Title: Tourniquet (6/11)

Series: Queen of Dusk

Author's Name: Riley

Author's Email and URL: XxBuffyRoxMySoxX@aol.com http://www.freewebs.com/queenofdusk Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and UPN own Buffy the Vampire Slayer in totality. Joss Whedon and the WB own Angel: the Series. No profit is made from this piece of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. The song was written and performed by Evanescence.

Distribution: To my site, all archives. You are free to take, just let me know

Rating: R

Timeline: Season 2, before Angel goes bad, when they are dating. Spike is not in his wheelchair (Dru is not healed), Xander and Cordy are secretly together and Willow and Oz are together. I know that may be a little wonky, but I want it to work.

Pairing: B/S (B/A at the beginning, but not for long.)

Feedback: Yes! Please let me know what you thought!

Summary: Buffy's hurting, she's lonely, and no one understands. She's lost everything she has to live for, or so she thinks. Spike finds something oddly compelling about the Slayer…now if only he could bring her to his side…

I encourage you all at the fanfiction.net to visit my lovely lil' site :-p www.freewebs.com/fallen_buffy_spike

It was still dark when Buffy opened her eyes. She glanced sleepily at the clock, noting angrily that it was only 1am. Spike had his right arm flung over her abdomen, and his head was buried between two pillows. She prodded his pale shoulder gently.

"Spike?" She whispered into his ear. Spike shuddered.

"I dun' wanna get up!" he mumbled, swatting her hand away.

"Spike, my mom will come in here in a few hours and she won't be too pleased to find a guy in my bed."

"Not a guy." Spike rolled over to his other side.

"You know what I mean." She took her fist and aimed to strike at his groin. Spike sat straight up, narrowly avoiding getting hit. Buffy laughed at the shocked expression on his face.

"You need to get out of here. Sunrise will be here in a few hours." Spike's hand shot to his chest in a state of mock surprise.

"You really do care!" He wiped an invisible tear from his cheek. Buffy smiled and rolled her eyes. "I have a better idea." His face became hard and serious once more.

"What?" Buffy wasn't sure she wanted to hear a brilliant Spike plan.

"Lets go."

"Huh?" Buffy squinted her eyes. She recognized a glint of something she didn't like in Spike's blue ones.

"Lets get away. Lets get away from Angel, my memories of Dru, your school, all these inhibitions and just be-"

"Are you out of your mind?!" Buffy threw up her hands, trying to stay quiet in her mini rage. "We can't just pack up and go! I have ties here!"

"You'd love it though, wouldn't you?" Spike tilted his head. Buffy blushed a little and looked down.

"I'm probably a terrible person for thinking so…but, yes." She shrugged haphazardly. "It's hard to be depended on." Spike nodded.

"Just for a couple of days. Take some time off…be random. I promise you'll have fun…lots and lots of fun." He put an awful lot of emphasis on the word fun, sending shivers up Buffy's spine.

"I can't-" Buffy began, but stopped her explanation as a cool hand settled itself on her thigh. "Only for a few days?" Spike smirked.

"Knew you'd give in." Spike leered cockily. Buffy bit her lip. Spike noted that she had a habit of doing this when she was uncomfortable or nervous.

"Just remember this has nothing to do with you. I just want to have a break."

"Well then, lets go." Spike nudged at her shoulder to move.

"Just like this? Um…ok." She stood and began rifling through her closet, shoving clothing items into her purple backpack. She grabbed her wallet from the counter and stuffed all her money into it, throwing it into the backpack. She tore a page from a discarded journal she had once aptly donned "The Chronicles of Buffy" and never opened again. She scribbled down with a half broken pencil, a heart-felt note to her mother and friends, folded it, and left it on the smashed pillow on her bed.

"Well that was fast." Spike smiled softly before grabbing Buffy's hand and pulling her out the window.

***

Rain was plowing down on the old Desoto as it plowed the streets of Sunnydale. Buffy was sleeping peacefully, her head rested on the armrest, golden hair splayed across Spike's lap. Spike shifted as he drove, leaning to turn on the radio. The Sex Pistols filled the air, which Buffy responded to with an unpleasant groan. Spike frowned. He'd teach her to love good music.

