V/N – Extra long for your enjoyment. I am vacationing.
Ha. Review, my children of the night. Mwa ha ha.
Chapter Nine - The Official Designers
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've officially descended
into Hell."
There was a unanimous groan of agreement following
Avery's remark. With Voldemort gone,
they didn't have anyone to tell them what to do, and therefore, lounged in the
furnace that was their headquarters.
Voldemort had taken Peter with him, and ordered the
rest of the Death Eaters to remain in the confines of the warehouse ("If
you are not all here when I get back, there will be Hades to pay.") The
swamp cooler had broken down and the crowd was utterly miserable in the dead
heat of July. And another unfortunate event had also occurred.
"I can't believe Charlie's Angels got
canceled," Severus said, his robes sodden with sweat and sticking to his
hot skin.
Lucius' eyes welled up. He pulled a trading card out
of his shirt pocket and caressed it.
"Ferrah!" he yelled in between fits of angry
tears. "FERRAH!" He then broke down in a weeping pile of flesh and
pounded his fists against the hard floor.
Alan Stormer looked up from the mechanism he was
tinkering with.
"Honestly boys," he began, welding two metal
things together with his wand. "You really should get started on your
jobs. Everyone else has."
Severus snarled at Alan, but Stormer was right. Even
Crabbe and Goyle began their job in cleaning the foreign gunk out of all the
sinks. Most of the other Death Eaters had top-secret jobs ("It's just
because all these snooty bastards suck up like nobody's business."
"Severus! That's not very nice!")
"We'll start tomorrow," Severus said idly,
flipping through a Barbie coloring book and scribbling mustaches on the
characters with a large permanent marker. "By the way, Stormer, what are
you doing?"
"Nothing!" Alan closed his arms around his
work possessively.
Just then, Forrest Lestrange Apparated into the room.
"Boys! I have the solution to all our problems!
Hurry up Lara, ... honestly!"
Lara kicked open the bathroom door. Her hair was in
her face and she was nearly falling over from the weight of the box she was
holding. She sent her husband a murderous look.
"Is it a new swamp cooler?"
"Or some babes?"
"Donuts? Could it be the donuts?"
"We could only hope!"
"Don't be ridiculous," said Forrest.
"Something much better. Lara, do the honors."
Lara glared as Forrest flopped down on one of the
couches. With difficulty, she pulled out a large square box with a screen.
"Hot damn!" Severus shouted, jumping up in
excitement. "A television!"
Forrest nodded with an "am I the man or
what" look.
"FERRAH!" Lucius wailed, but was pushed
aside by the curious wizards.
"Wuzzat?" Crabbe asked, jabbing the
television with his scrub brush.
"Prepare to be amazed," he said, wielding a
remote control. Lara plugged in a large cord in the nearest outlet. Forrest
flicked the television on and waited while his wife adjusted the knobs on the
front of the TV.
Slowly, a picture came into focus. There was no sound,
but the Death Eaters watched intently.
"Woah-ho, lookie here!"
Lucius looked up from his fetal position. He wiped his
tears away.
"What's Baywatch, Severus?" he asked,
watching the screen with a sudden interest.
The wizards surrounding them shushed Lucius.
"I don't know, but it seems ... " Severus
tilted his head to one side. " ... very interesting."
Lucius woke Severus up very early the next morning.
"Rise and shine, sleepy head," he said to
the misty-eyed Severus. Severus rubbed his eyes and sat upright.
"What time is it?" he demanded, still a
little dazed.
"Early," Lucius said, picking some lint off
his sweater vest. "We have a busy day ahead of us! But first, we need to
stop at my house."
"You wait here," Lucius said to Severus.
Lucius entered the house and Severus pulled up a chair on the porch.
Lucius pushed open a door uncertainly on the second
floor of Malfoy Manor. Afraid of disturbing Narcissa, Lucius tiptoed across the
carpeted floor to a shelf. He began rummaging, but the smell of a burning
cigarette made him turn around.
"Hello Narcissa," he said, a little less
perky than usual.
Narcissa's eyes were sunken and bloodshot. She was
sitting up amidst the sheets and frilly pillows. Her hair was in curlers and
she was wearing a pink bathrobe that Lucius recognized as his own. In one hand
she had a cigarette and in the other she held a glass of what appeared to be
gin.
"Lucius, do you have any idea what time it
is?"
Lucius twiddled his fingers.
"No," he replied, his eyes glued to the
floor.
"It's six forty-two." She took a deep drag
on her cigarette. "Six forty-two, for god's sake, Lucius! Do you know how
long I've been up since?"
