Title: Going Under (1/11)
Series: Queen of Dusk
Author's Name: Riley
Author's Email and URL: XxBuffyRoxMySoxX@aol.com
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and UPN own Buffy the Vampire Slayer in totality. Joss Whedon and the WB own Angel: the Series. No profit is made from this piece of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. The song was written and performed by Amy Lee of Evanescence.
Distribution: To my site, all archives. You are free to take, just let me know
Rating: R
Timeline: Season 2, before Angel goes bad, when they are dating. Spike is not in his wheelchair (Dru is not healed), Xander and Cordy are secretly together and Willow and Oz are together. I know that may be a little wonky, but I want it to work.
Pairing: B/S (B/A at the beginning, but not for long.)
Feedback: Yes! Please let me know what you thought!
Summary: Buffy's hurting, she's lonely, and no one understands. She's lost everything she has to live for, or so she thinks. Spike finds something oddly compelling about the Slayer…now if only he could bring her to his side…
She was frowning, wet strands of blonde hair caking to her cheeks and mascara was lumping beneath tired eyes. Buffy tucked a limp strand of hair behind her ear and zipped her windbreaker up to her neck. It was just her luck, a storm on the one night she'd not dressed accordingly while patrolling. Buffy leaned on a tombstone as she bent over to try and rid her tennis shoes of water.
"Buffy?" Buffy's head shot up at his voice.
"Angel." She breathed as he came upon her. "Where have you been? You were supposed to meet me an hour ago!" She hugged him tightly. She had been so worried. She didn't know what'd she do if she lost Angel. He was everything to her. She lifted a sopping wet hand to caress his cheek.
"I had some business to take care of at Willie's." Angel reassured, kissing her forehead gently. "God, you're sopping wet. I'll take you home and patrol for you tonight." Buffy smiled warmly.
"Thanks, but it's no use," she glanced down at her watch "It's almost time for me to be off anyway. I don't say no to you walking me home though…" she grabbed his hand. It was cool to the touch, but she didn't notice, as her skin was just as frosty.
"How was school today?" Angel glanced down at Buffy with a tired smile.
"A little class there, a little ditching there. Actually, a whole lot of ditching. Giles needed me to do the research thing." Angel nodded understandingly.
"Are you free tomorrow night?"
"I think so. Why? Got something in mind?" Buffy grinned up at Angel and tugged on the sleeve of his coat.
"I want to take you out. We could go to the Bronze." He suggested, wringing water from his sleeve.
"That'd be great, Angel." she looked up at him through her eyelashes. "I'll see you tomorrow." She kissed him softly on the lips and pulled away to go inside the house. Angel grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, kissing her more deeply this time.
"Goodnight Buffy." Angel gave her a last lingering kiss and left as she climbed into her bedroom window. Buffy peeled the drenched clothing from her body and changed into some dry flannel pants and a tank top, throwing her wet hair into a ponytail. Something like anger flashed through her as she imagined her friends dancing at the Bronze. They didn't have some obligation to take care of every drunken teenager wandering the streets at night. She'd sacrificed her life just last year and it was like everyone had forgotten already.
//Now I will tell you what I've done for you. Fifty thousand tears I've cried!//
Buffy didn't want to sound self-righteous, but she thought she deserved some credit for the job she did. Most kids her age didn't have jobs, let alone Slayer obligations.
//Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for, and you still won't hear me! Going under…//
There was Angel. Angel understood. Angel loved her. Angel made her happy. But did Angel consume her? Did Angel give her that burning passion that struck her gut and forced that buzzing into her brain? No. But he loved her, and that was all that mattered. Sure, her mother and father had had passion, but it burnt out. Hank had left them when that burning and buzzing and consuming had stopped.
//Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself. Maybe I'll wake up for once! Not tormented daily, defeated by you, just when I thought I'd reached the bottom. I'm dying again…//
Buffy turned back the covers to her bed and slid under them, switching off the light as she did. She'd have more time to worry tomorrow.
