Taj Mahal

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Author: Gori

Rating: G

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-files or Alex Krycek, but I surely own "her" whoever she is.

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She's my life, my Taj Mahal. The first thing I think about in the morning and the last before I sleep. She's my soul mate, my everything. My heart doesn't even know how to beat without her. I loved her before I even knew her. She's everything I ever needed and wanted though I never even knew I was looking for it.

She's my death, too. She's quietly crying while I'm lying to her about my feelings. These lies and her silent tears are killing me, I wonder when my own tears will start to fall. Why can't she just shout at me or give me a good punch in my face? Why is she so quiet?

I'm too afraid to look at her. I almost wonder if she's still her but somehow I sense her. I've never been so much in love, actually I've never been in love before. Now I'm telling her that I don't love her, that I never did. I'm breaking her little, innocent and pure heart by telling her that I just wanted to know how hard it would be to get her in my bed.

She knows my reputation, she was really hard to get at the beginning. It was the first time I really had to work to get a woman and I loved it. She made me laugh, she made me think about my life and the people I've hurt in the past, I always felt at ease with her, I was happy.

I was complete.

How can I bring tears in these angelic eyes?

I really want to go over to her bed to hug her and tell her I was just joking. Even if it's a cruel joke. But I can't. Being with me means danger for her. I'm a menace for her life. Somehow I know that this man isn't joking. I don't know how, I just feel it.

I have to leave her. There's no other option. She'll understand someday, she's a good person, she never hates though now I almost wish she would hate me.

Someday. Maybe I can come back to her someday, I hope so, maybe she'll be still there, maybe she'll forgive my lies and the pain I'm sending her through. Maybe.

Maybe I'm going to be complete again. Someday.

She's my angel, I love her, I always will. I hope she'll be happy again someday. Even if it's not with me.