One
"I cannot believe that we're doing this," I muttered under my breath. "I cannot believe that I let you talk me into this. We're going to look so stupid if we get caught."
"So we won't get caught," Laura said, her grin flashing identical sets of sparkling white teeth, post-braces. "Besides," she said, fingering her turtle-neck, "he'll be the one that looks stupid when we catch him with Janie the Slut Connell." And I realised that she was not only wearing a thick black turtle-neck, but also black jeans, boots, and a balaclava.
"Aren't you hot?" I asked dumbly. I looked down at my own clothes. I was wearing a T-shirt and board shorts I was still sweltering.
"Well, of course I'm hot, you idiot," she replied hotly. "But at least I'm not dressed in the ridiculous outfit that you're wearing."
"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" I asked indignantly.
She gave me a once over. "Well, nothing, if you plan on doing undercover work. But snooping? Everyone knows that you have to wear black if you want to snoop. Besides," she went on, "you can't do serious ass-kicking, in a Hawaiian shirt and bright orange board shorts."
"Ass-kicking? I thought we were snooping."
"Your indignant ass-kicking when you find your boyfriend with Janie, because you've come over to his house for a surprise visit." She gave a roll of her eyes that I interpreted to mean, 'Jeez, what are you? Thick?'
I could already see sweat dripping down Laura's forehead, so instead of replying with a scathing comment that was sure to send her into a fit of tears, I gave her my glare of death that was sure to get her to back up a few steps.
Laura frowned. "Why are you squinting like that? Do you have something in your eye?"
Should've gone with the scathing remark.
She peered around the corner of the wall. "It's three past nine. He should have been twenty-five minutes and forty seconds ago," she said, looking at her watch. It had been synchronised on New Years with the countdown to the fireworks.
"Maybe he's not going to come. Maybe the police detained him on his way here. Maybe Janie stood him up. And you know what? I just realised that it's Tuesday, and I'm missing out on my Mum's potato salad and pasta bake. So I should probably be-"
"Shh! I think I see his car. There's someone beside him...oh yeah, that's Janie alright."
"What?!" I shoved Laura aside and peeked around the side of the house. All three of them were getting out of the car and - wait, three? "Holy shit, Amber Cartwright's there as well," I whispered to myself, as I saw a familiar red-head pass under the street light. Amber was a brief acquaintance, and I had never thought that she was Brad's type. Of course, I had never realised that Brad's type meant cheating on his girlfriend with two other girls.
Laura scrambled on the ground until she was kneeling in the space under me. "Holy shit, that /is/ Amber Cartwright. And they're both clinging on to him like they're his bitches!" Laura watches far too many movies for it to be healthy, hence the watch synchronisation. Often she makes these obscure references that she expects everyone to understand.
We held our breaths as all three of them passed metres away from us and went into the house.
"I can't believe this," I said numbly. Brad, who had taken me the year 11 formal. Brad, who had looked into my eyes and said that he loved me. Well, ok, I made up the thing about him loving me, but he did look into my eyes and said that he /liked/ me. That counted for something didn't it? I should have known it was all a façade. I should have seen that our relationship was too perfect. Men were such bastards. I looked down at Laura helplessly, and a tear streaked down my face.
Laura stood up, took hold of my shoulders, and shook me until I thought my brain was going to fall out. "What are you thinking, you idiot? You're not the one that's having a threesome! You should be angry, and indignant, and pissed off and, well, just really, really pissed off will do. I mean, who'd leave you for those sluts?" Laura said vehemently. "If it wasn't illegal, I'd go in there and chop his testicles off - I'd make one of those guys who sing really high-pitched-"
"Castratos."
" -yeah, those, castratos. And after I'd have whacked off his bits, I'd feed them to Jemma, because she eats everything." Jemma was her dog who was always hungry, and ate anything and everything.
I decided not to tell her that castratos were supposed to get their bits whacked off before they reached puberty, and Brad had definitely reached puberty.
