Chapter 4: A Love that Transcends Taste

Once she got used to the sinking feeling in her stomach, the nausea and disorientation generally followed by a flat surface rushing up to meet her, jumping from World to World still sucked. Although out of the six Worlds she had jumped to so far, this was the best. Landing in a small shrubbery was infinitely preferable to a lake, a highway or a dumpster. That last one stood out not only in memory but in smell.

After gunning down Britney Riddle, Annie had taken some tours of her favourite TV shows. A beautiful and intelligent nurse who had every man in a certain emergency room in Chicago chasing her tail found herself discreetly garrotted in a broom closet between her two 20-hour shifts. In Las Vegas, several Crime Scene Investigators slowly lost all memories of their brilliant colleague who had single-handedly solved ten murder cases in a week while going on no less than three dates with Warrick (alas, the eleventh murder of the week was to remain unsolved due to the lack of a body as well as the cement block that crushed her). And in a small California town, an extraordinarily beautiful Vampire Slayer who had been turned into a vampire in the early 90s and subsequently gotten herself a soul was rudely interrupted from her passionate yet angsty affair with a local vampire by a sudden noon-time defenestration by a strange woman (who, had they actually remembered it, bystanders would have claimed shouted after the ex-Slayer blowing in the wind: "You do not mess around with Spike while I'm still breathing, bitch!")

All in all, Annie had had a fairly productive time.

Now, however, she had taken a random leap through the fabric of the Stories into a place she did not recognize. The oddly flat look of the landscape was given its explanation when Annie looked down on her arms. Holy Hell, I'm animated, aren't I?

Being animated was a rather disturbing prospect, although it certainly would bode well for her creativity, Annie thought, fond memories of old Tom & Jerry cartoons filling her brain. Little could be done at the moment, though, as she stood in the middle of a forest with not a soul in sight. Bracing herself for a long walk, Annie caught her reflection in a small puddle by her feet.

Damn, those are some big eyes. I must be in one of those Japanese cartoons my cousin likes so much. But which one? Oh, dear Lord in Heaven! Don't let it be…

"Hello there."

Annie swirled around, and breathed a sigh of relief. Not Pokemon. Her relief was soon replaced by confusion. These people hadn't been there a moment ago. And they look really, really weird.

The one closest to her was wearing red clothes, and had long, silver hair. Oh, and there were a couple of dog-ears sticking out through it. The other guy looked more normal, wearing robes and a staff. The woman next to him would have been inconspicuous had she not been wearing a giant boomerang on her back (Now there's something for my arsenal!) and the small, uncomfortably Pikachu-like yellow creature by her feet. Annie glossed over the little kid with strange shoes to stare at the girl furthest back. Not only was she wearing a bow and arrows, but she was dressed in a skirt and sailor blouse.

The girl with the bow spoke again. "Pardon us, but we were wondering if you could help us."

The guy in red looked like he was pissed off on general principle. "Tell us if you have seen any demons around here." He cracked his fingers threateningly.

Damn. How the hell am I suppose to know if someone violates the story if I don't know the story? Annie decided to make a move. As it turned out, it was her favourite move.

The girl with the bow gasped loudly at the gun pointed at them, the others merely eyed it curiously. "Are you from my time too?" the girl breathed. Okay, that's demons, dog-ears, giant boomerangs, small yellow cats with two tails and time-travel. When I get back I'm having a long talk with my cousin. These cartoons are clearly not meant to be watched while sober.

"Perhaps you could enlighten me first. What are your names and what is your quest?" The part of her that wanted to ask a third question concerning the capitol of Assyria was mentally bitch-slapped into submission.

The guy in red actually smiled. "If it's a fight you want, you'll get it." He drew the sword from the scabbard at his hip. The sword immediately transformed into a giant blade as long as the man himself. My, how… Freudian.

Annie's gaze flickered from character to character. "Ah, hell. I'm officially stumped." She lowered the gun and sat down on the ground. The swordsman looked surprised and slightly disappointed. The girl with the bow, however, smiled and walked up to Annie.

