Long awaited update!!! I have writers block so peeps, send me helpful feedback of what you want to see happen!!!!!!! IDEAS is the key word here!!! IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!
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That night, dreams filled her senses once more. This time, they were weird. Flashes of images she had never seen flashed through her dreams. Kissing Angel in the sun light, being shoved against a refrigerator, making love on a kitchen table, licking ice cream off of his chest, Angel depressed, Angel seeing the scrolls, Spike torturing Angel, Angel sleeping with Darla, Darla being pregnant, Darla giving birth and then her abduction. She woke silently with her mouth agape and a silent scream sounding everywhere inside of her and nowhere inside the room. She was going crazy. She felt like crawling out of her skin and dying. She threw the covers back on the bed and stood. Like a zombie, she pulled some jeans on and a sweater and grabbed a stake. At the last minute, she threw the stake to the floor and walked empty handed.
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The night air was welcoming. It was cold and dead, like her heart, and she wanted it to swallow her whole. She didn't want to be in the same house as Angel. She didn't want to share the same air as Connor, knowing what was to come. She didn't want to look into the eyes of her beloved sister and know what was to become of her once again. She quickly went into battle with many vampires and didn't even notice that they were all being murdered in a way of an experts method. Her mind was so gone that she need not focus on any battle at hand. It just happened. Perhaps it was a slayers true way. Perhaps, she was always supposed to be this emotionless and this robotic. It felt raw. It was good to feel though. Lost in her thought she never heard the vamp sneak up behind her. Angel, who had been following her all night, ran out of the shadows and was about to strike the intruder when she spun on her heel and put her fist through the vamps hest, pulling its dead heart out. It look at her, wide eyed and exploded into dust. Angel stared at her, flabbergasted and motionless.
"What are you doing out here?" she asked, dusting herself off and staring at him.
"Following you. What in the hell was that?" He asked.
"What was what?" She asked.
"What you just did?" He asked.
"Oh that, is what will happen to you if you follow me again." She spat turning on her heel and then grabbed her head. Angel stood there, shocked by her words as she attempted to stock away. She turned, holding her head, and sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. It's just that, all these things are in my head right now and I can't think straight." She said. He just nodded and let her stand there.
"I was there, tonight, when you and Connor were talking." He began. "I know you may not feel for me, at all, but you have a connection with him and that has to mean something, Buffy. There is some part of you in there that's worth saving and I want to try. You're not who you think you are. You are not the person you're making yourself become. You are not dead and you're not dark and you are worth something. You're worth my life and I know something is missing here. Some things not quite right and I want to find out what it is." He said.
"Well, good luck looking, but if I were you, I'd start with myself, because that's where it all started downhill." She said sadly.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"Angel, God, didn't you ever feel it? When we broke up, didn't you ever feel a piece of yourself dying everyday and so slowly that it was the worst torture in the world. I've been dying since you left. Now, after everything I've been through, how can you expect me to be the same? How can you expect me to have the same feelings as I once had. Every since the first day I met you, I've been doomed to one day die."
"Don't say that!" He growled.
"Every since we first kissed I was doomed to fall in love and every since I was in love, I was destined to pay for it. So, here we are and we have to deal with the price." She said, emotionless. "I just want to crawl away and die, Angel I want to crawl into a little hole and die and I want you to feel it. I want you to wish I weren't dead, because I wish I could wish I wasn't dead. I don't want to be dead inside. I don't want to be partial and I don't want to see darkness every where, but I can't help it. It's all I know now. It's all I am, all I'll ever be."
"Never! I won't except that!" He roared.
"Oh Angel, the quicker you except my fate, the quicker you will except yours." She smiled.
"And what is my fate?"
"Now if I told you what I knew, it wouldn't be your fate anymore, now would it?" She asked, cryptically.
"No, I guess not. Promise me!" He said.
"What?"
"Promise me you'll try. Promise me you'll try to not be dead."
"I try every time I take a breath, Angel."
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Lilah, the chip we put tn, is it working?" One of the senior partners asked from their position at the head of the conference table.
:Yes, everything seems to be going smoothly. The slayer is void of all emotion and she is progressing nicely. The only problem I see is the connections he has with Connor."
"Why is this? She is supposed to be connecting with him."
"Yes, well, instead of the power magnet, we're getting more of a mommy magnet. It seems that the slayer is developing a sort of motherly love for the boy. It can backfire. I hoping against it."
"Anything we can do to fix this?"
"Not a one. Unless we want to kidnap her again, torture her, reprogram the chip and have our little party again." She smiled.
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