The Vampire Heero
Part Six
By Lady AngelFiren

"Um, Heero? What are you looking for? Was it wrong to kiss you? I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I just, I don't know, it just happened, ok?" I babbled nervously as he slid forward on the windowsill, never breaking eye contact with me.

The retarded voice in my head picked that exact time to lose its cockiness, and my confidence in the short-haired, Japanese boy-ervampire across from me shattered into a million pieces. It was something deeper than fear, more like instinct, but it took me and shook me out, leaving a fragile parody of the God of Death in its wake. I was scared of him, pure and simple. It rattled me to the core, the way he crept forward, barely seeming to move, not making a sound. He was unnatural in the way he balanced. The silver that flashed in his eyes and appeared to glow from within sent a shiver down my spine; it was so cold, so inhuman

"Heero, stop it! You're makin' me nervous, man." I said an a squeaky voice that sounded nothing like my usual brazen tone.

He stopped his advance, freezing, motionless. A little shake of the head and a long blink and the consciousness came back into his eyes, but I was still offset, and quite shaken. I got up, not so much eager to get away from him anymore as being in a hurry to go to sleep. This was probably just a dream, I mean, vampires?

"Duo, I'm sorry, don't go, I didn't mean to scare you, I justI was dropping some of the masks. I trust you. I won't hurt you, please don't be mad." He sounded so apologetic, the void in his heart showing right through his words, and I knew it must be hard for him to tell me even a little bit about himself. "And, I-about the kissI feel the same way. But I would never have gone anywhere with it, what with the way Karl and his friends have been treating you, and mycondition. Just don't go. I swear I won't hurt you."

The mention of Karl brought an instant tightness to my chest, like I was anticipating him coming to hit me or touch me. I was bothered by it, because it shouldn't be so easy for someone to scare me. But right then I wasn't feeling very tough at all, more like a confused child. I didn't know what to do. Was I scared of Heero or did I want him? Maybe both? And what about KarlI still hadn't decided if I was dirty, because I unintentionally got off on what he did to me, or if I was just some weak little boy because I let him touch me. I mean, its not like I couldn't have stopped him, right? So why

I got the impression that I'd spaced out when Heero's movements caught my eye. He was climbing easily down from the windowsill, coming towards me across the carpeted dorm room, still wearing only a pair of boxers. His skin continued to look pale and unnaturally soft in the now thick beams of moonlight that were lancing through the window, and my breath caught in my throat.

/It must be some kind of trick./ I thought, /There's no way beauty that ethereal can be solid and touchable and right here in front of me./ I just couldn't understand it, and it was heightened by the fact that he didn't seem aware of it, the way animals don't care that they're naked or children aren't afraid to really laugh when they're amused. It was going to my head too. Downright intoxicating, really, the way he moved like he wasn't moving at all. His hand came up and brushed my cheek.

"Duo, are you really alright? You don't look so good. Why don't you lay down and go to sleep, we have classes tomorrow. And, Idon't want to make you uncomfortable, you probably need some time to think."

Great, just great. I meet a vampire, and I just happen to have a crush on him, and while I'm oodling his good looks he comes up and point out that I look like shit. Fucking wonderful. I nodded in a bit of a daze and walked over to my bed, mechanically pulling the covers back, slipping in, and snuggling into the soft comfort of pillows. It was a really fuzzy, golden kind of moment, the way I was feeling, like a natural high. I began to drift off into that state just before you actually fall asleep, where everything has a dreamlike quality but you're in complete control. I pictured Heero, as he had been moments before, creeping and single-minded, but imagined that he used those qualities to watch out for me, protect me from Karl and just generally show me that he was dedicated to me. I sank all the way into sleep with exactly that in my mind, Heero protecting me with inhuman strength, but also extreme loyalty. I stirred awake once more however, realizing that I was thinking of him like a little kid thinks of getting a new dog. Heero, my pet vampire. Yeah, I'm sure he'd really appreciate that, I said to myself, turning over onto my side in the bed.

It had suddenly become too hot, but I was reluctant to leave behind the comforting heaviness of my blankets, so I refused to kick them off. I allowed my eyes to flutter open a crack, and I was startled to see Heero standing over me, just looking at me with a very open, almost childish expression on his face. It reached all the way to the silver in his eyes, which didn't glow so much now, but was still strongly present. I looked up at him and his brows furrowed slightly.

