Disclaimer: I have to admit, that while this story isn't my best, I love writing it cause of REVIEWERS LIKE YOU! You love me, you really love me! Um, okay, I'll just get on with this story.

Disclaimer PS: A WARNING TO ALL CHEAUVENIST MEN AND/OR FEMINIST HATERS: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SOME STRONG CHEAUVENIST-PIG-MAN-BUTT-KICKING CONTENT, SO THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT HAVE THE STOMACH FOR SUCH ACTION SHOULD TURN BACK AND READ MY OTHER FAN FICTIONS! Thank you. :)

The Date From Hell

Areina must have punched Duo in the groin at least 200 times. The braided victim now walked into the living room with his legs spread apart, limping and saying "Ouch" every other step.

In the room, he could see the other Gundam pilots sitting on the love seats, chatting together about all of the crazy things that had happened within the course of three days. Relena and Hilde stood closely next to Areina, and all three of them were staring out the window, waiting for Areina's date in a combination of anticipation and fear. Areina, sensing Duo's presence, turned around and glared at him.

She was wearing a long, strapless black dress that came down to her ankles and up to her underarms. They had also made her wear a silver bracelet of Relena's and sapphire earrings of Hilde's. Her masquera was a deep purple, and her lipstick a dark blue-violet. Duo couldn't help stifling laughter at the overly made-up Canadian, and at the whole situation itself. He lost all control, and burst out with relentless hysterics.

"This is funny to you, isn't it, Duo?" Areina said thru gritted teeth, emphasizing every syllable sharply.

Duo shook his head as he continued in a never-ending fit of laughter.

"Need I remind you that this is ALL YOUR FAULT?" she said as she pointed at all of the Gundam boys.

"Whoa, there, Areina," Duo said defensively. "If you're going to blame someone, blame me and Quatre, not all of them!"

"Maybe you forgot who gave me some 'helpful advice' in dress and make- up," she said as she peered at Trowa, Hiro, and Wufei with an undeniable fury in her eyes. She turned back to the window. "Now if you don't mind, I would like to find out in advance just how horrifyingly awful tonight will go."

"Oh, come on, Areina," Duo responded comfortingly. "You're doing it for us."

Areina turned back around to see the four previously indecently exposing Gundam boys putting on their best Bambi eyes as they chuckled under their breath. She scoffed and turned her head back to the window.

"Besides, it can't be THAT bad, can it?" Duo asked doubtfully.

"Hey Areina, look," Relena said as she pointed at something down on the dark streets below.

Duo came over to the window to see the cop from before outside in his police car, gesturing to Areina. He grinned as he stared up at them all, and, upon noticing that a pack of donuts was next to him instead of an empty seat, he quickly threw the donuts into the back seat and brushed their crumbs off the cushion next to him, which was ripping at the seams.

Areina turned to Duo with one of her many glares on her face, leering with anger thru overly masquera-ed eyes. "Not that bad, huh?"

Duo grinned and shrugged helplessly. "But if you don't, then we'll be forced to go into prison!"

"Duo," Areina said firmly as she brought her face an inch from his. "Right now, I feel and look like a little whore, even though I'm not, and you're the pimp. I think I have a right to be angry!"

"But you even said that you liked tall, dark, and handsome blondes!" Quatre replied innocently. "He's tall, he's handsome, he's blonde, and you don't get much darker than a policeman!"

"Quatre, let me put it in plain English for you," she commented harshly as she batted her eyes at the young Arabian. "I don't *like* horny policeman who think of me as a *chick* or consider me no higher than a pack of donuts."

She stood to her full height and grabbed her purse, walking toward the door. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go save your sorry hides from jail." With that, she stepped out of the door, and with a prompt "Good night," slammed the door hard enough to make a nearby portrait fall from the wall.

"Watch out, boys," Hilde commented slyly as she and Relena got their things ready to go out. "Areina is a tad angry at all of you."

"To put it lightly," Duo said as he shook his head and put on his coat. "I'm not sure if we should be following her or not."

"We have to!" Relena exclaimed in a strange, over-protecting manner. "If that policeman gets out of hand, who knows what could happen to her?"

Duo shrugged, and they left to keep close track of where the new "happy couple" went.

- - -

Areina could not believe how the date was going so far. The policeman had gotten lost, and couldn't find the club they were going to go to.

"There it is," the policeman said victoriously as Areina rolled her eyes, trying to keep a nice smile on while imagining how she'd kill Duo when she came back.

They entered the club, and found a dining table to eat at as they watched the Karaoke show that night. Areina ordered a light salad, so as to please the policeman while eating quickly. The faster she ate, the quicker the date would be over!

"So," the policeman said in a voice that attempted to come on to Areina. "How'd your four little friends get to be naked, and why couldn't you have been naked with them?"

Areina laughed nervously, now thinking to herself how she'd kill the policeman. "So, what's being a policeman like for you?"

"Oh, not much," the policeman shrugged as he showed off his muscles again. "We just need to be everyone's hero, save the city from the bad guys, you know. The usual."

Areina had no clue how this guy had become a policeman, but knew he wouldn't last for long. She looked at the stage, seeing a blonde haired, short young man step onto its center.

She looked up in wide-eyed shock and shot her glance back to the stage. QUATRE?

The blonde haired young gay boy brought his mouth up to the microphone, and Areina prayed to whatever God she still believed in to have mercy on her.

Quatre began a song that Areina quickly recognized: "I've been really trying baby

Trying to hold back these feelings for so long

And if you feel, like I feel baby

Come on, oh come on,



Let's get it on"

Areina's mouth dropped, and she glared at the ceiling, looking angrily at whatever God was left. She noticed the four other Gundam boys onstage, snapping their fingers like background singers. Areina was going to kill them when she got home.

