice. Go with your gut. I'm asking Harriet to be my matron of honor. I don't think I'll have any bridesmaids except Chloe.
Harm: Would it be okay with you if I asked Bud to be in charge of an honor guard at the wedding? I don't know how you feel about having a military wedding.
Mac: I guess if I marry a military man, I need to accept some of the traditions. That will be fine.
Harm: I'm going to ask Sergei and Alex to be ushers, unless you think people will think they are KGB spies!
Mac: You've thought this all through, haven't you?
Harm: Not with as much thought as I've given to the honeymoon.
Mac: That's red light talk for the office. I'll see if I can shake Harriet free for lunch today too. Dinner tonight?
Harm: Let's order pizza tonight and get through as much of that stupid wedding planning list Webb sent us as we can. Then when my mother gets here, we will know what decisions we want to make and what she can take care of for us.
Mac: Your place or mine?
Harm: Mine. I need to do laundry while we're at it.
Mac: Now we're really on the marriage track!
1700 ZULU
Diner in Falls Church
Sturgis: Buddy, you surprised me. I didn't know you and Mac were dating.
Harm: We weren't. What's that have to do with marriage?
Sturgis: You mean, you just proposed to her out of the blue.
Harm: Sturgis, I've dated dozens of women, most of them eye candy. Mac is different. She's so much smarter than the rest of them. It's as if she's already a part of me. What's the point of playing games?
Sturgis: Hey, who am I to criticize? We're the same age, buddy. Dinner and a movie does seem a little juvenile at times. So what about chemistry?
Harm: We're waiting for the lab part of the course.
Sturgis: Really? I guess Mac's not going to be your latest girl toy.
Harm: It wasn't her suggestion. It was mine. You know, when I dated Renee, I could tell you about every inch of her body, but when she would open her mouth, sometimes I would find myself thinking, "Who IS this person?" With Mac, it's her mind that I know. She completes my thoughts. Delaying myself the gratification of knowing her body may not be today's norm, but I think it's the right thing to do.
Sturgis: My father would agree with you on that! He's become a fan of this "courting" trend. You don't date until you've located a woman as a matrimonial candidate. Then you ask her parents for their permission to "court" their daughter. They say that dating only teaches you how to break up.
Harm: That's interesting. Mac doesn't exactly have parents that I could ask. She's a little old for that anyway. Sturgis, I've been meaning to ask you if you'd be willing to be my best man.
Sturgis: Harm, I'd be honored. I've known you for more than twenty years, and, for what it's worth, my opinon is that you've saved the best for last when it comes to women. She's the best, Harm, and she adores you. I can't imagine being happier for either of you.
Harm: Thanks, Sturgis. Don't forget to bring a date to the wedding. I'll toss you the garter.
Sturgis: I'm still pursuing the dating game, Harm. Who is doing the ceremony, Harm?
Harm: That's on our list to do tonight. Wait, do you think your dad would be willing to come and marry us? I'd feel comfortable with him.
Sturgis: You would? I should warn you that he's a hardliner on marriage. You'll have to go to premarital counseling and everything.
Harm: Funny, Mac told me today that I'm a headcase and need a counselor. What kind of counseling does he do?
Sturgis: Oh, he works with couples on hot issues that ruin marriages, in- laws, finances, communication,.
Harm: We have all those things. I'll talk to Mac about it. Do you think it helps?
Sturgis: It's hard for me to say, but statistics show that your marriage has a better chance if you've worked through some issues before you get married.
Harm: Okay. I'll try anything once.
2400 ZULU
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
Mac: Harm, can you get me another seltzer while you're in there?
Harm: Sure, but stay out of that veggie side of the pizza; stay with your dead mammal side.
Mac (reading from a list): It says here that the first thing that we must decide is what type of wedding we want, traditional or modern?
Harm: Traditional.
Mac: I agree. Now we move on to formal or informal.
Harm: Formal.
Mac: I agree. Time of day?
Harm: Morning. Let's get it over with. We can be on the honeymoon by 1600.
Mac: Morning? What about evening?
Harm: I don't know, Mac. If it were in the summer, maybe, but Webb said we have to leave by noon on Sunday. I just don't think I want a late night.
Mac: Let's table this. I'll give some thought to morning or early afternoon, since you need your beauty sleep. Next question is food.type of meal. Hmm, we can't decide on that until we decide what time of day.