//I tried to kill the pain//

He glanced happily at the "Leaving Sunnydale" sign and sighed. He'd never have to go back to that hellhole again. His mind briefly wandered to Dru. Was she happy wherever she had gone? He wondered where a vampire goes anyway. It's not like they have a soul to send to heaven. Spike sped up, now going seventy in a fifty-five zone. He grumbled as Buffy shifted, her hand 'accidentally' knocking the radio button to some pop station.

Spike groaned and turned the knob off. He nudged her shoulder. "It's real music or no music, doll."

"It is real music, genius!" She flipped the station on, setting her head back down on the armrest. Spike slammed his hand onto the radio.

"We're NOT listening to it." He smiled flakily, and turned his eyes back to the road.

***

"Pet?" Spike nudged Buffy, who had begun drooling on the seat about an hour before. Buffy sat up, groggily rubbing her eyes.

"What?" She looked out the window to a small motel, the title reading "ilderness Motel". The W from Wilderness was lying, propped against the stone wall, rusted and bent. Buffy frowned. "We're staying here?" Spike nodded.

"Its not so bad. Dru and I stayed here once…on our way to Sunny D."

"Oh gee." Buffy flashed him a sarcastic smile. She grabbed her backpack from the floor of the car and pulled in onto her lap, folding her hands in front of it.

"Jealous, pet?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Never." Buffy titled her head as Spike pulled into the lot. He turned off the ignition, stuck his hand out the window to check for sunlight, out of habit, and stepped from the car. Buffy followed, lugging her backpack on one shoulder.

Spike slammed several crumpled dollars in front of the manager. "A double." He growled. The manager looked taken aback, as he handed Spike a key with '13' engraved into the silver.

"Thirteen. My lucky day!" Buffy followed Spike from the lobby and down the disheveled hall. Clearly this hotel was used by desperate couples who needed a 'break' on the road. Spike opened the door and dumped the bag he'd picked up from his abandoned house. Buffy followed suit and set her backpack next to the queen bed.

//but only brought more//

She pushed back the orange covers of the antediluvian bed, which sighed and groaned with her every movement. "I'm really tired." She pulled her hair into a scrunchie that had been around her wrist and set her head onto the flattened pillow. After a few minutes, she could feel Spike's cool body slip beside hers, his head falling to the base of her neck and his arm slinking around her waste. She let her eyes flutter shut and began to concentrate on the sprinkling of rain onto the metal roof.

//I lay dying//

Buffy was dead tired (no pun intended), but no matter how long she lay there silent, no matter how hard she tried to push away her thoughts, and no matter how many times she tried to swallow the mucus clogging her throat, she couldn't sleep.

"Luv?" Spike nuzzled his head against her neck and propped himself up. "You still awake?" Buffy nodded and turned to face him.

"Yeah." Spike brushed a few stray hairs from her face.

"Can't sleep?" He cocked an eyebrow and moved his hand to turn on the light above the bed. Buffy shook her head.

"You been crying?" Spike surveyed the puffy redness beneath her eyes and the streaks of black down her cheeks. She shrugged. "Why would you be?"

"You don't care anyway." She looked up at him angrily and bit her lip.

"Do too."

"Do not."

"I do TOO." Spike wrapped his hands around her shoulders.

"You can't." Buffy shrugged them away.

//And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal//

"And why the hell not?"

"You don't even have a soul, Spike."

"So? Didn't stop me from loving Dru. And it doesn't stop me from loving you." There he'd said it. If he could have blushed, he would have. Spike watched as Buffy's mouth opened and closed several times before she let out a gasp.

"When did this happen?" She sat up and pushed the sheets down her legs. "Why did no one inform me?!" She stood up from the bed and began pacing, her hands on her cheeks. "What am I? Am I 'Last To Know Everything Buffy'?" She hit her head against the wall and pursed her lips, blowing air deeply.

"Pet, you're going to give yourself an aneurysm."

"Don't care." She knocked her head against the wall. Spike got up and headed over to her.

"You don't hate me." He brought his lips to her warm neck and pecked it softly.

"No. I don't." She turned and leaned against the wall, her eyes wet with tears.

//I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming…//

Spike grabbed her cheeks and frowned. "Why are you crying?" He didn't understand anything anymore. He wasn't used to this…pain.

