Lana scrubbed the counter feverishly, but finally threw the towel aside and
surveyed the Talon with a careful eye. She nodded satisfactorily and was
turning off the lights in the storage room when she heard a loud knock on
the door. Her heart started pounding, but she told herself that there was
no real reason to be afraid.
"Who is it?" she called, alone in the large room, suddenly rethinking not taking Alicia up on her offer to close that night.
"It's just me," Clark called back. "Lana, let me in! C'mon, it's been three days, you have to talk to me eventually."
She strode purposefully over to the door and unlocked it quickly. "Do I?" she said, smiling a bit.
"Yes. You can't just keep avoiding me, Lana. We have to talk about this; you know we do," he said urgently, standing in the doorway.
"Fine. Come in."
He nodded followed her inside, where he stood awkwardly in the middle of the room while she pulled two chairs off a table and motioned for him to sit down.
She raised a perfectly arched brow and asked him coolly if he wanted anything.
"I'm not a customer," he said, glancing at her warily.
"Do you want anything?" she repeated.
"No. Please.just, sit."
She sighed and complied with his request.
"So.uh, how are you?" he asked politely.
Lana glared at him. "Honestly, I've been better," she replied curtly.
"You're angry," he stated calmly.
Her expression softened a bit. "Yes," she said, staring at the table.
Clark cleared his throat. "Don't you want to know why I came back?"
"Well, I hope after three months you experienced some sort of huge epiphany that allows you to clearly see your path in life. But somehow, I'm guessing that didn't happen, since you're back here, in Smallville."
"Sorry, no big epiphany."
She looked away. "So, why did you come back?"
"You. I missed you."
"Yes, and you sound very pleased about that. Congratulations," she hissed.
Clark winced.
"What?" she said nastily. "You didn't actually expect to waltz back in here after three months and I'd just welcome you home with open arms? Or did you?"
"I knew you'd be upset," he started.
"Upset? Upset doesn't even begin to describe what I am. I am so angry I can't even tell you Clark. I want to hurt you. I want it to keep you up at night. I want it to eat away at you, and destroy you, the way it did me. I want to hate you. But I can't."
"You think I wasn't hurting too? Do you think that leaving here, leaving you, and my family and my friends wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done? You don't think I lay awake at night thinking about all of you, wanting to come home? I did. And believe me, it hurt like hell."
"Oh, well, I'm so sorry for your pain!" she said sarcastically. "Clark, you had a choice! We didn't. You were the one that left, remember?"
"I was trying to protect you!" he said, his voice growing louder.
"Protect me from what?" she yelled.
"From.me!" he sputtered. "Don't you get it?" he shouted. "I had to leave. Do you honestly think I left because I wanted to?"
"No," she said piercingly, "But you did it anyway. You were selfish. You didn't think about your parents, or Pete, or me. All you thought about was yourself."
"You're right. You're right," he repeated. "And I'm sorry Lana. I'm so, so sorry. I came back to fix things. To stop running away from my problems. To stop being a coward. So let me do it."
"I'm sick of always giving you an easy way out."
"Look.what is it you want from me, Lana?"
"What do I want?" She feigned contemplation for a moment. "Well, I want my summer back. I want those days before you left to be the best memories of our relationship. I want to forget tonight, and just have Lex's wedding be the end of it."
"You don't mean that."
"Yes, I do," she whispered.
"Lana, please.believe me when I say that everything I've ever done, is because I love you." He closed his eyes a moment, and when he opened them, they shone with tears.
"I never meant to hurt you."
"You never do. But somehow," she said, frowning regrettably, "I always get left behind."
"Is that what this is about Lana? Your abandonment issues again?"
Lana stared at him in horror, mouth agape, as he clamped a hand over his lips, regret and shame washing over his face.
"Lana," he choked, "I didn't mean that."
"Yes, you did," she said, her lips quivering. She stood up, and seemingly wandered aimlessly to the counter. She stood stiffly, watching him from across the room, as far away from him as possible.
"It's okay," she said after a moment. His words stung, but they were true.
"You're right."
"I shouldn't have said that."
"Why not? It's the truth, isn't it? So thanks, for helping to further my future need for therapy."
Clark furrowed his brow, looking decidedly angrily at her than he had ever seen before.