Harm: Let's give em some cake and shove them out the door.
Mac: No, I want food..and dancing.
Harm: Dancing? How about a string quartet instead? Nice soft music.
Mac: No way, Flyboy. I want some rock 'n roll. I can't wait to see you out there doing that chicken dance and the Macarena.
Harm: The closest I get to flapping my wings is on a plane. I will not chicken dance or bunny hop or electric slide. I would have to consume large amounts of alcohol first. If you want dancing, we'll have dancing. DJ or Band?
Mac: What are the chances of getting a good band on a month's notice? I'd like a band, but I'd rather a good DJ than a lousy band singing, "I can't help falling in love with you."
Harm: How about a Country and Western band? My mother and Frank would just love that.
Mac: Really? I could look into that.
Harm: Sure, Mac. You need to suggest that tomorrow night. You'll really score some points.
Mac: Well, I like some country music, but I'm not sure that's what I want. Of course, if it'll make your parents happy.
Harm: Just suggest it to them. I dare you.
Mac: Okay, now to attire. Are you wearing a tux or dress uniform?
Harm: Dress uniform. How about you?
Mac: Harm! I already have a gown.
Harm: You're not wearing that.
Mac: Why? I've never worn it.
Harm: No. You bought it for someone else. Get a different one. I'll give you the money, but please don't wear that one. I don't want to be reminded that I almost lost you to Mic.
Mac: Harm, how would you know if I wore that dress?
Harm: Mac, burn the dress, give it to a women's shelter, I don't care, but PLEASE choose a different dress.
Mac: A little jealous, aren't you?
Harm: I would say that I'm possessive. I've messed things up so many times between us. I'm working very hard at saying what I mean and meaning what I say. I want this to be new without anything reminding me of the past. That's one reason why I didn't ask Bud to be my best man. He was going to be Mic's best man.
Mac: He did that for me, Harm.
Harm: I know. I just want you to buy a new gown. Ask Harriet or my mother or both to go with you.
Mac: Okay. New dress for Mac. We need to pick out gowns for Harriet and Chloe anyway.
Harm: I'll pay for them.
Mac: Harm, you don't have to do that.
Harm: I want to. Just give me a figure. Five thousand enough?
Mac: For three dresses? I sure hope so.
Harm: Next item.
Mac: Honeymoon.
Harm: My department.
Mac: I get no say?
Harm: Well, Webb takes us on Sunday, so it's not going to be much other than that first night.
Mac: So we'll just rent a room at a hotel.
Harm: What about coming here?
Mac: I think you're supposed to go somewhere where people aren't looking to find you.
Harm: Well, can I plan it?
Mac: Can I have a few surprises for you?
Harm: I'm counting on it. Next item.
Mac: Wedding gifts for each other. Do we want to exchange gifts?
Harm: Yes.
Mac: Why? Isn't that an unnecessary expense?
Harm: Then don't get me one, but I have ideas for yours. I don't want anything other than you.
Mac: I'll mark this item as "more debate needed". Uh oh, I just realized that we were supposed to start with a budget for the whole deal. What's our budget?
Harm: How much do we need? Shouldn't Webb pony up for some of the costs here? Of course, if I let him do that, the Ambassador to Madagascar will be on the guest list. I've got about $25,000 in savings. Do you have any money?
Mac: Of course. I don't have expensive hobbies.
Harm: How much do you have?
Mac: Enough. I'll buy the dresses, your ring, the church rental, flowers, etc. I may not have enough to cover the reception, especially if you insist on haute cuisine.
Harm: Send me a bill. We just won't be buying a farm any time soon.
Mac: A farm?
Harm: It's a little dream I've had. I'd like a place in the country for week-ends. Speaking of which, where are we going to live in town?
Mac: I think we should live here and give up my apartment. You've done so much work on this apartment that I don't want to leave it.
Harm: Thanks, Mac. I appreciate that. Well, we'll save some money on rent, that'll help with buying a house. Since you're willing to move here with me, I think you should choose what kind of place we buy, if we buy.
Mac: Oh, a farm sounds great to me. Do you think we could find something that we could afford?
Rabb: Maybe I'll call that real estate agent that Harriet worked with. We won't need anything until this Iraq deal is over. Do you think we'll draw hazard pay?
Mac: Ask Webb. I've had enough for tonight.
