Title: Haunted (5/11)

Series: Queen of Dusk

Author's Name: Riley

Author's Email and URL: XxBuffyRoxMySoxX@aol.com http://www.freewebs.com/queenofdusk Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and UPN own Buffy the Vampire Slayer in totality. Joss Whedon and the WB own Angel: the Series. No profit is made from this piece of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. The song was written and performed by Evanescence.

Distribution: To my site, all archives. You are free to take, just let me know

Rating: R

Timeline: Season 2, before Angel goes bad, when they are dating. Spike is not in his wheelchair (Dru is not healed), Xander and Cordy are secretly together and Willow and Oz are together. I know that may be a little wonky, but I want it to work.

Pairing: B/S (B/A at the beginning, but not for long.)

Feedback: Yes! Please let me know what you thought!

Summary: Buffy's hurting, she's lonely, and no one understands. She's lost everything she has to live for, or so she thinks. Spike finds something oddly compelling about the Slayer…now if only he could bring her to his side…

//Long lost words whisper to me//

Buffy could hear an insistent knocking on the door and her mother's voice calling her.

"Buffy! Honey? You up?" Buffy swung an arm in the air, gasping as it slapped on bare skin. Spike was curled next to her in only his jeans, watching her in awe. Buffy recoiled.

"Oh my God. I have to get ready for school." She stood and ran over to the closet. She pulled out three dresses and held them up to herself in the mirror.

"Too slutty." She tossed the spaghetti strapped, pink dress to the floor. "Too warm." The turtle necked dress was discarded and shoved under the bed. She held up the last one, a yellow skirt and tank top set. "Does this work?" She spun around. *I am actually asking for Spike's fashion advice. God save us.* Spike shook his head.

"Too bright."

"You would think so." Buffy rolled her eyes, but for some reason, tossed the dress on the floor.

"How about that one?" Spike pointed to a deep purple shirt that was flung lazily over the bar in her closet. Buffy picked it up. It was a dark, royal purple, with off-the-shoulder sleeves and ties in the back. She picked up a jean skirt and held it up next to it.

"I'd rather you not in it…but sure." He rolled his tongue over his teeth and titled his head suggestively. Buffy smirked a little and began to change out of her pajamas. Spike watched her every movement like a cat as she put on the shirt and skirt, rushing over to the mirror to apply makeup and put her hair up.

"Do I get to see you tonight?" Spike was propped on his elbows on the bed. Buffy shook her head furiously.

"I don't know." She zipped up the pair of black boots and sprayed on some perfume.

"What kind of answer is that?" Spike sat up and leaned against the headboard.

"The only one you're getting. Just…don't go out. I really don't need a pile of ashes on my conscience. Hide in the closet or something." A stab of pain hit Buffy's chest as she remembered how Angel had done that for her last year. *Angel…*

Spike scoffed. "Hide in the closet? I'll find a way home. I need to make sure Dru isn't worried." Buffy bit her lip in jealousy.

"Bye." Buffy unlocked her bedroom door and slammed it, leaving Spike alone.

***

"Miss Summers?" Buffy swung her head up from where it has been rest on her arms.

"Yeah?"

"I asked you to tell the class what we should all be remembering tonight." Mrs. Lorenz peered over her cat eyeglasses.

"Um…" Buffy looked over to Willow for help. Willow began to mouth.

"I didn't ask Miss Rosenburg, Buffy. I asked you." Mrs. Lorenz was growing irritated.

"I don't know." Buffy fumbled with the zipper on her purse. Mrs. Lorenz sighed.

"There will be a review today after school. You'll get ten extra credit points on the test tomorrow just for coming. Some of us-" she peered down at Buffy. "Need it more than others." She turned and went back to blackboard. She wrote the word Condoms in thick black marker on the board. "Condoms are the most popular contraceptive. There are two more popular varieties, animal hide and latex." Mrs. Lorenz pulled out a box of Trojan- her pleasure condoms from a grocery bag on her desk. She opened it out and pulled out the condom.

"This is the large size." She winked, waving it in the air in front of her. "John?" She motioned towards one of the football players in the back of the room. John came forward. "Can you please hold out how many fingers you think would match the size of your penis and we will see what condom fits the average male?" John grinned cockily and held out his fist. Buffy snickered. *Yeah, my ass.* Mrs. Lorenz raised her eyebrows and stuffed the condoms back into her bag.