"Fine!" he exploded. "You want me to bring your parents back? Or Whitney? You want me to make Nell love you? I can't do it Lana. I wish that I could, but I can't. Look at me. I didn't abandon you. I came back."
"You're the one that left me in the first place," Lana shot back.
"You're right. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry for that, I really am. You think I put you on a pedestal? What do you think you're doing to me? Look, all I can say is that I love you, I've always loved you, and that's never going to change. I can't promise I won't break your heart, but I swear, I'd rather die than hurt you again. Do you hear what I'm saying Lana? I love you! Isn't that enough?"
She realized suddenly that it wasn't. All the pain and anxiety she'd felt in his absence had been replaced with new feelings of anger and betrayal.
Throughout the entirety of their blowout, Clark had not risen from his chair, where he still sat obediently awaiting her response.
She sighed and sat down again, across from Clark. He looked anxiously up at her, eyes wide and searching her face for an answer.
"It's not worth it," she whispered. "Everything about our relationship is so difficult."
"So you want to give up? Things are never going to be perfect for us, but you won't even give it a chance because you know it won't last?"
"Everyone I've ever loved has left me. I figure I should just cut my losses now."
"Don't do this Lana," he said, shaking his head furiously. "Don't make this decision."
"I didn't. You did. Three months ago."
He reached for her hand, but she pulled away. "It's over Clark," she said quietly. She stood up and pushed the chair in, leaving him sitting at the table alone. She disappeared behind the counter a moment and returned with her coat. She avoided looking at Clark, whose stricken expression, she knew, would cause her more pain than she was already experiencing.
Clark stood up suddenly, with new reserve. "Before I left, you said that you loved me. Do you still. love me?"
Lana paused at the door, her hand wrapped around the knob. "Yes," she responded unenthusiastically. She did not turn back to look at him.
"Of course I do. But things are different now. I don't trust you anymore. Maybe love just isn't enough." She licked her lips and smiled sadly. "I'm sorry Clark. I really am." Lana opened the door.
"Wait!" he cried, moving towards her. "Don't walk away from me. Please, you'll regret this. All I can promise you is that you will never find anyone that will love you as much as I do. Don't walk out that door Lana. Just, come back.talk to me."
Lana stood a moment, halfway outside, before she turned and walked back inside, closing the door behind her.
"Who is it?" she called, alone in the large room, suddenly rethinking not taking Alicia up on her offer to close that night.
"It's just me," Clark called back. "Lana, let me in! C'mon, it's been three days, you have to talk to me eventually."
She strode purposefully over to the door and unlocked it quickly. "Do I?" she said, smiling a bit.
"Yes. You can't just keep avoiding me, Lana. We have to talk about this; you know we do," he said urgently, standing in the doorway.
"Fine. Come in."
He nodded followed her inside, where he stood awkwardly in the middle of the room while she pulled two chairs off a table and motioned for him to sit down.
She raised a perfectly arched brow and asked him coolly if he wanted anything.
"I'm not a customer," he said, glancing at her warily.
"Do you want anything?" she repeated.
"No. Please.just, sit."
She sighed and complied with his request.
"So.uh, how are you?" he asked politely.
Lana glared at him. "Honestly, I've been better," she replied curtly.
"You're angry," he stated calmly.
Her expression softened a bit. "Yes," she said, staring at the table.
Clark cleared his throat. "Don't you want to know why I came back?"
"Well, I hope after three months you experienced some sort of huge epiphany that allows you to clearly see your path in life. But somehow, I'm guessing that didn't happen, since you're back here, in Smallville."
"Sorry, no big epiphany."
She looked away. "So, why did you come back?"
"You. I missed you."
"Yes, and you sound very pleased about that. Congratulations," she hissed.
Clark winced.
"What?" she said nastily. "You didn't actually expect to waltz back in here after three months and I'd just welcome you home with open arms? Or did you?"
"I knew you'd be upset," he started.
"Upset? Upset doesn't even begin to describe what I am. I am so angry I can't even tell you Clark. I want to hurt you. I want it to keep you up at night. I want it to eat away at you, and destroy you, the way it did me. I want to hate you. But I can't."
"You think I wasn't hurting too? Do you think that leaving here, leaving you, and my family and my friends wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done? You don't think I lay awake at night thinking about all of you, wanting to come home? I did. And believe me, it hurt like hell."