Rabb: Good, let's sit here and neck like a couple of teen-agers. Then you can be the one driving home in an altered state! Tomorrow night, we'll have chaperones.
Mac: Oh, I was thinking about that. Harm, what would you think if I made dinner for you and your parents tomorrow?
Rabb: Sarah, you are an overachiever in almost every area of your life, but the kitchen is not exactly.
Mac: Are you saying I can't cook?
Rabb: No, but why put yourself through the stress of entertaining?
Mac: That's it. You've challenged me and I'm going to cook you and your parents a fabulous meal tomorrow night.
Rabb: Now how are you going to cook for me, when I don't eat meat, and Frank, who only eats meat?
Mac: I'll think of something. I'm an overachiever, remember? In fact, I'm such an overachiever, I'd better get home and rifle through my cookbooks for a recipe to knock your socks off.
Rabb: But I thought we were going to get all steamed up on my couch! You can't leave me here with cold pizza and.
Mac: Oh Harm, you're right. Let me kiss it and make it better. (She leans over, kisses Harm passionately. He leans back on the couch and pulls her toward him.)
Harm: That's more like it.
Mac (pecks him on the top of the head, jumps up, grabs her jacket and purse and walks to the door): Duty calls, Squid. See you in the morning.
27 February 2003
2300 ZULU
Mac's Apartment Georgetown
The table is set with service for four. Harm's calla lilies are arranged in a vase on the coffee table. Mac scurries out of the bedroom toward the kitchen wearing an olive silk blouse and olive slacks. She throws an apron emblazoned with "My food is better than MRE's. Ooo Rah!" on it. She checks her make up in the mirror, enters the kitchen and turns the oven on. She pulls out a roll of foil, arranges a loaf of bread on it, pours olive oil and fresh garlic on it. She opens the refrigerator, unwraps a package of parmesan cheese and grates it over the bread and wraps it with the foil. Someone knocks on the door. She checks her face once more as she passes the mirror and opens the door. Smiling, she says, "Welcome!"
Trish: Mac, I'm so excited to finally meet you. Oh, you're just as pretty as the pictures I've seen. I must say, the television screen doesn't begin to do you justice.
Mac: That's very kind of you, Mrs. Burnett.
Trish: Oh, please, call me Trish.
Frank: And I'm Frank.
Mac: Frank, I'm so happy to meet you. I've heard so much about you both.
Frank: I'll bet you have.
Harm: Hi. (bends to kiss her quickly) Anything I can do to help in the kitchen?
Mac: No, I'll be serving the soup in just a couple of minutes, but dinner will keep. Do you want to sit here or at the table?
Trish: Oh my, look at what a lovely table you set! Your apartment is just charming, Mac, or should I call you Sarah?
Mac: Mac's fine. Most people call me that.
Trish: What lovely callas! There's an Guatemalan artist that I'm trying to exhibit who does calla lilies in oil. Stunning work. How soon do you want to eat, dear?
Mac: Well, we can eat now. Harm, could you open the wine, please, and fill the water glasses. I'll get the soup and put the bread in. Frank and Trish, just make yourselves comfortable.
Mac carries in a soup tureen as Harm carries a wine bottle in one hand and a water pitcher in the other. Mac sits down, indicating that she's ready to begin.
Frank: I'd like to propose a toast, "To our son and his beloved, may this be the beginning of thousands of nights of sharing food and love around a table." They all clink wine glasses except for Mac who raises her water glass.
Mac: Thank you, Frank.
Harm: Thanks, Frank.
Harm: Okay, so what's the soup?
Mac: This is escarole soup. If you'll pass your soup plates, I'll just dip it for you. She takes extra care when she prepares Harm's bowl as she seems to be picking through the soup with the ladle.
Harm: Leaving me out of something?
Mac: No, it's just that there are tiny meatballs in the soup and I'm not giving you any.
They begin to eat.
Frank: Mac, this soup is terrific.
Trish: This is very good. How is it without the meatballs, Harm?
Harm: Surprisingly good.
Mac: Harm was a little nervous about my cooking tonight. Our tastes in food are not very simpatico.
Trish: I don't think his tastes are very simpatico with those of most people.
Frank: I never did figure out when all this vegetarianism started. He sure ate his share of meat when he was a kid.