Besides, now I was too worked up to think about anything else. "The fucking dickhead! I'm gonna march in there, and...and..."
"Do something really, really bad?" Laura finished, giving me a look.
"Yeah," I said, deflating. I'm no good at threats, whereas Laura always thinks up really creative ones. Hence the castratos.
"C'mon, the bedroom is this way," she said, tramping through the knee-high weeds that inhabited this side of the house. I didn't walk after her.
"How do you know that they're in the bedroom?" I asked. She stopped and gave me another look. Riiight. Stupid question.
There was a convenient log under the bedroom window, but I still had to stand on my toes to see inside.
"Looks like as if he's necking her," Laura said softly. She's taller than me and she doesn't have to stand on her toes. All I could see was Brad's body on the bed, and could only guess that someone was beneath him.
"Which one?"
"Looks like Janie. She looks kinda stoned. I haven't heard about Brad using, but now that I see what he's up to here, I don't know what he would do."
I didn't care if Brad was on drugs or not. At the moment, all I wanted was revenge. Maybe a confrontation in front of the whole goddamn school. "I can't see Amber around anywhere, can you?"
"No sign of her. No wait, I think I see her, coming out of the bathroom. She's got something in her hand." By this time we both had our noses pressed to the glass, straining our eyes against the dark. "Oh my God, I think she's got a giant dildo in her hand!"
I jumped, and managed to see Amber with something in her hand that did look a lot like a giant dildo, but it was hard to tell in the light. "What do you think she's going to do with that?" I squeaked.
Laura looked at me as if I was an idiot. Laura's good at those looks.
"Oh God, I can't watch this," I said, putting my hand over my eyes, but peeking through my fingers.
"I have to say, I never knew that Janie was bi-"
Suddenly, Amber raised the dildo above her head, and plunged in into the back of Brad. Blood spurted onto her face and her white shirt. We both screamed.
I had a split second to see Amber snap her head towards the window, and mouth the words 'Oh, shit', before I was off and running after Laura.
"I cannot believe that we're doing this," I muttered under my breath. "I cannot believe that I let you talk me into this. We're going to look so stupid if we get caught."
"So we won't get caught," Laura said, her grin flashing identical sets of sparkling white teeth, post-braces. "Besides," she said, fingering her turtle-neck, "he'll be the one that looks stupid when we catch him with Janie the Slut Connell." And I realised that she was not only wearing a thick black turtle-neck, but also black jeans, boots, and a balaclava.
"Aren't you hot?" I asked dumbly. I looked down at my own clothes. I was wearing a T-shirt and board shorts I was still sweltering.
"Well, of course I'm hot, you idiot," she replied hotly. "But at least I'm not dressed in the ridiculous outfit that you're wearing."
"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" I asked indignantly.
She gave me a once over. "Well, nothing, if you plan on doing undercover work. But snooping? Everyone knows that you have to wear black if you want to snoop. Besides," she went on, "you can't do serious ass-kicking, in a Hawaiian shirt and bright orange board shorts."
"Ass-kicking? I thought we were snooping."
"Your indignant ass-kicking when you find your boyfriend with Janie, because you've come over to his house for a surprise visit." She gave a roll of her eyes that I interpreted to mean, 'Jeez, what are you? Thick?'
I could already see sweat dripping down Laura's forehead, so instead of replying with a scathing comment that was sure to send her into a fit of tears, I gave her my glare of death that was sure to get her to back up a few steps.
Laura frowned. "Why are you squinting like that? Do you have something in your eye?"
Should've gone with the scathing remark.
She peered around the corner of the wall. "It's three past nine. He should have been twenty-five minutes and forty seconds ago," she said, looking at her watch. It had been synchronised on New Years with the countdown to the fireworks.
"Maybe he's not going to come. Maybe the police detained him on his way here. Maybe Janie stood him up. And you know what? I just realised that it's Tuesday, and I'm missing out on my Mum's potato salad and pasta bake. So I should probably be-"
"Shh! I think I see his car. There's someone beside him...oh yeah, that's Janie alright."
