Title: A Family of Her Own
Author: Stephanie Loss
Summary: Buffy gets some bad news. Riley takes it even worse.
Ship: If you know me, then you know it has to be BA. I don't think I actually mention Angel's name in here, but I'm a BAshipper, so Love is Forever/Immortal! It's never over! Yeah! (I promise I'll sleep soon.)
Disclaimer: If I had any claim to these characters, I'd be looking for a new job right now ("Buffy"), or would be using my angst on "Angel." Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and FOX own these characters.
Continuity: Buffy 4th season. I think she turned 20 in the fourth season. I don't really feel like sitting down and doing the math. As for specific episodes, well, um... some relativity calm period in the whole Adam debacle.
*****************************************************
Buffy stared at the plastic wand, willing the indicator window to change. How could this have happened? Well, she knew the technical, tried to pretend she enjoyed it most of the time. But the metaphysical escaped her. She already took care of the world, pulled it from the brink of disaster more times than she could count, wasn't this a bit much?
She was pregnant with Riley's child. As she kept staring at the pregnancy test, thoughts swirled around her head as quickly as people rushed, last minute, to class. She was a Slayer, not a mother. She was barely twenty! Even if she had the normal life she had always wanted, she still wouldn't be able to deal with a baby. Even before the Slaying gig came up, she was never trusted with a pet, not even a goldfish. She was the Grim Reaper to even an electronic pet. And don't forget the Egg baby incident in high school.
How was Motherhood and Slayerhood supposed to work together? She could imagine Intitative night care, or worse, slaying with one of those papoose baby carriers and a diaper bag. How could this be part of her fate? Not only to be the Slayer, but the Slayer in college with a baby?
Little thoughts started nagging her brain, doubts about Riley. Sure, with his Iowaian breeding, he didn't seem the kind of guy to abandon her in this position. But, really, except for his desire for cheese, what he did and didn't like in bed, and his not-really-slayage weapons of choice, there was little she really knew about him. He could stand up to an attacking demon, but what if that demon was less material and more circumstantial?
Who was she to think she could bring something into this world? She was meant to rid the world of evil and that gig, but bring a life into it? Into a world where darkness is everywhere and there's nowhere that's really safe?
Beneath it all, yes, she felt betrayed. Someone must be laughing at her feelings, but yes, she felt betrayed by her own body. There was once a man where the thoughts of this exact thing happening was not as scary as this. There was once a man she trusted beyond everything else. There was once a man with whom this would not happen. It could be more her fault, and her feelings for this man that was once in her life, maybe because of the way she felt about the man that left her life, she slacked. Maybe wasn't as attentive of taking her birth control as she should have been. Because, she didn't LOVE Riley. She didn't feel for him the way she felt about.... so why should she be able to do the one thing with him that she knew He always had wanted. She didn't love Riley, this she was safe.
She was wrong.
Once again, she came back around. How could she bring a child into such a world? Into a world where someone could love someone soo completely, place her love and trust into him, and have everything that made her *her*, placed in keeping with him, handed back to her, crumpled and torn. No one should have to live in that world, and no one should be brought into it.
As more thoughts of the same vein tumbled around her head, her face set into even firmer decision. She dropped the pregnancy test into the trashcan, and set out with determination writ clearly on her face.
Author: Stephanie Loss
Summary: Buffy gets some bad news. Riley takes it even worse.
Ship: If you know me, then you know it has to be BA. I don't think I actually mention Angel's name in here, but I'm a BAshipper, so Love is Forever/Immortal! It's never over! Yeah! (I promise I'll sleep soon.)
Disclaimer: If I had any claim to these characters, I'd be looking for a new job right now ("Buffy"), or would be using my angst on "Angel." Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and FOX own these characters.
Continuity: Buffy 4th season. I think she turned 20 in the fourth season. I don't really feel like sitting down and doing the math. As for specific episodes, well, um... some relativity calm period in the whole Adam debacle.
*****************************************************
Buffy stared at the plastic wand, willing the indicator window to change. How could this have happened? Well, she knew the technical, tried to pretend she enjoyed it most of the time. But the metaphysical escaped her. She already took care of the world, pulled it from the brink of disaster more times than she could count, wasn't this a bit much?
She was pregnant with Riley's child. As she kept staring at the pregnancy test, thoughts swirled around her head as quickly as people rushed, last minute, to class. She was a Slayer, not a mother. She was barely twenty! Even if she had the normal life she had always wanted, she still wouldn't be able to deal with a baby. Even before the Slaying gig came up, she was never trusted with a pet, not even a goldfish. She was the Grim Reaper to even an electronic pet. And don't forget the Egg baby incident in high school.
How was Motherhood and Slayerhood supposed to work together? She could imagine Intitative night care, or worse, slaying with one of those papoose baby carriers and a diaper bag. How could this be part of her fate? Not only to be the Slayer, but the Slayer in college with a baby?
Little thoughts started nagging her brain, doubts about Riley. Sure, with his Iowaian breeding, he didn't seem the kind of guy to abandon her in this position. But, really, except for his desire for cheese, what he did and didn't like in bed, and his not-really-slayage weapons of choice, there was little she really knew about him. He could stand up to an attacking demon, but what if that demon was less material and more circumstantial?
Who was she to think she could bring something into this world? She was meant to rid the world of evil and that gig, but bring a life into it? Into a world where darkness is everywhere and there's nowhere that's really safe?
Beneath it all, yes, she felt betrayed. Someone must be laughing at her feelings, but yes, she felt betrayed by her own body. There was once a man where the thoughts of this exact thing happening was not as scary as this. There was once a man she trusted beyond everything else. There was once a man with whom this would not happen. It could be more her fault, and her feelings for this man that was once in her life, maybe because of the way she felt about the man that left her life, she slacked. Maybe wasn't as attentive of taking her birth control as she should have been. Because, she didn't LOVE Riley. She didn't feel for him the way she felt about.... so why should she be able to do the one thing with him that she knew He always had wanted. She didn't love Riley, this she was safe.
She was wrong.
Once again, she came back around. How could she bring a child into such a world? Into a world where someone could love someone soo completely, place her love and trust into him, and have everything that made her *her*, placed in keeping with him, handed back to her, crumpled and torn. No one should have to live in that world, and no one should be brought into it.
As more thoughts of the same vein tumbled around her head, her face set into even firmer decision. She dropped the pregnancy test into the trashcan, and set out with determination writ clearly on her face.