"Nothing makes sense anymore, nothing means anything!" Spike pulled the sobbing Slayer into his arms and stoked her hair softly.

"I know, pet. I know." She was shaking in his arms for almost twenty minutes, when he crying ceased, and Spike looked down to see her half asleep in his arms. He scooped her up and carried her to the bed, setting her down and kissing her forehead. Buffy curled up next to him.

"Vampire teddy bear." She wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Does Angel hold you, luv?" Spike prodded her with his sudden question. She nodded.

"But different. Like I might break." She snuggled her head into his armpit.

"Tomorrow night, I'm going to give you the break you deserve." Spike kissed her ear.

"Promise?"

"Promise." Buffy sighed and closed her eyes. She knew she was being irresponsible, leaving behind all her priorities…but she'd go back. She just felt as if she'd die if she didn't have a break.

//Am I too lost to be saved?//

Buffy woke up alone in the bed, but she could hear the shower running and put two and two together. She stretched and swung her legs over the edge, cringing at the squeaks and groans it made. She rummaged through her backpack and changed into a pair of crumpled jeans and a black tee shirt.

"Spike?" She creaked open the door to the bathroom. Spike muffled a 'what?' in reply and Buffy could hear the slapping of flesh on tile.

"You there?"

"Yeah." Spike stuck his head out of the infinitesimal, grimy shower. He ran a hand through his drenched, bleach blonde locks. "You alright?" Buffy shrugged and stepped into the bathroom, leaning back against the wall. She closed her eyes and pursed her lips, hands clenching against the blue plaster.

"None of this is right. Nothing is normal."

"And who said anything had to be normal?" Spike wrapped a white towel around his waist and turned off the shower.

"I don't know. Its just the way of the world."

"You aren't of this world." Buffy smiled.

"You have a point."

//My God, my tourniquet//

"Lets go somewhere."

"Where? It's day out, and a pile of dust can't drive…" Spike smirked, the ends of his lips quirking up.

"I know a place, trust me." Buffy looked around, as if to check that no one was coming.

"And you can get there ok?"

"Trust me." Spike emphasized.

"I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

"Both." Buffy tucked her hair behind her ears.

//Return to me, salvation//



Spike walked from the bathroom and began to put on his usual clothing. "You're smart not to." Buffy nodded.

"But we can go to the place if you really want. I need to get out of this motel anyway." Spike nodded and grabbed a wrinkled gray blanket from the floor and tossed it over his head.

"Follow me."

//Do you remember me?//

Buffy took his smooth hand and nodded, following him from the room. Spike hurried towards the car, wincing as sunlight scattered over his exposed hand. He hopped into the car and sighed with relief.

"That," he breathed "Takes talent." Buffy nodded, a minute smile managing to slip through her gloom. Buffy reached over and adjusted the radio. She began to sing a long, tapping her nails on the black-painted window.

"When you're all alone, and you need a light, someone to guide through the night, just remember, that I am here to hold you close and dry your tears…" Buffy blushed when she noticed Spike was staring at her intently with an expression of amour on his face. She quickly switched the knob to another station, not daring to look up at him.

"Not even you can listen to this crap." Spike broke the silence and turned the radio off.

"So where is this place?" Buffy asked as Spike's car sped along the interstate.

"Right-" he took a turn onto a smaller dirt road "over here." He ambled the car to a parking lot in front of a dingy looking building with an illegible rusted sign.

"Oh…nice." Buffy looked the place up and down and wrinkled her nose.

"Don't judge a book by it's cover pet."

"Cliché!"

//Lost for so long…//

Spike rolled his eyes and got out of the car, pulling the blanket over his head. He circled to Buffy's side and let her out, rushing to the front door.

It was a club, decorated completely in crushed black velvet and steel. There was an archway over the entry, with dangling silver manacles hanging every few inches. Along the hallway were doors, each decorated with a carving of some sort. The dance floor was steel, with velvet covered poles for each 6 square feet, and a giant silver chandelier hanging over them. Five or ten couples, mainly decked in leather, danced. A dozen singles drank from large silver chalices adorned with shadowy purple gems. Buffy felt a shiver run up her spine and gave credit to Spike, who was effectively massaging her lower back through her shirt.