School the next day was composed of mostly ditching. She actually only went to second and fourth periods, and of course, lunch. After school she had done the usual, hanging out in the library before walking home. At home, she had done the homework she'd gotten from Willow and warmed up next to the TV with a bowl of popcorn. Around dusk, she heard a knocking at the door, and had no doubts of who it could be.
"Angel." she smiled as she opened the door, gesturing him in.
"Are we still on?"
"Of course. Just let me do a quick sweep of the graveyards and then we can go."
"I'll help you." Angel offered, but Buffy shook her head.
"No, you've done too much. Come to my window in an hour and a half and we'll go." Buffy kissed Angel on the cheek and watched him leave, smiling fondly. He was sweet. But he was not passionate. She loved him, but she did not desire her. She pushed these thoughts away as she climbed the stairs to change into slay-quality clothing.
The night was pretty slow considering it was Friday. Vampires were usually everywhere, expecting to find drunken teenagers and lust-crazed couples cavorting about. Tonight was quiet though, and it perturbed Buffy more than she cared to admit.
//I'm going under, drowning in you. I'm falling forever; I've got to break through. I'm going under…//
Buffy didn't even flinch as she staked a lone vamp that was strolling the cemeteries, no doubt looking for a tasty snack. She spun around at the annoyingly familiar British voice…
"Hello Doll." She cocked her hip and placed her hand on it, tilting her head.
"Go home Spike. I'm not in the mood." she frowned.
"Well I'm not in the mood to go home." he fumbled in his pocket for a cigarette.
"Look, I don't have time for your feeble attempts to kill you."
"I'm not here to kill you. Just to have a little fag."
"I knew it! You're gay!" Buffy leered, turning to leave.
"A smoke. A cigarette, blondie." Buffy dug her boot heel into the ground.
"Oh." She felt rather stupid. She turned to leave, when a cold hand clamped over her elbow. "Hey, no touching of the jacket. It's genuine leather. " She wrenched her arm away.
"Doesn't the Slayer want to stay and chat?" Buffy shook her head in disbelief.
"You have to be kidding me." she turned once again to leave.
"Wait!"
"Not waiting!" she called, not looking back.
"Don't you want to know more about your pansy of a boyfriend?" That got Buffy to stop. With curiosity (of the variety that killed the cat) she stalked back towards him.
"What?" she narrowed her eyes.
//Blurring and stirring, the truth and the lies, so I don't know what's real and what's not//
"I know stuff. I larked with the ponce for years." Spike smirked. Buffy mildly thought to herself what nice lips he had…how they curled up, just slightly when he was amused. "I can tell you how he maimed girls. How he raped them, how he sucked their pretty little necks with the same lips that he kisses you with…" Buffy slammed her hands over her ears.
"Shut up! That's not Angel!" she bit her lip and closed her eyes for second, pushing the coming mental images from her brain. Spike mused at the way her lower lip trembled and how she looked as if she may either kill him or cry. She was a good-looking girl; of course he'd known that since he'd first seen her. Powerful, sexy, strong, he'd promised himself he'd do her before killing her. Spike advanced on her, placing a cool hand on her left shoulder.
"Just remember, he's never yours, pet."
Buffy was too busy thinking to push his hand away. "How is he never mine?" she gave him one of her 'dontgothereunlessyouwantyourassseverelykicked' looks. Spike smiled, not smirked, smiled. What a yummy thing this Slayer was. Not as nearly delicious as his Dru, but she was certainly a catch.
"He's always going to have that demon inside of him. I bet he dreams of turning you. He only doesn't because of the bleeding soul, knocking away on that unbeating heart."
"He, he doesn't. He wouldn't ever…" Buffy trailed off as this sunk in. He was probably right. "I don't care, Spike. Why should you?"
Spike pushed himself closer to her, his mouth right up to her. "I don't want Angel killing my prey."
//Always confusing the thoughts in my head, so I can't trust myself anymore. I'm dying again! //
"I'm not yours in any sense of the manner Spike." she began to turn away. Spike grabbed her by the shoulders and before could she react, pushed her lips to his. Much to his surprise, she didn't stake him. She relaxed into the kiss, moaning slightly as his tongue caressed her pallet.