"Oh, well, I'm so sorry for your pain!" she said sarcastically. "Clark, you had a choice! We didn't. You were the one that left, remember?"
"I was trying to protect you!" he said, his voice growing louder.
"Protect me from what?" she yelled.
"From.me!" he sputtered. "Don't you get it?" he shouted. "I had to leave. Do you honestly think I left because I wanted to?"
"No," she said piercingly, "But you did it anyway. You were selfish. You didn't think about your parents, or Pete, or me. All you thought about was yourself."
"You're right. You're right," he repeated. "And I'm sorry Lana. I'm so, so sorry. I came back to fix things. To stop running away from my problems. To stop being a coward. So let me do it."
"I'm sick of always giving you an easy way out."
"Look.what is it you want from me, Lana?"
"What do I want?" She feigned contemplation for a moment. "Well, I want my summer back. I want those days before you left to be the best memories of our relationship. I want to forget tonight, and just have Lex's wedding be the end of it."
"You don't mean that."
"Yes, I do," she whispered.
"Lana, please.believe me when I say that everything I've ever done, is because I love you." He closed his eyes a moment, and when he opened them, they shone with tears.
"I never meant to hurt you."
"You never do. But somehow," she said, frowning regrettably, "I always get left behind."
"Is that what this is about Lana? Your abandonment issues again?"
Lana stared at him in horror, mouth agape, as he clamped a hand over his lips, regret and shame washing over his face.
"Lana," he choked, "I didn't mean that."
"Yes, you did," she said, her lips quivering. She stood up, and seemingly wandered aimlessly to the counter. She stood stiffly, watching him from across the room, as far away from him as possible.
"It's okay," she said after a moment. His words stung, but they were true.
"You're right."
"I shouldn't have said that."
"Why not? It's the truth, isn't it? So thanks, for helping to further my future need for therapy."
Clark furrowed his brow, looking decidedly angrily at her than he had ever seen before.
"Fine!" he exploded. "You want me to bring your parents back? Or Whitney? You want me to make Nell love you? I can't do it Lana. I wish that I could, but I can't. Look at me. I didn't abandon you. I came back."
"You're the one that left me in the first place," Lana shot back.
"You're right. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry for that, I really am. You think I put you on a pedestal? What do you think you're doing to me? Look, all I can say is that I love you, I've always loved you, and that's never going to change. I can't promise I won't break your heart, but I swear, I'd rather die than hurt you again. Do you hear what I'm saying Lana? I love you! Isn't that enough?"
She realized suddenly that it wasn't. All the pain and anxiety she'd felt in his absence had been replaced with new feelings of anger and betrayal.
Throughout the entirety of their blowout, Clark had not risen from his chair, where he still sat obediently awaiting her response.
She sighed and sat down again, across from Clark. He looked anxiously up at her, eyes wide and searching her face for an answer.
"It's not worth it," she whispered. "Everything about our relationship is so difficult."
"So you want to give up? Things are never going to be perfect for us, but you won't even give it a chance because you know it won't last?"
"Everyone I've ever loved has left me. I figure I should just cut my losses now."
"Don't do this Lana," he said, shaking his head furiously. "Don't make this decision."
"I didn't. You did. Three months ago."
He reached for her hand, but she pulled away. "It's over Clark," she said quietly. She stood up and pushed the chair in, leaving him sitting at the table alone. She disappeared behind the counter a moment and returned with her coat. She avoided looking at Clark, whose stricken expression, she knew, would cause her more pain than she was already experiencing.
Clark stood up suddenly, with new reserve. "Before I left, you said that you loved me. Do you still. love me?"
Lana paused at the door, her hand wrapped around the knob. "Yes," she responded unenthusiastically. She did not turn back to look at him.
"Of course I do. But things are different now. I don't trust you anymore. Maybe love just isn't enough." She licked her lips and smiled sadly. "I'm sorry Clark. I really am." Lana opened the door.
"Wait!" he cried, moving towards her. "Don't walk away from me. Please, you'll regret this. All I can promise you is that you will never find anyone that will love you as much as I do. Don't walk out that door Lana. Just, come back.talk to me."
Lana stood a moment, halfway outside, before she turned and walked back inside, closing the door behind her.
