Well, I have one review. I suppose I don't feel that sad (thanks, anyway). Anyway, if you don't undestand anything, review. If you think I can improve some parts, or you have a critic, review. Don't be afraid of hurting me, I'll be glad that someone pay attention to my work.
Oh, yeah, Arnold is not of my property.
Ode to John Lennon
Chapter 7
Well, if I had any doubt about telling her, her face really is overcome all those feelings. I'm trying my hard to not bursting on laughing in front of her!! I mean, she certainly looks surprised, but that simple word can't explain her expresion. Maybe is so funny because I have hardly ever seen Helga surprised about anything. It's like she has lived a hundred lifes, and she can't know anything new.
However, I can't blame her. What I told her must have been the last thing she was expecting. In fact, as I'm thinking deeper, it's really weird stuff. It's really the weidest thing that ever happen to me, and I had been through a lot of creepy things. So I don't blame her for putting that face after I told her I finally know what happen to my parents.
Talking about that, why did I ever tell her? In one hand, she's my bully, she hates me (she told me so, many times indeed), and I don't think she's very interested in my personal life.
But, on the other side…I guess she shown some concerned. I mean, she really wanted to know what was bugging me, and we were having a nice conversation (that sounds weird). And most of all, she seemed to be regretfull when I overhard that stuff she said about her parents.
But maybe she was acting, she's a great actriss, she have shown that on the play. Maybe she was trying to know what was all about just to make fun of me!! And now I told her, and she will able to ridiculices me all she wants!!!
No, I'm being paranoid. Helga isn't that bad, is she? Besides, she wouldn't go everywhere telling this, right? I mean…thinking about it, I guess it wasn't that a good idea telling Helga.
But, why did I tell Helga in the first place? I just had the need of that, I got the impulse. I guess I was following my instincts. Yeah, that's it. Grampa told me once I should follow my instincts with Helga, but it didn't result that time. I ended up trowing pait all over her dress. Maybe this time…
I guess it's up to her. I'll wait until she say something.
Oh, yeah, about that. Is it me, or she hasn't say a word in ten minutes? I guess I think very slow.
"Helga!!
"Eh?
"Helga, are you alright?
"What? I mean,… what?
"Helga?
"No, really: what did you just say?
(Sight) This is gonna be a long talk. I'd better sit down.
"Okey. Yesterday, I found my parents dairy, it tells everything about them: how did they met, their marriage, their comunity work in the jungle, my birth… and in the end, there is a map…a map of the place they were going when they…
"They disapear?
"Yeah. It's in South America, in San Lorenzo. It's a not-known place, because it belongs to a tribe: the Green Eyed People. They helped my parents once, saving their lifes, and my parets made a promess: do everything they could do to help them back. The last time they were seen, they were in a plane. Their mission was finding the cure for a mortal dissease that was among the tribe. Eduardo, an old friend of my parents, was the one choosen to tell them; neither of them was seeing again.
"I see.
What is she going to say now? I hope it's not a "you're such a geek-bait for thinking that I care". Or worst. Or what would happen if she wants to see the map? Should i show it to her? I can't avoid been suspicios about her, not after she hide herself behind a secret identity. Am I being unfair? After all, she did help me. Or what if she…?
"What are their names?
Okey, I wasn't expecting that. I looked at her, suddenly, to suddenly, for I think she noted my confused stare. In fact, she is having fun about this, she has a mocking look in her eyes, but her face is expresionless, almost…inocent? Nooo, that's imposible. But…anyway, I think Helga enjoys confusing peolpe.
"So?
"Oh, yeah. They are …Miles and Stella.
…
…
"'Stella' means 'star', in italian. Do you know that?
Now I'm utterly confused. I mean, there she is, that girl, my tormentor and, yes, my anonymous spy, telling me the meaning of my mother's name?!!? And whenever she learned italian? I just nod, with my eyes wide open. I think I look pretty funny.
She isn't looking at me, just thinking. I haven't got anything to say, so I guess I should wait until she speaks again. It's her turn, after all, right? So, there we are, sitting in completle silence. Here I am, talking to Helga, yes Helga G. Pataki, telling her what I don't even tell Gerald, my best friend. I guess I really want to talk with someone. Where is Gerald when he is needed? I could easily use him, is…
"Arnold
Her voice startled me. She sounds very serious, which is a rarely state in her. I just look at her.
"Arnold, what in the heck are you doing?
She is confusing me, really. I know I'm acting like Harold now, but I can't help it. Now she even looks…mad?