//I'm going under, drowning in you. I'm falling forever, I've got to break through…//
The kiss stopped, and neither vampire nor slayer dared break the eerie silence that followed.
//So go on and scream, scream at me, I'm so far away. I won't be broken again, I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under. //
It was then that Buffy's foot collided with Spike's stomach, sending him flying backwards onto the ground. "You'll pay for that Slayer!" he called after her as she ran from the cemetery, grumbling curses the whole way.
Buffy didn't stop running until she reached the house. Why had she done that? She couldn't believe she'd let a vampire, Spike no less, kiss her like that. She'd have to tell Angel. No…he wouldn't understand. She'd just been so upset and he'd made it worse and it caught her off guard. She sat at her window trying to excuse away her actions when she glanced down at her watch. Angel would be there in a few minutes. She rifled through her closet and changed into some jeans and a blue blouse. She didn't want to be wearing the clothes she'd worn when she should have been killing Spike, but actually had been kissing him. She glanced into her mirror. Makeup? Check. Hair? Check. She was set to go.
"Buffy?" Angel asked before peeking his head over the window. "Are you decent?"
Buffy smiled. Angel had always been the gentleman.
"Yep!" She said cheerfully, trying to mask her guilt. She climbed out of the window and followed Angel as they walked down the street in silence.
"You look nice tonight." Angel complimented, squeezing her hand.
"You don't look so bad yourself." Buffy smiled up at him.
They reached the Bronze in a good ten minutes, and luckily it was no cover. Buffy could see Willow and Oz dancing as Xander looked on in jealously. She secretly felt bad for Xander, always being the odd one out. She still felt terrible for rejecting him the past year.
The night was full of innocent dancing and jokes between the girls as Xander shot disapproving looks at Angel. "I'm spent." Buffy said, walking from the dance floor with Angel over to Willow, Oz, and Xander. Willow nodded in agreement.
"Want me to walk you girls home?" Angel offered. Buffy nodded appreciatively.
"Thanks Angel, but I think Oz is going to." Willow smiled happily, taking Oz's arm. Xander tagged along with Willow and Xander and the group broke apart to go home.
"Thank you for the wonderful evening." Buffy said tenderly, taking Angel's hands in hers as they stopped in front of her house. "I really needed that break." Angel nodded and leaned forward for a kiss. After a drawn out kiss and a few soft caresses, Buffy bid him a sweet goodbye and climbed into her window. It was then that Buffy actually had the time to think about what'd she'd done. She tried to push all the guilt and dirtiness away…only there wasn't any dirtiness. Spike hadn't made her feel sick or wrong. He'd made her feel…hot. Like a bubbling spring in the pit of her stomach, like heat burning in her chest, spreading to the tips of her fingers and toes. He'd made her tremble in ways she'd never dreamed. And she hated that she had to feel guilty for something that felt so good. She closed her eyes and prayed for a tranquil sleep.
::::::: Buffy was walking along a gravel road; dressed in a long, flowing, mint green dress. It was strapless and gauzy, held up only by a satin green ribbon tied about her waist. The train of the dress seemed never-ending, blowing in the breeze like the wings of an angel. Suddenly, raindrops of fire began to fall, causing to the dress to become an inferno. It began to burn, and Buffy's dream-self did not seem to notice. Even as the fire brushed her skin, she kept her steady pace along the road. Suddenly, a male figure appeared in the distance. A black cloud hung over him, shadowing his appearance as raindrops ploughed his pale skin. He came closer to her, his own raindrops grazing her blazing fire and putting it out. Buffy blushed, expecting herself to be naked under the tattered remains of the dress, but she was not. She was surprised at the pink prom dress she wore. It was classic, thick strapped and square necked, but shone in the new sunlight. She looked towards the man, who pulled out a lengthily cord from his pocket and tied it around her delicate wrist. He tied the other end to his own wrist and began to pull her. She followed him down the road, when suddenly two flickering bolts of lighting struck from opposite ends of the sky. One bolt wrapped itself around the man's forearm, the other around her ankle and yanked. The cord snapped, as the two were pulled apart. "Spike!" Buffy's dream-self cried in torment as the storm clouds engulfed him and vanished into thin air.:::::
TBC
Series: Queen of Dusk
Author's Name: Riley
Author's Email and URL: XxBuffyRoxMySoxX@aol.com
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and UPN own Buffy the Vampire Slayer in totality. Joss Whedon and the WB own Angel: the Series. No profit is made from this piece of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. The song was written and performed by Amy Lee of Evanescence.