"Did you come by the well too? Do you have Shikon shards? What year is it where you're from? And where did you get that gun?"

"No, no, 2003, don't ask. Tell you what, if you answer my question I'll answer yours." Some of them, anyway.

"Ha!" The guy in red bristled. "You'll talk first, or I'll just cut you in half, or I'll use my claws…"

The girl with the bow sighed. "Inuyasha, sit!" A necklace around the swordsman's neck started to glow, and pulled the man violently into the ground. Pained groans could be heard from the small cloud of dust that rose up around him. Annie watched with interest. "That's a brilliant necklace. You don't have a spare, do you?"

The girl laughed. "I'm sorry, no. I'm Kagome Higurashi. What's your name?"

"Annie Renault."

"Well, Annie, I'm really sorry about Inuyasha, he can be such a jerk…"

Inuyasha had managed to lift himself over the edge of the little pit his fall had created. "A jerk? You were the one who made me 'sit'!"

"Well, if you didn't go around threatening everyone we met, I wouldn't have to!"

"Me? She had that strange metal thing pointing at us!"

"Honestly, Inuyasha, she had lowered it."

"Don't mind them, they do this all the time." The man in the robes had moved to her side. "I'll tell you everything you want to know." Annie was about to thank him when she felt a hand on her ass. The bastard! I'll shoot him dead and tell Athena I thought he was a Mary Sue, no jury in any World… But she was spared from intervening by the giant boomerang that had landed on the man's head, knocking him off his feet. The owner of the boomerang looked innocently on the fallen man.

"Sorry, it slipped."

Annie noticed the kid was looking into the barrel of the gun. "What does it do?" he asked. Annie, more than happy to squeeze a trigger, fired a shot into the air. Kagome and Inuyasha stopped bickering, and the other man stared at her. Annie smiled at them. "Introductions. Backstory. Now!" Her stomach growled, and she added, a bit sheepishly: "And some food would be nice too."

Two hours later Annie had a stomach full of fried fish and a head full of a bizarre story about reincarnated priestesses, a shattered magic glass ball, demons and half-bloods, and to top it all off, a super-demon named Naraku, responsible for several atrocities.

"So Naraku made Inuyasha and this priestess Kikyou kill each other, except Inuyasha didn't die and Kikyou has been revived from a part of the soul of Kagome, who is Kikyou reborn," (she stopped to catch her breath) "opened an air void in the hand of Miroku," she nodded at the robed priest, still sporting a bump on his head, "that will eventually kill him, led a swarm of demons to the village of Sango," another nod for the girl with the boomerang, "where they killed everyone, revived and controlled her brother with a Shikon shard that can't be removed without killing him again, and is out to reassemble this Shikon ball so he can wreak even more havoc. What does he do for an encore, strangle kittens?" The yellow cat, Kirara, growled a bit in Sango's lap.

Kagome put her chin on her knees. "We have to stop him. He vanished a while ago and we've been tracking him to the northeast. Have you seen anything unusual in the forest?"

Actually, yes. Damn, how the hell am I supposed to find a Mary Sue in this group of freaks? They all come with an angsty past except Kagome, and if she's a Mary Sue she would have Inuyasha groomed, housebroken and in bed by now. The kid, Shippou, is useless, the priest is a pervert, and Sango is incapable of changing him. No, I have to widen my search.

"Actually I'm hunting someone who might well be in league with Naraku. Tell me, does Naraku have a… loved one?"

Sango snorted. "Hardly. A monster like that can't love. He has two servants, though. Kagura controls the winds."

"She wants to be free of his control," Kagome added. "I can feel it."

Interesting. A tragic villain in involuntary service. Sign number eight.  "And the other one?"

"Kanna. She looks just like a kid, but she's really dangerous." Inuyasha cast a dirty look at Annie. "Why do you want to talk about Naraku's girlfriends? What are you after, anyway?"