Trish: When he was little, he went through stages, the hot dog stage, the taco phase. Maybe this is your vegetarian phase, Harm.
Harm: I'm just fine with what I eat.
Trish: I just noticed your ring, Mac. It's stunning. Harmon, I'm impressed.
Harm: Thanks, Mom. I tried to combine the old with the new.
Frank: So, Mac, tell us about yourself. We've only heard Harm's "just the facts" version. How did you happen to join the Marines?
Mac: I had an uncle who was a Marine. He meant a great deal to me as a kid, so I thought I'd stop floundering around and try to have some direction in my life. The Marines are good for that.
Trish: Now I know that your father is dead, but what about your mother?
Mac: I don't stay in contact with my mother.
Trish: Will she be at the wedding?
Mac: I really haven't given it much thought, ma'am.
Harm: Mac, do you want help with the salad?
Mac: No, I'll get it.
Harm and Frank (at the same time): Stay off the subject of her mother!
Mac returns carrying a tray of individual bowls of strawberry spinach salads topped with roasted walnuts.
Mac: I just put the gnocchi on to cook, so I'll need to watch that. Harm, the salad dressing is there in front of you, if you'll start it.
Frank: Good salad, Mac. If the soup and salad are any indication of your culinary prowess, you can cook for me any day.
Mac: You're too kind.
Harm sits with a surprised look on his face.
Trish: So, tell me about the wedding plans.
Frank: Hey Harm, it's a record! Your mother actually waited thirty minutes until she got down to business.
Harm: Well, Mom, the wedding will be at a small chapel out at the Naval Observatory. We're unsure of what time of day. We're having a military wedding with an honor guard. We're having dancing. Sturgis is my best man and Harriet Sims is Mac's matron of honor. Mac has a little sister from a social program who will be her other attendant.
Trish: Who's giving you away?
Mac: I haven't asked him yet, but I assume the Admiral. Harm, I meant to ask you too, should we have AJ be our ring bearer?
Harm: That's fine with me. He's a cute kid.
Trish: Now who would that be?
Harm: That's our godchild, Harriet and Bud's son. He's four. Oh, Mac, I forgot to ask you last night, do you think we should ask Sturgis' dad to perform the ceremony?
Mac: I'd really like that.
Trish: Now will there be other groomsmen? You will need ushers, of course.
Harm: Well, mom, I'm going to ask Sergei and Alex Volkonov to be my ushers.
Trish: Oh.two Russians, that'll be interesting.
Frank: Harm, do you think that's a good idea? Is there a language barrier?
Mac: They both speak perfect English. They are fun people; you'll like them.
Trish: Okay, so what are your sticking points?
Mac: Time of day and honeymoon.
Trish: Well, Frank probably would have some good suggestions on honeymoons. He's taken me on several. What's the problem with time of day?
Harm: I want to get married in the morning. Mac thinks that's a little weird.
Trish: Well, you could get married in the late morning and have a luncheon.
Mac: I want dancing at the reception.
Trish: Well, we can dance at any time, I guess. What about a mid-afternoon wedding, say two-thirty or three thirty, and then dinner and dancing?
Harm: I go for the earlier time.
Mac: That's fine with me.
Trish: Okay, then that's settled.
Mac: Let me get the pasta and sauce. (Mac leaves the dining room).
Frank: Are we having spaghetti? I don't like spaghetti.
Harm: I don't know what we're having but so far, she's done okay.
Mac (returns with pasta): This is gnocchi with a white wine and tomato basil sauce.
Harm: I'll be happy to dish your plates for you.
Frank: That smells wonderful. Heap it up on there, Son.
Harm: Where'd you get the pasta, Mac?
Mac: I made it, dear.
Harm: Really? Oh, I mean, wow, it's really good. I think I'm going to take some lessons from you.
Trish: I think you are going to spend a lifetime taking lessons from this young lady, Harm. Okay, now, what about guests? Frank and I have a list of about a hundred people we want to invite.
Harm: Mom, that's about fifty more than we want to invite.
Frank: Harm, that's one of the things we want to talk to you about. Now your mother and I have attended dozens of weddings of the children of our friends. We'd like to include them on this wedding. We certainly don't expect you to pick up the tab for our guests. In fact, since Mac doesn't really have much family, we'd like to host the whole thing and pay for it.
Harm shoots Mac the "I told you so" look.
Harm: That's not really necessary, Frank. We can afford this.
