for just a seconds worth of how my story's ending
And I wish I could know if the directions that I take
and all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing
Show me what it's for
Make me understand it
I've been crawling in the dark
looking for the answer
Is there something more
than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark
looking for the answer
Help me carry on
Assure me its ok to
use my heart and not my eyes
to navigate the darkness
Will the ending be ever coming suddenly?
Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?
Show me what its for
Make me understand it
I've been crawling in the dark
looking for the answer
Is there something more
than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark
looking for the answer
So when and how will I know?
How much further do I have to go?
How much longer until I finally know?
'cause I'm looking and I just can't see what's in front of me
in front of me
Show me what its for
Make me understand it
I've been crawling in the dark
looking for the answer
Is there something more
than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark
looking for the answer
"Crawling In the Dark" by: Hoobastank
("Shadow Servant" Theme)
June 30, 2003
Final Fantasy VII & VIII
Prologue
However, even though I have a family, friends, and plenty of love, my fate interfered with the relationship I had with each other them. My fate revealed my father, what I remembered of my mother, showed me my one and only love, brought my greatest friends to the deadliest and worst fate, and had my allies turn on me. My fate caused me pain and loss.
Now, after the harsh ordeal, I still face my life; the life that my fate direct me to. Some of the people, who are dearest to me, still live on and stay by my side. Some are still afraid of my power and capabilities, and stay far away from me to save their lives. And some, never got to live up to this peace that I live now.
Even though I lost and won in my struggle that I still remember now, even after twenty years, I still believe it to be the greatest story of my life. And finally, I am willing to tell it.
I groaned. My throat burned, my head throbbed, and my entire body ached. "Ugh urrg..."
Dr. Kadowki sighed as if all hope was lost. She used her thumb and index finger to open my eyelids wider and examine them with a small flashlight. "Hmm..."
That sound droned in my head and bounced off my brain in pounding echoes. Couldn't she just stop already? The light was making my head worse, but my throat felt so bad I couldn't speak or even mumble any word that was understandable. Damn Keith to Hell.
"Well, it seems like nothing's getting better," Dr. Kadowki said and heaved a loud sigh. "Are you sure you've been resting?"
How could I rest with all this pain in my body? My rib cage hurt so bad that breathing was like sprinting a mile and my head throbbed so much that even the pillow felt like a rock. I lied and nodded my head.
Dr. Kadowki shook her head. "Just rest, I'll be back to check up on you in four hours. Try not to do anything stupid." She flicked the flashlight off and left the room.
I tried to heave a sigh, but only let out a cough that caused me a load of pain. It felt like a needle was poked in several places all around me and it kept on piercing me. I tried to flip over onto my stomach to ease the pain in my back, but that didn't quite help either. I just weakly slammed the soft mattress with my fist and let my head roll lazily to the right. The wall was glowing with the golden light of the sun that was shining through the window and a warm breeze that carried the ocean's scent was coming through the window, too. It was nice to be lying down on a soft bed in such peaceful surroundings, but the pain wasn't very nice. My train of thought was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and the familiar heavy footsteps of snake leather boots.
"So, you managed to survive, did ya?" a heavily accented voice asked. "I'm proud of ya."
I barely lifted my head up to see the shiny surface of a bald head and ice blue eyes. I didn't even have to look to know who it was; it was Keith. Damn him to Hell! I scowled at him and let my head drop heavily onto the pillow that felt like a bunch of pebbles.
"Hey, don't hold a grudge against me, boy," Keith said, almost growling. "You put up a good fight, if you even remember the fight." He began to laugh, he laughed so card he began to wheeze.
"Seriously though, I expected a weaker fight," Keith said as he pulled up a seat beside my bed. He brushed away strands of my black hair away from my face. "I did you in good, didn't I?"
I grunted and turned my head away. He could have at least brought me back to Garden instead of leaving me in the middle of the open field with cuts and bruises while it rained on me for five days. Again, damn him to Hell!