"A demon. She's female, but can take any shape, including male ones." That's true enough. "Once she finds her prey, she warps his or her mind to attach herself to them. After she has bewitched everyone around her prey, she… devours him!" Actually she's more likely to have sex with him, but since it's a Sue it's functionally equivalent. "She may well be someone you know. Are there more than you hunting Naraku?"

Shippou looked thoughtful. "There's Kouga. He's a wolf demon in love with Kagome," (Inuyasha snorted loudly) "and wants to give her Naraku's head as a present." People really were more romantic in the olden days. "But he has a fiancée, Ayame. She's also a wolf demon. Oh, and Kikyou. She was brought back from the dead, and can't function without the souls of the dead." Probably not her, if Kagome's her reincarnation. The whole story seems to hinge upon the relationship between Kagome, Kikyou and Inuyasha anyway. "And Inuyasha's brother Sesshoumaru. He's a full demon and wanders around with his servant Jaken, his wife Kyareena and a little girl."

Well, isn't that lovely. Now I know the whole story, know most of the characters, and I still don't have an idea who the Sue is. This calls for some divine intervention, and I don't mean a Kung Fu kickin' Catholic priest!

Annie reached inside her kimono (I was wearing a kimono?) and found the device she was looking for. A silvery orb with a red button on top of it. She pressed the button and the scene shifted.

Everyone suddenly stood on a field stretching as far as the eye could see in every direction. An overcast sky allowed only a little bit of light to sift through. And in a wide circle around Annie stood all the important characters of this World. Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango, Miroku and Shippou stared wide-eyed at the newcomers. There was a woman who was the spitting image of Kagome, but wearing medieval clothes. Annie decided it was Kikyou. Next to her stood a tall demon with the same hair as Inuyasha. He wore a bizarre costume that included a bit of armor and what looked like a white feather boa. Clutching his arm was a green-haired beauty wearing a rather revealing dress. A girl and what looked like an earless Yoda stood next to them. Sesshoumaru and his brood. She picked out Kouga, his buddies and Ayame. Beyond them were Naraku, standing tall and menacing, and his lackeys, Kagura and Kanna. The roster was completed by an old woman with an eye-patch, a clothed racoon and what looked like Sango's brother. I bet I can put the last three off my list.

"Gentlemen," she called out, "ladies, demons of both sexes and Jedi masters. I have summoned you here to find and kill a monster in your midst. Once I've done so, you're free to go about your, if I may say so, downright weird business. Now, come out, Mary Sue! Let's not drag this out!"

Naraku's lip curled. "And who are you, little girl, to order one such as I?" At his side, Kagura raised her fan threateningly (only in a Japanese cartoon can a fan be raised threateningly, Annie thought amusedly).

"Hey, just doing my job here." Annie pulled out her gun once more, and pointed it at everyone in turn. Oh, this is hopeless! How will I find a Mary Sue in this freak show?

"Do you plan to keep us here longer?" Sesshoumaru asked. "It's quite obvious that you don't know who of us this 'Mary Sue' is. Will you try to kill us all?"

Annie smiled. "Nah. I've got a better idea. Raise your hand if you're the prettiest here!"

The slight, involuntary motion caught in the corner of Annie's eye was all she needed. She pivoted and placed a bullet right between Kyareena's eyes. The green haired woman stiffened, and fell off Sesshoumaru's arm.

Annie tucked the gun back into her kimono. "Sorry about that, Sesshouwhatzit. But trust me, you're better off without her. Go find yourself a nice, wholesome demon girl instead. Or boy, if that boa means what I think it means."

The demon stared into the sky. "For a moment I thought I remembered talking to her about my emotions, kneeling in front of her, crying in front her. What manner of nightmare did she put in my head?"

Annie sighed. "How dreadful. Really, you're all just a bunch of romantics, aren't you?" She pushed the red button once more, and everyone vanished.

"Alright, a new leap, then, and I better not land in another dumpster…"