The Angel's Knight #6 - A Watcher's Doubts

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Los Angeles, October 14, 2017

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"Is ... is somebody there?"

"Don't worry, Cordelia. I am here."

"Giles? I ... have you been here long? I think I actually fell asleep for once, but I'm not sure. Wasn't Angel here a minute ago?"

"I've been here since shortly past midnight. Angel was called away on Foundation business and I was the only one still awake. I can call someone else if you don't want me to ..."

"No, it's okay, Giles. It's just a little weird, you know? Knowing that you are seeing me like this. Most of the times I still remember you as that stuffy librarian from school."

"I like to think I've grown a little less stuffy since then. The others told me that you can't stand the ... ah ... the feeling of clothes on your skin anymore?"

"Yeah, it's ... it's not an excuse to show off my body to everyone, all right? Though I do have a great body. And not a wrinkle on it, see?"

"Ah ... I didn't ..."

"It's all right, Giles, I'm just teasing you. These days I have to get my fun wherever I find it. Hope it's not bothering you too much."

"No. Whether you believe it or not, I have seen the occasional unclothed woman before in my life."

"Any of them wear really fancy masks, too?"

"No, I don't think any of them did. I do hope the mask is helping a bit."

"A little. How does it look like, anyway? I ... I never really saw it, you know, just ... felt it with my fingers. It feels ... funny."

"I know. It ... well, it's ... silver and ... almost featureless."

"I knew it. They put a big fishbowl over my head, didn't they?"

"No, it's not quite that bad."

"It doesn't have eye-holes."

"No ... ah, I think Wesley and Tara thought that would be ..."

"Redundant?"

"More like counter-productive. If the mask is to seal you off from the worst effects of the visions it needs to be ... well, sealed."

"Well, it is softening things a bit, so I shouldn't complain. I just have a hard time picturing myself with it. And I just know I'm gonna get mask-hair from this thing."

Silence.

"Did the phone wake you, Cordelia?"

"The phone? No, I didn't hear any phone. What time is it anyway? Is it still night?"

"About four in the morning. Faith and Wesley came back from patrol about an hour ago and went straight to bed. The others are all asleep, too."

"What was the phone call about?"

"I don't know. I think I heard Tara answering it. I'm sure if it's important she'll let us know about it."

Silence.

"Giles?"

"Yes?"

"I think I had some visions about you while I slept. If I really slept and wasn't just caught in some kind of visiony trance. It's getting harder and harder to tell the two apart, seeing as I'm always having visions anyway."

"Visions about me?"

"Yes. Not that surprising, really. The visions always seem to ... I don't know, reshape themselves according to whoever is close by to hear me talk about them. I mean, most of the time that was Angel and I got visions about stuff only he could stop. There were other times, though. Did I ever tell you about that little interlude when Angel seriously lost it and fired the whole bunch of us?"

"I think Wesley mentioned it once, yes."

"Well, at that time it was just me, Wesley, and Gunn. I still got visions, but they were ... smaller stuff. Stuff the three of us could handle without any supernatural muscle along, you know what I mean?"

"I understand. So tonight you saw visions about me?"

"Yes, I ... it's hard to make sense of them, but I think they're trying to show me something about you. Or maybe show you something about you, I don't know."

"What did you see?"

"A whole bunch of stuff I never needed to see, let me tell you that. Seeing you rocking and rolling to Pink Floyd will send me into therapy yet. I have to admit, though, you didn't look half bad as a young man, Giles. I never would have suspected."

"Ah ... thank you. You received visions about my past then?"

"Yes, I ... Giles, can I ask you something?"

"Certainly."

"You did a lot of black magic stuff when you were young, right? I mean, we did get a whiff of it with that whole Eyghon nonsense."

"I ... I did quite a few things I'm not proud of in my youth, Cordelia. Black magic was part of it, too. Why are you asking?"

"Because ... well, I got a vision showing you and Buffy. She was really young and ... wearing a cheerleader outfit. Which is strange, 'cause she never did make the squad, did she? And Amy was there, too, also a cheerleader. That ring any bells for you?"

"Hmm. I assume that must have been shortly after I came to Sunnydale. When Amy's mother switched bodies with her daughter and tried to become a cheerleader again."

"Oh, yes, I remember that one. She blinded me back then. Well, I guess she did give me a little glimpse of the future there, didn't she? Dirty bitch!"

"What else did you see in your vision?"

"Not much, I just heard you saying something to Buffy about how you had just performed your first spell casting. But ... but that can't be right, can it? You did cast a lot before that, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I don't remember exactly what I said that day, Cordelia, but I assume I ... well, I didn't want my past to come to light in front of Buffy, so I ... I lied."

"I am not sure you did, Giles."