"Now kids…remember to tie the condom before tossing it out the car window. If you don't, some poor fellow will have to come upon a little liquid trail on the street." Buffy could feel her cheeks burning. *She's insane…*

The bell rang and Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. All that talking about sex had made Spike pop into her already occupied brain. She rolled her left shoulder. This was not good.

"Earth to Buffy…" Willow waved a hand in front of her best friend's face.

"Wha? Oh, sorry Will. I had a long night. I mean, after being sick and all." Willow nodded understandingly.

"Are you feeling better?" Buffy nodded.

"Yeah. I'm still kind of tired. At least I can patrol now."

"Oh crap! I forgot to tell you…" Willow slapped a hand to her forehead.

"What?"

"Giles wants you to go to the library during lunch. He said there was something he needed to discuss with you." Buffy nodded and groaned internally. She really didn't need one of his missions right now.

"Thanks. I'll see you next period." She smiled and turned the opposite way, towards her next class.

***

It was lunch, and Buffy's stomach was grumbling in hunger. Too bad she wouldn't have time to eat. Ah, the snack machine. Fundamental food of the average American teenager. She pushed in several coins and got her chocolate bar.

"Giles?" She pushed the door to the library open.

"Buffy." Giles hurried over from the counter.

"What's the matter? You're all freaky." Buffy sat down in a chair at the table.

"There's no need to panic, but we do have a…predicament." Giles cleaned his glasses. "I know we've been lacking in your hunting lately, but I'm extremely worried about Spike and Drusilla. Supposedly, boxes have been coming into shipping docks containing the body part of the Judge.

"Body parts? Major eww. And who's this Judge?"

"He's the mythical killer of humans. He can literally burn someone from the inside, Buffy. A fledgling confessed on my patrol last night that Drusilla was planning to put him back together…it can be done."

"What do I do?"

"You need to kill Spike and Drusilla before they can finish. Then gather all the body parts and bring them to me. You need to do it tonight."

"Can't I do it later?"

"Buffy, don't you want to get it done before your birthday?"

"How could I have forgotten?" Buffy slapped her forehead. It was Monday afternoon; her birthday would be the next Monday. "And you want me to-to kill Spike?" Giles opened his mouth to speak. "Spike a-and Drusilla?" Buffy corrected herself.

"Precisely. They're holed up in a factory downtown."

"Yeah. I'll get on it, right after school." Buffy nodded and slammed down her book, leaving the library.

***

//Still can't find what keeps me here//

"Spike?" Buffy swung open her bedroom door, craning her neck to look for the blonde vampire. He was nowhere to be seen, but her window was unlocked and a sheet was missing from her bed. "Shit, shit, shit." Buffy pounded her fist on the wall. She turned back out of the house and started towards the factory that Giles had told her about. She quickened her pace, beginning to run. She prayed he wouldn't be there.

She reached the door to the factory and the hairs on the back of her neck prickled. Vampires were there. She creaked the door and peeked her head in. She could only see Drusilla, who was spinning in a gothic-style dress and blabbering about some party she was to have. A pile of boxes was set in the corner.

"Ooh…" Dru squealed, patting the boxes. "We're going to have so much fun!" She jumped up and down like a little girl, wrapping her arms around the largest box. This would be the perfect time. She hopped over the railing, stake in hand. Dru spun around on the spot.

"Does pretty Slayer want to play?" She grinned maliciously and started towards Buffy, weak, but still lethal. Buffy dodged her attack and pounced upon her.

"Dru?" Spike's voice sounded from the back of the factory. "Are you trying to impregnate the flowers again, love?" He came into the room and his eyes widened with shock. Drusilla had Buffy pinned, her fingers wrapped dangerously around Buffy's tanned neck. Buffy kicked upwards, sending Drusilla flying. Drusilla grappled for the knife that she had on the table. She brought it Buffy's throat and pushed the tip in, just enough to draw a droplet of blood. Buffy didn't struggle. Hell, she was ready to go. And if she was going to die, she might as well do it being a Slayer.