Frank: That's not the point. Save your money; buy a house.
Trish: Harm, really. Could you just let us do this one small thing?
Mac: That's very generous of you, but we really don't expect.
Harm: One thing? This is the only thing you're asking to do?
Frank: Well, what more is there?
Harm: I don't know. That's what I'm trying to find out.
Frank: Okay, Harm. We want to do two things: First, we want to host the wedding. If you think we're too heavy handed, I'll just give you, or Mac, a check that should cover the expenses. Then we won't be overstepping our decision-making boundaries. The second thing is this. Since you entered the Academy, you have refused to take any money from us. Now I understand male pride, but you've trampled on my pride just a little too. When I married your mother, you continued to receive survivor benefits from the Navy. We didn't need the money, so I began investing it to pay for your college. Then you got an appointment to the Academy. Once again, the money wasn't needed, nor was any of the money that we had saved toward your college expenses. Then I thought I could pay for law school when you had your accident. The Navy took care of that too. So, I invested the money with the intention of giving it to you as a wedding gift. To be honest, Harm, you've taken a little longer than most to get to this point, and the account has grown rather large. We insist that you take it now, because we can't wait until you get around to giving us a grandchild.
Harm: Well, we've been talking about buying a place for week-ends, out in the country, maybe a small farm.
Frank, reaching into his pocket: Harm, this is a cashier's check from the bank. I cleaned out the account. The other check is a check for what your mother and I would expect to pay if we were hosting a wedding in California. Please take them both with our best wishes, knowing that we couldn't love you more.
Harm looks at the checks and hands them to Mac.
Mac: Frank, this is a huge amount of money.
Frank: It's Harm's. All I did was invest it. Look, it's no secret that Trish and I are not poor. All that we own will some day be Harm's.
Harm: Frank, I'm not comfortable with this discussion.
Frank: Harm, my greatest hope is that you will have a half-dozen children and I won't leave you a dime. I'll put it all in trust for them. Is that a deal?
Harm: Frank, that's the best deal I've heard all day.
Mac: Thank you Frank and Trish. You have made this a lovely conversation.
Frank: Mac, I can't wait to see what you've done with dessert!
Mac: It's carrot cake.
Harm: Wow! Where'd you get that?
Mac: I made it.
Harm: Really? Overachiever!
Mac: You are just scratching the surface, Flyboy.
0400 ZULU
Mac's Apartment Georgetown
Mac is putting china away when she hears a knock at the door. She peeks through the peephole and opens the door.
Mac: Harm! I thought you were going home after you took your parents to the hotel.
Harm: Not before I said I told you so, and not before I let you tell me the same thing.
Mac: What?
Harm: I told you he'd want to pay for the wedding, which he is. Then I told you he'd want to buy us a house, which he did.
Mac: I know, Harm. Twenty-five thousand for the wedding and then that $30,000 for the farm. With our savings, we should have a nice down payment.
Harm: Mac, you misread the second check.
Mac: No I didn't.
Harm: Yes, you did. You missed a zero.
Mac: It's only three thousand? That seems a little low.
Harm: No, sweetie, it's $300,000.
Mac: Wow! Maybe we can get a horse farm!!!
Harm: Actually, real estate in Virginia is pretty pricey, but I think we can count on finding something with that kind of cash. I know that's not just my money, though.
Mac: Well, probably not, but you have to admit that the guy did it with class.
Harm: He did. Now for the other part of the equation here.
Mac: What's that?
Harm: That meal was fantastic; I humbly apologize for even questioning your ability. I'm going to have to add three miles to my daily run just to keep from busting out of my uniforms if that's the way you cook.
Mac: Don't worry. You'll be the chief cook after we're married.
Harm: But.
Mac: Do you remember when you went undercover as a Marine sergeant?
Harm: Yeah.
Mac: It was fun, wasn't it?
Harm: Sure but I wouldn't want a steady diet of it. I'm a naval aviator; that's where I get my real thrills.
Mac: Well, I'm an eater, not a cook, so sign up for KP.
Harm: For special occasions, could you cook that same meal again? My birthday, Christmas, the second Tuesday of the month. I'll think of more, just give me a little time.
Mac: We'll see. I think you owe me a little something from last night.
Harm: Look out couch, here we come!