"What are you talking about?"

"Another of my visions showed you and Wesley, back when he was still a useless dweep. The two of you had gotten yourself kidnapped by some vampires and been brought before a really, really fat demon."

"Balthazar, yes. I remember that."

"Then Angel and Buffy arrived to free you and you ... you grabbed a sword from one of those warrior vampires and proceeded to kick serious butt."

"I ... thank you for what I suspect was a compliment, but ..."

"Giles, when did you learn to fight like that?"

"I don't under..."

"Those vampires were a dueling cult of some kind, right? Which means you outfought a couple of creeps with centuries of sword-fighting experience who also happened to be about ten times stronger and faster than you. And that from the guy who spent most of the preceding two years being knocked out by whatever monster of the week came along. How did you know how to do that?"

"Every Watcher is taught basic fighting techniques, Cordelia, and ..."

"Those weren't basic fighting techniques, Giles, those were serious ass- whooping techniques. Try to remember! When did you learn how to fight like that?"

Silence.

"I ... I am not sure. I assume I picked it up somewhere. What are you getting at, Cordelia?"

"If I knew that I'd be a whole lot happier, Giles. These visions about you I've been getting ... I have no idea how they fit into this whole big puzzle thing the Powers have been sending me these last few weeks, but as far as I can tell they're showing me ... inconsistencies. Things that don't make any sense."

"Such as?"

"I saw visions of you and Ms. Calendar, Giles. I ... sorry, I know this is still a painful topic for you, but ... when you were flirting with her, and I'm using that term extremely loosely, you barely got two words out. Yet barely more than a year later you had a half-naked woman running around in your apartment and didn't even blush when Buffy came by and saw it all."

"Cordelia, I don't think my personal life is of any ..."

"It's all about your personal life, Giles, don't you see that? The visions have been showing me so many pieces of your life, but they simply don't fit together. I can't explain it, I'm sorry. I'm just telling you what I've been seeing."

"If you've been seeing just the occasional outtake from my life, Cordelia, then of course the pieces won't fit together. And a life isn't really a straight-lined affair, after all. I changed over the years, especially during my years in Sunnydale. We all did, as you can personally attest."

"This isn't about change, Giles, this is about trying to make sense of why your life doesn't make sense. ... Okay, that sentence didn't make much sense, either, but are you getting what I'm saying? If it's so simple then tell me! Where did you learn to sword fight? When did you turn into a womanizer? Did or didn't you cast any spells before that little episode with Amy's homicidal mom?"

"I ... this is nonsense, Cordelia. I don't ..."

"You don't have those answers, do you? And I bet there are a hundred other things that they just haven't gotten around to showing me yet. I think ... I think it all leads back to that little demon summoning you did with Eyghon way back in your Austin Powers years. They didn't show me anything prior to that."

"That is a part of my life I've been trying to forget and I would very much appreciate it if you wouldn't drag it up again."

"I don't have much of a choice in this, Giles. They're showing me the Life of Giles in full Technicolor and I can't help but see it. And it has to be important, otherwise they wouldn't show it to me."

Silence.

"They showed me one thing that isn't from your past, Giles. One thing I think you have to take care of."

"And that would be?"

"I saw that bastard friend of yours, but I forgot his name. You know, the one who turned people into their costumes one Halloween."

"Ethan? You saw Ethan Rayne?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know where he is? We've been trying to track him down for years now."

"Did we? Oh, yes! I remember now. He ... he did something to Tara once, didn't he? Tried to seduce her to the dark side or such. It's getting hard to remember stuff from my own life sometimes when there are so many other lives in my head."

"Where is he, Cordelia? Where is Ethan hiding?"

"I don't think he's exactly hiding, Giles. He ... I believe he's dying."

"Dying?"

"He's in a hospital in New York. I saw one of the doctors and they said he has some kind of neurological disease. Progressive stuff. It's quickly turning him into a vegetable."

"Well, I guess that is a merciful end for him. He deserves much worse than that."

"You have to go see him, Giles."

"I don't think so. If he's dying then there is no reason for me to..."

"That's exactly the reason why, Giles. You have to go there before it's too late."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just know that you have to go. I think there is something he has to tell you, something very important."

"I don't know about this, Cordelia. Ethan and I ..."

"You were lovers once, I saw that, too. And believe me, I really didn't want to."

Silence.

"You have to go, Giles. He ... he doesn't speak much anymore, but he keeps repeating one thing over and over again."

"What?"

"He's saying 'I am sorry, Rupert'. He's saying it day and night, all the time."

"I ... I will see if I can find someone else to sit with you, Cordelia. I'll be right back."

"Giles, are you gonna go see him? ... Giles? .... Giles, are you still there? ... Giles?"

TO BE CONTINUED