Distribution: To my site, all archives. You are free to take, just let me know
Rating: R
Timeline: Season 2, before Angel goes bad, when they are dating. Spike is not in his wheelchair (Dru is not healed), Xander and Cordy are secretly together and Willow and Oz are together. I know that may be a little wonky, but I want it to work.
Pairing: B/S (B/A at the beginning, but not for long.)
Feedback: Yes! Please let me know what you thought!
Summary: Buffy's hurting, she's lonely, and no one understands. She's lost everything she has to live for, or so she thinks. Spike finds something oddly compelling about the Slayer…now if only he could bring her to his side…
She was frowning, wet strands of blonde hair caking to her cheeks and mascara was lumping beneath tired eyes. Buffy tucked a limp strand of hair behind her ear and zipped her windbreaker up to her neck. It was just her luck, a storm on the one night she'd not dressed accordingly while patrolling. Buffy leaned on a tombstone as she bent over to try and rid her tennis shoes of water.
"Buffy?" Buffy's head shot up at his voice.
"Angel." She breathed as he came upon her. "Where have you been? You were supposed to meet me an hour ago!" She hugged him tightly. She had been so worried. She didn't know what'd she do if she lost Angel. He was everything to her. She lifted a sopping wet hand to caress his cheek.
"I had some business to take care of at Willie's." Angel reassured, kissing her forehead gently. "God, you're sopping wet. I'll take you home and patrol for you tonight." Buffy smiled warmly.
"Thanks, but it's no use," she glanced down at her watch "It's almost time for me to be off anyway. I don't say no to you walking me home though…" she grabbed his hand. It was cool to the touch, but she didn't notice, as her skin was just as frosty.
"How was school today?" Angel glanced down at Buffy with a tired smile.
"A little class there, a little ditching there. Actually, a whole lot of ditching. Giles needed me to do the research thing." Angel nodded understandingly.
"Are you free tomorrow night?"
"I think so. Why? Got something in mind?" Buffy grinned up at Angel and tugged on the sleeve of his coat.
"I want to take you out. We could go to the Bronze." He suggested, wringing water from his sleeve.
"That'd be great, Angel." she looked up at him through her eyelashes. "I'll see you tomorrow." She kissed him softly on the lips and pulled away to go inside the house. Angel grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, kissing her more deeply this time.
"Goodnight Buffy." Angel gave her a last lingering kiss and left as she climbed into her bedroom window. Buffy peeled the drenched clothing from her body and changed into some dry flannel pants and a tank top, throwing her wet hair into a ponytail. Something like anger flashed through her as she imagined her friends dancing at the Bronze. They didn't have some obligation to take care of every drunken teenager wandering the streets at night. She'd sacrificed her life just last year and it was like everyone had forgotten already.
//Now I will tell you what I've done for you. Fifty thousand tears I've cried!//
Buffy didn't want to sound self-righteous, but she thought she deserved some credit for the job she did. Most kids her age didn't have jobs, let alone Slayer obligations.
//Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for, and you still won't hear me! Going under…//
There was Angel. Angel understood. Angel loved her. Angel made her happy. But did Angel consume her? Did Angel give her that burning passion that struck her gut and forced that buzzing into her brain? No. But he loved her, and that was all that mattered. Sure, her mother and father had had passion, but it burnt out. Hank had left them when that burning and buzzing and consuming had stopped.
//Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself. Maybe I'll wake up for once! Not tormented daily, defeated by you, just when I thought I'd reached the bottom. I'm dying again…//
Buffy turned back the covers to her bed and slid under them, switching off the light as she did. She'd have more time to worry tomorrow.
School the next day was composed of mostly ditching. She actually only went to second and fourth periods, and of course, lunch. After school she had done the usual, hanging out in the library before walking home. At home, she had done the homework she'd gotten from Willow and warmed up next to the TV with a bowl of popcorn. Around dusk, she heard a knocking at the door, and had no doubts of who it could be.