Spike watched in amazement, Buffy had relaxed in Drusilla's grip. The knife clattered to the floor and Spike briefly wondered where she had gotten it. Drusilla was sinking her fangs into Buffy's neck and Spike realized something. He couldn't imagine life without the slayer. Even if it was being her mortal enemy, fighting her gave him some sort of vicarious thrill. Spike ran towards the pair and shoved Dru, pouncing on top of her. Drusilla began to sob.

"I was going to kill her. The slayer was going to die." She whined, struggling in Spike's grasp.

"I-I'm sorry, love." He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. He grabbed Buffy's fallen stake and pushed it into Dru's chest. Drusilla made a face of betrayal before bursting into a cloud of dust.

"Spike?" Buffy knelt down at his side. She placed a hand to his shoulder and Spike flinched. Buffy felt a pang of guilt. Even if they were vampires…they were in love. And love was love, wasn't it? A single tear rolled down Spike's cheek, splashing onto the ashes that were once Drusilla. Buffy brought he lips to his cool cheek and kissed it. Spike turned to her.

"I loved her." His face was set in resolve.

"You should have let her kill me then." Spike shrugged.

"Couldn't."

"Why?" Buffy's voiced cracked.

"Because. Ever since I came to Sunnydale, my life revolved around you. It was about killing you, always. I stayed up all night plotting your demise. I had perfect set-ups and sometimes-" He stopped.

"And sometimes what?" Buffy urged.

"I wondered what it would be like to kiss you." His eyes traced her face and he smiled a little bit.

"And then it was all about being able to touch you and then kill you."

"Oh, that's comforting." Buffy crossed her arms over her chest.

"And then there was last night and I didn't want you dead, because I couldn't imagine why I would be living if not for you in it. The slayer has always been my revolution in life, and somehow I know that the next slayer could never be like you and-" Spike stopped once again. "Just forget it. Screw this." Spike stood and waved his hand in the air.

"No. It was…understandable. I'm sorry about Dru." Spike wiped a hand over his eye.

"Got something in my eye." He mumbled. Buffy stood and cocked her hip.

"Right." She grabbed his hand and helped him up.

"Can we shag now?" Spike clicked his tongue. Buffy sighed.

"Spike…that was wrong. We can't…I can't…it's unethical and totally and completely not going to work and-" Buffy was silenced as Spike grabbed her and forced her mouth onto his. "Okay then." She mumbled into the kiss, Spike's hands tangling into her hair.

"Buffy?" Buffy pulled away from the kiss and looked up into the pained brown eyes of another. Angel was looking down at her, his eyes wide with shock.

//When all this time I've been so hollow inside//

"Did he force you, Buffy?" Angel hopped down and ran to her. "Are you ok?" A grabbed her shoulder and pulled her towards him. Buffy didn't resist and stumbled into his arms.

Angel grabbed her by the waist. "Are you?" Buffy nodded, and Angel tore after Spike, leaping on him.

"Angel!" Angel turned to Buffy.

"What?"

"Did it look forced?" She whispered, almost inaudible.

"What?"

"I said…did it look forced?" She said louder this time. Angel was in shock.

"You-you…why? He's evil, Buffy!"

"He's the same as you." Her eyes darted nervously from Spike to Angel.

"He doesn't have a soul, Buffy."

"There are plenty of evil people with souls." Buffy pointed out, tears gathering in her eyes. Spike moved to stand beside her.

"So-so," Angel sputtered, "You two are together?"

"No." Buffy said softly. "But…Spike gets it Angel."

"I get you!" Angel retorted, looking pained.

"No..no you don't." Buffy's eyes traveled to the shadowed floor. "I've been hurting all this time and you never noticed. The only time I've felt safe not wanting to vanish and die was when I was-" She caught herself and a tear escaped her eye. Spike instinctively brushed the tear under her eye away.

//I know you're still there//

"I-I love you more than words can say, Angel. And if circumstances were different, I'd be so happy to have you. But, I'm not. And we aren't good for me. I haven't been happy in so love…you aren't what I need." Angel scoffed.

"And Spike is?" She looked into the blackness for a second.

"Neither of you are!" She screamed, dashing from the factory.