"Helga, what…?
"What are you doing sitting in here with me?!! What are you thinking??!! What a jerk you are, you are just wasting your time like you have the entirely time of the world, and…
"Helga!! What are you saying? I really don't understand.
"Don't interrupt me!! Let me get this straight. You found the map of where your parens are, and you are still here?
Okey, as you already should know, I'm amazed. Did she just say that I'd be searching for them? I mean, did she just judge me?
"Helga, I'm sorry, but I don't get it. I don't think you are the best person to tell me what to do, no offence.
She seems taken aback for this, almost sad. I was about to apologised when she spoke again:
"I know tham I'm not the best person to talk about this, or to give advices; after all, you are the one who gives advices to everybody and all, but I think I have more experience in parents than you, haven't I?
I have nothing to objected, so I keep silence. I'm intrigued of how she is going with this.
"I'm not trying to judge, less to censured you, but, tell me if I'm wrong, I used to think that your most wanted wish was being with your parents. I know that not many people talk about this in your presence, and absolutely not when you aren't there, and I know that all the gang is very delicated with this topic. I used to think that what you have now, I mean, the solution to your problems, an answer, is everything you ever want.
"And it is. I'm just…just surprised. But I'm happy, really happy.
"Are you?
"Helga, I'm nor obligated to tell you anything, you know
"Okey, calm down, I…
"But…but…this is not what I used to want. My dream was that one of this days, when I woke up, I'd found them next to my bed, looking for me in my dreams. I used to dream that, after that, I'd hug the two of them, then my mother, and then my father. I'd cry, and they'd cry, too. And after that, the three of us would go downstairs with my granparents, and they would tell me all the adventures they lived to came back home. That was my dream. But now…now i have a problem. I know i have the possibility of searching for them, of making a long long trip, follow their own steps, and finding out what happened to them, and all that experience without the assurance that I…I…(sigh) that they are alive. I'm afraid they might be…well, dead.
"Really? I belived you have the hope they…
"Helga, I'm optimistic, not stupid.
"Oh
"I…well, I used to belive that they didn't love me, that they left me because of that.
"Arnold…
"I know. They did love me, I know that…now. And that means another reason to my fear; I mean, if they loved me, why didn't they come back? What if they are dead, and I found out that in my trip? How should I feel?
"But you don't know for surely. Maybe they are prisioners, or they have amnesia, or…
"Or they are dead. You know, sometimes it's better live with the hope.
Do I really belive what I'm saying? I don't know. Maybe I'm just discussing with Helga. But maybe that is what I belive. Hope. The hope that my parents are alive is what made me smile every morning, because every day is a meeting in potence. Yes, hope is a greeat felling.
"No
What?
"What?
"Maybe you are living with hopebnow, but you're living a lie. Do you really want to live a lie, you, self-proclamed honest-boy!!? Where is your ethics, your values, your moral??!
Where in the heck is your hole personality, your "do the right thing" way for life???!! Where is your bravery; you, who put the face for three ass-holes just and standed Wartz's torture, just to don't be a telltale; you, who have faced my dad more than once; you, who saved the neighbourhood?!! Whatever happens with you, Arnold??????!!!!!!!
Now, I don't know if I'm scare, hurt or…honored?? Does she really think like that about me?? And more important: is she gong to kill me right now? Because she certainly looks like a murder. I guess she realize that, because her voice is softer now.
"Arnold, in all the time we have known each others, I have never seen you being sellfish, a normal state for kids like us. But you weren't. Until now. I can't belive that you are so sellfish that you don't want to search your parents, even if you have the oportunity in your hands, just because you want to find them at your door tomorrow morning. You know, stars are smiling to you, but you are too dense to see that, maybe you need someone to tell you how lucky you are. I know that what is holding you in here isn't fear, because you are fearless; and it's not the lack of money, because you have a lot of friends, who would give their souls to please you; and I know it's not laziness, because…well, because that's not posible. I don't find any other reason, and i have never made a mistake in judging a person before. So I can say it: you, Arnold, are being selfish.
Well, I know how I feel now. Hurt. Very hurt. I feel like crying, but I really have the impression Helga wouldn't be very pleased about that. Nobody ever told me anything like that before. I mean, surelly Grandpa tell me off sometimes, and told me when my actitudes were wrong. But nobody have ever tell me such a hurtingl outburst like that. And the worst thing, the thing that makes me unable to defend myself, is that…she's right.