"Angel." she smiled as she opened the door, gesturing him in.
"Are we still on?"
"Of course. Just let me do a quick sweep of the graveyards and then we can go."
"I'll help you." Angel offered, but Buffy shook her head.
"No, you've done too much. Come to my window in an hour and a half and we'll go." Buffy kissed Angel on the cheek and watched him leave, smiling fondly. He was sweet. But he was not passionate. She loved him, but she did not desire her. She pushed these thoughts away as she climbed the stairs to change into slay-quality clothing.
The night was pretty slow considering it was Friday. Vampires were usually everywhere, expecting to find drunken teenagers and lust-crazed couples cavorting about. Tonight was quiet though, and it perturbed Buffy more than she cared to admit.
//I'm going under, drowning in you. I'm falling forever; I've got to break through. I'm going under…//
Buffy didn't even flinch as she staked a lone vamp that was strolling the cemeteries, no doubt looking for a tasty snack. She spun around at the annoyingly familiar British voice…
"Hello Doll." She cocked her hip and placed her hand on it, tilting her head.
"Go home Spike. I'm not in the mood." she frowned.
"Well I'm not in the mood to go home." he fumbled in his pocket for a cigarette.
"Look, I don't have time for your feeble attempts to kill you."
"I'm not here to kill you. Just to have a little fag."
"I knew it! You're gay!" Buffy leered, turning to leave.
"A smoke. A cigarette, blondie." Buffy dug her boot heel into the ground.
"Oh." She felt rather stupid. She turned to leave, when a cold hand clamped over her elbow. "Hey, no touching of the jacket. It's genuine leather. " She wrenched her arm away.
"Doesn't the Slayer want to stay and chat?" Buffy shook her head in disbelief.
"You have to be kidding me." she turned once again to leave.
"Wait!"
"Not waiting!" she called, not looking back.
"Don't you want to know more about your pansy of a boyfriend?" That got Buffy to stop. With curiosity (of the variety that killed the cat) she stalked back towards him.
"What?" she narrowed her eyes.
//Blurring and stirring, the truth and the lies, so I don't know what's real and what's not//
"I know stuff. I larked with the ponce for years." Spike smirked. Buffy mildly thought to herself what nice lips he had…how they curled up, just slightly when he was amused. "I can tell you how he maimed girls. How he raped them, how he sucked their pretty little necks with the same lips that he kisses you with…" Buffy slammed her hands over her ears.
"Shut up! That's not Angel!" she bit her lip and closed her eyes for second, pushing the coming mental images from her brain. Spike mused at the way her lower lip trembled and how she looked as if she may either kill him or cry. She was a good-looking girl; of course he'd known that since he'd first seen her. Powerful, sexy, strong, he'd promised himself he'd do her before killing her. Spike advanced on her, placing a cool hand on her left shoulder.
"Just remember, he's never yours, pet."
Buffy was too busy thinking to push his hand away. "How is he never mine?" she gave him one of her 'dontgothereunlessyouwantyourassseverelykicked' looks. Spike smiled, not smirked, smiled. What a yummy thing this Slayer was. Not as nearly delicious as his Dru, but she was certainly a catch.
"He's always going to have that demon inside of him. I bet he dreams of turning you. He only doesn't because of the bleeding soul, knocking away on that unbeating heart."
"He, he doesn't. He wouldn't ever…" Buffy trailed off as this sunk in. He was probably right. "I don't care, Spike. Why should you?"
Spike pushed himself closer to her, his mouth right up to her. "I don't want Angel killing my prey."
//Always confusing the thoughts in my head, so I can't trust myself anymore. I'm dying again! //
"I'm not yours in any sense of the manner Spike." she began to turn away. Spike grabbed her by the shoulders and before could she react, pushed her lips to his. Much to his surprise, she didn't stake him. She relaxed into the kiss, moaning slightly as his tongue caressed her pallet.
//I'm going under, drowning in you. I'm falling forever, I've got to break through…//
The kiss stopped, and neither vampire nor slayer dared break the eerie silence that followed.