Wedneday 04 March 2003
1200 ZULU
Mac and Harm meet at a bagel shop for breakfast. Mac opens a three inch loose-leaf notebook.
Mac: Here's where we are so far. Dresses have been ordered. Caterer hired. Menu decided. Cake ordered. Band hired. Flowers ordered. Napkins are ordered. Harriet and I are doing the favors on Saturday, the 21st. The invitations were mailed Monday. I registered for china patterns, bed linens, and all that jazz. We need to choose wedding rings, meet with the Realtor today at 1600, and meet with the chaplain at 1900.
Harm: My mother is a dynamo, isn't she?
Mac: I don't know who is more indispensable, your mom or Harriet. When Harriet got that band, it blew me away.
Harm: What'd she do?
Mac: Some girl from her hometown cancelled a wedding, something about the boyfriend's cleaning lady turning up pregnant. Apparently, she had booked this great band two years in advance. They're a bunch of guys who do this as a sideline, but they've got talent. When Harriet heard, she called them, booked them, and we're flying them in.
Harm: To the tune of how much?
Mac: Your mom said not to sweat the small stuff. She'd handle it.
Harm: Do you remember the words, "Just let us do this one little thing."?
Mac: I know. She was so dear about it that I couldn't say no. We were desperate on the band. It was this or the midnight to four DJ on the oldies station.
Harm: Okay. You did the right thing.
Mac: Besides, I didn't spend as much as she wanted me to on the gown.
Harm: She's paying for that too?
Mac: She felt that I shouldn't buy off the rack, but when she saw the dress on me, she said that a designer couldn't do a better job.
Harm: Really? My mother was that magnanimous?
Mac: You missed the best part of the dress shopping.
Harm: What was that?
Mac: Chloe and your mom.
Harm: Oh no, what happened?
Mac: By then end of the day, your mother told Chloe to call her Grandma Trish and they are making plans for Chloe to visit California when school's out. Your mother promised her unlimited time in the pool, a trip to DisneyLand, and tours of the studios.
Harm: Grandma Trish?
Mac: Wait till you see the vacation that she has planned for Bud and Harriet and their kids!
Harm: Did my mother find a dress?
Mac: Yes. She's a pretty good looking woman; she certainly doesn't look her age.
Harm: Mac, she's my mother, not a sex symbol.
Mac: Still, I saw her undressed and
Harm: This is definitely more information than I need to know. Next subject, please.
Mac: Rings.
Harm: Buy me one; I'll buy yours.
Mac: Do you want them to match?
Harm: Do you?
Mac: Well, I don't know.
Harm: Look, Mac. All I want is a simple thin gold band. If that's what you want, then we'll buy matching bands. If you want something different, we'll have to shop.
Mac: Actually, because the band on this ring is so wide, I was thinking about something very simple too.
Harm: Done. I'll call the jeweler in Pennsylvania.
Mac: Shouldn't we shop and look?
Harm: Do you like your ring?
Mac: I love my ring, why?
Harm: I'd say that Joe the Jeweler and I did pretty well on that with twenty-four hour's notice. Trust me on this one.
Mac: You have a point.
Harm: He'll send me a few in the mail; then we'll pick, okay?
Mac: Perfect.
Harm: Next topic.
Mac: Counseling with Chaplain Turner.
Harm: Did you finish your questionnaire?
Mac: Of course, I'm the good kid.
Harm: Can I look at yours?
Mac: No. We're supposed to discuss the answers with him.
Harm: How'd you answer the sex question?
Mac: Female.
Harm: Smart alec.
Mac: Next subject. Realtor appointment. Today at 1600.
Harm: Do we have to? We looked at thirty houses on Saturday. Not one of them was even fifty percent of the things we wanted.
Mac: Today's might be. The admiral and Meredith spotted it on a ride on Sunday. I requested that the realtor take us out there.
Harm: Where is it?
Mac: Pretty far out in Loudin County. I guess the house needs updating, but it has a nice acreage.
Harm: Is there a barn?
Mac: Actually, there is. There's no garage.
Harm: I'd rather have a barn. We can build a garage. How much?
Mac: Spendy, but there's room to negotiate.
Harm: Where are we meeting?
Mac: Our office.
Harm: Okay, I need to run. I'm going to Quantico today for my next lesson in Amateur Spy Training with Webb. I'll see you at 1600. We'll have to hustle to get back for the Chaplain. Can we push him back?