"Lad, don't be upset," Keith said as he sat back in his chair and crossed his legs. "You should be glad to be alive, that means you still have time to improve. What do you say?"
I couldn't say anything, and I didn't want to say anything. I just lifted my arm up and let it drop back down limply. "Hrmmph..."
"Are you agreeing with me?"
I turned my gaze back to him and scowled again. Even scowling made my head hurt, but if that's what it took to get my point across, then I was all for it. I turned my head back away from him and closed my eyes, in attempt to fall asleep and give him a reason to leave.
"You have your father's endurance, that's all I have to say," Keith said and sighed. "Yep definitely."
I shot my eyes opened, he told me that all the time, during drill practices and whenever we had a conversation, sometimes when we fought, too. What did he know? He was just my crazy, hard-core, drill master uncle. He didn't know anything, especially anything about my father. He was my mother's brother. If didn't know anything about my dad, then he definitely didn't. He was more oblivious to things than I was!
"When you get better, don't come bawling at me about how I don't know anything about your father," Keith said as he got up from his chair. "You'd be surprised. This old hag of your uncle knows more than your eyes can see.
"Get some rest, and hopefully I'll see you out on the field soon." With that said, he left me alone.
I was sick of his heavy footsteps, sick of his accent, and sick of everything about him. The reason why I never said that to him was: he was my only family. The only thing I had left of my family, or least that's what I thought. I didn't like change, change was just this ugly boil to me. Even though I didn't like it, I couldn't stop it.
The pain killer took forty-five minutes to set in, and finally, the pain was actually gone. I was able to breathe without the imaginary needles jabbing in and out of me. I let out a sigh of relief and sat up. Even though the pain was gone, it still took a good twenty minutes to sit up against my pillow. I didn't bother to try other maneuvers, just in case that I got myself in a stuck position and then I couldn't find my way back to lying down.
When I finally got tired, I let myself slump back down onto my pillow. I closed my eyes and drifted off into a disturbed sleep.
"Keith, SHUT UP!!" I shouted.
I stared into the gloomy space that I was in. It was all black with a heavy mist all around. I stood in the middle, or at least I thought it was the middle, and I felt the cold mist against my bare chest.
"You have your father's endurance..."
"SHUT UP!" I shouted. My voice fell flat, while my uncle's echoed everywhere.
"SHUT UP!!" I shouted again, but it still fell flat. "SHUUUT UUUPPP!!" It still fell flat, and the mist just grew heavier and heavier and rise higher and higher the more I shouted. The mist rose over my height and turned into pale hands that began grabbing me.
"LET GO!!" I shouted. I had this dream before, this dream always haunted me. It never left my dreams Either the whole dream was this, or flashes of this dream would interrupt my other dreams.
"Give in, Trent..."
"NO!!" I shouted, trying to fight the hands.
"Give in, Trent This is your fate, let it go Let us take you there..."
"NO! LET ME GO!" I shouted.
"Let us take you there, Trent Let us lead you to your reign of power Your power..."
"LET ME GO!!" I shouted.
"Dammit," I muttered hoarsely.
"Mr. O'Neil?" a voice asked quietly, it wasn't a shy quiet but a quiet as in not to disturb me. The owner of the voice walked in dressed in a white skirt and polo shirt. She had black hair with dark blue highlights that went slightly passed her shoulders.
"I'm Dr. Kadowki's student assistant," she explained. "She's at a meeting with other Garden authorities that are responsible for the infirmary unit."
"Oh," I said quietly and tried to sit up.
"Let me help you," she said as she propped my pillows up and helped me sit against them. "I'm Leyla Keys. I'm a new student here, and I decided to take up this volunteer work. I really had nothing else to do."
"Oh," I answered plainly again.
I looked up into her deep blues eyes. She was really pretty, and just by judging by looks, she looked like she had an attitude hidden in her and some wit in there.
"Okay, it's..." Leyla said as she looked down at her watch. "11:30." She picked up a plastic clipboard on Dr. Kadowki's desk and looked at the papers attached to it.