"Heero, why are you watching me sleep?" I asked. It was an honest question, I didn't mean to lead him anywhere in conversation with it, I was only curious. He stayed standing as he answered. The window was still wide open, but he'd drawn the shades halfway over them, so the majority of moonlight was cut off. Looking at the glowing red numbers of my bedside clock, I saw that it was 3:30am, only an hour had passed since I first started talking with him, but it felt like everything that had transpired could not possibly fit in that small time frame. I still couldn't really see him as anything but an exceptionally strong, very single-minded human being, but I suppose I was also getting used to the differences he had chosen to reveal to me, such as his silver eyes, and the unnatural softness of his skin. His whole demeanor changed frequently and seamlessly, so that he had been going through different emotions very rapidly, but I never knew what set off the change. It was confusing.

/No wonder he's usually so emotionless. I'd hide myself too if I were that sensitive./ It baffled me to think that Heero Yuy of allcreatures, hid himself from the world because his emotions were extreme. He'd been doing an excellent job of hiding ever since I'd known him, and this radical change was both a pleasant surprise and a tumultuous disturbance. I feared that I would not be able to satisfy him if he craved affection, attention or even something as simple as a feeling of belonging. What if I ended up depressing him more when he tried to talk to me? I mean, he wasn't even human! How was I supposed to deal with that? I told myself that I'd just have to try my best and ignored a cynical, sarcastic snicker from the voice in that back of my mind and set to listening to why on Earth he was watching me sleep.

"I don't knowI was interested-you'reintriguing to me. You move so much, you're soalive. I was just going to look, I wouldn't touch if you didn't want me to" He trailed off at this and looked down at his hands, which fidgeted with one another in embarrassment.

I was overcome suddenly by an almost motherly surge of over-protectiveness. I wanted nothing more than to gather him up and press him to me and not let anyone hurt him ever. It was fleeting, but left me with the impression that he was a poor five-year-old kid who'd never had parents and wanted to find out what all his friends were talking about when they said that "mom gives me goodnight kisses and dad plays ball-hockey with me." I smiled warmly up at him from my spot of forgotten discomfort in the bed. He was so timid, nothing like who I knew him as, so very curious and young, but he also had very obviously low self-confidence.

/It would do some good to let him watch me without having to be secretive about it,/ I thought to myself. "Heero, you don't have to worry so much. I don't mind you watching me. I'm seeing a part of you I never knew existed, because you usually put up a very convincing mask, you know that? I'm intrigued too. And I'm not going to melt if you touch me, I mean I haven't yet, so I think you're pretty safe." I laughed a little at this, his serious mood was really getting to me. There's only so much I take before I'm forced to start deflecting things with humour. I was reaching that point now. It bothered me that I still didn't know anything about him, but I was not the slightest bit afraid of him. I figured if he hadn't eaten me yet, he probably wasn't planning it anytime in the near future.

I tossed over onto my back once more, trying so hard to get cool, but it just wasn't gonna happen. Heero looked at me with what could only be longing in his eyes and I didn't even have to ask what he wanted, because he beat me to it.

"Um Duocould I stay with youin your bed with you? Just for tonight? I won'tbite youor anything I'm-I just" He trailed (it was becoming a habit) and I took the opportunity to pull back the covers and smile broadly.

"Of course, but I do have to sleep, just remember that . This is a purely sleep-oriented stay. You're welcome to join me. Hop in." I couldn't have turned him down, he had this look that was like a kicked puppy. It said "staying with anyone, especially Duo, is a privilege" and that made me think how long it must have been since he'd had this sort of comforting contact with anyone. I mean, if it was such a huge thing, it must have been awhile.

He climbed shyly into the bed and lay there for a moment in the pale darkness. He huffed a breath and turned over so that his back was to me. I looked at the shape of him in the dim moonlight and touched his shoulder with one hand. It was hard, unyielding and surprisingly cold. Not just cool, but cold.