"Umm--"
"Four forty-two. Lucius, now, do you know
why?" Her accent was strong and her voice was very frustrated.
"Well--"
"Because of that little monster, Lucius! Your
son!"
"He's an active boy--"
"Shut up," she interjected sharply. "I
stay here with that little brat and you go off to your little meetings and talk
about your Charlie's Angels!" She took a long sip from her glass of
gin. "For crissake, Lucius, I got things ta do, ya know?"
"I'm the man of the house!" Lucius said
proudly. "I'll do whatever I please!"
Narcissa leaned over and put her cigarette out in his
eye. He yelped in pain and fumbled in his pockets for his compact. While Lucius
inspected his injury, the door flew open.
In came Dobby the house elf, and on his back was
little Draco Malfoy. He was whipping Dobby with a belt and pretending to be a
cowboy. Dobby made a sharp turn and Draco did a mid-air summersault. He rolled
onto the bed and smiled at his mother.
Seizing the moment, Lucius shoved his compact back
into his pocket.
"I need to be going now, dear. Official business,
you know," he finished quickly and sprinted out of the bedroom.
Narcissa screeched and sobbed into her hands.
Severus narrowed his eyes.
"You're joking, right?" he said, glaring at
Lucius from underneath a few strands of his greasy hair that had fallen in his
face.
"No way!" Lucius squealed with delight.
"I love Banana Republic!"
Severus reluctantly followed Lucius into the store. It
was about midday, now. The two Death Eaters had gotten very little done, except
a trip to the bank and stopping every few streets for a "snack."
The minute they entered the store, Lucius began
wiggling his hips and singing aloud to the song that was playing.
"C'mon Severus! 'You're too shy, shy, hush, hush,
eye-to-eye!'"
Severus hid his face in embarrassment.
Lucius did a funny dance over to a rack in the corner.
"Ooh! Sweater vests!"
"Don't you think you have enough of those
things?" Severus said with an arched eyebrow.
"Oh, you can never have too many sweater
vests!" said a man with a funny accent that Severus had never heard
before. He had crept up behind Severus and was showing Lucius the new arrivals.
"And what will your partner be having today,
hmm?" the man said, looking Severus up and down.
"Oh, Jamal!" Lucius said, admiring a teal
vest. "We aren't partners! Actually, I'm here for some uniforms for some
friends of mine."
"I see," Jamal said, taking one last look at
Severus. "You might want to look over here, then."
Severus shivered with discomfort after Jamal escorted
Lucius to rack of polo shirts.
"These would be perfect!"
Severus inched away from the two. From the corner of
his eye he saw something. Could it have been ... no. But maybe ...
Severus peered from behind a rather large stack-shelf
of suede ankle boots. He turned to Lucius.
"Lucius!" he beckoned quietly and harshly.
"Get over here."
Lucius handed a poplin shirt to Jamal and hurried over
next to Severus. He, too, glanced around suspiciously.
"What're we looking at?" he asked at last,
shading his eyes from a non-existent glare.
Severus pointed a shaky hand in the direction of the
counter. Instantly, Lucius bursted into shouts of merriment. He pulled Severus
out from behind the shelf.
"James! Lily! Oh! It's the Potters!" Lucius
waved to the couple, with Severus trailing behind like a dark little rag doll.
"Hey guys!" Lucius said. Severus groaned and
avoided their gaze.
James forced a smile. "Lucius ... "
"What a pleasant surprise," Lily said. Her
mouth formed a gleeful smile, but her eyes sported a "you tell him, you
die" glare.
The bundle Lily was holding in her arms then began to
coo. Lucius moved in closer.
"Aww! It's a widdle baby! Wassis name?"
Lucius tickled the baby's chin.
"Harry," James said proudly.
"I have a boy too!" exclaimed Lucius.
"They'll be the best of friends, won't you?" Lucius put a finger on
baby Harry's nose. He had Lily's eyes, James' hair, but cheekbones that
reminded him of someone he couldn't put his finger on.
"Lucius, I wouldn't do that. He doesn't like
to--"
Not heading Lily's warning, Lucius continued to tickle
the baby in a fashion that was upsetting him. In a flash, Harry sunk his teeth
into Lucius' index finger. Lucius screamed and backed away. The baby only had a
few small teeth, but man, did they hurt like a bitch!
Lucius straightened up in his anger. The store grew
dark and his face looked menacing in the eerie shadows.
"You!" he bellowed, pointing his uninjured
finger at the child. "You, Harry Potter, will suffer an intolerable fate!
YOU will live a life of unhappiness and calamity! You will be doomed, Harry
Potter!"
