V/N – After writing this chapter, I see Severus'
character in a whole new light. I don't see him as a Sex God like Mag
does, though. First person to tell me what movie this is from wins a buck:
"That's not Martin
Sheen, that's president Kennedy, you idiot!"
Chapter Six - Beer-Bash Blues
A few moments later, Lucius was lugging Severus into
the apartment. Tom was still locked away in his room and the place was still as
messy as they had left it. The murky walls threatened Lucius as he helped his
tipsy friend to a seat on an old couch. They dust bunnies seemed to claw at his
ankles and the old magazines rustled menacingly. The cobwebs seemed to expand
and the carpet stains grew darker and darker.
This place needs a little elbow grease! Lucius thought as he stood up and headed to the
kitchen. He peered under the sink, ripping off the child-protection locks. The
cupboard was bare. Tom. It was obvious there was some shopping to do.
Lucius arrived back at the apartment around seven,
five hours before the party was to start. He set down his bags and pushed open
the door, showing the way in to some deliverymen who accompanied him. Severus
was still sleeping on the couch, except now he was lounging in his underwear.
He awakened alertly as the door opened with a loud creak.
"Oh for heaven's sake, Severus, put on some
clothes!" Lucius demanded, looking over a large bag. "Now get up and
help me with this stuff here."
Severus sat up and Lucius noticed he was a little
frantic.
"Where's my journal?" he asked, ignoring a
shriek from a female deliverer.
Lucius sat down but bounced back up hastily, dusting
off his pants. "Never mind that, help me fix this place up."
Severus pulled him back on the couch and looked him
directly in the face. "Lucius, where the hell is my journal?" He
spoke very slowly and condescending.
"Wh-why don't you ask Tom, S-severus?"
He sent Lucius a glare and stood up. Walking
irregularly as a result of his drinking earlier that day, he knocked softly on
Tom's door.
"Hey Tom," he asked, rapping the door again.
Hearing no reply, he opened the door a crack. The second he did so, the hallway
flooded with snakes of every size. Severus let out a small yelp as he fell
backward against the opposite wall. Tom's door shut quickly.
Lucius skidded into the hall, a small footrest in his
arms.
"Oh my!" he shrieked. "This is horrid!
Clean this up immediately, Severus! We don't have much time!"
Severus walked out into the living room and then into
the kitchen. Swinging open a broom closet and knocking over a jar of mayo, he
pulled out a mop and bucket and trudged back into the serpent-filled hallway.
"And look who's doing the dirty work," he
mumbled. "Ol' Cinder-Severus. If only that nutcase hadn't taken my wand,
we could have this place done in a matter of seconds," he pulled up a
nasty black snake by the tail. "And still be in time for Charlie's
Angels."
Lucius, on the other hand, was humming a Van Morrison
song to himself while happily scrubbing the walls.
"Well lookit that!" he said, astonished.
"The walls are white! Well I'll be ... "
Severus growled and dumped the bucket of slime and
snakes out the window. Paying no heed to the remarks that were sent to him in a
foreign tongue, he flopped down on the new, red-vinyl couch. While Lucius and
the delivery people scurried about to ready the apartment, Severus stared up at
the textured ceiling. The little dots danced around as his head swimmed in
pain. After all, hangovers are a real bitch. The colors around the room swirled
together and all the sound faded away ...
"Oh for god's sake, get up Severus!"
someone squealed and Severus squinted. The stars were shining out the window
and the room smelled like cheese and beans. The new coffee table was set with
chips, salsa, a veggie platter, and some shrimp. Severus sat up quickly,
causing little splotches of colors flash in front of his eyes.
Lucius sat on the opposite end of the couch,wearing
the most hideous white disco suit ever made. The front was buttoned down and he
wore a large gold chain and black platforms. His hair was still shiny and
bouncy. Severus blinked in disgust.
"Pitiful."
"Oh shush, Severus, and go get dressed,"
Lucius snapped, lining up the chips with a bowl of bean dip he recently set on
the table.
Severus stood up reluctantly and moved into the
hallway. He forgot which room was his, but it didn't matter because that very
instant he passed out and landed facedown on the wooden floor.
What seemed like an instant later, he awakened in a
porcelain tub in a bathroom he had never seen before. The room was red tiled
and the toilet and sink were polished to perfection, just like the bathtub he
was sitting in.
He hopped out onto the shiny floor. His headache was
virtually gone and he was still wearing nothing but his underwear. He could
hear some loud music that sounded too much like the Bee Gees for comfort. He
pushed open the door and the clamor became clearer. This was his apartment, but
there were strange people making out in the hallway and empty margarita glasses
cluttered up a corner. Not daring to look out in the living room, he headed to
the room her remembered as his own.
He was relieved to see his room the way he had left
it. He headed over to his standard, sliding door closet--but what he found
wasn't ordinary at all.
"What in god's name are you doing in my
closet?!"
There was a small warlock inside, examining Severus'
robes. He was trying to pull off a button and didn't look shocked at all when
Severus screamed at him.
"I just needed to use the bathroom," he said
thoughtfully.
"In a closet?!"
"I must've gotten lost along the way..."
"That's it! Out! Out! OUT!" Severus
dropkicked the warlock and sent him hurtling into the crowded hallway.
A few moments later, Severus found his way into the
living room wearing his usual black-and-gray robes. This room was the heart of
the party, with disco lights and alcohol galore. Some people were dancing in
cages and even Tom was out of his room. His hair was flecked with gray and
thinning, but he looked amused as he talked to Forrest Lestrange, a guy who
graduated from Hogwarts a year before the rest. On Forrest's arm was Lara
Strella, a girl Severus recognized as Narcissa's old friend from school.
Severus was undoubtedly the only one who really didn't want to be at the
recruiting party.