"Heero, you don't have to stay all the way over there you know, come a little closer if you want. Actually, you're nice and cool, its refreshing." He turned over, effectively wrapping himself in the sheets, and looked at me hard and long. I slid towards him so that I wasn't quite pressed to his body, and offered a small smile.

"Why aren't you afraid? Why don't you hate me?" He asked with genuine curiosity.

I let my smile turn to a little frown. "Hate you? How could I? I don't really know anything about you, and from what I've seen you're not giving me a reason to. You've shown me nothing but a desire for companionship Heero, all I see is that you're lonely. I don't want you to be lonely, I want to make you happy." I brushed the bangs from his eyes, marveling at how they were just sosilver. I was really weird, even though I'd grown used to it in the last hour or so. The thing that really got me was how cold and hard he was, like stone, but at the same time he was animated and active.

"Well, I want you to know. I don't want you thinking that I'm deserving of anything like companionship. It wouldn't be right to lead you on like that."

"Then tell me all about vampires. Like, for instance, the sunlight thing, and what I've read in books or seen on vids. All about garlic and crosses and all that other stuff. Maybe if you tell me about it, I'll understand. But I still won't hate you, you have to get that through your head. I don't and I won't."

He frowned a little more, like he was disgruntled at my open, optimistic attitude, and began to tell me about himself. "Well, the sunlight thingits strange. I don't like sun or the day at all, actually I hate it, but it doesn't harm me really. I've found that if I spend some time outside at night, then I'm ok the next day, like I can store nighttime or something. It took me that longest time to figure that out, I was sleeping in the dirt all day for about ten years before I figured out that I could handle day time, I mean I was subject to popular belief too. And I had lived on the colonies all my life, so I really had no concept of things like real weather and seasons, or even a night that was so drastically different from the day. How was I supposed to know about all that I could or could not do? I never had anybody to teach me, but that's a different story entirely. I really don't like the sun though, it makes me nauseous, and if I'm not careful I get burns that just won't heal.

All the stuff about garlic and crosses and holy water? Bullshit, plain and simple. Actually, I like churches, they're quiet and the people are accepting. They don't really mind me hanging around for a few hours, I even taught Sunday school to children for awhile, but I had to leave because everyone else grew and changed, and I didn't. It was sad to see the little kids grow up and move on with their lives, it made me close into myself somewhat, because I couldn't stand to watch people change so quickly. It scared me, how fragile they all were. That wasn't the only reason I had to go, however. I remember one particular kid, he was poor and always hungry, and lived at an orphanage, but one day he got adopted. He still came to Sunday school though, and he was just so happy, he really was. Then his adoptive parents were murdered, and him along with them. Just like that, he was gone. I left the church then, it was about time anyway, but I couldn't teach the children anymore, I kept seeing them crushed and broken, just because they were weak. It was really scary. We had a little memorial service for the kid that died, and I started crying. They all sawI _had_ to leave."

Heero paused here, he seemed to be back in the little world of his Sunday school, probably remembering the day he slipped up and cried blood in front of the children. It was a rueful story, and made me feel that way too. I pulled him into my arms, feeling how cold and hard he was, and it only made me sadder, to think that he could never just be with people, to think that he always had to be alone for one reason or another. He tucked his arms close to himself and pushed into my chest, like he was scared and wanted me to make it all better, Again the fear that I wouldn't be able to console him in the least surged, but I ignored it, telling myself that even by listening I was helping him to feel better. I had never seen anything like this from him, the way he was just so completely depressed and childlike. He'd even admitted that he had been scared! His behavior was strange, but it did fit him; I knew he was just being truthful and open. A little sniffle escaped him, and I realized he was crying again. I could feel the wetness of his tears, now that I was aware of it, and looked down to see that, as before, they were dark and bloody. With a gentle hand on his cold, bare back and a soothing tone, I made my best effort to calm him as his sobs rang a little louder and he allowed himself to cry into me.

"Shhhhh, its ok, you're ok Heero. Don't worry so much, there was nothing you could have doneyou can work at a new church, and I'm sure you'd make a lot of people happy. You could do that, if you wanted. What else is upsetting you? I'll listen, I want to."

I rubbed my hand in what I hoped were soothing circles over his back, pleased at the tiny warmth his skin began to adopt. He continued in a broken tone, his sobs lessening only a little so that he could speak.