Mac: I'll call him. I'll shoot for 19:30.
ZULU 2300
Rural Loudin County, Virginia
Harm and Mac stare at the sun setting over freshly plowed fields.
Harm: Okay, the kitchen is a disaster, the porch floor boards are rotten, the roof leaks, and it has only one bathroom. What do you think?
Mac: It's perfect.
Harm: I think so too. Let's buy it.
ZULU 0030
Admiral Chegwidden's Office JAG Headquarters Falls Church, VA
Chaplain Turner: I've looked over your answers to the pre-marital questionnaire. I must say that I've never seen anything like the answers you've given.
Rabb: Is that a bad thing?
Chaplain: Commander, it's just that usually couples are very different on their answers. Yours and the Colonel's are almost identical.
Rabb: So that's a good thing?
Chaplain: Not necessarily. It can be if that's honestly how you feel. It can be a disaster if you answered the way you did because you were just trying to please the other person. For example, Question 1, Which spouse will handle the bill paying and record keeping?
At the same time, Rabb says, "Mac will." Mac says, "I will."
Chaplain: Commander, does that threaten your masculinity?
Rabb: What, that's she better at handling money than I am? No. I forget to pay car insurance.
Chaplain: Mac, how do you feel about that?
Mac: Harm's not irresponsible. He's perfectly capable and he's not a spendthrift. I'm just obsessive about it.
Chaplain: Do you feel that he's any less of a man if you take care of the finances?
Rabb: Excuse me?
Chaplain: Commander, sometimes women resent the fact that they take the lead in financial matters. I'm trying to rule that out.
Mac: Sir, I think we should look at this as the Commander has a 95% average in this class. I have a 98%. We're both acing the class. It doesn't diminish him in my eyes in the least.
Rabb: Now I can sleep!
Chaplain: Okay, here's a situation where you have differing answers. Number of children. Colonel, you said six. Commander, you said two. How do you each feel about the other's answer?
Rabb: Six?
Mac: Well, as many as we can squeeze in between now and the time I'm forty or forty-two.
Rabb: Deal, next question.
Chaplain: So when you answered two, you didn't necessarily think that's how many you wanted.
Rabb: I want more than one. I was an only child and I would prefer that we have more than one. If that's not possible, we can adopt.
Chaplain: Colonel, how would you feel about adoption?
Mac: That'd be fine too.
Chaplain: Okay, here's another potential sticking point. In-laws.
Rabb: I'm the only one bringing any to the table. I see my mother about twice a year. I see my half-brother about that too.
Mac: Both of those are fine with me.
Chaplain: What if they pressure you to spend Christmas with them?
Mac: Harm spends Christmas here so he can go to the wall. His mother understands that.
Chaplain: Okay, the leading causes for marital problems are in-laws and finances. The area where all the problems of a marriage end up is in the bedroom. Let's talk about sex.
Rabb: What, exactly, would you like to talk about?
Chaplain: Well, this is difficult for me because I know you and your history. First, you have to forget about the fact that each of you has been involved with other people. You've chosen to be together and have willingly given up the past. Let's talk about what's been going on with you.
Mac: Nothing has happened.
Chaplain: Colonel, you don't have to worry about my confidentiality. We just need to talk about how intimate you've been and whether or not either of you feels that you've gone against your moral convictions by doing so. In other words, guilt.
Rabb: Sir. When I asked Mac to marry me, I decided that since we were going to have a short engagement, I would like to wait to have sex with her until after we're married.
Chaplain: Well, Commander, for hundreds of years, that was the normal protocol. Since the seventies, though, it's become pretty rare. Colonel, how do you feel about what Harm asked?
Mac: At first I didn't understand. I thought it was lack of commitment on his part. I'm not sure I fully understand it now, but he's been attentive and very committed in every other area.
Chaplain: So it was a bit of a rejection?
Mac: Well, I guess a little. I've always received male attention for my body first, then for my mind.
Harm: I'm not like everybody else.
Mac: Obviously.