//Will you be on the other side?//

The creepy part of the place, was the classical music sounding through the speakers. It sounded completely out of place, sort of sick and twisted. Spike captured Buffy by the wrist and pulled her out onto the dance floor, other hand rushing to grab her hip. They swayed to the music, Spike's breath heavy on her neck.

//Or will you forget me?//

Buffy's eyes flitted to the singles at the bar. One gulped, and red liquid drizzled down his chin. He turned to face her, eyes yellow and hungry. She pushed Spike away from her.

"You took me to a vampire hangout?" She whispered irately. Spike nodded, as if he didn't see anything wrong with the idea. "I'm the fricken' slayer and you take me to a VAMPIRE hangout?" She said a little louder, alerting the couple next to them. The terrified vampires began to back away. She glanced around…not a piece of wood in sight. Of course, vampire hangout. She angrily stomped away from Spike, slamming open the door, and grabbing the blanket he'd hung at the door. "I can't believe I even thought this would work!" she yelled to herself, tears collecting in her eyes.

"Buffy!" Spike ran to the door, stopping before the sunlight reached him. He called out again, but Buffy ignored him.

"Damn!" Buffy realized she had left the keys with Spike. She tossed him the blanket and pointed to the car. "Drive."

//I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming//

Buffy kept her eyes averted from Spike the entire ride. Even as he offered to let her grab some McDonald's, she only breathed a little louder to signal her rage.

"Come on, Buffy. You can't stay angry forever." She shrugged.

"Can too." Spike pulled over with a screech.

"You know what? You win! That's it! Get the hell out of my car, Slayer. I don't need you or your forgiveness." Buffy looked at him and raised her eyebrows. "I'm serious, Slayer. Out." He gave her shoulder and little shove. She opened the door and stepped out.

"Fine. I'll get home myself." She turned up her nose and turned away from him. He sped way, dust spraying her in the face.

//Am I too lost to be saved?//

Spike was seething with anger as he sped through the streets. He didn't really feel like stopping, in fact, he was wide awake. He drove for a good four hours, before stopping in hunger. He parked the car and wandered until he found a good spot to wait. A young redhead dressed in a 'come bite me' outfit was walking towards his spot, alone and tired looking. He jumped out at her and grabbed her by the shoulders. Suddenly, he stopped and hesitated. Something like…guilt? The girl trembled in his arms and began sobbing.

"P-please don't hurt me. I'll give you money. She kicked at her purse which had fallen.

"Don't want your money." He moved the strap of her top aside and bit down onto her skin. He drank until her crying was almost silent, then stopped. He pushed her shaking body against the wall, and left her crying there.

//Am I too lost?//

Spike hopped back into his car and drove to the motel. As he reached the door, it dawned on him that Buffy had had the key. He grabbed at the knob in desperation, and was shocked to find it unlocked.

"Buffy?" She was sitting on the bed, hair tied back into a tight bun, with a few wispy tendrils falling out. She was wearing no makeup, and Spike could tell she'd taken a shower. She looked innocent in an oversized Sunnydale High School sweatshirt and jeans, her bare feet scuffing at the floor.

//Return to me salvation//

"W-would it be selfish to ask to stay?" She sputtered like a little girl.

"Well, yeah, it would. But I'm not saying no." He gestured to the room.

"I'm not saying you were right in taking me there or anything…but-" She stopped mid-sentence, and stared up at him, silently begging for forgiveness.

//My God, My tourniquet//

Spike removed his duster and hung it next to the door, then stalked over to Buffy. He sat down and took her hand, which was shaking quite madly.

//Return to me salvation//

"You're going to be the death of me, Summers." He smirked at her, his lips twitching slightly.

"I'm a little late." She smiled back at him and squeezed his hand.

//My wounds cry for the grave//

A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and she wiped it away, still smiling at him.

//My soul cries for deliverance//

Spike moved his hand to her cheek, brushing tendrils behind her ears. She gasped a little, a few more delicate tears managing to escape. "It's my birthday tomorrow. I'll be seventeen."

//Will I be denied Christ?"

"Promise not to run off anymore?" Buffy nodded and looked down for a second before looking back up at him.

//Tourniquet…//

Spike smiled and kissed her softly, electricity tingling up Buffy's spine.

//My suicide//

A/N Thanks for waiting so long! It took me f o r e v e r. I know! Major writers black!!