There was a flash of lightning and the room ascended
out of darkness. Lucius' eyes began to water and he fled to the dressing rooms,
managing to grab a sweater on his way in.
Severus, who was hiding behind Lucius looked around
nervously. All eyes were on the four of them, and this was making him fell very
uncomfortable.
Lily was clutching the baby very close to her body and
James had a protective arm around his wife. Their eyes were penetrating
Severus.
Having no idea what to do, Severus Snape let his
instinct take over. He flung himself at Lily's feet and began to bawl like he
never had in his life.
"Lily!" he howled dramatically. "I love
you, Lily Potter! I always have!" He grabbed onto her dress and looked at
her with teary pleading eyes. "Why'd you deny me, Lily? I know you love
me!"
Lily and James exchanged worried glances.
"I think it's time we go ..."
"Yes, indeed ..."
Lily jerked her dress out of Severus' grip and backed
toward the glass doors.
"Don't GO! DON'T LEAVE ME!" Severus cried
and reached after them in vain. "Lily! LILY!"
At this time, the entire store, and several people on
the street, were staring at him quizzically. He stood up resolutely and dusted
off his palms.
"That oughta do it," he said, very forcedly.
"Lucius, let's go."
"I'm not coming!" was Lucius' muffled reply
from inside the dressing room.
"Lucius," Severus said, through nervously
gritted teeth, for the stares were attached to him like magnets. "I mean
it."
"No," he pouted.
Severus marched into the dressing room and pulled out
Lucius by his collar. Lucius jerked loose and Severus grabbed his arm. Lucius
was still holding the sweater and waved it at the cashier as he passed.
"Do you have this in a small?" he asked, but
was unable to stop, for Sev had a death grip on his forearm.
As the two passed through the glass doors, Jamal
ripped the sweater out of Lucius' hand.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk," he said, glancing at the tearstains.
Jamal then placed the sweater on the sale rack.
Outside, Severus was running swiftly across a busy
street. He called to Lucius from the other side.
"Get over here, you git!" he demanded, but
Lucius drummed his fingers on his bottom lip.
"I-I gotta look both ways!" he stammered,
hopping from foot to foot in his anxiety.
"Oh honestly!"
Severus ran across and dragged Lucius across the busy
street. Lucius covered his eyes as if it would horde off any moving vehicles.
Back at the Death Eater Headquarters, Severus called
for the group's attention from the podium. As usual, the group was ignoring
him, or chucking objects at him, or shooting spitballs into his hair. He coughed
and then yelled:
"SHUT UP YOU BAND OF IRRITABLE SKREWTS!"
Silence descended upon the room.
"What did he just call us?"
"It doesn't matter," Severus said, changing
the subject before they started a riot. "But we have some--er--business to
take care of." He cleared his throat and continued.
"Due to--uh--limited funds, I have devised a
system in which all of us will be branded with a mark that will prove to our
'lord' that we are faithful members. Now if you would orderly form a line and receive
the--er--'Dark Mark.'"
Lestrange and Avery pushed each other for the first
spot in the line. Severus attempted to reason.
"Gentlemen--"
Lara came behind both of them and knocked them out
with a candlestick. She shoved their unconscious bodies out of the way and held
out her arm to Severus.
Severus fumbled under the podium.
"I don't have all day, Snape," she said, impatiently
tapping her stilettoed foot.
"Calm yourself, woman," he said, holding up
his sharpie marker. Lara frowned, but would do anything to support her Dark
Lord.
Snape hastily drew on her arm and called for the next
person.
"What the hell?" Lara commented. "Being
the so-called 'artist' of the group, Snape, I think even you could have
done better."
"An angry face?" said Stormer, examining his
arm.
"Hey Goyle! It looks like you!"
"Shuddup."
Lucius, however, was strongly opposed when it was his
turn.
"Severus!" he whined. "I don't want ink
on my skin! It's so soft! Feel it! It's like a baby's! Go on!"
"Lucius, I am not going to touch you," he
said rolling his eyes and approaching Lucius with the marker.
"No!" he cried, clutching his arm closer.
"Don't you dare, you horrid man!"
Crabbe and Goyle grabbed Lucius from behind and held
him still enough for Severus to brand him with the angry face. Severus backed
off when he was done, but the burly wizards held on.
"Wanna wrassle?" Crabbe challenged Lucius.
"Bet I could make ya squeal like a piggie!"
Goyle added, finishing with a horrible noise.
"Eek!"
Lucius wormed free and sat on the couch. He stayed there and sulked for the rest of the evening.