"What?!" I shoved Laura aside and peeked around the side of the house. All three of them were getting out of the car and - wait, three? "Holy shit, Amber Cartwright's there as well," I whispered to myself, as I saw a familiar red-head pass under the street light. Amber was a brief acquaintance, and I had never thought that she was Brad's type. Of course, I had never realised that Brad's type meant cheating on his girlfriend with two other girls.
Laura scrambled on the ground until she was kneeling in the space under me. "Holy shit, that /is/ Amber Cartwright. And they're both clinging on to him like they're his bitches!" Laura watches far too many movies for it to be healthy, hence the watch synchronisation. Often she makes these obscure references that she expects everyone to understand.
We held our breaths as all three of them passed metres away from us and went into the house.
"I can't believe this," I said numbly. Brad, who had taken me the year 11 formal. Brad, who had looked into my eyes and said that he loved me. Well, ok, I made up the thing about him loving me, but he did look into my eyes and said that he /liked/ me. That counted for something didn't it? I should have known it was all a façade. I should have seen that our relationship was too perfect. Men were such bastards. I looked down at Laura helplessly, and a tear streaked down my face.
Laura stood up, took hold of my shoulders, and shook me until I thought my brain was going to fall out. "What are you thinking, you idiot? You're not the one that's having a threesome! You should be angry, and indignant, and pissed off and, well, just really, really pissed off will do. I mean, who'd leave you for those sluts?" Laura said vehemently. "If it wasn't illegal, I'd go in there and chop his testicles off - I'd make one of those guys who sing really high-pitched-"
"Castratos."
" -yeah, those, castratos. And after I'd have whacked off his bits, I'd feed them to Jemma, because she eats everything." Jemma was her dog who was always hungry, and ate anything and everything.
I decided not to tell her that castratos were supposed to get their bits whacked off before they reached puberty, and Brad had definitely reached puberty.
Besides, now I was too worked up to think about anything else. "The fucking dickhead! I'm gonna march in there, and...and..."
"Do something really, really bad?" Laura finished, giving me a look.
"Yeah," I said, deflating. I'm no good at threats, whereas Laura always thinks up really creative ones. Hence the castratos.
"C'mon, the bedroom is this way," she said, tramping through the knee-high weeds that inhabited this side of the house. I didn't walk after her.
"How do you know that they're in the bedroom?" I asked. She stopped and gave me another look. Riiight. Stupid question.
There was a convenient log under the bedroom window, but I still had to stand on my toes to see inside.
"Looks like as if he's necking her," Laura said softly. She's taller than me and she doesn't have to stand on her toes. All I could see was Brad's body on the bed, and could only guess that someone was beneath him.
"Which one?"
"Looks like Janie. She looks kinda stoned. I haven't heard about Brad using, but now that I see what he's up to here, I don't know what he would do."
I didn't care if Brad was on drugs or not. At the moment, all I wanted was revenge. Maybe a confrontation in front of the whole goddamn school. "I can't see Amber around anywhere, can you?"
"No sign of her. No wait, I think I see her, coming out of the bathroom. She's got something in her hand." By this time we both had our noses pressed to the glass, straining our eyes against the dark. "Oh my God, I think she's got a giant dildo in her hand!"
I jumped, and managed to see Amber with something in her hand that did look a lot like a giant dildo, but it was hard to tell in the light. "What do you think she's going to do with that?" I squeaked.
Laura looked at me as if I was an idiot. Laura's good at those looks.
"Oh God, I can't watch this," I said, putting my hand over my eyes, but peeking through my fingers.
"I have to say, I never knew that Janie was bi-"
Suddenly, Amber raised the dildo above her head, and plunged in into the back of Brad. Blood spurted onto her face and her white shirt. We both screamed.
I had a split second to see Amber snap her head towards the window, and mouth the words 'Oh, shit', before I was off and running after Laura.