Suddenly, the lights dimmed and a voice echoed through
the apartment.
"Ladies and gentlemen," an unfamiliar voice
said. "If you could direct your attention to the center of the room and
prepared to be amazed by the rythmic movements of Funkmaster Lucius!"
The crowd cheered and hooted as Lucius began busting
amazing moves to the song "Funky Town." Severus was so disgusted, he
had to leave the room, and he headed to the balcony outside his room.
On the balcony, the air was crisp and cool. The usual
smog of London seemed to have taken a vacation, for the stars were very
distinguishable on the midnight sky. Severus' thoughts began to drift to where
his journal could be. He didn't arrive to a decision, for his thoughts were
interrupted by a loud *clank* below him.
"Dude, be careful with that."
"Sorry, man."
Severus squinted into the dark and saw the only two
people who could spoil his evening further. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were
trying to shove a beer keg through the entrance of the apartment building. Severus
was blazing with anger and he dashed into the crowded living room. Lucky
enough, Lucius' preformance had ceased and he was nowhere to be seen. He
spotted Tom, Lara, and Forrest.
"Sir," he addressed Tom. "I do not mean
to disrupt your conversation, but two unruly men are trying to crash our
gathering. I ask your permission to use my wand and dispose of these vermin
before they--"
"Everyone is welcome here," Tom said coolly,
taking a sip from his martini.
"I must say, Riddle, I am impressed at the way
you have whipped your members into shape already!" Forrest said, laughing
heartily with Lara.
Severus left without another word and stormed out of
the apartment. He could hear Sirius, Remus, and the keg ascending the
staircase. When they reached the top, the first thing they saw was a very
murderous-looking Severus. Before anyone could say anything, two more figures
came out of the party.
"Hey guys!" Lucius hiccupped. Narcissa was
clinging to his arm, laughing drunkenly. An empty shot glass was in her hand
and she swayed from side to side.
"Lucius, my man," Sirius said as he whisked
passed Severus. Remus was bringing up the rear, trying to hold on to the bottom
of the keg.
"So glad you could--hic--come, boys!"
"No prob. We brought the brewski, no worries,"
he patted the side of the keg.
"The members of this celebration will not ingest
anything delivered by either of you two."
Everyone turned around to see Tom standing resolutely
behind them. He pulled out his wand and turned the keg into a badger.
"There are plenty of intoxicating beverages and
women inside, gentlemen, so please, join us," Tom gestured to the door
with a sneer and the three men and the badger went into the apartment.
The two blundering drunks and Severus were standing
out in the hall. Narcissa and Lucius walked awkwardly back into the party and
Severus, having nothing better to do, followed. However, he did not stay in the
main room, but left to Tom's.
He was so aggravated by the events so far, he had no
fear of what might be waiting inside. He wasn't thinking clearly at all. He
stopped in the middle of the room and looked around. No hideous beasts. No
weird experiments. Not even much of anything. Severus taped his fingers against
his cheek.
If I was
an evil genius ... where would I ...
"Aha!" Severus didn't have to think very
long, for two wands were resting on an antique dresser. Severus grabbed the one
he knew was his own, and left the room triumphantly.
"Evil genius my--"
"Severus!" Lucius called, walking
irregularly to where Severus was standing. "You--hic--missed it! Tom made
a great--a great ... a great ..."
"Speech, hun," Narcissa said, her eyes a
little glazed.
"Yeah, that's it. It was terrific! There were all
these things and stuff, you shoulda been there."
"I think Tom is off his rocker. I'm
leaving this hell hole."
Severus stormed away, knocking into Alan Stormer,
whose glasses went flying across the floor.
Severus was completely set on leaving, but noise from
the bar by the kitchen caught his attention.
"Go! Go! Go!"
"Day-umn, man!"
Curiousity overcame him, and he watched the
festivities with interest. A small group was sitting at the bar, and more than
half the people from the party were watching and cheering. Stepping closer,
Severus could see that the people at the bar were having a drinking contest.
There was a shot glass in front of each person, two were passed out, one was
puking over the edge of the bar, and the other three were downing the clear
liquid hastily. Someone looked up and pointed in Severus' direction. The group
turned to him as another contestant became unconscious.
"Well if it isn't 'thevey," Sirius said with
a sneer. "Come to join us, have you."
"I was on my way out, Black."
"Aww, I think ol' 'theverus is scared,"
Remus jested, wearing the same cunning grin.
"Too afwaid to play with the big boys, are
ya?"
Severus narrowed his eyes. He knew his system couldn't
take high levels of alcohol, but the chance to show Sirius up was tempting.
"Let's go, Black," he said as the crowd made
way for him to pass through. He sat down at the bar and Sirius brushed off all
the glasses except for two. Severus took one and cleaned it with his robes,
ignoring the laughter from the crowd that was growing increasingly large. Remus
filled up the two glasses and stepped back.
"Ready?" he said. "One. Two. Three.
GO!"
The crowd cheered as they downed their drinks. They
both set down their glasses and allowed Remus to re-fill them. Both of the guys
looked at each other with stares that were equally malicious.
This ritual continued for a long time, both
contestants refusing to give in. Severus' head was pounding and Sirius could
barely stay seated on his stool.
"Go!" Remus yelled after filling the glasses
again. The crowd cheered louder than before, hollering and grunting for no one
in particular.
Severus slammed down his glass and looked up at
Sirius, but all he saw was an empty stool. The crowd gasped as Remus ducked
under the bar. He emerged in a matter of seconds and stared at Severus.
"Snape is the winner," he said
emotionlessly. The crowd, however, erupted into cheers and hit Severus on the
back and lifted him out of his stool. Severus could feel himself moving, but he
had no idea where he was going.
The rest of the night was a total blur of lights and
horrible music.
