V/N – After writing this chapter, I see Severus' character in a whole new light

V/N – After writing this chapter, I see Severus' character in a whole new light. I don't see him as a Sex God like Mag does, though. First person to tell me what movie this is from wins a buck:

"That's not Martin Sheen, that's president Kennedy, you idiot!"

Chapter Six - Beer-Bash Blues

A few moments later, Lucius was lugging Severus into the apartment. Tom was still locked away in his room and the place was still as messy as they had left it. The murky walls threatened Lucius as he helped his tipsy friend to a seat on an old couch. They dust bunnies seemed to claw at his ankles and the old magazines rustled menacingly. The cobwebs seemed to expand and the carpet stains grew darker and darker.

This place needs a little elbow grease! Lucius thought as he stood up and headed to the kitchen. He peered under the sink, ripping off the child-protection locks. The cupboard was bare. Tom. It was obvious there was some shopping to do.

Lucius arrived back at the apartment around seven, five hours before the party was to start. He set down his bags and pushed open the door, showing the way in to some deliverymen who accompanied him. Severus was still sleeping on the couch, except now he was lounging in his underwear. He awakened alertly as the door opened with a loud creak.

"Oh for heaven's sake, Severus, put on some clothes!" Lucius demanded, looking over a large bag. "Now get up and help me with this stuff here."

Severus sat up and Lucius noticed he was a little frantic.

"Where's my journal?" he asked, ignoring a shriek from a female deliverer.

Lucius sat down but bounced back up hastily, dusting off his pants. "Never mind that, help me fix this place up."

Severus pulled him back on the couch and looked him directly in the face. "Lucius, where the hell is my journal?" He spoke very slowly and condescending.

"Wh-why don't you ask Tom, S-severus?"

He sent Lucius a glare and stood up. Walking irregularly as a result of his drinking earlier that day, he knocked softly on Tom's door.

"Hey Tom," he asked, rapping the door again. Hearing no reply, he opened the door a crack. The second he did so, the hallway flooded with snakes of every size. Severus let out a small yelp as he fell backward against the opposite wall. Tom's door shut quickly.

Lucius skidded into the hall, a small footrest in his arms.

"Oh my!" he shrieked. "This is horrid! Clean this up immediately, Severus! We don't have much time!"

Severus walked out into the living room and then into the kitchen. Swinging open a broom closet and knocking over a jar of mayo, he pulled out a mop and bucket and trudged back into the serpent-filled hallway.

"And look who's doing the dirty work," he mumbled. "Ol' Cinder-Severus. If only that nutcase hadn't taken my wand, we could have this place done in a matter of seconds," he pulled up a nasty black snake by the tail. "And still be in time for Charlie's Angels."

Lucius, on the other hand, was humming a Van Morrison song to himself while happily scrubbing the walls.

"Well lookit that!" he said, astonished. "The walls are white! Well I'll be ... "

Severus growled and dumped the bucket of slime and snakes out the window. Paying no heed to the remarks that were sent to him in a foreign tongue, he flopped down on the new, red-vinyl couch. While Lucius and the delivery people scurried about to ready the apartment, Severus stared up at the textured ceiling. The little dots danced around as his head swimmed in pain. After all, hangovers are a real bitch. The colors around the room swirled together and all the sound faded away ...

"Oh for god's sake, get up Severus!" someone squealed and Severus squinted. The stars were shining out the window and the room smelled like cheese and beans. The new coffee table was set with chips, salsa, a veggie platter, and some shrimp. Severus sat up quickly, causing little splotches of colors flash in front of his eyes.

Lucius sat on the opposite end of the couch,wearing the most hideous white disco suit ever made. The front was buttoned down and he wore a large gold chain and black platforms. His hair was still shiny and bouncy. Severus blinked in disgust.

"Pitiful."

"Oh shush, Severus, and go get dressed," Lucius snapped, lining up the chips with a bowl of bean dip he recently set on the table.

Severus stood up reluctantly and moved into the hallway. He forgot which room was his, but it didn't matter because that very instant he passed out and landed facedown on the wooden floor.

What seemed like an instant later, he awakened in a porcelain tub in a bathroom he had never seen before. The room was red tiled and the toilet and sink were polished to perfection, just like the bathtub he was sitting in.

He hopped out onto the shiny floor. His headache was virtually gone and he was still wearing nothing but his underwear. He could hear some loud music that sounded too much like the Bee Gees for comfort. He pushed open the door and the clamor became clearer. This was his apartment, but there were strange people making out in the hallway and empty margarita glasses cluttered up a corner. Not daring to look out in the living room, he headed to the room her remembered as his own.

He was relieved to see his room the way he had left it. He headed over to his standard, sliding door closet--but what he found wasn't ordinary at all.

"What in god's name are you doing in my closet?!"

There was a small warlock inside, examining Severus' robes. He was trying to pull off a button and didn't look shocked at all when Severus screamed at him.

"I just needed to use the bathroom," he said thoughtfully.

"In a closet?!"

"I must've gotten lost along the way..."

"That's it! Out! Out! OUT!" Severus dropkicked the warlock and sent him hurtling into the crowded hallway.

A few moments later, Severus found his way into the living room wearing his usual black-and-gray robes. This room was the heart of the party, with disco lights and alcohol galore. Some people were dancing in cages and even Tom was out of his room. His hair was flecked with gray and thinning, but he looked amused as he talked to Forrest Lestrange, a guy who graduated from Hogwarts a year before the rest. On Forrest's arm was Lara Strella, a girl Severus recognized as Narcissa's old friend from school. Severus was undoubtedly the only one who really didn't want to be at the recruiting party.