***

It had been four days. Four days that she had been holed up in her room, faking sick, and not having to act too hard. It was Friday evening and she vaguely remembered that her 17th birthday was on Monday. She shifted on her back in bed. She was thankful for the first time that her mother worked, because she didn't have to cough up a storm for the sake of believability for about 8 am till 7pm.

Apparently, and luckily, Angel hadn't told the others about Spike. Even as they visited at least once a day, no one had said anything. Sometimes, she would dream of Spike. Her dreams of Angel had always been of their wedding, of them being together. Her dreams of Spike were fiery, passionate, and adventurous…even if they were just talking in it. She groaned. She admitted to herself that maybe she liked him…just a little bit.

//Watching me, wanting me//

Spike watched as Buffy shifted in her bed, her face distorted in discomfort. She looked so lonely, so empty. Spike had known from that night that he had held her that he loved her, and he wanted her. He loved that she didn't run away from his demon. He loved that she could kick his sorry ass to hell (adds adventure), but he loved most of all the little darkness inside of her. Not an evil darkness per say, but the fact that unlike most humans, she wasn't afraid to show it. All humans have a dark side and they spend their time trying to either be it, or get rid of it. Buffy did neither. Buffy accepted both sides of her and used them to her advantage. He shifted as he watched her looked sadly up at the ceiling.

//I can feel you pull me down//

Lightning flashed and thunder crackled. Buffy shot up in bed. She hated storms. It was comical, actually. She could decapitate the foulest of things, but a shock of electricity could terrify her. She closed her eyes, but flashed them open again. Every time she closed her eyes, Spike invaded her mind. Hell, he invaded her mind when her eyes were open.

//Fearing you, loving you//

Buffy dashed to her window just as another bolt of lighting lit up the Sunnydale sky. A lean figure was leaning against the tree. She cracked open the window, rain splattering her in the face.

"You trying to be a vampire conductor electricity?" She called into the wind. Spike's hair was being blown back and he shrugged passively.

//I won't let you pull me down//

Spike scaled the house and hopped into the room, leather duster dripping all over the floor. He reached a hand to touch her shoulder. She flinched back.

"I guess we're on the same boat. We've both lost our lovers." She looked up painfully.

"I don't deny that I loved her…but my love had been lessening for quite some time." Spike confessed.

"Why?" She searched his eyes for an answer.

"Because I effin' love you, Slayer. Are you blind?" He through his hands up in annoyance.

"You-you love me?" She backed into the wall, hands twitching in nervousness.



//Hunting you, I can smell you-alive//

Spike nodded. "But don't compare me to your soddin' Angel. I'm not a poof." He narrowed his eyes, growing defensive.

"No..no…this is just a shock."

"Is it really? I killed Dru for you. I subconsciously have forced myself to fail every fight with you! And we were both too stupid to realize why…" Buffy's eyes widened.

"I can't handle this." She covered her eyes with her hand.

//Your heart pounding in my head//

"You don't love me." Spike looked her up and down painfully.

"No, no I don't. But I don't hate you…if that helps." She motioned for him to sit down. She sat down next to him and fumbled with her hands in her lap.

//Watching you, wanting you//

"I'm not going to stop killing."

"I know. You can't." Buffy nodded. "It's not like that."

"Then what is it, pet?"

"I'm not capable of love."

"What in the bloody hell are you saying?" Spike looked over at her.

"I'm devoid of anything, Spike. I don't even deserve to be called a human. I'm just…a Slayer."



//I can feel you pull me down//

"You are as human, more so even, as everyone else." Spike placed a hand on her shoulder and it traveled down to her wrist.

"What is this? Are we together?" Buffy's eyes were glowing in loss.

"It's whatever you want it to be. As long as there's lots and lots of sex involved." Spike smirked and moved his other hand to her thigh.

//Saving me, raping me//

Buffy smiled. "You are a pervert. But…I'm not objecting." She grinned wickedly. Spike grabbed her hand and held it within his own. He knew there would be no happy ending. He knew there would be no picket fence, or dog named Lucky. There would be no little slayers and vampires (plus, how well would that work out?). There would never be a wedding out in the sun. Hell, there might not even ever be a relationship. All he knew was that her hand was in his, and she wasn't trying to kill him.

//Watching me…haunting me//

TBC