Chaplain: I'm going to make a suggestion to you both. Sex is a very powerful tool in marriage's hardware store. I don't think you're going to hurt anything by abstaining. Let the first time be a gift to each other, secure in the legal and moral commitment that you've made. Think of it as something that you're perfectly entitled to be doing, even if the President walked in on you. Many times, couples come to me after they've been married for a time and there's a reason that they have to put their sex lives on a shelf. In some military cases, it's for a separation or an injury. Many times, it's following childbirth. There's a mandatory medical wait, only for the wife to find that she's so exhausted, she lacks desire. The husband feels rejected. I think that learning some self-control before marriage can help this. Think of it as a gift, not a right. It's just one of a thousand ways that you can please your mate, albeit a big one. Too many people have relied on it as their only way. I visit a Veteran's hospital near my home. There's a retired admiral who is in the Alzheimer's Ward there. I remember him from my first tour of duty. The entire fleet was in total awe of him. About two years ago, his wife slipped and broke her hip. She could no longer care for him at home, so reluctantly, she agreed for him to go to the VA hospital. Each day at two o'clock, she comes to the hospital, like clockwork. She brings her mail with her and reads it to him, comments on bills or on letters they've received from their grandchildren and great- grandchildren. She sits and talks to him. He just looks at her as she prattles on. At five o'clock, she pushes him in his wheelchair down to the dining room and eats dinner with him. He can't feed himself any more, so she spoons each bite of pureed food into his mouth. The way that she does it, though, is so dignified that you'd think they were having dinner at the O Club. She talks to the other patients as if they were old friends. When they've finished, she wheels him back to his room and they sit and watch Jeopardy! When that's over, she helps the aide get him ready for bed, including changing his diaper. She tucks him into bed and sits there until he falls asleep. Then she makes her way out to her car, greeting people and chatting all the way. I asked her once if she didn't think that she had been on the short end of the stick watching her husband slip away like that. She said something that I'll never forget. She said, "When we were young and he'd pull sea duty, I'd write to him every day, and try to make it seem like I was just talking to him. It's about the same now. He hears me; sometimes I think he understands me. He just can't talk back right now. But I promised the good Lord if He would bring him back safely from sea duty, I'd never complain about having him home. Couples used to marry for better or for worse. He gave me years of the best. Now it's my turn to do the same for him. This is a small enough thing to do to make his final years happy ones."
Mac: That's a very sweet story. Doesn't she ever take a break?
Chaplain: On Sundays, members of the family take turns visiting with her. Other days, she's the only one. I'd say she understands the commitment she made many years ago. She also learned to use a few other tools in the store.
You see, Commander, Colonel, I think that you're wise to use this time to develop other ways to make each other happy.
Rabb: Like cooking?
Chaplain: I'm not sure what you mean.
Rabb: Well, sir, Mac made this fabulous meal for my parents. I assumed that was going to be her normal mode, but she thinks I'm going to be the chief cook.
Chaplain: In the years that you've known her, has she shown a great interest in cooking?
Rabb: No! That's why this was so impressive!
Chaplain: So you think that she became Betty Crocker because you gave her a ring?
Mac: Sir, let me interrupt you. Harm, I enjoy cooking and entertaining, occasionally. It does not come easily to me and I work very hard at it. You, on the other hand,
Rabb: I love cooking!
Chaplain: So you should cook.
Rabb: But she's the wo-; nevermind, I think I get the picture.
Chaplain: And you, Mac, should clean up.
Mac: No problem. I can do that without thinking.
Chaplain: One more thing before I let you go. We'll meet a few more times before the wedding to discuss any other misunderstandings that may come up. Then I'll have you choose a ceremony, unless you're writing your own vows.
Harm and Mac: No!
Chaplain: As I was saying, if and when, you encounter problems in your marriage, do not be ashamed to get help from a professional. Most things can be fixed if you don't let them go too long.
Mac: Thanks, sir. You've helped us already.
Chaplain: Good, now work on my son for me. He needs a wife.
Mac and Harm walk to their cars. Harm takes Mac into his arms.
Mac: Flyboy, this is really going to happen, isn't it?
Harm: Don't you want it to?
Mac: It feels like a dream.
Harm: Better a dream than a nightmare.
Mac: Harm, would you feed me in a nursing home?
Harm: Just try to stop me, Sarah. "My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite."
Mac: Harm, is it too late to invite her to the wedding?
Harm: To invite whom?
Mac: Your high school English teacher.
Harm flashes THE smile.
Coming Attractions in Chapter 3 Mission: Attempted
Girl's day at the spa, A.J.'s survival bachelor party, Grandma Rabb, and Wedding Jitterbugs.