She peered at the policeman warily, who was very into the song. His gaze locked with hers, and she was nearly paralyzed with the fear of the nasty ideas involving her that were probably in his head.

She felt a large hand on her leg, and the policeman smiled suggestively at her. SHE WAS GOING TO KILL THE BOYS WHEN SHE GOT HOME!

"May I have this dance?" the policeman said across the table as he leaned towards her. His breath smelled of donut and garlic, and Areina wanted to puke.

"Why not?" she said as she covered her mouth and nose with her hand. They got up, and began to move to the music.

The policeman was a bad dancer, to say the least. He seemed to get a sadistic pleasure out of stepping on her feet, and did so every other step. She could smell his breath, and wished that the song would stop.

After an eternity of wrong steps and bad breath, the song finally ceased, and Areina thanked the stars. She began slowly regressing back to her seat with her date, just when someone else got on the microphone, and whispered quickly to the musicians what song she wanted to play. Areina peered up at the heavens. "Round two of the Date from Hell," she thought to herself. "I hope this is better than round one, God."

As soon as she heard loud and dramatic Tango music from the speakers, she practically jumped out of her socks with glee. She spied her roommates in a remote corner of the club, watching her every move. She winked at Duo, and gave him a mischievous grin. Duo glanced back at her with terror in his eyes, unsure of what she could be planning.

"Let's dance," she exclaimed forcefully to the policeman, who had just gotten into his seat. She grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor with her. They began a sharp and smooth tango, as he continuously crushed her feet while looking at practically every other woman in the room. She calmed herself, knowing that soon she would have her chance to strike.

- - -

Duo was panicking.

Like the others, he knew that Areina was going to do something horrible to the policeman, but he had no clue what. Whatever it was, it was going to ruin their chances of staying out of jail.

"What's she up to?" he asked the others in a frenzy of fear. "What's she going to do? What's this song?"

"It's a Latin-based song," Hiro replied coolly, with a slight smirk on his face. Hiro knew what the song was really about, but he couldn't bear to break it to Duo. So, he lied and decided to wait and see what happened. The music slowed, and left the policeman dipping Areina. Hiro laughed within himself, knowing what was about to happen.

Suddenly, the music burst into a rapid guitar, and Areina pushed the policeman into one of the dining tables, which he tumbled upon clumsily. Within that same second, she started to rotate and shake her hips extremely quickly, especially for the dress she was in. The girl at the Karaoke stage dropped her microphone and watched in shock, like everyone else in the club. The lyrics came up, and Areina did exactly what Hiro knew she'd do, since she obviously had the same musical knowledge that he did.

"It's not her fault that she's so irresistible," Areina sang in a voice loud enough for the entire club to hear - and enjoy. Duo looked as though he were about to go into a series of spasms at what he saw. The policeman got back up and walked sternly over to the green haired, hip- shaking perpetrator, who raised a hand that signaled him to stop.

"But all the damage she's caused isn't fixable," she sang again as she started her smooth belly dancing. "Every 20 seconds you repeat her name, but when it comes to me, you don't care...."

"She's good, isn't she?" Quatre commented to a whimpering Duo as Hiro began laughing hysterically.

"If I'm alive or dead," she sang as she pummeled the policeman just enough so that she didn't hurt him, but she did scare him. "So Objection I don't want to be the exception to get a bit of your attention."

Duo's hand was covering his mouth, and he had never looked this scared in his life - at least, not since the war. Relena and Hilde cheered relentlessly for their independent - and clearly feminist - friend.

"I love you for free and I'm not your mother, but you don't even bother," her voice rang like a bell signaling someone's execution. She continued to twirl her body with her hips, making for an interesting picture. "Objection I'm tired of this triangle," she sang as she pointed to Duo, herself, and the policeman, who was now staring in awe at her sudden destructiveness. She grabbed him by the shirt and brought his face an inch from hers. "Got dizzy dancing tango, I'm falling apart in you hands again." She pushed him back to the ground. "No way, I've got to get away!"

A length of accordion music went by, and the policeman gave up on Areina. He got up to talk to a woman who had obviously had a boob job. Hiro shook his head, feeling like he was watching one of those cheesy old videos. Areina salsa-ed on the dance floor, lifting her dress so that you could see her footwork. She salsa-ed over to the policeman with a look of renewed anger on her face.

"Next to her cheap silicone I look minimal," Areina sang as she pushed the woman aside. "That's why in front of your eyes I look minimal." She restarted the quick jolts of her hips as she advanced upon the now scared policeman. "But you got to know small things also count, better put your feet on the ground, and see what it's about, so Objection..."

The song basically continued as the girl chased her date all over the dance floor. The others were all either laughing hysterically at how corny this was or slowly, agonizingly dying at the thought of what the cop would do to them. The song ended with the cop pinned to the floor and the Canadian ready to strangle him.

- - -

Areina quickly got up and helped the policeman to the door, then put him in his car and watched him driving away in horror. A short, fan, ugly man with a big nose came out of the club with a disappointed look on his face.

"What's wrong?" Areina asked sympathetically. The short man looked up.

"I was almost stepped on in there," the short man grinned up at her.

Areina laughed and offered him her arm, and as he took it, he began walking her home. The seven other roommates were left behind, staring at the odd couple.

"She lied to us," Quatre said blankly.

"She lied horribly to us," Relena said just as blankly.

"I'm going to KILL her when we get home," a braided boy next to them said.

Disclaimer: Was that too cheesy? Sorry, I've just always wanted include that Shakira song in my writing ever since I heard it. OH WELL! Insult me if you want. Oh yeah, and I don't own any of the lyrics in this chapter.