//So go on and scream, scream at me, I'm so far away. I won't be broken again, I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under. //
It was then that Buffy's foot collided with Spike's stomach, sending him flying backwards onto the ground. "You'll pay for that Slayer!" he called after her as she ran from the cemetery, grumbling curses the whole way.
Buffy didn't stop running until she reached the house. Why had she done that? She couldn't believe she'd let a vampire, Spike no less, kiss her like that. She'd have to tell Angel. No…he wouldn't understand. She'd just been so upset and he'd made it worse and it caught her off guard. She sat at her window trying to excuse away her actions when she glanced down at her watch. Angel would be there in a few minutes. She rifled through her closet and changed into some jeans and a blue blouse. She didn't want to be wearing the clothes she'd worn when she should have been killing Spike, but actually had been kissing him. She glanced into her mirror. Makeup? Check. Hair? Check. She was set to go.
"Buffy?" Angel asked before peeking his head over the window. "Are you decent?"
Buffy smiled. Angel had always been the gentleman.
"Yep!" She said cheerfully, trying to mask her guilt. She climbed out of the window and followed Angel as they walked down the street in silence.
"You look nice tonight." Angel complimented, squeezing her hand.
"You don't look so bad yourself." Buffy smiled up at him.
They reached the Bronze in a good ten minutes, and luckily it was no cover. Buffy could see Willow and Oz dancing as Xander looked on in jealously. She secretly felt bad for Xander, always being the odd one out. She still felt terrible for rejecting him the past year.
The night was full of innocent dancing and jokes between the girls as Xander shot disapproving looks at Angel. "I'm spent." Buffy said, walking from the dance floor with Angel over to Willow, Oz, and Xander. Willow nodded in agreement.
"Want me to walk you girls home?" Angel offered. Buffy nodded appreciatively.
"Thanks Angel, but I think Oz is going to." Willow smiled happily, taking Oz's arm. Xander tagged along with Willow and Xander and the group broke apart to go home.
"Thank you for the wonderful evening." Buffy said tenderly, taking Angel's hands in hers as they stopped in front of her house. "I really needed that break." Angel nodded and leaned forward for a kiss. After a drawn out kiss and a few soft caresses, Buffy bid him a sweet goodbye and climbed into her window. It was then that Buffy actually had the time to think about what'd she'd done. She tried to push all the guilt and dirtiness away…only there wasn't any dirtiness. Spike hadn't made her feel sick or wrong. He'd made her feel…hot. Like a bubbling spring in the pit of her stomach, like heat burning in her chest, spreading to the tips of her fingers and toes. He'd made her tremble in ways she'd never dreamed. And she hated that she had to feel guilty for something that felt so good. She closed her eyes and prayed for a tranquil sleep.
::::::: Buffy was walking along a gravel road; dressed in a long, flowing, mint green dress. It was strapless and gauzy, held up only by a satin green ribbon tied about her waist. The train of the dress seemed never-ending, blowing in the breeze like the wings of an angel. Suddenly, raindrops of fire began to fall, causing to the dress to become an inferno. It began to burn, and Buffy's dream-self did not seem to notice. Even as the fire brushed her skin, she kept her steady pace along the road. Suddenly, a male figure appeared in the distance. A black cloud hung over him, shadowing his appearance as raindrops ploughed his pale skin. He came closer to her, his own raindrops grazing her blazing fire and putting it out. Buffy blushed, expecting herself to be naked under the tattered remains of the dress, but she was not. She was surprised at the pink prom dress she wore. It was classic, thick strapped and square necked, but shone in the new sunlight. She looked towards the man, who pulled out a lengthily cord from his pocket and tied it around her delicate wrist. He tied the other end to his own wrist and began to pull her. She followed him down the road, when suddenly two flickering bolts of lighting struck from opposite ends of the sky. One bolt wrapped itself around the man's forearm, the other around her ankle and yanked. The cord snapped, as the two were pulled apart. "Spike!" Buffy's dream-self cried in torment as the storm clouds engulfed him and vanished into thin air.:::::
TBC