"I killed so MANY! How many times was I the one that killed that little boy and his family? How many lives have I destroyed? You know what? I counted. Outside of war, its been 63 141 people. _63 141_ !! That many have died to keep me happy. I know I shouldn't count, but I can't help it. That's more than one for every night of this miserable life. And tomorrow it'll be an even bigger number. Every night! I don't absolutely _have_ to eat, but I don't have a choice when I'm right in there. It prevents accidents too. Like today, when I beat Karl to the point that he was bleeding, the temptation was there, but I hate him so much, I was able to stop myself. Had we been alone There are so many different things I could do, I mean, they don't have to die, but its different then, I don't have any control over it. Its likeI don't know, I can't explain it, but I'm not satisfied unless they die. I'm a monster, I HATE THIS!"

He sobbed more as I thought of what he was actually telling me. Sixty-three thousand, one-hundred and forty-one people. That was a lot. But I had to think, it's been a long time, almost two-hundred years, so most of them would be dead by now anyway. But still

"Heero, calm down, its not your fault, you can't help it. Yeah, it is a lot on your shoulders, especially if you count and even more so if there's no one to talk to, but its not like you went and purposely killed people for the fun of it. You're not like that. Tell me a little more about this." I kept my voice steady and confident, it was the only way I could sound like I wasn't just trying to convince myself. He loosened his grip on my waist somewhat and looked up at me, his cheeks stained with blood that looked dark purple in the moonlight. His sobs stopped in his throat.

"Well, no, I don't just kill people for fun or anything, and I try my hardest to take old, sick people or killers, because the elderly are closer to death anyway, and killing is supposed to be wrong, but who am I to play god and decide who lives or dies? Especially considering my own record, and the way they go. How would you like it if someone stole your blood?"

I had to think about this too. We had unconsciously avoided actually saying 'blood' until now, but I was curious about the topic. If so much of the other vampire hype was nothing more than just that, then was the blood thing the only truth?

"Blood? So that part of vampire superstition is true then. Its blood you need?"

"Yeah, blood. It's the only thing that satisfies, I can eat normal food, but it doesn't do anything, and tastes horrible. Awful stuff, especially the fruits and vegetables. Don't know how you stomach them."

"And only people blood?"

"For some reason, yes. Believe me, I've tried every alternative. I have to drink people blood, or I just can't function. There's no other way." He sniffled some more. I reached over him to the box of tissues on my night table and pulled one out of the box. I used it to blot away his tears with a gentle hand as I continued to rub his back. He closed his eyes and snuggled into me. He wasn't really cold anymore, just cool, so it wasn't uncomfortable to lay with him pressed so tightly against me. I tossed the Kleenex into the trash with a lucky shot and wrapped my arms around him, letting my eyes slide shut.

"One more question, and then we'll sleep," I said drowsily. "Why did you attack Karl today?"

"He was hurting you, and forcing you to do something that it was obvious you didn't want to do. I was trying to help."

"Thank you." I mumbled, "I'm grateful. I always saw you as being very far away, focussed on bigger things, like saving the world, not me. I've just discovered tonight that you're really a person, not just a machine."

He stiffened ever so slightly, but it was a quick movement, and I chose to ignore it. "But Duo, I'm not a person, not really."

"You are to me. You're a lot more human than guys like Karl. You could have pretty much anything you want, but you don't take it. Instead you work tirelessly to help other people. I'm touched by your actions."

He gave no reply to this, instead he simply let the air of sleep rise in the room and I was almost forced into unconsciousness. I couldn't help noticing how wrong my last few words seemed, now that I thought about it, like I was creating a picture of him in my mind the way I _wanted_ to see it, and was ignoring the awful truths he kept throwing at me.

I was determined to make him happy. I couldn't bear the thought of how lonely his life must have been before now, and although I was still concerned that I wouldn't be an adequate end to his nearly two-hundred years of loneliness, I craved him, craved his affections, and was just generally drawn to him, so that nothing would get in my way. He seemed to have a lot of love to give, but his emotions were all pretty raw. He would be a challenge, but he was definitely worth it.

I placed a few chaste kisses on his hair and face, pulling him tightly into me and letting my protectiveness surge as I finally drifted off.