Suddenly, the lights dimmed and a voice echoed through the apartment.

"Ladies and gentlemen," an unfamiliar voice said. "If you could direct your attention to the center of the room and prepared to be amazed by the rythmic movements of Funkmaster Lucius!"

The crowd cheered and hooted as Lucius began busting amazing moves to the song "Funky Town." Severus was so disgusted, he had to leave the room, and he headed to the balcony outside his room.

On the balcony, the air was crisp and cool. The usual smog of London seemed to have taken a vacation, for the stars were very distinguishable on the midnight sky. Severus' thoughts began to drift to where his journal could be. He didn't arrive to a decision, for his thoughts were interrupted by a loud *clank* below him.

"Dude, be careful with that."

"Sorry, man."

Severus squinted into the dark and saw the only two people who could spoil his evening further. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were trying to shove a beer keg through the entrance of the apartment building. Severus was blazing with anger and he dashed into the crowded living room. Lucky enough, Lucius' preformance had ceased and he was nowhere to be seen. He spotted Tom, Lara, and Forrest.

"Sir," he addressed Tom. "I do not mean to disrupt your conversation, but two unruly men are trying to crash our gathering. I ask your permission to use my wand and dispose of these vermin before they--"

"Everyone is welcome here," Tom said coolly, taking a sip from his martini.

"I must say, Riddle, I am impressed at the way you have whipped your members into shape already!" Forrest said, laughing heartily with Lara.

Severus left without another word and stormed out of the apartment. He could hear Sirius, Remus, and the keg ascending the staircase. When they reached the top, the first thing they saw was a very murderous-looking Severus. Before anyone could say anything, two more figures came out of the party.

"Hey guys!" Lucius hiccupped. Narcissa was clinging to his arm, laughing drunkenly. An empty shot glass was in her hand and she swayed from side to side.

"Lucius, my man," Sirius said as he whisked passed Severus. Remus was bringing up the rear, trying to hold on to the bottom of the keg.

"So glad you could--hic--come, boys!"

"No prob. We brought the brewski, no worries," he patted the side of the keg.

"The members of this celebration will not ingest anything delivered by either of you two."

Everyone turned around to see Tom standing resolutely behind them. He pulled out his wand and turned the keg into a badger.

"There are plenty of intoxicating beverages and women inside, gentlemen, so please, join us," Tom gestured to the door with a sneer and the three men and the badger went into the apartment.

The two blundering drunks and Severus were standing out in the hall. Narcissa and Lucius walked awkwardly back into the party and Severus, having nothing better to do, followed. However, he did not stay in the main room, but left to Tom's.

He was so aggravated by the events so far, he had no fear of what might be waiting inside. He wasn't thinking clearly at all. He stopped in the middle of the room and looked around. No hideous beasts. No weird experiments. Not even much of anything. Severus taped his fingers against his cheek.

If I was an evil genius ... where would I ...

"Aha!" Severus didn't have to think very long, for two wands were resting on an antique dresser. Severus grabbed the one he knew was his own, and left the room triumphantly.

"Evil genius my--"

"Severus!" Lucius called, walking irregularly to where Severus was standing. "You--hic--missed it! Tom made a great--a great ... a great ..."

"Speech, hun," Narcissa said, her eyes a little glazed.

"Yeah, that's it. It was terrific! There were all these things and stuff, you shoulda been there."

"I think Tom is off his rocker. I'm leaving this hell hole."

Severus stormed away, knocking into Alan Stormer, whose glasses went flying across the floor.

Severus was completely set on leaving, but noise from the bar by the kitchen caught his attention.

"Go! Go! Go!"

"Day-umn, man!"

Curiousity overcame him, and he watched the festivities with interest. A small group was sitting at the bar, and more than half the people from the party were watching and cheering. Stepping closer, Severus could see that the people at the bar were having a drinking contest. There was a shot glass in front of each person, two were passed out, one was puking over the edge of the bar, and the other three were downing the clear liquid hastily. Someone looked up and pointed in Severus' direction. The group turned to him as another contestant became unconscious.

"Well if it isn't 'thevey," Sirius said with a sneer. "Come to join us, have you."

"I was on my way out, Black."

"Aww, I think ol' 'theverus is scared," Remus jested, wearing the same cunning grin.

"Too afwaid to play with the big boys, are ya?"

Severus narrowed his eyes. He knew his system couldn't take high levels of alcohol, but the chance to show Sirius up was tempting.

"Let's go, Black," he said as the crowd made way for him to pass through. He sat down at the bar and Sirius brushed off all the glasses except for two. Severus took one and cleaned it with his robes, ignoring the laughter from the crowd that was growing increasingly large. Remus filled up the two glasses and stepped back.

"Ready?" he said. "One. Two. Three. GO!"

The crowd cheered as they downed their drinks. They both set down their glasses and allowed Remus to re-fill them. Both of the guys looked at each other with stares that were equally malicious.

This ritual continued for a long time, both contestants refusing to give in. Severus' head was pounding and Sirius could barely stay seated on his stool.

"Go!" Remus yelled after filling the glasses again. The crowd cheered louder than before, hollering and grunting for no one in particular.

Severus slammed down his glass and looked up at Sirius, but all he saw was an empty stool. The crowd gasped as Remus ducked under the bar. He emerged in a matter of seconds and stared at Severus.

"Snape is the winner," he said emotionlessly. The crowd, however, erupted into cheers and hit Severus on the back and lifted him out of his stool. Severus could feel himself moving, but he had no idea where he was going.

The rest of the night was a total blur of lights and horrible music.