"According to your schedule, I'm supposed to change your bandages now," she said. Leyla put the clipboard down and began to rummage through the materials closet for bandages. She left them on the table next to me and went to get a wet cloth and warm water.
"If I'm hurting you, just say something, anything really and I'll try not to do it again," Leyla said and sat down on the same chair Keith had.
Geez, Keith DID do me in good, I thought to myself and turned my head just enough to get a slight look outside. I was surprised that Cloe hadn't come to visit me yet. He was probably busy chasing Amy or something. He was mad for her. It was too bad that Cloe was so shy and all.
The door opened and Instructor Trepe came in with her same grace. She was really pretty, too. However, she was two years older and probably interesting in a certain somebody already, but I didn't know who. There were rumors, but no definite truth to the matter.
"How are you?" she asked, taking Leyla's seat by my bed.
"Okay," I managed to whisper.
"Good," she said, adjusting her glasses. "I bet your glad that you're here and not currently doing drills with Keith."
"Yeah."
"Anyway, I'm here to inform you about the SeeD field exam coming up," Instructor Trepe said. "You're lucky that you were able to complete all other exams before your little quarrel with Keith. I'm just letting you know so that you'll be responsible and actually get some rest. Surveillance lets us know that you haven't been sleeping at all!"
"Damn."
Instructor Trepe just shook her head and got up. "Get plenty of sleep and don't be stupid, okay? Take care of yourself." She left, leaving her distinct and pleasant scent behind.
When I thought I had enough people concerning over me, the door opens again and Cloe and all my other friends come through the door with balloons and flowers. It was the entire gang: Andy, Jake, and Dave. There were some additions, too: Amy, Becky, and Hannah.
"Hey, how are you?" Cloe asked, putting down his gifts while everyone else did.
I made a shrugging gesture. "Okay."
"Hmm, one word answers?" Dave asked, his usual wide blue eyes glittering and long black hair tied in a ponytail.
"Yeah."
Andy laughed, his glittering brown eyes framed by oval shaped glasses. "Give him a break, okay? Keith really gave him a spanking, didn't he? Dear old uncle puts all his stress on young nephew, makes a nice newspaper front page doesn't it?" He ran his hand through his thick black hair and fixed me with a sly grin.
I let out a hoarse laugh. "Sure."
Jake nodded and winked one hunter green eye. "You know I wouldn't crack any stupid jokes!" He brushed away his brown bangs from his eyes and made a stupid face. "I only aim to please, so might as well life your spirits instead of irritate them."
"These guys just don't know how to make someone feel better maturely," Amy said as she helped prop my pillows up more. Becky helped pour a cup of water for me and helped me drink it. Hannah fixed my blankets and they all stepped away with a smile.
"Geez, if only Hannah would do that for me..." Andy sighed, wrapping his arm around Hannah who had the same brown eyes and black hair as him.
"I know!" Dave exclaimed, taking Becky into his arms. "The nerve of some girlfriends..."
Amy and Cloe looked each other and turned bright red. They turned their gazes away from each other and pretended to be busy with something for me. I rolled my eyes and moved my gaze over to Jake.
"So, how are you and Ryu?" I asked, catching me breath right after.
"Okay..." Jake said quietly. "It's really hard to adjust to this, but hey, no one said it was going to be easy."
I felt bad for Jake. He recently admitted that he was gay and we were really surprised, too. We were just as surprised when he told us he already had a relationship. It took us a while to think it over and accept it. After that, we were all cool again and Jake seemed less stressed and more open around us.
"Who's hungry?" Amy asked, breaking the two second silence. Everyone answered at once and gave me a hearty good-bye as they left.
I slipped down onto my pillows and let myself slip into a comfortable sleep. The dream didn't haunt me thankfully and I was able to sleep. Within the week, I recovered enough to get some training done for the SeeD exam. Before I even knew it, the SeeD exam was around the corner and being me, I was ready for anything.
